The enigma known as Andrew Troy Keller, who specializes in writing the most Narm-filled "erotic" fanfictions ever put to a page. Or, as he himself puts it, "pure, untamed erotica"... which could not be a less fitting appellation. His stories are filled with a combination of robotic, often copy-pasted dialogue, improbable situations, OOC behaviour, long-winded narration full of run-on sentences which sounds, at times, like the demented ramblings of a Talkative Loon, and most infamously, very, very awkward sex talk. The most shining example? "Oooorrrrgggghhhh!" — as said by the Progressive advert lady, in an erotic fanfic written by him — truly, nothing is sacred to this guy.
He also wrote Severus Snape: Professor and Lover, which was removed from Fanfiction Dot Net for its excessive and grotesque sex scenes between the eponymous Potions master and the Teletubbies. Yes, the Teletubbies.
Cori Falls, particularly her Pokémon series in its later stages. The characters have gone from merely OOC to blatant author mouthpieces, the plots are filled with cheap wangst and melodrama and contrivances and the attitude behind them is irritatingly smug "I know the characters better than the powers that be". But they're the most delightful train wreck sprinkled with a few genuinely amusing moments.
Much of the fanfiction oeuvre of David Gonterman is just random to the point of almost seeming like a stream of consciousness. Here's a man who comes up with ideas like changing Pocahontas into a dominatrix, threatening Disney with Unwilling Roboticisation as part of a copyright disclaimer, and MSTing the manifesto of an anti-furry group with Stephanie McMahon as one of the co-hosts. It's all atrociously written, but there's a certain charm to just how completely odd it gets at times.
The oeuvre of "Doctor Thinker" and his good-natured struggles with the English language ("Out pooped Sailor Mercury") deserve mention. Still, be fair to the guy. He does admit that he's not a great speller, and he's happy to have his work MSTed. He's a good sport — a TERRIBLE writer, but a good sport. He's even a member here (Dr Thinker), and unlike some of the other authors of bad fanfiction, seems like a genuinely nice guy.
Also, it appears that the author doesn't know much about the Harry Potter universe besides the bare basics. Here are just some of the things that are different in the story compared to the actual Harry Potter universe.
In the Harry Potter universe, wizards are strictly forbidden from using dangerous spells in the purpose of harming others and breaking this rule is considered a very serious crime. In the fic however, Harry Potter can just casually use his magic to summon demons that drag people to hell.
Meet dyllyny bryccyli He/She/It? is "an African American move to Freedom United States. Love tell story and play video game."
Eogrus is his name and writing ComicsNix-esque fanfics is his game. It should be noted that the man is Portuguese, but you probably wouldn't know it, judging from the pretentious language he uses. His fanfics also contain some pretty disgusting material, but what saves him from being So Bad, It's Horrible is the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he might be a troll. (Well, that, and the fact that his fanfics are surprisingly well-written, as far as grammar goes, as well as the fact that he has written morereasonable fics.)
Anything by Elizabeth8289. She has over 41 stories about Lazy Town, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Arthur and Baby Sitters Club. Be warned, though. A lot of her fanfics do no research on such places such as Iowa, New York or illnesses. She also tends to add the same moaning dreams, characters crying and same plot devices in her stories (she's especially fond of characters coming down with the stomach flu, for one). Most explode into a ton of chapters where the character or characters are at the plot at the end, and include classic lines such as "I pushed four times until the baby came out" (From her "Dawn's Dream World" story).
The "CSI: Miami" fanfiction of Forensic Kitteh features a number of bizarre but good shit.
Anything by Hans Von Hozel, who is currently on a mission to defile every single major fandom with ridiculous but elegant bite-size interpretations. Especially notable are his Pokémon, Twilight, and Titanic renditions.
Jedi Qui-Gon is an author who exclusively operates in mega-crossovers. Almost all of them share the exact same traits: bizarre plots with plot developments that make absolutely no sense, tons and tons of In Name Only, a boatload of original characters who more often than not end up being useless and unnecessary to the plot of whichever story they're in, gobs and gobs of extremelyhammy dialogue, and the fact that most of them have monsters called "Imperium", which the author has yet to tell what they are. Perhaps his most awesomely bad fanfic is Protecting the Jedi, a retelling of basically the entire original trilogy of Star Wars that also manages to cross over Mass Effect, Naruto, and Halo.
And now there is a sequel. Of all the things to write one for...
Duncan (and to a lesser extent, Peter Griffin) is made into a blatant Karma HoudiniMarty Stu. Various fics (mostly Total Cartoon series) practically give him a harem of Courtney, Heather, Bridgette, Izzy, and Lindsay (surprisingly, not Gwen — yet). Up to four of them in the same fanfic (as of now), despite how Courtney is stated many times to be his actual girlfriend, and he sexually assalts some of them (like Bridgette here) and nobody minds (not even Courtney)note Except in the linked part. Duncan gets voted off, yet he returns later as an even biggerMarty Stu. This gets worse in a more horrible work where Chris assigns him to rape three of the girls mentioned — Lindsay, Heather, and Bridgette — and would have been Courtney, but he makes out with her insted.
Many Lovers52 (also known as "T3h CrAiZyZ x5" by the author) is a group of five different females that actually hold personalities similar to one another. Her first fic has been considered the best done by the group, but beyond that, they're all pretty much short and almost into the point of insanity. Here's a dramatic reading of one of the author's stories.
Everything by mynameisanonymous. She writes absolutely awful Pokémon fanfiction and believes it to be not only well-written, but romantic. She has decent grammar and spelling, but the content is hilariously terrible. It is notable that not one of them is a Troll Fic.
For those who know Spanish, there are always the unforgettable pearls of Perla Shumajer (by the way, that's her true made up name created by her imagination). Here you can find one of her stories. An article of her in the satirical wiki Frikipedia is also available here. Everything is in Spanish, of course.
She's probably one of the most well-known bad writers in that language.
THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE, aka The Baconator (Link). If you can get past his profile, which consists of the lyrics to a Kid Rock song and Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama," a bunch of incoherent ramblings, several other song lyrics, a list of screenname changes, several links thrown in (including links to shock sites), and use of the obnoxious one-letter-per-line format, you can then browse his "fics," which make no sense and have every other word misspelled. They consist mostly of-
Regrettably, the story has been removed from FanFiction.Net for whatever reason (most likely quality issues finally getting through to the right/wrong person). It can still be found elsewhere, though. It doesn't exactly need much storage to host.
One can usually expect online role-playing in general to be bad. In between crappy characters, God Modding, and a lack of fluency in actions, it's just expected. However, one author in the City of Heroes Virtue server community manages to showcase all worst excesses and biggest mistakes of the fandom. He goes by the name of Raienst, with some of the most potently awful writing ever, it warps the space time continuum and becomes utterly hilarious. His earlier characters such as Logan Storm and ShadowWings have to be seen to be believed. They're basically God Mode Sues without any regard whatsoever for continuity, plausibility, or regard for either the English language or Wiki markup. He has (unfortunately) gotten better over time (without losing the God-Mode Sue leanings...), but you can feel your intelligence draining as you read on.
Most of his characters: "Nice guy, good with women, angry, no parents, uberly powerful."
Anything by Ranay. Her ridiculously dramatic writing, awful spelling... It's enough to reduce anyone to tears of laughter. She de-activated her deviantART Account, but her works can still be found by doing a Google Search or deviantART Search of her. Alternatively, this has archived a few of her works.
ShakespeareHemmingway, the greatest author of our generation. He claims that his screename is to honor his two favorite authors so that he can write like them. And he writes Garfield crossovers. In which Garfield is the manliest action hero of all time who travels the world fighting evil with his friend and comrade, Jon Arbuckle (AMAKOOOOOO). All of the fics are permeated by this incredibly bizarre atmosphere in which civil rights and equality for men are causes worth dying for, but women are treated like dirt and exist only for Garfield to have sex with, as well as grammar and sentence structure so bizarre, you'd think Borat wrote it. There are two fics that involve Garfield rescuing Natalie Portman from some kind of peril and then making love. More recently, ShakespeareHemmingway also wrote a story about Garfield rescuing Kate Middleton from Prince William! It is quite possibly his greatest masterpiece yet.
Prepare to be baffled — this guy is ridiculous. Every character is always referred to by their full name and only their full name. Gordon Freeman never calls his own brother "John" or vice-versa. John is an office worker who wears a lab coat. He has two motorcycles; one is explicitly "more faster" (why didn't he take it in the first place?), and the other he keeps on the roof. He does unnecessary and improbable backflips off the equally unnecessary and improbable ramp on the roof of his building. And he looks on the Internet for "the next boss's weakness", as if he was playing the game himself. He has a laser gun and a "rocket gun". None of this is ever explained.
With the main character looking on the Internet and the bittersweet conclusion that came as a result of the John Freeman's hubris, one could take the second installment as satire.
Then there's Hero Beggining, a new chapter released on 16 February 2009, set some time after Full Life Consequences (which has yet to conclude) that extends Gordon Freeman's family further and seems to establish that Combines are Metro-cops that come from "science and outter space". Good lord.
One troper took his two Halo: Halos in Space fics and remade them as one fic. See here.
Every one of his works use family members of video game characters instead of the actual characters. There's John Freeman, Gorden Freeman's brother; Jake Snake, Solid Snake's son; Rain Strife, cloud strife's brother; and finally, Joe Chief, an army guy, but he wasn't a robot liek master cheif, so he didn't fly. note "Master Chief" isn't a true name — it's a military rank.
The entire library of the strange, short-lived author known as Sumi tani. In addition to having grammar and spelling so unbelievably horrible that even Hans von Hozel would be jealous, her (?) stories generally just... do not make sense. Highlights include a Back to the Future fanfic in which "future" is misspelt as "futute" (a feminine Romanian word meaning "to have fucked"), a whole DeLorean fits in someone's locker, and Biff goes back in time to 1955 to become Prime Minister of America, as well as a Batman fic in which the Joker's ultimate weakness turns out to be diabetes.
The Warden started to rub his crotch up and down against Jared's head, his pants started to slip off and dangle around his ankles. His penis started to get erected. It touched Jared's head. It was little, but it was still very powderful when it came to sex and sex things. He rubbed faster and then he gasping in ecstasy. Jared whined a little bit.
It's safe to say that Voltalia falls under this trope somewhat. While An Unexpected Child is good and she has gotten better since How You Remind Me (see below; now considered an Old Shame), that doesn't excuse her from writing some of the most ridiculous and batshit stories to exist, like Aerial Choreography (see below; now also considered an Old Shame). (These are her morereasonable fanfics, by the way.)
Worth Dice. He can be found on deviantART as well with his fanfictions. His fanfics range from poorly mangled grammar and Marty Stues. His Hamtaro fanfictions are located here. These are about his Squall Leonheart rip off of a hamster character. Be sure to read at your own risk, though. These fanfics get a lot of praise.
His early works have gone under Creator Backlash recently, so he's trying to mold himself out of this.
The 6ft dick writes parody fanfictions for children's shows like Arthur, Doug and The Magic School Bus that utilize generous amounts of Black Comedy and Rule 34. For many, there's just something about his fics' blatantly over-the-top satire and surprisingly competent grammar that mark them as the kind of thing that you know you shouldn't laugh at, but laugh at anyway.
Anything by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, who specializes in Metroid fanfic. Her (?) magnum opus, Metroid High School received memetic status after a dramatic reading by Nethertribes and some friends during a bunch of Let's Plays.
After Keep N Doom is an utterly bizarre crossover between Sonic the Hedgehog and Doom: Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails go to Plutonia in hopes of establishing friendships with the demons from Doom, but, predictably, get attacked, and join forces with the Doom Marine (whom they name Joe) to escape. The plot alone makes it worth a look, but what truly makes it awesome is the narrator practically yelling all of the lines, the electronic organ music soundtrack, and that the comic was apparently translated from Spanish to English by someone who speaks only Japanese, resulting in a bunch of insanely quotable lines:
Knuckles: Panda of having shitted!
Avatars II: When Qwaritch Takes Revenge by hunterjeanmidna. Acting as a "sequel" to James Cameron's Avatar, the one-shot story involves Colonal Miles Quaritch Kernal Miles Qwaritch (or Qwarutch, or Qwarich, or whatever the author decides to call him) returning to Pandora after "the dude on the other end" calls him and yells that "THE Na'vi NAVIS ARE KILLIN EVERYBODY!". The majority of the story involves him fighting Navis (or Nazis, due to spelling errors) and joining up with MasterChief Cheef (or Master Chef) and SamusAran Arin and killing just about everything that moves. Particularly funny parts are the beginning, and the references to Samus as a male (guess the author never got the message). Complete and utter dreck, but it's damned funny dreck. It can be read here, if you dare.
To give you the heads up, the fic is about a super Saiyan, Demon, Dragon, Wolf, Vampire, Horteka (it's from Bionicle) Cyborg who teams up with loads and loads of licensed characters. The main character becomes more powerful than God within the first part of the story.
Don't forget about Crimson Blood! In this bizarre fanfic, Harry Potter and Frodo Baggins (who is inexplicably a Hogwarts student) start taking drugs, but then Draco and Sam (who are their boyfriends in this fic) find out and dump them. Afterwards, they try to quit taking drugs, but after one day of being sober they commit suicide.
DAVE STDIDER POKEMON TRANER is a Homestuck and Pokémon crossover where more words are spelled wrong than right and Dave gets a "Groundoon" as a starter. The author either does not understand Homestuck, does not understand Pokémon, or both.
Sadako - An Uchiha Heroine is a Naruto/iCarly crossover that's only one chapter long so far, but it's an experience for what it has as of now. What starts off as your standard Uchiha "Sasuke's sister" Sue Fic becomes so much more, featuring Rukia, Sam and Freddie as characters, shoehorned-in Christian themes including Sadako speaking to God himself, and lyrics plagiarized from The Hunch Back Of Notre Dame. Even more strange is the fact that the author is very competent, but appears to be completely serious about it.
WORLD WAR II. It's full of bad formatting, weird incomprehensible phrases and hilariously bad writing. And it's got Theodore Roosevelt fighting Hitler and the Japanese in World War II that for some strange reason took place in the 1700's... It's just got to be experienced to be believed. Maybe you should watch for this fanfic author as well. Possibly a Troll Fic? Dramatic Readinghere.
The Battle is apparently a short Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic that goes nowhere. It starts with the author inserting somebody named "Trey" who apparently knows karate and beats a bully up. Then they appear out of nowhere inside Yugi's head, then they appear at Yugi's game shop. Infamously, the author even pairs himself up with one of the female characters, Téa.
Hailing from Gundam 00, the fandom got a horribly-written fanfic entitled Gundam 00M: Marina's Figth posted on 4chan's /m/ board. It's full of typos, Gratuitous Japanese (also misspelled at times) and creative licensing with the titular character, much to the excitement of those who normally hated her. Also featured were some crossover characters from other Gundam series and historical figures such as Eisenhower. As a result, many readers of the supposed troll's piece found themselves laughing hysterically. Unfortunately, the threads were never archived, but this seems to contain all chapters which actually existed.
It is almost impossible to accurately describe Love's Grande Quest without breaking out in laughter. It is a Haruhi Suzumiya fic... but Haruhi doesn't appear at all. Her role is given to an obvious Purity Sue. The prose is so ridiculously over-the-top that at least one reviewer called it Crazy Awesome. Mikuru is a "dragon maiden" and the villains are so cartoonish and Obviously Evil that one has to wonder how the main character ever thought they were trustworthy in the first place.
One night of the drop of rain is an Axis Powers Hetalia fanfic in the same way Lisa is Pregnant is a Simpsons fanfic. It reads like a "Blind Idiot" Translation, with bits of other languages that didn't quite translate peppered throughout, but from the looks of it, it wouldn't have made much sense in its original language anyway. The story begins with America and England having sex (orsomething) when Canada bursts in and professes his love for America. Then Kumajirou shows up and professeshislove for Canada, except he turns into Alaska and... you know what, there's no coherent plot to be found. Nothing we could say could possibly do it justice. Read it for yourself, if you want to make sense of it—not that that provides much of a clearer picture.
And then there's a line in the fic that confirms that this fanfic was indeed a "Blind Idiot" Translation: "_TRANSLATION ERROR_ said the England in the surprised."
Pokémon: Attack of Mewtwo, in which MewtwoMewthree blows up Oak's lab for no reason and the Mary Sue protagonist's Pokémon are altered using "genetics" to fight his clone army. The spelling and grammar are what really make the fic. Possibly a Troll Fic. Definitely bad.
Teh Wirst Fanfic Evar!!1 is the creation of some people who can actually write, done as a jape to mock horrible fanfiction. Succeeds hilariously. Two Words: toe rape.
Todai Days is an Azumanga Daioh fic featuring the girls at Tokyo University (which BTW is almost Japan's equivalent to Harvard)note It should be pointed out that near the end of the series, it's implied that the girls are going to separate universities from each other, with some, such as Osaka and Yomi, of all people, having more difficulty than others getting in, where they're picked up by some self insertGary Stus. What puts this fic in this column is Kaorin turning from Shrinking VioletSchoolgirl Lesbian to full-bore Ax-CrazyYandere when Sakaki goes out with one of the guys, beating them nearly to death almost once every chapter. Narmiest line: "No, he's gonna pay! IN BLOOD!!!"
Tokyo Crystal Mew is your standard Tokyo Mew MewSpin-Offspring fanfic, or it would be if it weren't turned into its own animated series using MS Paint and Windows Movie Maker. After the initial shock wears off, it kind of becomes hard to outright hate it. (Especially the later episodes, which show an improvement in the artwork and pacing.) Even 4chan has the occasional Fan-Art thread dedicated to it.
Root Her!, an utterly insane Jurassic Park fanfic that revolves around an extra named "Joffrey" (apparently named after the actor who played him) getting raped to death and eaten by a female velociraptor while Muldoon watches and masturbates. It would normally be horrifying were it not for the fact that the author was obviously having a blast trying to think of the most ludicrous Purple Prose and unusual euphemisms imaginable to refer to what's going on; the act of Muldoon jerking off is referred to as him "energetically pumping his purple shotgun", the raptor is described as a "carrion-scented Aphrodite", Joffrey gets sprayed with "putrid velociraptor love Tabasco", the word "velocigina" is used at one point... it just goes on and on in a carousel of WTF-ery. Read the Topless Robot MST-ing of it here.
The worst thing about this? The author actually seems to be a competent writer.
Reviewer: It's not that it's so disgusting, but it goes ON AND ON. And it's so BORING. How can torture, S&M and all that other crap be so irrevocably BORING? Half the time I don't even go 'ew'. I just look at the scroll bar and think, "What? Not even halfway through? GOD!"
Not nearly as bad, but still a sterling example of how crappy fanfiction can get, is the Harry Potter tale called A Sad Story. It's a oneshot wherein Harry is regularly beaten by Uncle Vernon, falls in love with a girl with her own abusive guardian, and is killed. The author doesn't give a damn about continuity, characterization, or common sense. ('... he grabbed Harry by the neck and dragged him to the garden Shed. He padlocked the door with at least 20 locks.')
The Harry Potter fanfic "Becoming Female". It starts off as the usual Harry-is-turned-into-a-girl-by-a-potion-accident-and-gets-paired-with-Draco story, but then it gets worse better. All the male characters disliked by the author, particularly Ron, are "sexist" in a ridiculously over-the-top manner and even refer to themselves as "sexist". Female characters disliked by the author tolerate this and are thus considered "sluts". Might be a Troll Fic, but it's hard to tell as the author claims it's partially a comedy, which would explain the occasional random humor ("At that moment, Dumbledore rode into the hospital wing on a unicycle wearing an old-fashioned bathing suit."). You can see a Dramatic Reading of the first half of chapter one here.
The Troll Fic hypothesis seems likely, given that each chapter starts with an utterly insane description of what all the female character are wearing, as well as the near-constant "I also had underwear on".
There's a sporking here. There used to be a sequel titled "Being Female", but it seems to have been deleted. It included a memorable part where "Crystal" is sent back to live with the Dursleys, who turn out to be "Christian fundamentalists" and the portrayal is as ridiculous as you're imagining. The first chapter, at least, survives here.
The Girl Who Lived series, a half-rewrite (the other half is just ported directly from the actual books themselves with minor tweaks) of the Harry Potter books with a Gender Flip and a whole lot of other changes. Pretty much the biggest and most direct Canon Defilement possible, it starts out by arrogantly decrying J.K. Rowling for screwing up the series and goes about "fixing" it by removing every single one of Harry's flaws while also (intentionally or unintentionally) completely changing his personality to a Sociopathic "Hero". Instead of a ruthlessly oppressed kid living under the stairs that eventually becomes a mediocre wizard with heart, "Rose" is now the poster child of New Powers as the Plot Demands (with plenty of "hey, look at me, I'm cool!" stuff to go with it) while getting away with pretty much everything. Watch as the series completely paves over everything "bad" about the canon and introduces Plot Holes by the truckload! Marvel as Rose torments her "friends" in ways that make Voldemort seem tolerable! Endure as the series goes to extreme lengths for Author Appeal while denying it every step of the way! One would suspect a troll like My Immortal, but if so, it's certainly an obsessive one.
Goffik Blood, another My Immortal clone that would probably be unremarkable if not for how completely and utterly bizarre it is. As one would imagine, the spelling and grammar are atrocious, but it's also littered with author's notes in which the writer halts the plot to make strange proclamations like "LUV TRAUMAS R ZO HOT" or "vampyrs arnt homo sapeins", and to call the story itself a Random Events Plot would be a severe understatement. It has something to do with Mary Sue character Goffika Sorrows randomly falling in love with Voldemort (also known in-story as "Volxemort", "VOLDEMRTRT", and on one notable occasion, "VOLDNEBGREOUUBU"), and then killing him, Enoby herself making a cameo only to die as well, Voldemort inexplicably coming back to life to get "TREVENGE", only to fall in love with Goffika and rape her "sexily", a skirt that can destroy things, Hagrid getting sacrificed to "Stan", a talking horse that was actually Goffika's friend Blood who also raped her but then didn't... really, absolutely nothing in this fic follows logically from anything else. The entire thing is a huge, poorly-spelled Mind Screw.
Hermione's New Change is about Hermione finding out she's adopted and is actually Draco's cousin, and of course they enter an incestuous relationship. Only the first two chapters are here because it was deleted from the original site, but it still contains some gems.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, a.k.a. Thirty Hs. Particularly impressive in that it's so indescribably twisted that it has no flames in over a hundred reviews. Warning: starts out somewhat squicky, but gets much worse after about chapter three.
Dumbledore's immortal line, "Harry, you must rock the fuck out."
Hidden PropheciesProphices is likely a trollfic, but it's still hilarious as it can be. It's a Warrior Cats fanfic and you've really just got to see it to believe it.
Part of what makes it so hilarious is that, with its actually okay-ish grammar and spelling, it genuinely seems like a ten-year-old girl doing her damnedest.
Hogwarts Exposed, in general it's just plain bad but some of the dialogue edges into So Bad, It's Good. "Most certainly it's wrong to expose your private area!"
Hogwarts of Heaven by Silver Suffering. Every single chapter of this... thing makes no sense. Here is an example with the first sentence. "Chestere Le Valiente played a rocking electric guitar solo on his shiny wooden saxaphone and wondered what life would be like if he was a female 16 year old Indonesian gymnast who was secretly working to bring down the government and force the world to wear pink tuxedos." Random cameos include Squall Leonhart, Penelope Pitstop, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Chuck Norris, Shinji Ikari and Dorothy Zbornak. Also, the author seems to plan to write 100 chapters of this...
The Harry Potter fanfic Imma Wiserd deserves some mention; the story is beyond absurd. Everyone is a gangster or a white "rassist" in Hogwarts, including Harry Potter who as it turns out is black but a white actor was chosen instead for the audience. Perhaps its defining sequence is a game of Qudditch where not only are all the houses in play, but the Ravenclaw team are all killed by Voldemort before the match begins, leaving the lead characters Soulja and Harry to win the game... and then the Ku Kux Klan appear and start shooting at the protagonists.
The writer of this is hilariously convinced that Snape is a Jew because he knows big words (i.e. non-slang words) and thus has him use a giant dollar bill like a flying carpet. Later on, Hermione decides not to travel back in time, to when Biblical figures attended Hogwarts (!) with Pontius Pilate (Or "Pumpass Pilot") as headmaster (!!), based on the absence of pretty dresses and sewing machines (!!!) in the past.
Did we mention that Hermione's Patronus is a vacuum cleaner?
Legolas: Back to the Future, which is basically a Canadian teenage girl's diary with Legolas stuck in somehow. Notable for its aggressive wholesomeness and lack of nearly any standard "Fictional Character is 'Bamfed' Into The Real World" tropes. The fic's gone from fanfiction.net now, but you can find an MSTinghere.
Particular note must be made of the shamelessly blatant Mary Sueness of main character Crystal, who reveals her self as (in no particular order): an excellent cook, singer, musician, dancer, horseback rider, mechanic, a practitioner of La Savatenote a French, kick-based martial art capable of throwing standing kicks above Legolas' head, a church youth group leader, possessing of a Death Glare that could cow anyone (including Legolas) and she teaches a music classnote Granted, it's a tambourine class, but still at the local community center. And oh yeah, she's also telepathic and telekinetic.
Moon Daughter: According to one reviewer, "So this is what Percy Jackson would look like if it was written by a 13-year-old with a low IQ while high." It follows an emo Mary Sue, Flavia Knight, the only daughter of Artemis, as she hates on preps and blondes, bashes the Out of CharacterCanon cast, and tries to decide whether to be a virgin "like her mom" or seduce Nico di Angelo. Or Alabaster Torrington. Or Hades. Or Chiron... (the list goes on.) Also features Mr. D. watching porn, Annabeth being turned into a "grape with no soul," and lines such as:
"Harry potter stop your going to make me drop this." missy said giggling
"Hey you did promise me that we could have some adult fun time when I got home from work." Harry said
"Ok we will have some adult fun time now." missy said
The infamous My Immortal, a plotless Harry Potter fic that stars Ebony Dark'ness Dementia RavenTara Raven Way, a "goff" [end sarcasm quotes]Mary Sue pastiche (mostly Jerk Sue) with "icy blue eyes like limpid tears" who's So Beautiful, It's a Curse. The author managed to turn everyone into either a goth "goffik" or a prep (like Dumbledore, who has a robe with Avril Lavigne on it) and the spelling gets worse and worse through the fanfic. Whether she's a troll or if the author was serious when she wrote it is under debate, but if it's a joke, that means she's one of the most meticulous trolls in history. It's the only fanfic that's been turned into a movie and a published novel. It's also been translated into a dozen languages.
My Immortal isn't so bad it's good, it's so horrible it's awesome.
The part about being translated into a dozen languages is especially impressive, since it was barely even written in English. Try listening to a dramatic reading of it without reading along.
The Redwall fanfic Shadow Rapes Matthias. Well, at least you can't say it doesn't deliver what it promises. Crash course: Matthias is the mouse hero, and Shadow is the ninja-thief-rat sent by the villain to infiltrate Redwall Abbey. In canon, they were onstage together for about three seconds, which consisted of a fight/chase scene as Shadow attempted to get the MacGuffin back to his boss. MST'd here. Be warned that Matthias is, for no apparent reason but the obvious, noted to be 13, at least according to Word of God and the TV series. The author's note which says so could be a clumsily phrased attempt at saying he's meant to be older in the fic, but just in case. The same author did two more fics, featuring Martin the Warrior and numerous other male characters performing physicallyimplausible actions, which are also MSTed on the linked blog. Watch out for the completely random SpellsingerShout-Out.
The MST is nothing short of brilliant, for all three of this horrible author's works. Bonus points for bringing in Romsca for the last MST, which turns out exactly as twistedly awesome as one could hope.
"'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11!1!1!11!' yelled StarGleamStar walking up. She juts culdnt be in loe with HawkForest she just could!11!1!11!"
Thomas Joshman (first book, second book, third book, fourth book, fifth book, sixth book) is a series of... well, he never says they're Harry Potter fan fics, but it's set in a world just like Harry Potter. Almost every character or concept has a clear equivalent (Tom = Harry, Tim = Ron, Quelfree = Snape, Bendrist = Dumbledore, Milkenshland = Hogwarts, Teams 1-10 = the Houses, etc.), and it isn't unusual for actual phrases to be lifted (albeit misspelled and out of context) from the Harry Potter books themselves. It also includes bizarre dialogue, including quite a lot of ridiculously specific times ("He saw Quelfree scold Frederick for being on the pitch 2 Ľ seconds late"). Strange equivalents are chosen for Harry Potter's plot points - for example, whereas Harry was suspicious about the wound on Snape's leg, Tom was suspicious about Quelfree's "scrunchy face" (which I can only assume means that his face has been replaced with a hair tie). The author sometimes seems to forget which things are different from Harry Potter - for example, Milkenshland looks like a "normal human-looking school" in the first book, but it's a castle in the others, and the plane they take to school is referred to as a "train" at least twice. Some characters are also incredibly stupid, managing to forget key plot points just so that the reader can find them out in advance. Tom is even amazed that Tim knows the names of their closest friends, apparently never managing to learn them himself. Here are a few more quotes:
a Team 10 boy with blonde hair walked up the corridor and said “Haha…its Joshy. His stupid famous 30 year old mother was a pile of sweaty socks. Births in 1981. She would’ve died if that idiot Joshy wasn’t born”.note Yes, he said "Births in 1981." in the middle of his exposition-filled insult.
Quelfree looked like he just been battered by a bowling ball so Tom said to Tim “Has he been battered by a bowling ball” until Tim was confused and asked “What’s a bowling ball?” Tom said nevermind and Quelfree gave them both detentions for no reason.
“What’s a Crinker” asked Tom. “Evil dolphins that can survive on land, they feed on Human and Wizard prey for jokes and cannibalize their own species when they die for fun” explained Tim. Suddenly a green eyed dolphin grabbed Tom’s leg and it got bitten off. Tim helped Tom to the hospital quickly until Oswald met Tim again and tripped them over into the Crinkers. Tim lost an ear and a nose while Tom lost a hand and 3 eyelashes. Tom woke up in the hospital a week later with 50 bandages on him.
The Warrior Cats of WolfClan series by Flamestripe of Wolfclan. A massive Marty Stu, ridiculous plot devices (like everything randomly going backwards, a cat with a cowboy hat, and talking wolves who bring cats back to life), a skewed sense of morality, how every single time a cat dies their tail twitches and they're okay, and the overblown nature of the story, create a masterpiece of bad writing.
Warrior Mouse Code is a Warrior Cats fanfic... about the clans' prey. Bad grammar, a Marty Stu who, even though being a mouse, befriends Firepaw, is teased for being a half-breed,as a habit of spouting curse words constantly and is made 'second deputy' because that's just how the mouse clans work. Seriously.
Winnie The Pooh Assimilated By The Borg. A Crack Fic of the highest order. The Borg invade the Hundred Acre Wood, murdering Rabbit before assimilating Pooh. The rest of the story consists of Pooh of Borg assimilating or murdering everyone, eventually ending with the entire cast part of the Collective or dead. Should be terrible, but the sheer over-the-top nature (Pooh of Borg kills Piglet over not sharing his honey) elevates it to this level.
The very words "Pooh of Borg" alone justify the existence of this work.
Live Action TV
The Ben Chatham Adventures, a series famous among the Doctor Who fandom for the tititular Marty Stu, blatant rip-offs of 70's Who, utterly detestable characters, excessive Flanderisation of canon characters, blatant misogyny and classism and frankly bizarre recurring features (Fox's Glacier Mints are apparently equivalent to class B drugs). Whether you believe it is really a Stealth Parody or not, there is something innately attractive about its Narm Charm, bizarre plot twists, and hilarious lines of dialogues such as "I am eternally grateful that you saved me from a good rogering by Henry VII!"
FESH PINCE BACK HAVEING FUN is a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air script fanfic done by a self-insert who can't really spell for shit, a story that doesn't really make sense, and a bunch of other oddities. Dug Seachang calls Carlton "Carton", Uncle Phil "Uncle Pill", and worst/best of all, Geoffrey "Giraffe"! It's almost like satire towards the 90's live comedy TV shows.
The Mash fan-fic "THE GRAND RAPIDS O'REILLYS", in which every proper noun is in all capital letters. The first chapter is about RADAR marrying NURSE BIGALO while FATHER MULCAHY becomes a PENTECOSTAL minister after stealing barrels and barrels of holy water from THE VATICAN all because he has a dream in which GOD orders him to so. This is only the first chapter, there are over 25 chapters with titles such as "RADAR GOES FORMULA 1" "RADAR AND THE BLACK PANTHERS" "RADAR MEETS THE BEATLES" "RADAR MEETS THE GREEN HORNET" and "RADAR VS ROSEMARY'S BABY"
The aftermath of Ashe's life, a Final Fantasy XII fanfic by Ashe10 that centers around Ashe having sex. A lot. As Ashe says, "All queens are not all innocent. I am just a nasty queen. What do you expected?" She also has a tendency to call her lovers sexy mutha fuckas. Although Ashe's husband, Rasler (Or Rassler, as the author calls him) is the real standout in the story, providing gems such as, "Who the fuck is you talking to in that tone!" and "WHAT!? YOU DONE AN AFFAIR!"
The Modern Warfare 2 fanfic "The Beta Threat". The entire plot can be summarized as "Marty Stu protagonist kills a bunch of Card-Carrying Villain terrorists, goes to jail because he failed to save a single hostage, and is called back into action to kill more terrorists." The spelling is... unspeakable.
Breakdown, a Persona 3 fanfic, has the cast dying in improbable ways, and Mitsuru coping by becoming a prostitute, then running into traffic and dying. If technically passable, the whole thing is pretty ridiculous and handled very poorly.
If you weren't laughing throughout, the final line is a guaranteed LOL. Roxius in general, is great for incomprehensible fics, and the confused/angry/scared reviewers.
Superhadou's Crystal Man's Journey is a fanfic about the robot masters from Mega Man 5 going into the future to help X and Zero battle Mavericks and Sigma with Crystal Man as their leader. Though the grammar isn't awful, it contains awful puns, random songs and generally over the top fight scenes.
Doom: The Unseen Version(NSFW). A badly written smutfic in which the people stationed in Mars get it on with the demons after all Hell breaks loose. You will never look at Doom the same way again... it makes Impse look tame.
Ecco the Dolphin And the Swim Meet. It's only a hundred-something words long, so the plot doesn't make sense and is over before you know it. There's also numerous typos and jokes that make absolutely no sense. But all of these combine to be bizarrely entertaining. And then there's the ending.
The Evil Alliance, written by cloudacsephac, is a Final FantasyMega Crossover that features impenetrable, pseudo-Faulknerian stream of consciousness prose. Cloud and Squall inexplicably team up (along with a Cloud-chasing Relationship Sue named Blaze) to take down the eponymous alliance of Sephiroth and Ultimecia. The author's tangled, incoherent prose, bizarre plotting and interminable fight scenes make this a must read. Good luck trying to figure out who's speaking at any given time.
Amelia_nekomimi's (now named GARGOULES) "Fire Emblem: Ike's Journey" takes elements from both Blazing Blade, Sacred Stones and the Tellius games, adds some Mary-Sue and a bit of Self-Insert and mixes it all with a delicious dose of Peter Chimaera-level writing to create an epic tale of love, sacrifice, pink weapons from the future and magic rocket horses. It's filled with memorable quotes such as "I kill him with cuts and a catle fall on his head" and "ONLY MUCH WORST". Even if you're not a Fire Emblem fan, you'll laugh at how ridiculous it all is.
Hell Hath Fury, a Doom fanfiction featuring a Gary Stu protagonist. It contains every Doom fanfiction cliche. It's also overly long and badly written.
ITS MY LIFE! for Portal. Marrissa Roberts, Chell's sister, is at first just living in the "portal labs" but then the fan fiction slowly turns into fighting villains of a greater and greater scale.
"Laughter" is a Pokémon Diamond and Pearl fanfic that attempts to explain some things about Cyrus's past. The writing is competent and some of the ideas it raises are interesting, but the random, senseless gruesome torments inflicted on Cyrus come out of nowhere and the first and second chapters gel together so badly they might as well be two completely separate stories. The fic is laughable for its sheer Refuge in Audacity.
Lust Penis (obviously NSFW), an infamous MS PaintStar Fox fan comic. Fox McCloud gets transformed into a dinosaur sex slave by General Scales, who violates him anally and transforms him again into a gigantic, living penis, fusing him with an enormous statue, which then proceeds to anally violate another enormous statue. After creating a river of semen, Fox regains consciousness, reverts back to his former self, and agrees that even though the whole thing was just a plot by Scales to have sex with him, he'd still like to do it again sometime. For those who aren't easily offended, it's utterly hilarious in its total ineptitude and bizarre plot.
"MarioSex-ed." (Video might be NSFW depending on how your work place looks at it.) A video where Mario, who spouts food puns at every oppertunity, and Luigi, who is very much victim to Not Even Bothering with the Accent, tell someone about safe sex. With images from the Mario series and sounds effects from Sonic games to assist, as well as Stock Footage from Captain N: The Game Master. It's about as weird as it sounds, and it's hopefully satire and not someone's attempt at making an actual sex-ed video with Mario. Hopefully.
Mega Man At McDonalds. Mega Man owes Dr. Light (presumably, because the author neglected to state whom he was talking to) $44,632.82 from buying diapers, so he gets a job at McDonald's. Mega Man is completely incompetent (he even says he is retarded), and later on, he gets slashed by a "tyrant from Resident Evil", and is beaten up by a generic bully. Everyone is out of character (especially Mega Man). The plot is weak, there are typos, and there are also several failed attempts at humor. There is also a blatant inconsistency; In Chapter 2, Mega Man shoots Johnny Sasaki, which means he is not bound by the Three Laws of Robotics, but in Chapter 3, he self-cites the First Law as the reason why he can't harm "Some The Bully".
Due to several requests for the story to be updated, the story has just gotten a fifth chapter, featuring such things as Mega Man calling Alphonse Elric (of Fullmetal Alchemist) half-Gundam, Mega Man getting "assraped" by black British police, Elec Man stating that firing employees is against the law, and for some reason "Mega Man" is now being referred to as "Megaman".
My Inner Life. Another one kicked off of the So Bad It's Horrible page for being hilariously bad instead of just plain bad. Nominally a fanfic of The Legend of Zelda, it's horribly written with the most blatant self-insertion Sue ever. In a situation similar to Sonichu, the writer is part of what makes it the phenomenon it is, and you must understand her to understand it. She goes out of her way to screech at anyone who might openly dislike the fic in her disclaimers for three pages if you cut-and-paste it into your word processor, and feels that Viewers Are Morons to the point of putting an incredible number of footnotes - almost as long as the "people who don't like my fic are evil" rants. Apparently, readers aren't bright enough to figure out what a "spring festival" is. Most of all, she's clearly dead serious about all the things that many suspect of being parody in My Immortal and the like. This is someone who has less ability to take criticism than Uwe Boll.
Also, she's got a strange relationship with the 'return' key. Often, it's hard to tell who's talking because dialogue that really should have been another paragraph will be placed right next to the actions of someone else. But by this point, that's the 'jaywalking' in Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking.
Night Blood Ties is an awkward World of Warcraft fanfic starring the characters of a single player and a couple of guildmates. The plot is literally dropped almost entirely in the subtitle of the fic and that's really the least of the story's problems. Characters routinely blend game terms and in-universe terms to the point where characters refer to large-scale military assaults on capitol cities as "routine". The author's main character constant dives into the spotlight, obscuring the characters relevant to the plot. The story is punctuated with the author pitching his World of Warcraft guild and it's arguable the whole thing was an attempt at promotion via tie-in.
It also has a character named Manthony. Yes, Manthony.
Mass Effect fanfiction has Parallel Realities, which is probably the single silliest Alternate Universe Fic the continuum has given. Admittedly, the premise is interesting, but where the author takes the premise is so silly and incredibly stupid it gets really bad. And yet, there's something unabashed about its silliness and how obvious the Author Tract is that it's hard to hate it.
Fan video: "Peach VS Daisy VS Zelda VS Rosalina." (Link here, possibly NSFW.) A little over a minute of blatant Author Appeal that comes across as Fetish Retardant, made funny by the sheer ammount of oddfightingstyles and unnecessary cameltoes everywhere. And the winner is a seemingly genderbent Link... who blows up Zelda for some reason. Throw in some semi-unfitting dramatic music and you have yourself one hell of a video that managed to get over four million views.note This is actually a translation of an excerpt/preview of another video not on Youtube (the full video isn't, but the preview is) called Battle (Royale) of the Sexes, a Tournament Arc of man vs woman battles. The translation includes adding the voices (originally game soundclips were used) and the dramatic music. The reason why the three Princess (and Rosalina) battle did not fit this male vs female rule is because apparantly Zelda's original opponent was actually Link. Why she's fighting the Mario girls at the beginning is unknown. There is at least one sequel of this furthering up the bracket, and both of these videoes can be found by Googling the aformentioned title.
Phoenix White: Justifications of Justice! is a Phoenix Wright fanfic involving Phoenix Wright taking over Mr. White's position as the president of Blue Corp, and ending up on trial after trying to resurrect Mia Fey. The concepts are absolutely laughable and ridiculous, but the icing on the cake is the ending where it's revealed that Phoenix Wright is actually a mouse, and the entire Phoenix Wright universe was something he imagined when he was eaten by a cat and went to heaven.
The prince and the peasant written by Ranay is a Mega ManIn Name Only fanfic which pairs her Self-Insert character, Ranay, with Top Man. The story takes place in Medieval times and supposedly all characters (and yes, including the robot masters) are humans. Not to mention Top Man transforms into a CAT BEAST. The fanfic alone contains large amounts of Canon Defilement, Plot Holes, Department of Redundancy Department, and research failure. It’s only made more hilarious by Ranay’s disregard for proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and overall use of the English language.
“In a kingdom where the laws were absolute, everything was going against these laws was to punish the destruction or death. In the same realm sometimes not even that was wrong was dismissed. But there was something different about this kingdom”
“king is a farce”
"Top stun all soldiers but forget to Rock"
Quake Urgency, which almost kind of read like a rough draft of an aborted Quake I comic-book in the style of the Doom comic.
"Oh no zombie dogs!" said Quake Marine and he shoot the exploding barrels and they were explode taking the zombie spiders (which exploded)
From the Touhou fandom comes Reimu fights the bad guys of adrkness by Talos Angel. It includes (among other things) rampant Rouge Angles of Satin ("Hell Reimu," Reimu fried Marisa sad, "Is god mourning!"), Marisa playing Half-Life 2, Pactouli and Marisa getting "nekked" and having "hot sox" on Reimu's couch, Marisa getting pregnant and having a baby, and a nonsensical plot where Reimu becomes a bad guy. The author admits that she wrote it while drunk, but it's still hilarious either way.
Sephirothslave'sShinra High and its sequel, Shinra SOLDIER are probably the best known examples in Final Fantasy VII fandom. Proudly called "novels" by their authoress, they have a total of 170 chapters together, filled with nothing but inaccurate interpretations and wishfulfillment. Among many things, these fanfictions feature a goth Mary Sue and self insert of epic proportions, canon defilement, butchered character personalities, cliche love triangle, wangst, Beige Prose and clear research failure.
WOlfenstien comeback, a senseless Troll Fic in which the main character of Wolfenstein (referred to as Dr. Wolfenstein, even though Wolfenstein is the name of the castle) is trying to fight the "Natzees", then ends up in Rapture and is renamed "Bioshock", then he resurfaces and ends up in the world of Fallout for no reason. It has absolutely no story and makes no sense whatsoever, but it's freakin' hilarious.
This video, made by seinfeldspitstain, is an obviously fake leak of the fourth Super Smash Bros. game made seemingly in an attempt at this trope. Between the crack newcomer choices, characters stuck in one pose, numerous animation distortion, random music cut at the end before Reggie's introduction, and general lack of making any sense, it does its job well and becomes completely hilarious.
ThisWarcraft fanfiction. The only plausible explanation for the whole thing is that there's someone kidnapping major lore characters and giving them frontal lobotomies.
A Homestuck fanfic, the creatively titled Homestuck high (sic), has been posted on FF.net. It's almost reminiscent of My Immortal in some ways. It starts out as a High School AU of Homestuck before quickly going into some bizarre plot about Sollux (who is a demon for some reason) trying to impregnate Rose and Jade and use them to give birth to demon spawn. The fan fic is very much In Name Only, in both Homestuck and in its title, as it's more of a supernatural story than a high school one. It makes no sense and names of canon characters are used for other people. (Aradia is some sort of genie that helps out John, Eridan is John's transformation in order to duel with the demon Sollux, etc.) It also involves John having a vision after possesed by dark magic from a McDonalds burger as an important plot point. And John had liked Rose ever since she... bit his arm and broke his glasses in the second grade. Probably a TrollFic, but still hilariously terrible. Now has its own page.
Another Homestuck example would be We're just different, the story of a blatant Mary Sue named Titaia who is sent to a "special school" due to a suicide attempt, where she meets unbelievably OOC versions of the trolls—most notably, Sollux and Karkat, as opposed to being Jerks With Hearts Of Gold as they are in canon, are portrayed as merciless bullies. Titaia is tricked (by Tavros, of all people!) into I Ming Sollux and falls for him. The whole thing is so ridiculously OOC and Narmtastic that it becomes utterly hilarious (though it could be triggering to bullying victims nonetheless), and unlike Homestuck high, it seems completely sincere.
ED of the World by Steve. The Eds and the kids go to the carnival, which turns out to suck eggs. When they watch trained chihuahuas perform, one of them bites Jimmy, while another destroys Plank. And when the fireworks set off, the kids start bleeding from airborne glass shards. The carnival turns out to be a trap by Jimmy von Diablo, and the kids run away before von Diablo blows up the place. The End.
The Gravity Falls fanfic series 'Gettysbur6 Island' is an impressive abomination of Stylistic Suck, filled to the brim with horrible grammar, misspelled words and names (including Satan instead of Stan), and ridiculous plots that would make a nice one-shot crackfic seem like Tolstoy. There is an entire chapter about borscht. Advance at your own risk.
Korra in the Hood. Possibly the first Legend of Korra Crack Fic to ever grace fanfiction.net, written nearly a month before the show premiered. It has everything a crackfic could ever need: Korra and Naga being raped in the first chapter, a threesome between Korra, Bolin and Mako, Tenzin as an insane fart fetishist, a mecha fight between Zutarians and Equalists and Amon revealing who he really is.
My Innocence. The title alone has convinced people that it's a My Immortal-inspired Troll Fic, but it's hard to tell for sure because there aren't enough similarities between the fanfics. Still worth a read, if only to see the narrator insult lesbians and then apologize for his "pre-juice." Watch out for racism, sexual themes, and mind-searing idiocy.
The Secreat Lives of the Ooo and Aaa teens [sic] is an Adventure Time fanfic that has every character falling in love with a genderbent in the most ridiculous and OOC way possible, then getting pregnant, all while every other word is misspelled. The whole premise of the fic is what deserves it be here.
The fanfic has been taken down, but a repost correcting the title is available here. Roughly, the first chapter is: Marshall Lee, after meeting Finn and Fionna together (and teasing them), goes to Prince Gumball's castle, who has Princess Bubblegum as an invited guest. Marshall and Bubblegum hang out and, after Marshall seduces her with a 'Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs' song (really, and it's written in a very inexperienced manner), they go to Marshall's house to have sex. Yes, they have sex. And they have just met.
Here is a summary of the fic: Eddy finds a huge jewel and steals it, somehow leading to Ed and Edd to take the blame. While the two are arrested, Eddy tries to play dodgeball with Jimmy but accidently kills him. Then Eddy goes back to his house to find it being destroyed by the jewel, getting it replaced by "house held nunchucks". After going to bed and Jackie Chan asking to read him a story, Eddy wakes up to find Sarah. She gets mad at Eddy for killing Jimmy and beats Eddy up untill he confesses that he stole the jewel and then bails Ed and Edd out, but not before the Red Guy puts a spell on Eddy giving him a boil twice the size of the jewel. (The jewel destroyed his house). Yeah.
William Country. An otherwise decent Total Drama Island fan video that has several bizarre sequences with no relation to the plot, such as Cody smoking or two beavers eating everybody before humping with a rap-ish song playing in the background. Also of note, the main plot is about a romance between Cody and an OC who looks almost exactly like him, giving wierd Self Cest vibes. The "sleep" sequences don't help much either. Did we also mention that it's an actual, full-length movie at around 90 minutes? The unfortunate thing about this film is that it is very difficult to find, due to it usually only being uploaded in anacronic parts, and the videos being taken down several times.
Here is a (NSFW) Thomas the Tank EngineLemon Fic. You read that right. TRAINS (specifically Thomas and Rosey) HAVING SEX. How is this acomplished? Aparently steam valves are exactly the same as genitalia. Making it even worse, is the fact that the author treated it 100% seriously, and used gushy romantic language to describe something that's anything but.
Is one story about two TRAIN ENGINES HAVING SEX not enough for you? Don't Worry! The same author wrotethreemore.
And EVEN MORE examples of trains getting it on! This time between Gordon and Thomas.