Bart tries to save his new cow from the slaughterhouse and ends up nearly married to a hillbilly girl named Mary.

!! Tropes:

* [[ABoyAndHisX A Boy and His Cow]]
* MeaningfulName: Mary got her name because she's the one her parents expected to get married. Yes, the Spucklers were that crazy.
-->'''Cletus:''' Isn't that right, Stabbedinjail?
-->'''Stabbedinjail:''' We'll see who stabs who.
* TakeThat: When Bart is bundling manure, the bundles come out as ''Pirates of the Caribbean 3''.
** Similarly, the opening gag is a dig at Merchandise-driven franchises such as Transformers, and product placement in general.
** The way cows are farmed takes a pretty hard hit.
-->'''Bart:''' Wow, Lou, what happened to you? You got fat.
-->'''Lisa:''' Of course he got fat. The food he ate was laced with growth hormones.
-->''(Lou licks Bart's arm, which then grows hairy)''