"Yay, now is fighty time, fighty time, blood blood blood!"(For the self-demonstrating experience at its fullest, read in the voice of Nolan North and/or Ryan Reynolds. Maybe Takehito Koyasu (who voiced me in Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers), or perhaps Yasuyuki Kase (voiced me in the Japanese dub of my film) if you are an anime nerd. I also mostly take John Kassir's portrayal of me just fine, but maybe. Depends. You know what—just read it in MY voice, okay?) Heya, true believing troper! This is me, Deadpool, aka The Merc with the Mouth, The Guy Who Won't Die, The Regenerating Degenerate, Chiyonosake,note and The Crimson Comedian. I'm a Marvel Comics mercenary Anti-Hero character, related to the X-Men and Wolverine in particular. I appeared in print for the first time in New Mutants #98 (February, 1991) as a ripoff of DC mercenary Deathstroke the Terminator. But that's old news. I'm all-new, I'm all-different, and boy does that feel good! I appear in many different comics in the Marvel Universe. Besides my own series (which I'm pretty sure came with foil alt-covers and a collector card) the biggest mutie badasses they've got are lining up to team with the dude who went toe-to-toe with The Incredible Hulk and came out in one piece — and that was the one time I was trying to lose! I can beat anyone! Well... except that freaking Squirrel Girl. She kicked the mucus out of me constantly. But hey, that's OK! She did that to everybody. Truly, she's the single greatest threat to the multiverse. Well, except maybe Galactusnote ... and clowns. Never forget clowns. As you're probably noticing just about now, I loooooove to talk. Yes, it's my most valuable asset: the lungs to provide endless witty banter in the heat of battle! In fact, everybody loves to hear me talk! (Hey! I saw that pothole!) OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single — albeit snappily-suited — mercenary become so incredibly awesome in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing every single one of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja Spider-Man" meme. Caption this, suckers! On the other hand, my own memetic monologues led to me becoming THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER. That and the fact that I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans. Like now, for instance. You lucky, lucky nerds! Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become the sexiest mercenary alive?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with Wolverine's man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. Perv). Suddenly... -insert Dramatic Fanfare here- No, wait, let's go with that old Six Million Dollar Man thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got the ability to heal quickly, so that whenever the cancer shows up it instantly gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly after it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am just. That. Charming. Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became so freaking handsome that my brain exploded. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that I'm a comic book character. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and Stan Lee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a pool to figure out which one of us would be dead first, so I naturally named myself Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with Deadpool instead. Anyway, so you wanna know my fighting style, huh? Why, being absolutely rassum frassum crazy is my fighting style, kiddies! Don't Try This at Home! Wait... y'know what, go ahead, makes my job easier in the long run. Guns, explosives, guns, my trusty katana, guns, guns, anything I find on the ground, doorknobs, guns, and firearms are all ways I kill people. That is, of course, on the rare occasions my razor-sharp wit hasn't caused them to crumple into sobbing balls of surrender long before that. My good buddy Weasel also provides me with shiny new gadgets that help to kill more, so I can use any power I want. Also, you better never mistake me for that other psychotic, fourth-wall breaking clown who sided with those DC fellas. You know how many of my stupid Facebook friends ask me to "do that pencil trick"? EVERY SINGLE ONE.note
Lots of comics feature my unique uniqueness:
- New Mutants: Where I first appeared, then I started popping up in X-Force once the title switched over to something that was Darker and Edgier.
- Five miniseries, Deadpool: The Circle Chase, Deadpool: Sins of the Past, Deadpool: Suicide Kings, Deadpool: Wade Wilson's War and Fear Itself: Deadpool (written by holycrap Chris Hastings!!!).
- My ongoing Deadpool series: The first incarnation appeared from 1997 to 2002; the second volume began September 10, 2008.
- Agent X: How is Agent X related to me? It's a mystery!
- Cable & Deadpool: After Cable went bye-bye, I had to find some new apprentices to fill the hole in my heart.
- Wolverine & Deadpool: Only available if you can get scones with it.
- Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth: A second ongoing series which began in 2009.
- Deadpool Team-up: A third on-going monthly, also starting in 2009. I'm gonna suck every dime outta this inexplicable and totally undeserved popularity until my lips fall off.
- Deadpool Corps: Which features me and Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Kidpool, and Dogpool as my amigos. Me and Lady Deadpool have a thing going on. I'm saying that I screw myself.
- I also drop by in that "DOOMWAR" Black Panther event. Apparently, my unscrupulous mercenary nature, healing factor and screwed-up-mind are needed to stopping that crazy Von Doom. What can I say, they need me. And the paycheck is HUGE. And I also have hot girls backing me up. BEST. JOB. EVER.
- There's also this Deadpool: Pulp thing going on, which is like the Noir line of Marvel, except instead of the 30s it's the 50s! Looks nifty so far, Government Conspiracy, me up against a Femme Fatale (they picked Outlaw, not bad if you get what I mean). and with the backdrop of COMMUNIST PARANOIA!
- I drop by this 5 RONIN March 2011 event, engaged in a heartwarming tale of five samurai being wronged by a particularly nasty daimyo. I'm focused in the fifth issue, of course they save the best for last.
- You can also see me utterly destroy the Marvel Universe in August 2012, in my four part miniseries: Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe! This version of me got his brain messed up by Psycho Man, trying to make me into a more effective killer and it worked......Too well....
- This version of Me manages to get a limited series again, called Deadpool Killustrated, where he doesn't just kill Marvel Alternate Universes, but goes out of his way to kill fiction itself.
- He got a third mini-series called Deadpool Kills Deadpool, in which he decides to go after the other versions of Me, including girl Me, dog Me, brat Me, zombie Me, and whole new versions of Me. But this time, he's gonna have to deal with the one, true Deadpool. That's right everybody, this time he's not dealing with French dudes, creepy evil pre-Edward Cullens with a hard on for making girls obedient fanged zombiesnote or chicks living in a cabin, but the original (and might I add best) Merc with a Mouth: ME!
- This version of Me manages to get a limited series again, called Deadpool Killustrated, where he doesn't just kill Marvel Alternate Universes, but goes out of his way to kill fiction itself.
- With the Marvel NOW! thing happening, I'm now on yet another self titled series. My first job it it being killing the presidents. All of them. Well, all the dead ones anyway.
- I'm also now on the Thunderbolts forming an all black and red ream with Red Hulk, Agent Venom, The Punisher, Elektra, and former Hulk enemy The Leader. Ghost Rider also joins up later on.
- Before the Zombie craze ends, I needed to be in a mini-series with those ghouls and thus Marvel made the cleverly named "Night of the Living Deadpool".
- And in another mini series, I'm fighting Carnage. As in the red Venom clone, though there's also a lot of literal carnage.
- Oh, Crap!, The Autumn 2014 event known as Axis had me turn into some zen hippie no thanks to the Red Numbskull monkeying with poor Chuck's brain and turning himself into Red Onslaught. Seriously? Have the writers at Marvel run out of good ideas?
- And because nobody stays dead in comics, I got a relaunched series once Secret Wars ended. Not only that, but I also joined the cast of Uncanny Avengers! That's right, your boy is FUNDING The Avengers now! How you may ask? I took over Heroes for Hire and had a lot of people (And Madcap) run around in Me costumes, taking jobs for money and fame while I focus on free jobs. I'm sure my friend Luke Cage won't be too mad taking the name.note
- Spider-Man/Deadpool: A comic about my misadventures with everyone's favorite wall-crawler.
- Deadpool vs. The Punisher
My incredible awesomeness allows me to also transcend print media:
- You know you are one of the big boys when you have your own movie!note I would like to thank my good friends at Marvel Comics who love us X-Men characters so much; and of course 20th Century Fox, for that great adaptation in X-Men Origins: Wolverine that put me in the map (go see it with your fellow comic fanboys friends and then say it was a good movie, I dare you). Thank you both great companies for this great opportunity and...you know what? Screw those guys, it was thanks to you, my horrible fans that I hate so much, that I got my movie. After the Fox guys let slip some test footage featuring me, you voiced your opinion and, it turns out, it worked! You now get to see my handsome face on 70-foot screens across the nation! So F*@# Marvel and F*@# Fox. Wait. Why am I censoring myself? This SHIT'S RATED R UP THIS FUCKER! I swear this is the BEST MOVIE EVER! and it's all thanks to you, you big ugly nerds! Here's some video of me taking matters into my own hands and making sure the movie is Rated R as it should be. Hey, I hear there's gonna be a sequel out too! My girl Domino is gonna be in this one. And maybe Cable, I did kinda promise that. Don't worry I'm in neogitations with Fox on that. It fun, we talk, we party, I threaten to blow up their studios if they don't make it happen and they make me look like a lying liar who lied. Good times!
- Although everyone (including me, of course) would like to forget it even exists, I have to say I appear in X-Men Origins: Wolverine too. Although Wade Wilson was more in character when he was a normal person than the abomination I can only describe as Dudepeel (eew!). The actor who humbly played me, Ryan Reynolds is himself a fan of yours truly as you already know, but I guess not even him could save me this time. However, because of his portrayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man Alive. What a guy! Of course, as you can see above, he gave it another try, though, because he loves me that much!note And he made sure they didn't sew my fucking mouth shut this time, so my new movie has 100% of your daily recommended intake of fourth wall-breaking obscenity!
- The 1990s X-Men cartoon had me make a very short cameo in the episode "Deadly Reunions". Pay close attention when Professor X goes inside Sabretooth's head, and you'll find my gorgeous face haunting his subconscious! A couple shapeshifters in other episodes also transformed into me for a few seconds, but they can't compare to the genuine article.
- I decided to animate myself as a member of Weapon X in Hulk Vs. Wolverine, the first time I actually became animated. (That X-Men cameo I mentioned earlier? I didn't talk or move, and those cheap-o animators didn't even draw my body!) I made an increasingly rare appearance as an outright antagonist, helping Weapon X capture and try to contain both of the title characters. Nolan North provided my heavenly voice and although I never mentioned I was in a cartoon, I was still cool.
- What, you mean to tell me I didn't show up in X-Men: Evolution? What a rip! Oh well, at least that putz Omega Red mentioned me while he was busy beating the crap out of Wolvie that... what? Maverick? He was supposed to mention me, not Maverick! This is a n outrage!
- I was going to star in Wolverine and the X-Men in its second season (with Nolan North voicing me), but some executive decided to cancel the show. What the hell?
- John Kassir, also known as The Crypt Keeper and the first Ice King, moved my vocal cords in X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and both Marvel Ultimate Alliance games.
- I also decided to drop into Marvel vs. Capcom 3, with Nolan voicing me again. F*@# THE KNICKS!note
- I'm also a boss battle (Nolan North again — seeing a pattern here, folks? Me neither!) in Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions. In the Ultimate Verse! Boo! Though this Ultimate Deadpool retains some of my greatness (Kassir even shows up as one of my mooks for bonus nerd points).
- I'm in the Marvel Super Hero Squad Online Game, voiced by Tom Kenny. The first time I was spotted was in this trailer. Blink and you'll miss me, but you can clearly see me shooting an exploding Piñata! Weird. In my spotlight video, I demonstrate my awesome abilities that include using a big hammer, a watergun pistol (see, people, I can be violent and PG at the same time too) and, of course, my own life bar to hit people.
- I even made a cameo in the X-Men anime. Unfortunately, they never gave me a speaking role.
- I get to appear in the more kid-friendly Avengers Disk Wars created by the animation company behind DBZ note , Hokuto no Ken note , One Piecenote Digimon note , and last but not least Sailor Moon note and its filler-free remake as well as making our own U.S. cartoons look good during the '80s. Oh yeah, my beautiful Japanese voice is provided by Takehito Koyasu, who's considered to be the Japanese counterpart to my good pal, Nolan, not to mention considered possibly the seiyuu with sexiest voice. Thanks a lot, Toei! Because even for you Japanese weeaboos, I will still sound so sexay!
- I even managed to break into Real Life, too! You can see me patrolling the streets in Wenatchee Valley. And again at Comic-Con! I even brought my health bar and got to play in an Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 tournament (playing as myself, of course)!
- And since I knew those guys from Activision were gonna screw up the official presentation of my game, I went there personally to make sure they didn't change the name to "Call Of Duty 10" in order to sell more copies.
- And after many years as only a comic book character, I finally decided to show up in the Marvel headquarters of New York to set some things straight. First, I tried getting a job in the Human Resources department, I presented my awesome CV and of course, asked for a position worth of my unique skills (Deadpooling isn't easy, folks), but they had the nerve to reject me (Now I know why everyone complains about you on the internet, Marvel. You'll read from me in some board soon enough...). Next, I was summoned to the legal department because apparently some people didn't like my highly refined vocabulary, so a "lawyer" informed me about the words I'm not supposed to use (seriously, if they aren't dramatically pointing at people and shouting in a courtroom, lawyers are so boring). Finally, I got completely bored, so I decided to find myself in a giant poster of Marvel characters. Can you imagine my surprise when I found out that I wasn't in the poster? And what's worse, they had some people I'd never heard of before instead of me (and I know everyone)! Oh, but that wall won't be there for long, the only question is if I should take down just the wall or the whole building.
- And one day while I was in Sydney, taking the train at Blacktown, some people tried to get me arrested! Turns out that the police were waiting for me at one station. I just wanted to get some money for some children, but nooooo, arrest the weird guy dressed in red, armed with katanas and pistols and taking the train like a total normal guy. And what's worse, they had the nerve of confusing me with Spider-Man! I'm never going back to Sydney again.
- I'm also a recurring character in Maximilian's hit series Assist Me, where I get hired to assassinate Max and later Dr. Doom!
- The Internet loves me! I'm the star of many YouTube videos and fan arts. You Might Remember Me from... some of my super exciting adventures, particularly those with Rorschach (which had a bitching Theme Song, sung and written by me of course).
- Also, I'm in love with that renowned Korean song of my pal PSY, so in order to show my devotion to the song, not only I crashed the cover of "Captain America and pals" with a demonstration of my awesome dancing skills◊ but also I went out to the streets and showed the mere mortals how a dancing god...well dances. my awesome video already has more than 11 million views and we all know 1 million is because of PSY and 10 million because of me.
- And I'm also on Twitter! I used to be on @realdeadpool, but now I'm on the much more clear @Deadpool. Follow me, you know you want to!
- In 2012, LEGO immortalized my wonderful likeness in plastic. Buy me up, people! And if you're so poor that you can't afford me in beautiful plastic form, don't worry, for I make an appearance in my LEGO form on the videogame LEGO Marvel Super Heroes and I'm playable too! (But only after you complete all the side missions I narrate!) Sadly, LEGO "retired" the set I came in making me even more rare and expensive.
- And now I have my own game! And it's all about me! Mankind, you're welcome. And if there's still one person on earth who apparently hates quality products and is undecided whether to buy it or not, here's my launch trailer.
- After watching it, I'm sure you're desperate to get it, right? I know, I'm awesome like that, but I bet that awesome dubstep helped to seal the deal too.
- Of course, that still wasn't enough for me, so I offered myself up as a prize in Marvel: Avengers Alliance. Yes, I'm so good, everyone has to compete for my hand in... fighting the bad guys! Those who ended up NOT getting me... well there's one thing to do... MONEY, BITCHES! (Or just farm CP up, if you're that patient type...)
- And now I'm on LittleBigPlanet 2 too! Well, my uniform actually, for those Sackboy thingies... But hey, at least it's guaranteed to make 'em look at least 115% more awesome!
- My uniform is also in League of Legends. The ninja Kennen can buy it and call himself Deadly Kennen!
- I got my own episode in the web toon Bad Days, created by the makers of Disassembled! I don't talk during it, but you'll still get a good laugh. Looks like it was more of a bad day for my sidekick Bob than it was for me! I also pop in some others' episodes.
- I finally got a speaking TV role in the Ultimate Spider-Man episode geniusly titled, "Ultimate Deadpool"! My Real Daddy Joe Kelly wrote the script, and Will Friedle provides my voice (not Nolan North, but still does a great job and I am younger here than in other depictions). This show turned me into a former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, since the titular web-head gets his training through them. Considering how blatantly he stole my fourth wall-breaking, cutaway-inducing shticks, I kind of wish I replaced him as the star (and that "Ultimate Deadpool" title card looked pretty sweet too)!
- Now I have my own DIGITAL PINBALL TABLE! How cool is that?! It's the greatest pinball gaming experience of all time (well, at least it's better than that Iron Man table anyway).
- Oh hey if you are a cheapass or are stupid enough to pay to play, check out Marvel's Puzzle Quest, you can find me as a hero to use in this gem matching game. Oh and I got whales, if you use me I can throw them at the enemy. No I won't tell you where I found them, ok maybe I will give you a hint, it involves Brute Force, Luke Cage, a couple of pounds of C4, 20 extra jumbo sized pizzas (anchovie and pineapple if you must know the flavor) and a partridge in a pear tree.
- I'm finally getting the TV show I deserve on FXX, made by Donald and Stephen Glover! I just can't wait to hang out with Archer.
Some of the many beautiful tropes that describe me include:
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- Achievements in Ignorance: That gambit mentioned below was almost messed up when I pushed Domino through a skylight, but she was lucky; the 372,844 pancakes I'd made that morning broke her fall. (Why? Dunno. Who says I need a reason to bake 372,844 pancakes?)
- Adaptational Badass: Dudepeel should not be me. But, if I have to admit it, he is a lot tougher than me. Instead of a teleporter and old-fashioned swords, he's got built-in teleportation and some kinda cross between Wolvie claws and katana blades.
- Adorkable: Yes, yes, shocking, I know. But so long as I've got the suit on, some folks will think I'm cute. (Heck, there are plenty of times when I don't look that bad under the mask.)
- As for the "dork" part of this, I've shown interest in geeky stuff, and my insanity does come off as more of an eccentric personality.
- Affably Evil: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."
- Alliterative Name: Wade Winston Wilson. Nolan North and Ryan Rodney Reynolds have both done my voice. See what I did there?
- Alternate Universe: Several iterations of yours truly have been made into comic form for your perusal. There's also that Deadpool Corps thing, where we're all alternates of ourselves! FUN!
- And since Marvel knows you guys just can't get enough of me, they made Deadpool Kills Deadpool just to show how many of me they can stuff in the same comic - and how many of me I can slaughter!
- Always Someone Better: So what if people call me the discount version of Wolverine? That guy can get his butt kicked by refrigerator magnets!
- Anti-Hero: I am normally a Nominal Hero, although it really depends on who's writing me.
- Anti-Villain: I'm a Noble Demon on the Sliding Scale of Anti-Villains.
Some Creepy Shapeshifter: You won't kill me. You're a superhero.
Me: No. I'm not. [Neck Snap]
- So, me and this jerkass merc called T-Ray didn't get along, and I assumed that it was just because he was, y'know, a totally jelly jerkass, but then it turned out to be because he thinks he's the real Wade Wilson, and that I stole his name after offing him and his wife, Mercedes. Nobody really knows what's what (both of us being a bit loco will do that) but he doesn't really care and wants to make me pay anyway.
- You'd think Madcap and me would be the best of pals, we seem so alike, but I didn't like him rattling around in my brain after we fused that one time, and he didn't take me not taking that well very well, so he's dumped his absurdism shtick and is now all about making me miserable by destroying my rep (not hard, admittedly) and then me.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Remember tropers, Ultimate Me is available for black ops, missions, assassinations, and birthday parties!
- And when I made a guest appearance (or two or six) on I'm a Marvel... and I'm a DC, I talked about how my guns allow me to interrogate people, shoot fleeing suspects, and get free DVDs from Best Buy!
- Ass Kicking Pose: I invoke it in Hulk Vs. Wolverine, and it did the trick.
- Ass Shove: I have to use a lot of lube to hold all of my weapons.
- Atop a Mountain of Corpses: In Cable & Deadpool #26, natch!
- Attractive Bent-Gender: I can really work a Marilyn Monroe dress. Even Agent Preston agrees.
- Baa Bomb: I had an inflatable sheep gun at one point. Unfortunately, the one time you feebs have the honor of seeing it, it fails me.
Yours Truly: Missed? I never miss with the sheep gun.
- Badass Gay: Badass enough to fight Wolverine and I swing left, right, center, every which way, really.
- Badass Transplant: While my skills are 100% home grown, I'm not a mutant. My powers are a gift from Wolverine by way of the Weapon X program.
- Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work: I once made a promise to Sandi that I wouldn't kill her abusive boyfriend. Tasky... didn't make any promises.
- Bald of Awesome: Having your body constantly torn apart and rebuilt by cancer and a healing factor does that to ya. But at times I have been drawn with hair, Depending on the Writer.
- Bat Family Crossover: The event Til Death Do Us. (seriously Marvel, why you hate the marriage?) that involved me, my friends, the "Mercs for Money", and my new buddy Spidey.
- Batman Gambit: Okay, how did I pull this one off again? Uhm... During the Dark Reign I think... Oh, right! It all involved the manipulation of the X-Men, HAMMER, Norman Osborn, some guy called Kincaid, the SFPD, the public, the local news, and a chicken, over the course of five issues. (No, I'm dead serious here.) I first told the X-Men that I was going to kill Kincaid, causing a public outcry, making the X-Men look like criminals, then, I interrupted a live broadcast, wearing a home made X-Men outfit, then I let himself be caught by Domino (I knew she'd protect me when Cyclops told Wolverine to "take Deadpool out of the picture"; she's predictable). Then I got Domino to tell me her greatest fear, which was chickens. I got one and stuck it into an air vent in a train station, 'cause I knew that Osborn would put Kincaid in an open spot to GET him killed to make the X-Men look bad (guy actually thought I was serious) and he expected the X-Men to rush in and save Kincaid by way of the vent, pulling out the lights FIRST to add to the confusion. Then he flushed Kincaid into the open. Anyway, while Kincaid was in the open, I kept an eye out for snipers, PROTECTING Kincaid, while making it look like I was going to kill him. Then, when Wolverine saved the guy, I made a run for it, I fought the X-Men on the roof (except for Wolverine who was in on it by now) where a guy with a camera was filming everything. In the end, just like I intended, the X-Men looked like heroes, and Osborn was a royal laughing stock! JUST LIKE I'D PLANNED!
- Been There, Shaped History: Inglorious Basterds? Amateurs next to me, Nate and Nick Fury! Take that, Stupid Time-Travelling Hitler!
- Berserk Button:
- Even being reminded of the Weapon X project brings me to a frothy rage.
- Also when T-Ray burned off my mask, and later when Zoe and Monty found me without one.
- Also, don't dis my chimichangas. Seriously, I will beat you for it with a humorously oversized mallet, even if you are the Cookie Monster.
- Being asked to do that PENCIL TRICK FOR THE GAJILLIONTH TIME! I just can't get away from it!
- Saying the prequel Star Wars trilogy was better than the original trilogy will be the last words you ever say.◊
- I... AM... NOT... SPIDER-MAN!!!!!!
- Betty and Veronica: In Merc With a Mouth, while both of them were jerks, the blonde, serious, and usually fair Dr. Betty is the well... Betty, and the let loose darker haired Professor. Veronica, who was just using me as a booty call (not that I'm complaining) and eventually turned into a zombie and tried to kill me (She is far less attractive as one. Trust me on this.) is the, um... Veronica. Huh. You think my writers are tropers too?
White Box: More like they'd grown up reading Archie.
- Big Eater: All that Merc Work makes me hungry!
- I also have to feed my Healing Factor. But only if you want to be a nerd.
- Biting-the-Hand Humor: Why, yes. You do suck. Especially at fighting games.
- Black Comedy: Par for the course. I'm a PSYCHOPATH.
Me: Wait, did I just diss myself?Me: And this just surprises you right now? I mean, me?
- Blessed with Suck: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.
- Blood Knight: I love fighting and killing. Read the page quote, and you'll know what I'm talking about.
- Blue and Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.
- Body Horror: In the beginning of the Deadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cable series, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor and nearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we did not haveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that. This is yuck-worthy). The whole gig gets even more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.
- Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.
Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right?
My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now.
My Other Thought Box: And another one coming out next month.
- I steal Marvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as "Deadpool and his Cronies." During the closing credits of the sequel I argue with the developer over not being powerful enough and the game not being called "Deadpool And His Inferior Friends." Then he goes ahead and nerfs me and has the nerve to threaten to make me DLC! What an ass!!!
- Bring My Red Jacket: Why the red suit? So the bad guys can't see me bleed.
- Bring My Brown Pants: Not me, obviously: I know my color theme. But, I might point out other people's need to start investing in this color when I turn up... Upon occasion. Hey: I lampshade. It's one of the many, many wonderful things I do.
- Movie Me:[pointing at a mook, while inside a wreaked car] This guy has the right idea! He wore the brown pants! [Mook looks down.]
- Brought Down to Normal: I lost my Healing Factor and immunity to death in one arc. Can't say I'll miss them. But I can say that I got them back a couple issues later. Can't fight Harry S. Truman without them, am I right?
- Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.
- Rorschach and Dead-poooool! A nut and a fooool!
- Bullying The Dragon: I once did this to the Hulk in Operation: Annihilation... NOW DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, I had a plan with this, it was for him to smash me so hard I couldn't regenerate. He assumed that this was part of some trap, so I threatened to detonate some nukes if he didn't kill me. To bad when I pushed him hard enough, there were some children around.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "bat guano crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
- Taskmaster even once admitted that I was a better merc than him.
- Though most of the jobs I take don't end well for me, or the client either for that matter. It could be that's why people stopped hiring me for a while.
- Butt Monkey: Bob. He's lonely, gets a lot of bad luck, and I LOVE to abuse him.
- But Thou Must!: After the whole "I Screw Weasel" arc, some Vegas Executives wanted me to be an enforcer full time... but I begged to differ.
- Butter Face: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.
- Until I finally reverted my face to its natural, pre-altered space! As if I didn't have enough ladies chasing after me already...
- Canada, Eh?: That's right! Your's truly, the greatest merc on the planet, is from the greatest, whitest, northiest country on the planet! Which city? Probably Regina, that one that rhymes with "fun".
- Captain Ersatz:
- Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of that Deathstroke guy from Teen Titans (who is a rip-off of Taskmaster! Making me a rip-off of a rip-off... We have to go deeper!). You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me into The DCU as the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.
- In Deathstroke's own early '90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "Wade Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown and Spidey.
- Also, BILL! AGENT OF A.I.M.!
- Cast from Calories: I once explained that I have to eat a lot to allow my Healing Factor to work.
- Cat Girl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in Marvel Vs Capcom 3...
Felicia: For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you!Me: Awww... but why not?
- Catch Phrase: During Priest's run, I was fond of telling folks that the answer to their first question is SHADDUP.
- Cerebus Syndrome: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, from Posehn and Dugann promises to change yours truly as a character. From what I've seen far, they're delivering.
- Characterization Marches On: In one of the Joe Kelly comics, I try to make the thought of seeing Bea Arthur naked sound like something a sane man wouldn't want to see. Now, I have a humongous crush on her.
- Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had Chekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov's Nuclear Wessel?
- Chekhov's Gunman:
- Oh sure Way, bring some other regenerating mercenaries who also attempt to make wisecracks. I'm soooooooooooooooo sure they won't be relevant in the future!
- And you know Carmen Camacho? The hot Spanish chick I banged? Turns out she's more important than Posehn and Dugann led on...
- Close on Title: Some of my stories, including the ones below, don't show their titles until the end.
- In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title, Silent But Deadly, is the very last thing of all.
- In the last issue of Gail Simone's Healing Factor storyline, the chapter number and title appeared at the end of the story, as well as some credits and a dedication to the readers.
- the Bronze Age-style "Drinking Game" has its name appear on some alcohol bottles scattered on the ground in the last panel.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait... I am.
- Combat Tentacles:
- I, a hideously deformed, twisted, lecherous, perverted, and amoral deviant freak of nature in good standing, was flagrantly felt up by a sexy and nubile young Scottish woman! Is no tradition sacred anymore? Thank God that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan, learn to aim!
- Back when Alternate Universe!Cable was taken over by techno-organics and sprouted loads of shiny metal tentacles. When they were attracted by my overwhelming charisma, I, naturally, went from "ow! ow! hey — that is incredibly personal space there — ow!!!" to "okay—hey—okay—okay—see, now I'm kinda liking it."
- Compromising Call: One of Deadpool's attempts at a stealthy assassination was spoiled by his agent calling him. Doubles as Embarrassing Ringtone as the jingle heard is "YMCA". See here.
- Confusion Fu: My legendary fighting style, key in my victory against Taskmaster.
- Consummate Liar: Comes with being a merc. Sometimes telling the right lie is what gets me out of a jam, and I'm really good at lying.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...
- Covered with Scars: Or maybe they're just tumors. Or both, even. I dunno.
- Crazy-Prepared: Remember one time when I fought against bunch of Draculas in the hospital? That's right I have a Priest bless the reservoir tank 12 hours before that so I can use it to sprays holy waters against all of those Draculas. And the anti-ballistic shower curtains in my bathroom that I use to prepare myself for Black Swan's attack.
- Cursed with Awesome:
- One time, I insulted Loki, so he made me have Tom Cruise's face until I apologized. The thing was so indestructible, I nearly gave up on ever ripping it off. The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.
- Okay, so me and Thanos both have the hots for Death. The solution, considering the standard approach kinda won't work here and the other standard approach is never gonna happen? Thanos made me immortal. And I thought I was an asshole...
- Dark and Troubled Past: I don't wanna talk about it...
- Deadpan Snarker: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit (not just other characters).
"I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you . . . so I can pay my phone bill!"
- During my face off with The Punisher in issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking).
Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed.
- In one issue, I was snatched by a Death Trap enthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear (just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up. At least, the bear was originally going to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap put it:
- Deal with the Devil: Back in the '80s (it was a retcon) I made a deal with a demon named Vetis to get Iron Man to drink. How'd I get out of it? I sucker-punched Stark, stole his armor, and got drunk in it! I never did get my payment of a laser disc factory, though.
- Death-Activated Superpower: How I got my Spiffy McSpiff Healing Factor! Wait a minute, does this mean I'm a zombie?! No wonder I find Hsien-ko so adorable!
- Death Seeker: I'm not overly cautious when it comes to life-threatening injuries. With my healing factor, who would be? It helps that Death is HOT!
- So, you thought having a psychotic, immortal assassin was funny, huh? You thought it would be funny for me to take on the whole Marvel Universe, right? Well, in Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, I do. I murder every single one of your beloved heroes and villains, because you thought it would be funny. Well, what do you think? Is all this still funny to you?!...Don't Answer That.
- Wade Wilsons War deconstructs my comedic insanity by showing that I could really just be some lunatic out of touch with reality that has no clue what's going on, maybe.
- Depending on the Artist:
- My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure Nausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resembles The Thing." Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat Freddy Krueger-facefucking-Utah-topographical-map-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening... Though I will say, sometimes I don't look too bad◊.
- Also, a few minor but still easy to notice details of my costume keep changing. The size/shape of the black patches on my eyes, what kind of gloves/boots I have, whether I have that little tuft...flap...thingy on the back of my mask, etc. And if I have 2 guns and two swords, 1 sword and 1 gun, 2 swords and 1 gun, or 1 gun and 2 swords, or... *shoots his brains out* BLAM!
- Depending on the Writer: Eventually even me and T-Ray stopped caring about who really was Wade Wilson, so we just accepted that it depended on the writer. Also determines how crazy I am, which side of the Heel–Face Revolving Door I'm leaning towards that day...Much like Bender, the writers can't seem to decide whether or not I'm a Jerk with a Heart of Gold Anti-Hero or an Anti-Villain.
- Derivative Differentiation: I used to just be Deathstroke in red, until they made me insane and gave me my own fighting style.
- Determinator: Usually I gotta tangle with opponents much more high-falutin' and edumacated than I is. Doesn't stop me from tryin'.
- Digital Piracy Is Evil: I gave that nutcase Carnage an earful the finest illegally downloaded dubstep. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for his meddling girlfriend.
- Don't Fear the Reaper: I fell in love with Death! Too bad Thanos took this as an opportunity to make me immortal so that I could never court her.
- Downer Ending: Wade Wilson's War all took place in my head and Dom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation. GUH! MY BRAIN!
- Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire — which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
- Duct Tape for Everything: Check this◊ out. Oh, there was also that time when Cable, Captain America and a few others frickin' cocooned me with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse... I had to pee.
- Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get no respect from anyone.
My Little White Thought Box: You once ran through Avenger's Tower butt naked. Why should they?
- Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this a lot (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.
Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, very, wrong... — Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything too embarrassing, wasn't I?
Irene (staring): No... Not by your standards, no.
- Eleventh Hour Superpower: I get four symbiotes for my final fight against Carnage. It was so hilarious!
- Embarrassing Ringtone: One of my attempts at a stealthy assassination was spoiled by my agent calling me, and my ringtone was "YMCA".
- Even Evil Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names! He still hasn't caught up.
- Empowered Badass Normal: I'm an expert in a gazzilon forms of combat. The Healing Factor is a big part of why I kick so much ass, but I was still a badass before it.
- Evil Albino: T-Ray, and Tombstone. A black one, at that.
- Evil Twin: Evil Deadpool who is made out of various limbs that I have lost over the years.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Hit-Monkey. A hitman who's a monkey. No, really.
- Exploiting the Fourth Wall: In one issue I beat up the writer of my own comic book in order to get the location of the person I was tracking down.
- Expressive Mask: My face moves, it moves. ... kinda creepy when you think about it.
Me: The guy who made next issue's cover seems to remember though.
- Fan Boy: Of The Golden Girls. RIP Bea. And Betty White loved my movie! Another proud moment.
- I'm a fan boy of Captain America! Did they remember the time he was possessed by some alien thing and I kicked him in the crotch to save the world though?
- Expy: of Deathstroke. "Wade Wilson" is even a play on "Slade Wilson".
- Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more off-putting than me.
- Fanservice: While Lady Deadpool is wearing her mask. and though I'm not supposed to know it, she got her face healed during our team up in Deadpool Corp, so now she's beautiful even without her mask. Well, beautiful in a "Drawn By Rob Liefeld" kinda sense.
- Flanderization: Some people say that my wackiness and fourth-wall breaking has been taken so far that it undercuts the violent and self-destructive psychoses inherent to my character. On the other hand, does the Marvel Universe really need another Canadian with Rage Issues, Regenerating Healing Powers, and a convoluted backstory complicated by Swiss-Cheese Memory, or a flamboyant joke-cracker in a red costume, whose snark covers up his inner angst?
- For Halloween, I Am Going as Myself: In some Gwen chick's 2016 Holiday special I inserted a story about this. Hey! It was a holiday special, and Halloween is a holiday, deal with it! Turns out, one successful movie and enough people dressed as me that Squirrel-Girl could organize a me costume contest. Did I enter? Well, yes. And I would have won too if I wasn't disqualified for being me! Deadpoolscrimination!
Squirrel Girl: Umm... sorry to intrude on your page Wade, but you still won the "Minimum Effort" ribbon. Deservedly too. I mean, there are hardly any lazier costuming ideas than resorting to this trope.
- Fourth-Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.
- Fourth-Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:
Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue...
- The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: There was this guy interviewing my actor and saying how great it was that my movie would be rated PG-13. I left Comic Land and punched him in the face for that. (Well, actually I broke a stagelight over his face, but that's almost the same thing).
- French Maid Outfit: I used this in issue 20 of Way's run. What? I need a disguise, read the story!.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Name a group I've been part of and you'll be hard-pressed to find one that doesn't hate my guts.
- Friend to All Children:
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Whenever in a team setting I'll tend to get this reaction. An example? Once, I was in the Great Lakes Avengers, but they used to hate me for some reasons and Squirrell Girl has kicked me out from the team...literally◊.
- Fun Personified: Anyone who disagrees usually has a stick up his ass - and it can be a literal one, put by myself.
- Fusion Dance: Turns out the Little White Thought Box was the result of one of these between me and Madcap, another crazy regenerating guy, only with a much worse fashion sense (I got stuck in a Fur Bikini).
- Gambit Roulette: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they they don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this was Nick Fury's plan, but damn it was fun.
- The Greatest Story Never Told: I've saved the world on quite a number of occasions, it's just that no one was there to see them.
- Good Thing You Can Heal: I'm more than a little willing to subject myself to injuries that would kill a normal man. A Healing Factor really comes in handy in the merc business.
- Guns Akimbo: Aw yeah! Double the guns, double the fun.
- Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Hello, ladies! As I told my good friend and teammate Thor just the other day, I'm heterosexual! Okay, I might have a man-crush for Cable, Spider-Man, Thor, Wolverine and the Punisher, but doesn't everybody?
- Healing Factor: The cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!
- The Heart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as The Heart, something is seriously wrong with The Team. I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!
- Heart Is an Awesome Power: Guess what? It turns out that insanity is key in finding out the inner workings of Carnage's mind, making me the perfect candidate to track him down.
- Heel–Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the whole Heel–Face Turn thing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man. Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. I was leaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...
- Hero with an F in Good: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...? I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?
- Heroic Build: I'm a superpowered assassin that's a mixup of Mr. Muscles and Metal! What do you expect?
- Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood I am a hilarious comedian that uses blood and guns as my props. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Me and Cable are best bros forever.
- Highly Visible Ninja: Highly audible too. 'cause I love to talk so much.
- Hilarious Outtakes: The last issue of my regular series, the Gail Simone-penned 69th issue, ends with some.
- I Know Mortal Kombat: I am an avid gamer. Street Fighter taught me to sock Kitty Pride with a Shoryuken. Even got to use it against actual Street Fighters!
- I Just Want to Be Loved: Deep down, I actually want to be acknowledged and accepted by the rest of the heroes in the Marvel Universe. I finally get my wish in X-Force when Evan thanks me for saving him and calls me a hero.
- I Resemble That Remark!: I say those exact words often.
- Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Each issue of The Circle Chase had the word "duck" in its title.
- Image Song: My Marvel vs. Capcom 3 theme song has managed to capture my essence: "DO THE WALK, DO THE TALK, DON'T BE A FOOL, GO TO SCHOOL."
- Immortality: On top of my Healing Factor, I'm also immortal thanks to Thanos. Since I'm made of cancer, nobody but my fans and Death love me, and I'm in love with Death, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
- Implausible Boarding Skills: I surf on Phoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubble in the Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3 opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!
- Inferred Holocaust: Yeah it's been brought to my attention in "Operation Annihilation" even though I saved the kids at that school Hulk sent me flying towards, he still destroyed the whole in his chase after me. And this is not brought up by me or anybody else. Oops.
- Inter Generational Friendship: Me and Even, bordering on Parental Substitute.
- In the X-Men Origins: Wolverine, that guy's "dead pool" of mutant powers include the healing factor plus adamantium skeleton, Baraka blades, optic eye blasts and teleportation. And near the end his mouth is sewn shut because, get this, someone finally found a way to keep him quiet!
- The Ultimate version of Deadpool has little-to-nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me), mutant-hating psychopath. Ulitmate 'Verse me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. In fact, he's soooooo bad I had to take his place against his Spidey counterpart during that whole dimension tear thing just to spare my adoring fans from rioting about how not-me-like he was! ... and then I killed him.
- Inspirationally Disadvantaged: I remind people with illnesses that they too may also be awesome one day. Not as much as me, but then again, who is?
- Interrupted Cooldown Hug: I ticked off a calming Hulk intentionally!
- Irisless Eye Mask Of Mystery: Just look at my image at the top of this page and don't tell me it doesn't make me look like the awesome BADASS I AM! Or then at least more badass than that lame bat-costumed detective from a certain comic book that will be left unnamed.
- It Makes Sense in Context:
- That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't all that bizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...
- Better yet: Fulfilling my childhood dream by wearing raw meat as body armor and senselessly beating a super villain dressed like a superhero (Hawkeye, then called Bullseye) with a giant ham.
- Jerkass: Hey, I resemble that remark! Though admittedly, I can be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, like in Cable & Deadpool #17.
- Jumped at the Call: Unlike that Adamantium angstbag or that whiny web-slinger, I love what I do. I was a badass normal before getting awesome powers.
- Justified Trope: Believe it or not, there's an In-Universe reason for my constantly fluctuating level of sanity! Since my healing factor is out of control (my body is walking talking cancer) even my brain is rewiring itself with some regularity.
- Kansas City Shuffle: My genius plan to get Norman Osborn to pay up after he stole one of my marks and ruined my rep. No one screws with my professional reputation.
- Katanas Are Just Better: I could use any kind of sword to kill people better than most other people in the universe, so at that point, why wouldn't I use katana?
- Kavorka Man:
- Aww yeah, you know it, ladies. Lady Death, Vanessa, Typhoid Mary, Siryn, Dr. Betty, Professor Veronica, Lady Deadpool, Outlaw, Morrigan, Felicia, and the millions upon millions of others, who have succumbed to my 25 Charisma stat (despite a 15 Disfigurement one that qualifies me as "Kavorka"). In my Marvel vs. Capcom 3 ending, I got to mac with most of the lovely ladies at my slammin' party after wasting Galactus's purple pimply ass! Until I accidentally wiped out Cleveland... whoops!
- I was once married to a demon queen! AND EVERYONE came to the wedding. EVERYONE. The bride's maids were all over me too.
- Now recently, Rogue of all people has taken an interest in me! And she made the first move! I tried to warn her that I liked her too much to ruin her, and that she only likes me because she doesn't really know me. But she seems to really like me! Hopefully she won't hate me too much when she finds out i'm working with Hydra.... Oh, and bonus points, she likes Ellie, and promised to watch over her if she becomes a mutant!
- Kick the Son of a Bitch: I once paid a visit to the man by giving him a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown. This man was no other than the abusive boyfriend of my friend, Sandi. Though I made a promise not to kill him right there. Tasky...on the other hand, who didn't promise her anything, kills said guy anyway.
- The Knights Who Say "Squee!":
Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief.
Me: I really find you very attractive.
Me: Did I say that out loud?
- Lampshade Hanging: Oh, so often. I'm the only one that knows we're all in a comic book.
- Large Ham: What do you mean I'm an overactor?
- Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's a Palette Swap of Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. A Running Gag throughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention that Joe Kelly wrote this annual?
- Leeroy Jenkins: I should've just run in and scream outta my lungs like, "WAAAAADEEEE!!! WIIIILLLLSSOOOOONNNN!!!!!". Or maybe "DEAAAADDDD!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!". Boy, I should've logged on to that server sometime.
- Hey, I actually did it in issue #36. Though yeah, gotta credit the origin so I yelled LEEROOOOOY JEEEENKIIINSS!!! instead.
- Legacy Character: Yours truly once filled in for Wolverine as Wolverine in Wolverines, because it's very important for the world to have a Wolverine in it, and Logan was, you know, dead at the time, and Marvel kept saying that this time he wasn't coming back. Someone had to do it, but I don't understand why the X-Men, the Avengers, Alpha Flight, or S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't let me play! I mean come on! Logan and I go way back, but they're going to let the clone do it instead? How unoriginal is that! They could at least have let X-29 do it, she at least had a sense of humor.
- Less Embarrassing Term: After some heckling from a bystander
Bystander: Nice scooter, freak!Me: It's a motorbike! It's 100% manly!
- Let's Get Dangerous!: I say with not an ounce of bragging that the best example is my showdown with Tiamat. I got so dangerous that I stopped talking. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda scared myself when I thought about that.
- Lethal Joke Character: You read that right kiddies, the nutso motormouth is also the most dangerous merc around!
- Likes Older Women: Oh Bea Arthur, my angel, my star, no man can love you like I do... I also have an on-off thing with Death, but that's a bit more complicated. Too bad both of them are together now... or is it?
- Loud of War: I once thought Cable was going to transmit an endless loop of the Backstreet Boys. When he found out, he almost did. Later, I did the same thing to Black Swan, with country music.
- Ludicrous Gibs: I make these whenever I can. God, it's so fun making large amounts of body confetti fly all over the place!
- The Mad Hatter: I might be insane, but that's what makes me awesome! And allows me to notice the delightful people watching!
- Major Injury Underreaction: I encounter a really pretty lady on the moon. Just roll with it.
Me: I'll be totally upfront here. I find you really attractive. Why don't we just put our differences aside and have some dinner? Family. House. Kids.She opens her mouth in a manner that is NOT for man. And out comes what appear to be flesh eating locusts. That charge at me and presumably begin eating my flesh. I mean, who wouldn't?Moi: You totally misunderstood my proposal.
- Man of a Thousand Voices: In my game, courtesy of Nolan North. Granted, most of those voices are in my head.
- Manipulative Bastard:
Betrayed Zombie Dude: You... betrayed us... you betrayed us all.Me: Duh! -kicks zombie in the head-
- In one issue of the Deadpool comics, I betray my employer and feed him to his zombie capturers — it makes sense in context — while double-crossing the zombies too.
- Also, in Deadpool #18, I set up an elaborate gambit to make the X-Men look good. Which was not easy; emo, as you know, is so out. Seems like Way is shaping me up to be one...
- In each "episode" of the 5 Ronin maxi-series, I step in to rescue or aid my fellow ronin in their own personal adventures. I have a plan, trust me, it will work out in the end.
- Martial Pacifist: As "Zenpool" I don't do the stabbing and shooting and blowing up anymore. I knock crooks out with a cold turkey and tie them up. That personality doesn't even carry around my guns anymore!
- McNinja: Katanas. Acrobatics. If you ignore the "stealth" part (I do! It's boring), I am definitely a ninja. In fact, as I mention (in one of my first series' letter pages) I've undergone bona fide ninja training. Whether to believe me or not is up to you! Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and got some guy named Chris Hastings to write a miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, I think I'm in good hands. Here's hoping I meet the good doc.
- Medium Awareness: You know how some guys have cosmic awareness? Well I've got comics awareness!
She-Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you.
- Seriously, am I the only person in that one fighting game who realized there was a screen, saw the health meter, or noticed the sucky guy with the controller? Jeez, man, why does he get to sit around and I have to do the work.
- I mean, except for that other 4th wall mutilating Marvel character? Seriously, somebody should make her my new co-star instead of that smelly old cyborg! She's a fun-loving saint with tattered clothing and raging emotions, who can out-romance Tony Stark! I'm a fun-loving homicidal maniac who will hump Anything That Moves! What could go wrong? I'd even keep her busy with hundreds of legal cases to solve... 'cause that's just the kind of giving guy that I am. I can imagine her response now:
- Played for drama in "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe", where my Medium Awareness takes a disturbing turn. The reason that version of me starts killing Marvel heroes and villains is because they aren't "Real", he thinks that because it's all fictional it doesn't matter who he kills and that they can't really feel since they aren't real.
- Meta Guy: I never hesitate to point out when things are starting to get silly (which happens quite frequently in comic books, amazingly enough).
- Mind Screw: I pull off an example in my Marvel Knights mini-series Wade Wilson's War, with it's ambiguous ending and all.
- The Mockbuster: Massacre, Who is the Mexican knock-off of me! Complete with crappy costume and parchment for glorious gory violence that only a foreign superhero movie can bring. He's still a Badass Normal to the point of turning an ocolot to his side just by staring into his eyes. And unlike Turkish Spiderman he's still a good guy.note
- Morality Chain: Me and Nate were yanking each other all over the place in Cable and Deadpool, trying to keep each other grounded.
- Morality Pet: Siryn, Blind Al, Cable and Genesis prove that I'm not just a pyscho with guns.
- Motor Mouth: I just love the sound of my own voice. I wouldn't even call it a "Motor Mouth." More like a "Nuclear-Powered Hydraulic Super Mouth."
- Most Common Superpower: Outlaw has a great rack.
- Multiple-Choice Past: Ask three of my fans about where I came from and you'll get four different answers. Even I've given up trying to figure it out.
- Murder the Hypotenuse: More like Grant the Hypotenuse Immortality. Thanos made me immortal just so he could have Death all to himself. Jerk...
- Mythology Gag:
- My Belt O'Pouches actually comes in handy in Uncanny X-Force. Wait. What.
- While we're at it, I'm finally an X-Man! Albeit a dirty, blackops X-Man in an X-Team that shouldn't even be made known of... STANDARD PROCEDURE!
- In the script that will never be made despiteallthreatstoallstudioheads'families, I say that "a little piece of me curled up and died the day this came out" when I appear to be talking about the... thing that showed up in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Okay, so it really turns out that I'm talking about a Wham album, but that shit's still in the trash. Loser!
- Narrating the Present: Tonight, as I inflitrate Whatever-Place-I'm-Paid-To-Inflitrate, I shall also be your host, along with the Little Yellow Box and the Little White Box, and then blow my cover because that security guard is wondering why I'm talking out loud.
- Never Hurt an Innocent: I never harm anyone who isn't involved in my actions. This extends especially to law officers as the jerks who broke me out of prison found out.
- Never Say "Die":
- Yep, this happened to me once. It was in a not-exactly-canon Avengers comic aimed more toward the kiddies (Marvel Adventures), so I was constantly identified as "Wade Wilson, also known as—" just before the expositor got cut short by someone else. Oh, that reminds me: Kraven, you still suck.
- Also, in Ultimate Spider-Man, I was given this weird tic where I constantly say I... "un-alive" people, instead of "kill".
- New York Is Only Manhattan: The main stories in the comic all take place not only on Manhattan, but within a 5 or 10 block Midtown area.
- '90s Anti-Hero: Some people think this was my Old Shame, but I was never an Anti-Hero in the 90's, just in my debut (my REAL Old Shame for being a Deathstroke ripoff). I was mostly just Chaotic Neutral at my most awesome or a Punch Clock Villain at my second most awesome. Also, I was funny even back then, thanks to Mr. Nicieza.
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: I've faced a zombie version of me, become a pirate, and I technically dress up as a ninja. Three out of four ain't so bad... not! Now: to force Reed Richards to make me a Robopool! Or Tony Stark. Or Hank Pym. Or the Fixer, damnit, the list goes on, there's so many people who can make friggin' robots in the Marvel Universe anyway.
- And then I fight Marcus, who is a Centaur Werewolf Alien Symbiote...with diabetes.
- No Fourth Wall: None of this is really happening, you know. Somewhere out there, there is a man with a typewriter... Well, okay, there might be more than one, and they might be using keyboards and those unwieldy touch-screen doohickies rather than typewriters, but you probably get the point.
"Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together." note
- In The Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only I know I'm an action figure representing the character. And to break it Up to Eleven I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!
- It gets to the point were I'm the only one in the Marvel universe that knows about Spider-Man's deal with Mephisto... err, besides Mephisto that is.
- And then there's me beating the snot out of people in Marvel VS Capcom 3 with my own health bar. If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Y'know, I keep trying to be nice, but no one seems acknowledge it. Even when they do, I don't get acceptance. Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran into Evil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least. And I guess Nate did. A little.
- Noodle Implements: In Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, I suggest that Nick Fury give me a poodle, a bullhorn and four nuns in order to distract Marvel's not-so-subtle lovers.
- Noodle Incident:
- You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Yo Mamageddon.
- And we'll never know how I, Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released a diarrhetic over Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).
- Not So Different:
- I can't believe that those Capcom guys honestly think that some wussy named Dante could go toe-to-toe with me! There's only one gunslinging, sword-wielding, snarky crimson-clad mercenary in this game, and it's definitely not some emo with a cross tattoo and a scythe! Wait, you say I'm confusing characters now?
- While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that Dan guy. I mean he's a rip off of two characters of a rival company that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named "Saikyo" (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).
- Obfuscating Insanity: It's never really clear how much of my insanity is real and how much is an act. Different writers have different opinions on this matter.
- Obfuscating Stupidity:
- It's implied, quite a bit, that my "insanity" is just my way of coping with my horrible position in life. Either that or I'm just a downright nutjob. But hey! At least I killed that guy that did unGodly things your next door neighbor's five-year-old daughter!
- This is Peter Milligan's interpretation of me in 5 Ronin.
- I'm also smart enough to know that making people think I'm stupid gives me a huge advantage. Laughing at me makes it really easy for you to underestimate me, and makes it even easier for me to surprise the hell out of you. You might even die surprised, know what I'm saying?
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Little warning, if my inner voices ain't talking, I'm 100% not fucking around.
- Odd Friendship:
Cable: And Wade, of course. Our fates seem to be intertwined. God help me.
- With Cable. Man, he can be such a dick sometimes. It really suits him.
- And with Genesis, Apocalypse's clone.
- And Captain America and Wolverine...it's getting weird to say that I even have friends.
- Only Sane Man: You know, everyone calls me crazy, and they might have a point; on the other hand, none of them realize they are actually comic book characters, so who is really the crazy one?
- Other Me Annoys Me: One time I was trapped in a room for 800 years (long story) so I imagined up a duplicate of myself so I could play hangman. (Even longer story.) Couldn't beat that guy even once, dammit.
- Overly Long Gag: After being stuck in a lab tank for days, I pissed in Mr. Sinister's bathroom for a page and a half.
Me: Anyway, he built this funky harness for when—
Mr. Sinister: Wash your hands.
- Overshadowed by Awesome: Even the total hug-me-mama, heavy metal emo, redundant clone of my hopelessly infatuated former sidekick Omnicidal Maniac Stryfe is insanely jealous of how I'm the voice of my generation and more awesome than everyone and everything: "I call myself Chaos Bringer... but this one... this one is Chaos Incarnate." That's right. I'm Galactus, and he's my herald.
- Painting the Medium: In a lovely shade of narration-box yellow, with flecks of blood red, to be precise.
- Papa Wolf: I've never gone easy on guys who beat up kids at the best of times. Then I learned that I had a daughter named Ellie who was living with the brother of the man who killed the love of my life. Unfortunately some U.L.T.I.M.A.T.U.M goons decided to take advantage of this. Ellie has the X-Gene which makes her a target for just about everyone. Luckily for her, she has me to protect her. I'm gonna do my damndest to keep her safe 'cause look what happened to Wolverine's kids when they fell into the wrong crowd.
- The Plan: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public and to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the first time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?
- Poorly Disguised Pilot: Bob, Agent of HYDRA. He never did get that limited series they pitched so hard, did he?
- Popcultured Badass: As various Shout Outs will attest, I am well verse in whatever fiction necessary to launch a Memetic Mutation or reference plenty.
- Popularity Power:
Deadpool: I've had hundreds of issues. I don't know how many series. I guest appear everywhere. Comics, video games, TV shows, and let's not forget, the highest grossing R Rated film of all time. You however, first appeared as a back-up in Howard the Duck because they weren't sure if anyone would like you. You are the last person who can kill me.
- I've been on the bad end of this, with The Punisher was beating me a SWORD even though I have a ton more practice with those then him and my Healing Factor should make sword wounds meaningless.
- I gave another demonstration to Gwen Poole, another fourth-wall breaker character like me (a human girl that likes comics and is sucked into the Marvel Universe). That silly girl assumes she'll be safe since I was a guest-star in her own book and Plot Armor would protect her. So, I inflicted a Curb-Stomp Battle on her and her team combined with a long "Reason You Suck" Speech that make her remember WHO I AM and that she is just a minor character that casual readers mistake for another version of Gwen Stacy.
Gwen Poole: I don't like to talk into this, but that happened because Ronnie misread my name when I was trying to get a costume (and I still couldn't make her include pants *grumble-ugly-shade-of-pink-my-*CENSORED*-grumble*).
- She had also the courage to say that she don't like to read MY COMICS because I'm too lol, memes!. Despite having stolen half of my name and part of my costume (the other from Spider-Gwen). Ok, now It's Personal.
- Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: Would you believe that Dr.Strange hasn't watched The Karate Kid? Neither has Shiklah. I'm gonna have to fix that.
- Professional Killer: Obviously. But the D-Man is the best at what he does, and what he does depends on how much money you can pay up front.
- Psychic Static: For some reason, people have trouble using telepathic attacks on me. It must be because I have loads of Heroic Willpower, and not because I'm mentally unstable or anything.
- Psycho for Hire: I'm a mercenary. I'll do any sort of work for the right price. And yes, I'm crazy as they come.
- Psychopathic Manchild: Hey! Just 'cause I shout Internet memes after fighting Magneto does not make me childish!
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!:
Me: Sit. The fuck. DOWN.
- Must... use... Shatner... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!
- When my little inner voice friends ain't around, I do tend to use this more seriously.. Just ask That one psychologist pedophile piece of shit I killed.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech
- In the early days of Cable and Deadpool, Cable handed one to me. He can be so hurtful sometimes. But while he could tear me apart on the molecular level by blinking, he doesn't hold a candle to me when it comes to wordslingin'.
- Zombie Abe Lincoln gives me one of the these summing up why everyone in the Marvel Universe hates me. I give the appropriate answer.
Zombie Abe: [After giving me a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown] You're a vapid, unfunny, pale shade of a hero. You're unintelligent, uncreative, and unremarkable in every way. You don't seem to do anything well except heal yourself and appear everywhere! I don't understand your appeal. I hate you. These people hate you. Tell me. What is it that you're good at? What do you do. [...] What way are you exceptional?Me: I DON'T GIVE UP!'''
- Red and Black and Evil All Over: My red suit with black stripes and matching red and black hood.
- Redemption Demotion: Averted. If anything, I became even more awesome once I kinda, sorta turned into somewhat of a good guy. They didn't even let me have a Healing Factor in my early days of being Villain Of The Month. Go read my second appearance where I'm all bitchy because my jaw was wired shut after some guy in Weapon X broke it. On second thought... don't.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: My two head voices themselves. It varies, but usually the voice with a white speech box is the blue oni because it's more rational, to the voice with the yellow speech box's red oni which is more like me.
- Required Secondary Powers: My Healing Factor is fueled by cancer. Without one, the other would kill me. Lucky me.
- Retcon: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstory Deadpool: Origins has becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring. Multiple-Choice Past and all that.
- Riddle for the Ages: So am I actually Wade Wilson or what? Is T-Ray actually Wade Wilson? Does Wade Wilson even exist? Who knows...
- Rip Van Tinkle: After being cocooned in Duct Tape by other Marvel Heroes to keep me out of the picture, I quickly commented that I needed to pee. Upon being freed I went to the bathroom for a whole page.
- Rule of Funny: Rules aren't usually my thing, but I like this one.
- Running Gag: "You're not a mutant! ...and you're not an X-Man!"
- Finally climaxes in Deadpool Comics #36! There was some trouble over in Genosha and Storm invited me along because Wolverine kicked the bucket. I turned her down. That's right! I was offered membership in the X-Men and I turned it down! Updating my wiki, check!
- Sad Clown: Some writers think I only make jokes to deal with my pain...
- The Scream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especially like a little girl! Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...
Sabretooth: Scream for me.
Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAHHH!!!
Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson.
Me: No wait — Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!
- Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Sometimes I'm bad for money, sometimes I'm good for money. As long as I'm having fun with said money, I make my own rules!
- Shapeshifting Seducer: Ah Vanessa◊, the great love of my life and best thing that ever happened to me. Too bad that a woman who kept turning into any wet dream in my demented mind was too sexistic to be allowed to exist. At least we got through quite a few Marvel heroines before she was killed off.
- Ship Tease: The fangirls love to ship me with Spider-Man, and Deadpool Annual #2, a comic in which I help Spidey out when he's in a jam, is actually called ''Spideypool." This is the most common name for our ship.
- We now have a new comic book where we co-star, Spider-Man/Deadpool! In one of the first scenes we're tied up together and I have to get him to stop squirming in order to keep him from turning me on any more than I already was.
- Shooting Superman: People will try to shoot me even though it never works. Some army guys in Operation Annihilation that saw I provoked the Hulk were at least savvy enough to know shooting him was dumb idea, so they decided to try and shoot me instead thinking if I'm dead, Hulk will stop. And they missed and hit the Hulk, but he seemed to get that it was an accident.
- Sidekick: Bob, hapless, captured agent of HYDRA!
- Sir Swearsalot: You better fucking believe it! Especially in my new movie, bitch!
- Self-Deprecation: No, no, I never do this, but it seems for some strange reason, I always have the job of dealing with some of the lamest bad guys ever conceived. You know, the folks you tend to read about and say, "Who is this loser? What on Earth was the writer thinking?" You know, guys like Doctor Bong, the Murderous Mimes, and Turner D. Century. (I heard this used to be Scourge's job, but that guy was just as lame.)
- Small Name, Big Ego: How dare you! I completely live up to my ego. My name is so big Wolverine is jealous of it.
- Smug Snake: Weasel. Who occasionally even acts as The Starscream, knowing I could turn him into a kebab...
- Smug Super: Now that's what I'm talking about. Healing Factor? Check. Breaking the Fourth Wall? Check. You know the rest, troper. They don't call me the merc with a mouth for a reason... AND I'M PROUD OF IT!
- Hit Me, Dammit!: I spent the better part of an issue trying to get Wolverine to stab me. But he was being a wuss, so I Shoryuken'd Kitty Pryde instead. That worked. Also, for me to unleash the fury of my Level 3 special in Marvel vs. Capcom 3, people have to hit me whilst I am doing a Sexy Walk.
- Super Speed: Okay, so maybe it isn't one of my official powers, but it darn well oughta be. I mean, I can outrun a friggin' jetliner◊ fer Bea Arthur's sake!
- Stalker with a Crush: Dr. Ella Whitby, she's obsessed with me and she even has a fridge full of all the body parts I've lost over the years. She's creepy, even by my standards.
- Stupid Sexy Flanders: Stupid Sexy Cable! And Stupid Sexy Thor. And Stupid Sexy The Cat. And Stupid Sexy Captain America. Et cetera.
Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief.Me: I really happen to find you very attractive.Thor: ...
- The Symbiote: Y'know Spider-Man's black suit? The one with all the pointy teeth and tentacles? Yeah... looks like me wearing it for a few minutes before Spidey found it messed it up after all. My bad!
- Talkative Loon: I'm narrating my own trope page, do I really have to explain this one?
- Talking in Your Sleep: People tell me I say some pretty weird stuff in my sleep sometimes. I say some pretty weird stuff when I'm awake, so I s'pose it's a given.
- Talking Is a Free Action: Natch. My lung capacity cannot be matched. Domino notes my endless, inane banter is actually my most dangerous ability, since most opponents are too distracted to pay attention to my moves. Just... as... plotted.
- Take Our Word for It:
- In one issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead. Even the man whose house I broke into to kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.
- In Amazing Spider-Man #611, I let slip that I have the "Yo Mammageddon", which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.
- Take That!:
- When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to have so many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right, Rob?"
- In my first ongoing series, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder."
- I even made fun of Jack Chick. Can't decide which of them deserve my ribbings more, tho'.
- Oh, and you guys shouldn't feel left out either. As Way had me mention the other day: "There is nobody I hate more than my friends." I liked "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" better though.
- Also, there's that leaked Internet script of my EXTRA FANTASTIC film which will never happen because of suits I need to kill. I have an action figure of Dudepeel in the trash as I apparently moan about it. PSYCHE, I was moaning about WHAM'S 'Music From the Edge of Heaven' LP, which I then throw on top of Barakapool. ZING!
- What do I do when somebody compliments the prequel Star Wars trilogy? I blow up their fucking head, that's what!
- When the other side got themselves a whole bunch of awesome 3D covers, I figured I'd join in the fun too!
- At one point, when I was collecting souls for Mephisto's Starscream, Vetis, one of the guys I had to kill was pretty much a discount Aquaman. I even got to jump on the bandwagon of making fun of his dumb power. Downplayed since he was the only soul I had to collect who used his powers for good. I actually felt a bit guilty for killing him. His choice in power was still incredibly lame though.
- Talking to Themself: Because I like to talk to interesting people! A particularly amusing one is on X-Men Legends II, where I can fight a Boss Battle with myself, and we argue on who's the true Deadpool!
- Team Pet: Bob, agent of HYDRA! I even take him to the vet for check ups.
- Technicolor Ninjas: Bright red ninja, to be specific. I think it suits me.
- There Are No Therapists: Hell no man! My therapist Dr. Bong is on the up and up!
- They Fight Crime!: This is the point of the Deadpool Team-Up series, as it gives inferior heroes A Day in the Limelight with everyone's favorite mercenary, by which I mean me, by which I mean no one other than me, by which I mean not you.
- Trick Arrows: Yeah, I made 'em when I teamed up with Hawkeye to kill a bunch of pirates. They all are Hulk Hands toys the kids don't play with nowadays. The trick, they all explode! The person who written this story also was the same guy who made those internet comics about that doctor who happens to also be a ninja, just like me!
- Troll: So I tend to mess with people, they just cannot take a joke.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition of Miami Sound Machine's Conga.
- Too Spicy for Yog Sothoth:
- Galactus fired me because I was just too awesome for him to handle. It's definitely not because he wanted me to shut up.
- Then there was the time I was captured to be zombiefood. I tasted like cancer. And the time when I travelled to alternate universe and got infected by the Techno-Organic virus and almost assimilated by the Hive Mind of the virus... let's just say the result is not nice.
- Trademark Favorite Food: I'm crazy for Tex-Mex, like tacos, burritos, and chimichangas. Sometimes I just like saying the word "Chimichanga" more than actually eating them...almost....
- Trash Talk: I had a "Your Mom" fight with Spidey in Amazing Spider-Man #611. It was fun! Even though I almost missed my chance to use Yo Mammageddon.
- The Trickster: I'm an insane mercenary, so I'm doing odd things and disrespecting authority, but cops are okay, provided they're not trying to arrest me.
- Trigger Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!
- Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE. In Joe Kelly's original run, I'M NOT EVEN WADE WILSON. I just killed a random guy in his house and took over his identity! I wasn't even a good guy to begin with! But Marvel retconned this story (back in my fight with T-Ray in Cable and Deadpool), so now apparently the Deadpool: Origins comic is the canon one.
- Ultimate Marvel: Here are some tropes that apply to my Ultimate self:
- Expy: Step 1: Copy everything about Pierce. Step 2: Give him my wardrobe and change his name to Deadpool without changing anything else about him. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit!
- Fantastic Racism: OK, Ultimate Marvel guys, we get it! Everything has to be Darker and Edgier than good ol' Earth 616! But aren't I Grim-n-Gritty enough to begin with? No need to make Ultimate Me an evil, mutant-killing bigot...
- In-Name-Only: Aside from the name and the costume, Ultimate Me isn't that much like Me-Me at all.
- Ax-Crazy: HOLY SHIT! This guy rivals me the me from Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe in terms of how violent he is.
- Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... or reality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...
- Useless Accessory: I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although when I do, they have contained awesome action figures (of me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on me.
- Villain Protagonist: I bounce back and forth between this and Heroic Comedic Sociopath. Like a gun-toting pinball, really. Sometimes within the same issue!
- Villain with Good Publicity: Absolutely not. But outside the comic, is a completely different story.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With, everybody. No matter how many fights I get in, I'm SURE that everybody loves me.
- What the Hell, Hero?: I call out Captain America and Wolverine for not taking me seriously when I approached them about someone chasing after me with an interest in Weapon X. I do so because in the end they killed the family I didn't think I had.
- Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I call the Punisher out on it during Suicide Kings. Since, you know, the previous day he tried to strangle me and electrocute my ass... with mecha-frickin'-tentacles.
Me: What you got today, Punisher. The Beetle's wings? Plant-Man's chloro-blaster gun? One of the Porcupine's quills?
- Wholesome Crossdresser: Okay, the "wholesome" part? Questionable. Regardless, I decided to dress in a maid dress in issue #20. Why? 'Cuz it was funny. No other reason than that.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?:
- My relationship with Death is a long distance one.
- Turns out to be what I've been obsessing about in the Daniel Way arc.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: CLOWNS? WHERE? Okay, don't scare me like that! Seriously, the only greater threat to this planet than those guys is Galactus! Don't believe me? Well, hope I never have to say "I told you so"...
- Wild Card: I mean, that's half my reason for livin'.
- Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.
- Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus — Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)
- Interestingly, this corresponds to The Golden Age of Comic Books, The Silver Age of Comic Books, The Bronze Age of Comic Books, The Dark Age of Comic Books, and The Modern Age of Comic Books. However, Wolverine still hasn't fully left the spot and The Hood is also trying to claim the position, and Anti-Venom... yeah. Its like the pro wrestlers say: the belt might as well be a target.
- And lately I've been having to divide readers' attention with Iron Man. Just because of the movies where he appears.
I seriously need to go talk to Ryan Reynolds to get my own movie off the ground...HA! DONE! That wasn't so hard! It's amazing what some test footage does...you know, on top of a few bullets flying around. And Ryan finally got around to posting that picture of himself in my suit too! Sure he may not capture my sexiness perfectly, but DAMN do I look good!
- As to the actual namesake of the trope, fortunately, we all know my video game is all about fabulous me, so it will feature none of those shenani--◊ wait, what? Oh, come on!
- Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus — Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)
- Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism! note
- Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Go right ahead. Hurt that kid. I've been sharpening my katanas all morning and I'm eager to try out a new method of torture I've been reading about that involves scalping.
- And since we're on the subject, Deadpool Kills Deadpool is sweet. That version of me's gonna PAY for killing the Power Pack... and ESPECIALLY Kidpool.
- I also chewed out my former Uncanny X-Force colleague Fantomex for snuffing out Kid Apocalypse. Unbeknown to me and the rest of the team at the time, he made a clone of the kid.
- Oddly, this isn't the case for my incarnation in Hulk Vs. Wolverine, who expresses a desire to shoot those "floating babies", as he calls them. Remind me to kill him sometime...
- X Meets Y:
- You might think that Deadpool Corps is basically Exiles meets me. Absolutely not! I came up with my corps idea first, but those Exiles guys stole it before I could get it off the ground!
- Someone once said that I was like Deathstroke and Spider-Man's lovechild, raised by the Joker. Which, I think, understates my awesome. Another interpretation could be "Deathstroke meets Ambush Bug."
- Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Parodiedeth when I briefly taketh possession of a faketh copy of thout viking guy's hammer and change thost speech patterns accordinglyst. Combinedth with What Doth Thou Meaneth, 'Tis Not Awesome-eth?, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (I still striketh oute), and attacking a Michael Jackson Captain Ersatz. Eth.
Me: AND GET THEE A LIFE!
- You Bastard: In Deadpool #900. I realize that I would never really die because the fans like me too much. So I decide to kill all my fans. I didn't realize how hard that would be. Oh, then I kill the Marvel universe 'cause, in the real world, I'd be considered crazy and disturbing, and this comic's supposed to make you suck it. Go figure.
- Your Head Asplode: Nate did this to me with his uber psychic powers. Twice. I was not amused.
- You're Insane!: I get that a lot. I don't even really care anymore.
- Your Mom: Again, Mamageddon, my ultimate diss!
Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. Browse the indexes for me and I'll promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!