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Recap / Star Trek: Voyager S3E5 "False Profits"

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It's 90s Trek, you gotta have that Ferengi episode!
"We have to out-Ferengi... the Ferengi."note 

While Voyager is investigating an unstable wormhole that may lead them back to the Alpha Quadrant, Tuvok detects signs of an Alpha Quadrant replicator on a primitive planet nearby. An away team infiltrates the civilization on the planet and discovers that the population there, called Takarians, worship two "Sages" who turn out to be Ferengi. In fact, it's Arridor and Kol, from the Next Generation episode "The Price." After passing through the unstable wormhole and finding themselves in the Delta Quadrant, they crash landed into this planet and exploited a local prophecy to set themselves up as its rulers.

Janeway is dismayed by the Ferengi tampering with a primitive culture, a violation of Prime Directive ethics, so she has them transported up to the ship and arrested. Arridor, however, argues that they legitimately fulfilled the Takarians' prophecy, and therefore snatching them away could do more damage to the culture. Janeway relents and lets them go but resolves to find some way to get them to leave the planet of their own volition. After returning to their palace, the Ferengi set up a transporter dampening field to prevent further arrests. They are then visited by the Grand Proxy of the Grand Nagus, who claims that he has arrived through the wormhole to seize the two swindlers' profits and return them to Ferenginar. Instead, Arridor and Kol attack the Proxy, forcing him to admit that he's actually Neelix in disguise.

About to give up, the away team learns the rest of the Takarians' prophecy of the sages, which tells of a Holy Pilgrim who will take the Sages back to their home on "wings of fire" when three new stars appear in the sky. Neelix rallies a crowd to announce himself as the Holy Pilgrim, using some pyrotechnics from Voyager to stand in for the new stars. The Takarians, sick of their exploitative Sages, eagerly tie up all three Ferengi and prepare to burn them alive to send them away on "wings of fire." The away team manages to destroy Arridor and Kol's transporter dampening field, allowing Voyager to beam the captives away to safety.

The Voyager crew has discovered how to re-open the wormhole for real and prepare to return home. The two Ferengi are sent to the brig, but they manage to break free and escape the ship on their shuttlecraft. Janeway orders them to be transported back to the ship, but they emit a graviton impulse to prevent it. They flee through the wormhole, which closes behind them. The gravitons have sealed the wormhole permanently, so Voyager must once again chart a course to take the long way home.


This episode provides examples of:

  • Actor Allusion: Neelix tries to pretend he's the Ferengi Grand Proxy to make the Ferengi stop. Ethan Phillips also played the Ferengi Dr. Farek in TNG's "Menage a Troi" (also from its third season), and later plays another Ferengi in the Enterprise episode "Acquisition".
  • A Lady on Each Arm: Kol getting oo-mox!
  • And Then What?:
    • The Ferengi argue this point when Janeway just beams them out, saying the whole society will collapse because their gods have disappeared. The argument is less than convincing, given that the only response we saw to the Sages being beamed up was their minion eagerly helping himself to their couch (though Voyager's crew don't know that).
    • Answering that question is exactly how Janeway and her crew are able to resolve the issue: Arridor and Kol never bothered to learn the rest of the prophecy.
  • Arc Number: The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition have forty-seven commentaries.
  • Ascended Extra: In his first appearance, Kol was just a Silent Bob who hung around with Arridor for most of the episode and never did anything of any real importance. Here, he gets dialogue and plays a far bigger part in the plot.
  • Bittersweet Ending: The most 'biiter' sweet one in a while. Though the Alpha Quadrant is almost literally within their grasp, the crew of Voyager can only watch as the wormhole destabilizes completely on both ends, rendering it useless as a way to return home, and they warp away from the planet, crestfallen. On the planet, the population they saved from oppression look up and see their ship flying away. Though the crew can't hear it, someone cries, "The holy ones are returning home!" followed by a chorus of cheers. They did wind up improving peoples' lives for the better.
  • Burn the Witch!: Unfortunately the locals decide to take the verse about the Sages "ascending on wings of fire" a bit literally.
  • Call-Back: We finally see what happened to the Ferengi from TNG's "The Price."
  • Clarke's Third Law: The Ferengi use their replicator to make the locals believe they have the divine powers.
  • Eyepatch of Power: Unfortunately the poet forgets which eye he's supposed to be wearing it over.
  • Failed Attempt at Drama
    Neelix: I am the Holy Pilgrim, and I have come to tell you there's another verse to the song. It's err... please, don't burn the Holy Ones.
  • Failure Is the Only Option: Voyager is unable to use the wormhole in time to get home before the Ferengi use it themselves.
  • False Prophet: Two Ferengi, a materialistic alien race, land on a planet where the locals mistake them for deities known as the Sages, who were said to arrive in a prophecy. The Ferengi go along with this and pretend to be the Sages for profit.
  • Fanservice Extra: The Ferengi's maidens.
  • God Guise: The two Ferengi.
  • Human Aliens: Another planet on the other side of the galaxy whose inhabitants look exactly like humans.
  • Idiot Ball: Voyager's crew missing a chance to get home because they were outwitted by a pair of Ferengi did not put them in a good light.
  • Imposter Forgot One Detail:
    • The Ferengi suspect that Neelix is not who he says he is when he quotes the (non-existent) 299th Rule of Acquisition. However, Neelix is able to maneuver this by implying that new rules have been added during their absence.
    • Another variant of this saves Neelix's life shortly afterwards, although not due to his own inattentiveness: when the Ferengi decide to kill him, he admits he's not really the Grand Proxy and he's actually a Talaxian, but since he's been currently made to look exactly like a Ferengi, they naturally ask him to prove he's not one, but he can't think of a way to do so. Arridor then grabs Neelix's ears and starts pulling and squeezing them, asking him if he feels anything, and since he doesn't, they believe him and let him go, since if they were actual Ferengi ears, he would've been in massive amounts of pain.
  • Karma Houdini: After they spent seven years brutally exploiting the locals, the worst that happens to Arridor and Kol is that they get to go home — without their beloved possessions, but still back to (somewhere in) the Alpha Quadrant. Meanwhile, Voyager remains stranded in the Delta Quadrant (naturally).
  • Kill the Messenger: Kol and Arridor decide to kill the Grand Proxy to prevent him from commandeering all their profits.
  • Kneel Before Zod: The Sages expect the requisite groveling. They do likewise when the 'Grand Proxy' turns up. Neelix tells them to save it for the Grand Nagus.
  • Large Ham: Kol is quite moved at his partner's plea regarding the devastation the sudden disappearance of the Sages would cause. "That was beautiful."
  • Layman's Terms
    Torres: If we could somehow amplify and polarise that instability, we might be able to get the wormhole to reappear.
    Janeway: Sort of like using a magnet to move a compass needle.
  • Loophole Abuse: If the Ferengi leave of their own free will, Janeway won't have violated the Prime Directive.
  • Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal: As soon as Neelix announces that he has come to lead the Sages home, it quickly becomes clear that the locals — especially their Beleaguered Assistant, Kafar — absolutely hate their "gods", and that fear of their supposed power is the only thing that's prevented them from rising up against them long ago. They're only too happy to interpret the "wings of fire" prophecy literally.
  • Money to Throw Away: While posing as the Grand Proxy, Neelix nicks a couple of cash bags and hands them out to the populace.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Lacking a legal solution to stop the Grand Proxy shutting them down, the Ferengi decide to just kill him.
  • Outgrown Such Silly Superstitions: Parodied to Hell and back, however, with a Bronze Age civilization venerating two Ferengi refugees as their sages (sort of ersatz deities) because their crash-landing's appearance was a lot like something prophesied in one of their sacred poems. All efforts to remove the Ferengi failed until the Voyager's crew realized the same poem ended with the appearance of certain easily-arranged celestial signs and the ascension of the sages back into the heavens, all of which could be arranged using some futuristic flares and transporter technology. Since technically this means every one of the prophecies came true, there was arguably nothing to outgrow about these people's "silly superstitions" at all! (Though admittedly the prophecies also said the Sages would lead the people to prosperity, instead of making their lives measurably worse - an argument could be made that due to their experiences with the Sages, they now have more financial acumen overall!)
  • Pun-Based Title: False Prophets (Profits).
  • Read the Fine Print: A Ferengi should know better.
    Neelix: I am indeed the Holy Pilgrim. And just as the Song of the Sages promises, I have come to lead you back, high into the sky of black.
    Crowd: Lead them back! Lead them back! Lead them back! Lead them back! Lead them back! Lead them back!
    Kol: What do they mean, lead us back?
    Arridor: I don't know. It must be part of the song. I told you we should have listened to the whole thing.
  • Rules Lawyer: What does a Ferengi do in a desperate situation?
    Kol: Panic?
    Arridor: No, you idiot! He goes to the Rules of Acquisition. Unabridged and fully annotated, with all forty seven commentaries, all nine hundred major and minor judgements, all ten thousand considered opinions. There's a rule for every conceivable situation.
  • Running Gag: The away team having to barter their shoes.
  • Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: It's only because the prophesy lists a number of events that those events end up taking place, such as the three stars appearing in the sky, and the prophets returning home on "wings of fire."
  • Sequel Episode: To Next Generation's "The Price", picking up on the fate of the stranded Ferengi (and the Barzan Wormhole).
  • Skewed Priorities: As they're about to be burnt to death, the Ferengi comfort themselves with the thought that they made seven years pure profit. Even by Ferengi standards this is rather silly. Since they possess a working replicator, all of the local goods and currency they've accumulated is worthless monopoly money that they could have reproduced on their first day if they so desired. They were just messing around to amuse themselves.
  • Status Quo Is God: Just like the crew could only fail to escape back to the Alpha Quadrant through the wormhole, they were never going to keep two Ferengi prisoners on the ship by the end of the episode.
  • Stylistic Suck / Milking the Giant Cow: The bard singing the Song of the Sages.
  • Swiss-Cheese Security: Voyager's security is overpowered by two unarmed Ferengi, who then proceed to escape to parts unknown in their shuttle. It does bear mentioning that canon has established Ferengi as being quite fast and deceptively strong for their size.
  • Teleportation Rescue: As the "Sages" and Neelix are about to burn, Voyager beams them out, making it look like they really did ascend.
  • Time for Plan B: Having decided they can't just make the Sages "disappear", Janeway decides to bluff them into leaving voluntarily by having Neelix pose as the Grand Proxy (messenger of the Grand Nagus), come to take over their operation and order them back home. When Neelix is forced to reveal his true identity to avoid getting murdered, he tells the locals that he's a Holy Pilgrim come to announce the Sages' imminent departure, with Voyager faking the requisite portents.
  • Unusual Ears: You can even buy your own lobes!
  • Verbal Backspace: Tom is saying he doesn't like this planet when a couple of scantily-clad temple girls appear. "On the other hand..."
  • We Will Not Use Stage Make-Up in the Future: Neelix disguises himself as the Grand Proxy.

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