"I'm a one-woman woman
And you're wastin' my time."
-"I Ain't Got Time"
is an Off-Broadway musical
by Tim Acito. It was written in 2002 and ran its Off-Broadway run 2003. It was to get a run on Broadway, but talk of that has largely tapered off. It takes place in an Alternate Universe
where chess is cool, football is weird, and everybody
The show revolves around the character Zanna, resident matchmaker, magic practitioner and student at Heartsville High. In the course of the story, he hooks up Mike and Steve, and Roberta and Kate. Disaster strikes when Steve and Kate fall in love, causing them to be ostracized. In an attempt to make everything better, Zanna permanently flips their world into our world. Now everyone is straight and he's the odd one out. But everyone learns to get along in the end
Includes examples of:
- Alternate Universe : But everything is pretty normal except for three things. Chess is cooler than football, mechanical-bull riding is a intermural sport and everybody is gay.
- Bi the Way: Steve and Kate
- Cast Full of Gay : Everyone in Heartsville (and the rest of America) are gay.
- Fridge Logic: "Two by Two, just like Noah had to do..." if everyone's gay, how does that work?
- Excited Show Title!
- Gay Guy Seeks Popular Jock: Though due to the gay Alternate Universe of the musical, the Lovable Jock is actually closeted straight, and Chess is cooler than Football in any case.
- Has Two Mommies : Or two daddies.
- High School Dance : The scene for Zanna to discover that everyone is now straight.
- High School Radio : Tank is resident DJ.
- I Can't Believe a Guy Like You Would Notice Me : Mike, captain of the chess club goes out with Steve, quarterback of the football team. They even say this line.
- Incompatible Orientation : Kate with Roberta, Steve with Mike, Zanna with Steve
- Magic Wand : Zanna uses a literal magic wand, pretty star on the end and all.
- Magical Queer : Literally!
- Matchmaker Crush : Zanna hooks up Mike and Steve, and then realizes that he likes Steve too.
- The Power of Love : "Nothing done out of love can ever do us harm..."
- Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism : Far on the side of idealism. Steve and Kate are briefly ostracized for their relationship, but Zanna saves them by turning the world upside-down. When Zanna is briefly ostracized at the prom, his friends return to include him and accept all kinds of love.
- Tempting Fate : This is referencing Kate and Steve pretending to be in love. Bet you he regrets it four songs later.