Self Demonstrating: Sonic For Hire
Hello internet, Sonic here. Seems that I've had some wacky adventures going on, even if I'm around that stupid fox Tails, that fat fucker Eggman, and that weird worm Jim. I also seem to enjoy that weird looking daughter of mine, Soniqua ... even if I boned that ugly mutant brain monster. I also think that Thunderhead is a dumbass and Kirby is a psychopath.
Tropes that Describe Me:
- Abusive Parent: At first, I barely cared for Soniqua, but then she saved my ass from that four-armed asshole, what's-his-face.
- Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: Hell yeah, I did that! Series finale, bitches!!!
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: So I remember trying to find the princess one time and I ran into a margarita manor instead. Best. Fucking. Time. Ever.
- Broke Episode The Series: HEY!!!
- Comically Missing the Point: Hey, Kathleen Turner looked like Super Fat Eggman, and how was I supposed to know that there's no buffer when I shot Dominique Wilkins during the final episode?
- And to be honest, I'm pretty sure Dracula and Batman are actually similar.
- Indulgent Fantasy Segue: Man, me killing Tails in that dream was the best thing ever.
- Jerkass: I get that a lot.
- Psycho for Hire: My brief time as a hitman for that fat plumber.
- Running Gag: I liked my poster, until Mario destroyed it. Too bad to the people who thought I worshiped Dominique Wilkins, and made him the Creator. Seriously, all it took was a single shot to the face. Still don't know why he was fucking with me though, might be because I'm awesome.
- Super Speed: Hey, dipshit who made this page, if you forgot to add this to this page, you don't fucking know me.
- Squick: Oh my god, I still vomit whenever I think about that mutant brain monster.
- Trigger Happy: Yeah, the places I go to means I have to pack heat. Among others I shot are Batman's assassin, Link's homophobic uncle and Dominique Wilkins.