Tear Jerker / Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies to Tear Jerker pages.

Just because you knew it was coming doesn't make it hurt any less.

"You go in and you're like, 'Yeah, I'm gonna do this parody! It'll be so fun—AHH FEELS I'M SAD CRYYYYY!!""

—-Kira Buckland, voice of Aerith, summing up the feeling of working on an abridged series perfectly.

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• Generally speaking, inspite of all the Flanderization and the overall logic of the series' universe sitting on the comedic side of the spectrum, the backstories of these characters remain intact providing us with some surprising tonal shifts.
• Reno's semi-Heel Realization in episode 4 when his squad members remind him about the falafel stand incident is surprisingly poignant. You know, if you aren't too busy being amused by Cloud's fear of heights.
• The destruction of Sector 7 and Barret's anguish over it, which is mostly Played for Drama.
• Unlike his canon self, this version of Sephiroth doesn't seem obsessed with Jenova, so much as he is with his lack of a mother figure in his life, at least before he goes insane, saying he'd trade away all of his fame and glory to feel a mother's unconditional love. This is best exemplified when he talks with Cloud in private after they get to Nibelheim.
  Sephiroth: I was thinking, Cloud. That dragon we killed was probably a mother finding food for her children. Now they won't survive the winter.
  Cloud: Oh, sweet! Multikill!
  Sephiroth: I can only imagine what it would be like to have a mother... And lose her.
  Cloud: Yeah, that is a real bummer-
  Sephiroth: My mother died giving birth to me.
  Cloud: ...Well alright, then.
• Despite her abrasive tendencies in Season 1, Season 2 (Episode 11) showed just how broken Tifa was by the death of her father, picking up Sephiroth's sword to go on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.
  Tifa: Hey, you son of a bitch! What's the matter? Separated from your parents?! Can't imagine what that's like!
  • It stings even more because we get to see what Tifa was like before the event. Yes, she's still a bit of a snippy bitch, but she's got likable traits and isn't the horrible person we saw in season 1. We only see that Tifa after she suffers a breakdown upon her father's death, and switches from a somewhat more playful upbeat tone of voice to the screechy furious one we hear a lot in the present day.
• In Cloud's memory, the moment he stopped idolizing Sephiroth is when Sephiroth killed his mother because Cloud wanted to be "just like him."
• Poor Ashton the Zolom. Sephiroth brutally killed its mate, injured it, and now all it can do is attack random passerby in a blind rage. At least it calms down when Aerith heals it.
  • By extension, Cloud goes into a brief depression after Barret calls out his want to kill Ashton beforehand as more a need for validation to prove he's stronger than Sephiroth. Even Aerith believes that Cloud shouldn't face the Zolom, before she knew the truth. Even after Cloud gets a pep talk by the voice in his head, his resolve easily falls apart, and finally admits that he's not up there with his enemy when they all see the corpse of Ashton's mate.
• Barret's backstory is played absolutely straight, and ends with his former friends declaring he's not even worth punching anymore. And meanwhile, Red is very distraught at how closed-off he's suddenly become.
  • Preceding this, Barret stoically takes blows from his former friends, apologizing with a quiet "I f**ked up."
  • And in the flashback, we learn that not only was Barret the type to unironically use phrases like "Golly gosh" and "Peachy-keen swell," he also had a wife who was dying prior to the Mako reactor getting built. Seeing as the town was burned to the ground roughly a week later, odds are she didn't make it either way.
  • Barrett's backstory makes his reaction to Sector 7's destruction worse. It's the second time he caused his home to be destroyed by Shinra.
  • The tension is already thick enough to cut with a knife, but the final drop comes at the start of Episode 16, where Cloud's Lack of Empathy and one Innocently Insensitive comment by Red cause Barret to explode on them both, driving Red to tears in the process before he storms off in a huff. Red is utterly dejected as a result, choosing to sit out because he feels he doesn't deserve to have fun for this.
    Barrett: And you wanna know something, Red? That makes you a BAD DOG.
    (everyone else gasps)
    Red: But... But I'm your talking dog best friend...
    Barret: You're WRONG! I! HAVE! NO! FRIIIIIIEEEEEEENDS!!!!
  • Yuffie offers Red some GP to hang out with her and Tifa.
    Red: No thanks. Bad dogs don't deserve to go on rides. I think I just want to be alone for a while.
• Aerith asking if Cait Sith if she'll be remembered. Oh boy...
• Cait Sith's "fortunes" reveal how lonely Reeve is. From him having a recipe for a one person birthday cake and watching his date cancel only to find her making out with someone else.
• Episode 17 contain these in both this and heartwarming with barely some humor.
  • Red and Barret reconcile after he tells him exactly what Barret told him in season one: All Barret wants is a talking dog best friend.
  'Avalanche time!'
  • Barret and Dyne survived the massacre of their village (and so has Marlene). Barret barely was able to hold on to Dyne until their hands were shot off.
    • Despite some of the silliness of the flashback's wording and Dyne's obsession with coal, Barret's Heroic BSoD over Shinra massacring their friends and family is heartbreaking.
      Past Barret: Oh golly gosh! Our village! Your family! My dying, now dead WIIIIIIIIIIIFE! (collapses sobbing)
    • Worse still? We finally hear the series' Running Gag without a Sound-Effect Bleep. They're the last words Dyne spoke to Barret four years prior to the series.
      Past Dyne: (speaking about Marlene) You take care of her! Treat her as your own. And live by these words... Don't. Fuck. Up.
    • For reference, the only other times "fuck" wasn't censored in TFS's works (aside from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged and Attack on Titan Abridged) were when Vegeta didn't use a condom with Bulma, which was Played for Laughs, and when Vegeta sincerely apologized to Gohan after his recklessness (an attack on Cell triggered by Trunks' death) resulted in Gohan's broken arm.
  • We get to see just how close to the rest of the party Barret's grown after Red reconciles with him, and suddenly his outburst in Episode 16 feels less like an explosion of anger and more like Barret trying to push away the people he cares about to protect them.
  Barret: (while sobbing his eyes out) I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A BAD DOG AND PUSHED YOU AWAY! I JUST DON'T WANT THE PEOPLE I LOVE TO KEEP DYHIHIYING.
• Dyne goes mad to the point he also intends to kill his daughter. But what forces Barret to finally fight back is when Dyne threatens to go full Omnicidal Maniac by killing men, women, children, and dogs.
  • Ignoring Cloud’s deliberate Mood Whiplash, you can tell the man Barret knew is long dead, and all he sees is a man shaped like him being too far gone, to the point he wants to kill his only child. Threatening men, women, and children is one thing, but dogs are personal to Barret. After being defeated, Dyne states, in no uncertain terms, that it's too late for him. His last words to Barret are "Don’t fuck up" as he throws himself off a cliff. Barret can only scream his name in anguish.
• Cloud turns his Jerkass tendencies up to 11 when the gang meets Zack's parents in Gongaga and he tells them straight to their faces that Zack is dead. Aerith is stunned to silence and just walks out of the house, with Tifa right behind her.
  Tifa: Cloud... You're such an asshole.
  Zack's Mother: (With enough venom to kill a tankceratops) Get the f**k out of our house.
  • Cloud's reaction to finding out that Zack was Aerith's boyfriend. When Cloud unironically realizes he fucked up, you know it's gotten bad, and it remains this way for a good while until the group gets to Cosmo Canyon.
• Red learning the truth about his father, Seto, is played almost completely straight... Except that Seto is still alive in his petrified state, aware of what's happened to himself and in constant pain. And the worst part? Red and Bugenhagen may never know.
  • Even before that, Red's belief that Seto abandoned him made him believe that all fathers are terrible people. Even Barret. Simply mentioning the word "dad" would send him into a sudden growling fit. The poor thing really needs a hug...
• In episode 20, Cloud's first action upon making it to a seemingly revived Nibelheim? Going to check on his old house to see his mother. Sadly, it's not actually her.
• For how energetic and happy she usually is, seeing Yuffie getting so angry and out of character during episode 22 is really hard to watch.
  • At the same time, Aerith makes Tifa finally realize that she and Yuffie are not so different: They're a pair of dumb kids who are covering up their sadness and anger by trying to act like tough girls, until personal tragedies made them explode.
• While its mostly Played for Laughs, knowing that just closing his eyes is enough for Cait Sith to have a flashback to the sector 7 plate falling and the deaths from it. Reeve really is the token good teammate for Shinra.
• As sweet as Cloud and Aerith's interactions are... it's heartbreaking when you realize what's going to happen soon... the inevitable is almost upon us....
• While it's mostly played for laughs, Cloud's reaction upon witnessing Cait Sith's betrayal can still be sad, since the two were shown to quickly strike up a legitimate friendship in their first meeting.
• Episode 24 had the group still furious at Cait Sith.
  Tifa: (towards Aerith) Plus you're not some backstabbing son of a bitch like some people we know.
  Cait Sith: Oh my god, are we going to turn this into "Crap on Cait Sith Day?"
  Barrett: I vote we make it a week.
  Tifa: I'd like to know something, actually. Why are you still even here!?
  Cait Sith: Well, becaus—
  Cid: I bet the f**ker called up the Turks to say we were coming so they can ambush us.
  Cait Sith: What!? No, I—
  Barrett: Or maybe you're recording live so your friends at Shinra can hear us.
  Cait Sith: Do NOT call those people my "friends"!
  Tifa: Then why, Cait? Why's your greedy corporate fat-cat ass even here!?
  Cait Sith: BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE MY JOB! I've seen firsthand what Shinra's done. All the things they've destroyed: homes, dreams, lives, and if it means they can make a few more bucks, the planet will probably be next! I know you guys don't trust me, but I can't just sit around anymore and watch them abuse their power like this. That's why I'm coming with you.
  • Cait is most offended by the implication that the Shinra execs are his friends. Reeve was the only person who tried to stop the destruction of Sector 7, but was powerless to do so. To imply he was somehow involved with that decision must feel like a slap in the face.
  • And even after Reeve bares his soul to them, Cloud and the others make it abundantly clear that he still isn't forgiven and give him a deadly warning.
    Cloud: You're right about a few things, Cait: Shinra needs to be stopped, and that we don't trust you. That's why you're coming into the temple with Aerith and I.
    Tifa: And if you even think of pulling the shit you did at Gold Saucer...
    Cid: Then we're gonna go to Shinra HQ, find out who the f**k you are...
    Barret: And drop you from the top floor, like the Sector 7 plate.
    (Beat)
    Vincent: I think they hate you.
  • At the temple, Cait Sith volunteers to undergo a Heroic Sacrifice. Granted, he's got spare robot bodies, but it's the thought that counts.
    Cait Sith: I wanted to work for Shinra... because I wanted to help people. I guess I was naive in thinking that a faceless corporation could think of its people before its paycheck. If anything, I feel like I've made peoples' lives worse. That's why I have to do this. No... I need to do this.
    Mog: This won't repent for our sins.
    Cait Sith: I know... But if this'll help save the world, it'll be one hell of a start.
  • Episode 24 skimmed through the entire Temple of the Ancients (and even relegating the Demon Wall to an unfought cameo) ending with Sephiroth getting the Black Materia. And sure enough...
• With Episode 25 comes the moment everyone was dreading since the series began... The death of Aerith. Everyone and their mother knew it was coming, but TeamFourStar did the impossible and made one of the saddest, most shocking moments in video game history — the moment EVERYBODY remembers Final Fantasy VII for — even more heartrending than the original game. By playing it completely straight with zero humor.
  Aerith: It's alright, Cloud. All is forgi-
  • One of the most depressing details is just how fast it happens. This time, it takes less than a second for Sephiroth to descend and stab Aerith in the back. The blunt suddenness of the death makes the shock and pain hit deeper than it did in the original game.
  • What's worse is that you can hear a little gasp the moment she's stabbed. A little touch to further season this already depressing moment.
  • Every time the falling White Materia bounces, shots of Aerith are shown on-screen as an extra punch to the gut for viewers in a Really Dead Montage.
  • While in the original game its ambiguous, here Aerith's final telepathic conversation with Cloud makes it clear that she knew she was going to die, but willingly went to her death anyway because she knew it was the only way her friends would be able to save the world.
  • While Cloud is brainwashed into trying to kill Aerith, each party member cries out and urges him not to kill her. Even Zack himself shows some dismay in his voice as he's watching Cloud nearly kill Aerith.
  Tifa: CLOUD, NO!
  Yuffie: NONONONONONO!
  Cid: DON'T BE A F**KING NUMBSKULL!
  Cait Sith: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
  Vincent: NOOOOOOO!
  Red XII: BAD HUMAN! DROP IT!
  Barret: DON'T F**K UP!
  Zack: CLOUD...
  • Just before Cloud can bring down his sword upon Aerith, he apologizes just before he is about to strike.
  Cloud: (anguished) I-! I'm sorry!
  • Cloud's sheer anguish in his voice as he holds Aerith in his arms, begging her to wake up is utterly heartbreaking. There's none of the flowery dialogue of the original, just raw grief and anger.
  Cloud: AERITH!!! (catches her as she falls) Come on, come on, get up! Please! Please, get up! All is forgiven, right? (saddened) All is forgiven.
  (Sephiroth lets out an evil laugh)
  Cloud: (tears form in his eyes) First my mom, then my home, and now Aerith. You... You took them all away from me!
  • The save file joins in by replacing the image of Aerith's jealous glee from Episode 10 with the bouquet of flowers Tifa left behind for Aerith. That same image is sat on for the ending card of the episode.
  • At the beginning of the episode, Cloud is in full Heroic BSoD mode, blaming himself for letting Sephiroth Mind Rape him into giving him the Black Materia and dooming the planet, and initially refuses to go after Aerith out of fear that Sephiroth will make him hurt her or the others. And just like in the original, Sephiroth didn't have to.
  • Just like in the game, everyone is affected by Aerith's death, giving their final farewells before laying her to rest in the lake.
    • What's worse is with Aerith's death, the meaning of her talksprite being in the center of the party is revealed: there's a hole where the party's heart used to be.
  • At the end of the episode, after Aerith has been laid to rest, the whole group is standing around looking sad except for Cloud, who is looking forward seething with Tranquil Fury.
    Tifa: (with a broken voice) Cloud...
    Cloud: The Northern Crater. That's where we're going.
  • Even worse, unlike the original, Cloud doesn't make any dramatic declaration of his own identity or anything. Here, it's just a deep-voiced, no-nonsense, somber, and terse line dripping with Tranquil Fury. It actually almost sounds like an order from him, one that nobody says anything about, to hammer home how hard this loss hit them.
  • When all the characters leave, Tifa lingers a little while to toss a bouquet of flowers before catching up with the group.
  • This is all accentuated by the removal of the Jenova-LIFE fight, which some felt interrupted the mood of the original scene.
  • Even earlier on in one of Cloud's dreams, Sephiroth says "You're too late", which simply hammered home that Aerith was going to die, and there was nothing that could be done to change that.^*For Kingdom Hearts fans, it can also bring Aqua's corruption to mind.
  • The ending is entirely silent, with a bouquet of flowers where Aerith's portrait should have been.
• If the season 3 blooper reel was any indication for certain parts, the crew themselves had a hard time keeping it together with the foreshadowing. Such as Justin's response to Cloud's promise.
  Justin: Don't do that to me, Anthony! You're breaking my heart!
  • It's especially noticeable for when they reach the scene. Justin is begging them to just get it over with.
• During the scene where Sephiroth reveals the "truth" about the Nibelheim Incident in Episode 26, he shows the party the picture of himself, Tifa and Cloud... but in Cloud's place is Zack. And instead of a badass smirk like in Cloud's flashback, Tifa has a look of sadness on her face. It's the kind of sadness you get where you expect an old friend to arrive and he doesn't.
  • Also, Tifa going straight into Implausible Deniability with regards to what Cloud sees. Tifa knows what Sephiroth is showing is real, but she so desperately wants to protect Cloud that she sounds like she's practically begging for it to stop.
  • The performances of Justin Briner and Sarah Anne Williams sell this, as over the course of the scene, their voices are gradually cracking, showing how much psychological strain this is putting the two in.
  • Meanwhile Zack is in Cloud's head screaming for him not to listen. Zack knows the truth but he's powerless to help.
  • Showing that Sephiroth's complete control has blocked her off, Tifa's desperate please are merely echo-like, showing how Cloud can't seem to hear her. And they're all like she's about to completely cry, none of the usual husk in her voice.
  • The scene in the Northern Cave where the now broken Cloud asks Barret to hand over the Black Materia in a completely dead-inside monotone, all while Tifa pleads with him to stop to no avail.
    Cloud: Do you have the Black Materia?
    Tifa: (echoes) Cloud, can't you hear me?!
    Barret: Yeah, I still got it.
    Cloud: Give it to me.
    Tifa: (echoes) Cloud, please listen!
    Barret: You, uh, feeling alright Cloud?
    Cloud: Never been bettter. Now that I know the truth.
    Tifa: (On the verge of tears) IT'S NOT TRUE!
  • Except for a brief moment of levity during the fight with Jenova-DEATH, Cloud spends most of Episode 26 speaking in a no-nonsense tone bordering on Tranquil Fury, with none of the usual energy from the last couple of seasons. It shows just how badly Aerith's death has broken him, and that only by killing Sephiroth will he be able to find peace.
  Cloud: Once we destroy Jenova, the Planet will be able to heal. And when we kill Sephiroth...so will we.
• Episode 27:
  • When showing Meteor to Tifa, Barret says that Cloud "f*cked up". However, he prefaces it by saying that it's "with zero humorous intent", and the somber tone he says it, we're not sure if he blames Cloud for giving Sephiroth the Black Materia, or he says it ironically, given that he could tell that something was VERY wrong with Cloud and then learned the half-truth from Hojo about him. Moreover, it's Leaning on the Fourth Wall, informing the audience that this use of the Running Gag isn't at all comedic.
    • Tifa's horrified tone of voice when she sees Meteor descending towards the Planet. Given that her hiding the truth from Cloud contributed to his breakdown and handing the Black Materia to Sephiroth, it's not hard to imagine that she feels in part responsible for unleashing the end of the world.
    Tifa: Mother of Shiva...how much longer until impact?
    Barret: Not sure. Apparently, Rufus has a plan. But it's Shinra, so...
  • Tifa finding Cloud comatose due to a severe case of Mako poisoning, especially after she spent the whole episode feeling guilty over having hidden the truth from him.
    Tifa: Cloud... I'm sorry.
    • Sarah's teary and broken delivery is definitely heart-wrenching, not unlike the iconic and equally despair and regret-filled line of her Star-Making Role.
    • For those that know what's coming, the false hope Tifa has when the Highwind locates Cloud at Mideel is itself heart-wrenching, with the way she talks about reconciling with and confessing the truth to Cloud, juxtaposed with shots of the Highwind flying over the world map as pure build up for the inevitable sucker punch.
    • When Yuffie protests about her leaving the party for who knew how long, the broken way the latter says that Cloud's her family, gives the idea that Tifa is just so emotionally and psychologically destroyed that at this point, Cloud is all that matters to her. It's not clear if Tifa has just stopped caring about everything else or is just conveying that she needs to be with Cloud for as long as possible.
  • Yuffie, known for being the least serious of the party, even can't help but be horrified with Cloud's condition and with the doctor's attempt at Black Comedy. This is notable considering that during her Family of Choice moment in Episode 22, which we are reminded of here in this episode, Cloud to her was still low on the totem pole.
    • Even the normally boisterous Cid is having a hard time with what's happened to Cloud. Cloud's the whole reason he even joined the party. You can tell it breaks his heart to see him like this.
• Episode 29: We finally see Cloud's backstory .... oh boy.
  • Cloud reveals that he was friendless growing up with all the neighborhood kids except Tifa hating him, even thinking Tifa wasn't really his friend. His past self even told her this. But the one time he came to see her was when he found out her mother died.
  • After Cloud fails to save Tifa from falling from Mount Nibel Tifa's father angrily blames Cloud for Tifa's near death experience even saying it's no wonder the other kids hate him when he's so weak, forbidding him from ever seeing her again. This sequence also creates a Cerebus Retcon by showing exactly why the phrase "do me a solid?" makes Cloud so uncomfortable.
    Tifa's Dad: (shouting) The hell is wrong with you? My daughter coulda died! No wonder all the kids in town hate you! Maybe, if you weren't a weak little shit, none of this would've happened! Do me a solid, and stay the f*ck away from her!
  • It should be noted that while Tifa's dad screams at him for an accident that wasn't even his fault, the guy he came with picks up Tifa to get her help and the both of them abandon Cloud to crawl himself back to Nibelheim. Needless to say, you'll feel a little less sad over Tifa's dad's eventual death at Sephiroth's hands.
    • On Tifa's dad's side, he had just lost his wife that morning, and very nearly lost his daughter in the same day and was lashing out in fear. It doesn't justify what he said or leaving Cloud behind (even if all Cloud got out of the ordeal was a scraped knee), but the man's world was almost shattered twice in one day.
  • Like in the game, Cloud was so embarrassed at his inability to join SOLDIER that he kept his identity hidden from the townspeople under a helmet and called himself Ramirez. It becomes a lot sadder when you realize that in Cloud's jumbled retelling of the Nibelheim Incident, he's actually belittling himself.
  • Harsher in Hindsight example: The reveal that Tifa's behavior towards Cloud in Season 1 was mostly a Jerkass facade to hide her concern about his inconsistent memories is this as well. Well-intentioned as it was, and Tifa not knowing any better options to deal with Cloud's inconsistent memories, it resulted in all the drama between them in the first two seasons, and Cloud's worsening personality in Season 2 as a result of his increased ego and his lowered respect for her, with him none the wiser that her bitchiness was (at least partially) a facade.
    • It also gives more meaning to Tifa's shock at Cloud's explosion at her after leaving Midgar. She almost certainly didn't want THAT to happen in the process of her trying to make sure his mind didn't break with the only way she knew.
    • What's worse is that though it may have started out as a facade, it's clear that the line between it and her natural bitchy attitude became blurry really fast. After all, if the facade was her normal attitude anyway, it might as well not be one, and she'll be much less likely to be conscious about it. And it was also apparent that had Cloud not brought up her Out-of-Character Moment, forcing the facade, it seemed like she was actually going to try to subvert her general attitude and be nicer to Cloud.
• Episode 30:
  • At the City of the Ancients, while watching the water screen showing Aerith's death and the activation of the White Materia, Bugenhagen has an ominous cough that Red notices, but the older man brushes off. Those who played a certain sidequest in Disc 3 know what's coming. Namely that this is the first sign that Bugenhagen will die of old age soon.
• Episode 31:
  • Retroactive example from the movie: Since the Weapons are revealed then to be able to understand human speech, it becomes clear that Diamond Weapon's seemingly angry roar might have been an attempt to communicate with Cloud in response to his plea to let them handle Shinra. Apparently, Red didn't "take his night class" by this point, so it's left a mystery what Diamond's roar actually meant.
• The Movie:
  • Barret tells Marlene about Dyne and how he is her real father. Marlene's response to be told is absolutely precious as she gleefully says "Yay! I have two dads." Then she asks when she gets to meet him, leaving Barret at a loss for words.
  • Much like in the game, Bugenhagen becomes deathly ill. Red arrives just in time to spend some time in his last moments. He is very much torn over the loss.
  Red XIII: My grandpa is, um...off on another journey now...
  • "Everyone's time comes eventually, right?" Red lives another 500 years after this. His time is gonna take a bit longer. Hell, Vincent has it worse since he's basically immortal.
  • Cloud's memory of Zack being brutally and mercilessly shot down by Shinra. The lack of music after the shots are fired just leaves you in shock. What's worse is that it's not even the heroic epic last stand from Crisis Core nor any element of it, beyond a final speech about what Cloud can live for, just the inglorious end from the original game's version while he is mid-sentence.
  • Tifa's words to Cloud the night before the final battle.
    Tifa: I miss her...
    Cloud: Me too.
  • It's even more sad when you remember that she and Aerith probably had the worst relationship with each other, more than Tifa and Cloud's rocky relationship, due to the latter's jealousy and the former's abrasive bitchiness and low tolerance for the latter's Cloudcuckoolander nature. While the vitriol between them pretty much stopped after Gongaga, when Tifa defended Aerith from Cloud's callous statements, and they did reconcile at Cosmo Canyon, they didn't get much time to be actual friends. The deepest interaction after Cosmo Canyon is Aerith guiding Tifa towards her Jerkass Realization and to make up with Yuffie. If Tifa going out of her way to leave flowers for Aerith wasn't already an indicator, her line here speaks volumes of the regret she must feel that she and Aerith never got to really be actual friends for very long.
  • Just as in the original, the party despairs when for a moment, it seems Holy is failing to stop Meteor from impacting the planet:
  Barret: Wha-what the hell? Why isn’t it working?!
  Red XIII: Bestest friend...We’re too late.

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