Schmuck Bait / Jokes

  • How to keep an idiot busy: See bottom of this page.
  • This joke:
    Person 1: How do you keep a turkey in suspense.
    Person 2: I don't know, how?
    Person 1: I'll tell you later.
  • Whatever you do, don't look down. (Cue person immediately looking down.)
    • Which ties into the practical joke of "You've got something on your shirt!"
  • Oh, by the way, we snuck into your house last night and wrote the word "gullible" on the ceiling above your computer. And if you didn't fall for that, it's probably for the best. At least this way you won't see the blood. Luckily, you also have No Peripheral Vision.
  • One of a series of facts states that it is impossible to lick your elbow. At the end it asks you if you tried. (Note: It's possible for a lot of people, just not everyone.)
  • On YouTube, pressing the number keys on a keyboard while watching a video will cause it to skip ahead to a certain part of the video, something comments will point out to highlight a funny portion. Press 1 to see the funny laugh. Press 3 to hear "Okay, this is pretty great..." Press 10 to see an idiot.
  • There are many joke signs for the complaint department in stores.
    • There is a sign that says "Complaint Department, push button for service", which is a button on a mouse trap.
    • Another example says "Complaint Department, please take a number", where the number is on a grenade pin.
  • How is the capital of Kentucky pronounced? The person being asked will reply with one of two possible pronunciations of "Louisville". The actual answer is Frankfort.
  • Some "What's a Henway?" jokes are schmuck bait, getting people to say awkward things. Take this one:
    Alice: Hey Bob, what do you catch a salmon with?
    Bob: Salmon bait.
    Alice: And what do you catch a trout with?
    Bob: Trout bait.
    Alice: So what do you catch an eyemaster with?
    • Similarly, this "Knock Knock" Joke:
      Alice: Knock-knock.
      Bob: Who's there?
      Alice: I'm a pile-up.
      Bob: I'm a pile-up who?
      Alice: No you're not, don't be so hard on yourself!
    • A variation: "I know a great Knock-Knock joke, you start."
  • "Someone told me you sound like an owl!" "Who?"
  • "How do you spell 'ICUP'?"
    • Another funny variant is "Look down your shirt and spell 'Attic'".
  • "Have you tried deleting your system32 folder? It'll really speed up your system." (TIP: NEVER DO THIS. The system32 folder contains important files that Windows relies on to run, so it can't even be renamed without putting your computer beyond repair)
    • The Unix equivalent is running the command
      sudo rm -rf /
      which wipes out everything on your hard drive.
  • How to keep an idiot busy: See top of this page.