Too Dumb To Live: Music
- The narrator of Billy Joel's "You May Be Right" is self-admittedly Too Dumb to Live:
I've been stranded in the combat zone
I walked through Bedford-Stuy alone
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain
And you told me not to drive
But I made it home alive
So you said that only proves that I'm insane!
- The victim in Mark Dinning's "Teen Angel", the Glurge-worthy granddaddy of all Teenage Death Songs:
That fateful night
The car was stalled
Upon the railroad tracks
I pulled you out
And we were safe
But you went running back.
They said they found my high school ring
- And what was so damn important that she was willing to throw herself back into the path of an oncoming train?
Clutched in your fingers tight...
- The mere fact that she had to be pulled out of a car that had only stalled says something. Was she too dumb to open the door and get out?
- "Dumb Ways to Die" by Metro Trains:
- "We Threw Gasoline On The Fire And Now We Have Stumps For Arms And No Eyebrows" by NOFX
- "Dumb Things" by Paul Kelly:
Saw the knives out, turned my back
Heard the train coming, stayed right on the track
- Reinhard Mey (German songwriter and singer) had a song Die Legende vom Pfeifer (there's even an English version called The Whistler) about a gunman who always whistles before he shoots. Someone convinces him to go to the sheriff and tell him who he is and that he'd like the bounty that was offered for himself. He gets sentenced to die, and hung - or they try to, but the branch keeps breaking until the movie director decides to call it a day and continue shooting the final scene the next day...
- That girl with a white flag in the last verse of "Hero of War" by Rise Against. So, you're in the middle of a war, and a soldier carrying a BFG is asking you to stop. What do you do? Why, keep walking! Of course she got shot, white flag or no white flag.
- Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much". She's wandering around the desert in furs and no head cover, without water, and she keeps rejecting every guy who offers her a ride to safety. Yeah, Shania, that guy might've been a rocket scientist, but you sure ain't. As MTV pointed out: "Shania's chances of survival don't impress us much."
- The warden in "Whiskey and a Gun," has just lost his pistol to the woman he was just trying to sexually assault, who happens to be doing time for murder. She is holding him at gunpoint, and he just smiles and says, "You ain't got the guts." Really? You bet your life that a convicted murderer doesn't have the guts to shoot you after you just tried to sexually assault her?
- "Acid In[di]gestion" (parts 1 and 2) by Pretty Balanced, about a girl who samples chemicals from the school science lab and, of course, dies as a result.