Summary
We start business in the Sylvester chambers, where Sue is criticizing her new minions, Kurt and Mercedes, saying that while Mercedes has the pipes, her wearing the slacks but not the skirt counts as heresy. Kurt assumes body issues, but Mercedes subverts, saying she's afraid her milkshake'll bring all the boys to the yard. Sue says a cheerleading magazine is doing an article, and she needs her squad in top shape, and anyone who's watched any TV show where an overweight character is put on a diet immediately knows this won't end well. Terms are announced; drop 10lbs and put on the skirt or being dropped from the Red and White. Kurtcedes is aghast as we hit the Title Card.Lounge. Will storms in all piss and hairgel; seems the auditorium is locked. Sue has reserved it for the week, Ohio weather and all, so New Directions has to find another rehearsal space. Will threatens to go to Figgins only for Sue to reveal that he's back in Sue's pocket.
Gleeboratory. Will drops the bad news, Rachel immediately goes for the sit-in, while Puck goes for the arson. Will responds with the standard pep talk about adversity, then promises to find them a new Title Drop. As ND disperses, Kurt, who we'll remind you has moon eyes for Finn, asks for opinions on fabrics to redecorate his room. Finn lives in a closet, and the jokes aren't even spoken at all. Cut to the dubious cafeteria, where Mercedes opts for chicken with a salad. Kurt disapproves, pointing out the peeled celery and Splenda he's had. He then points out the position of social strength the Red and White brings, then warns her not to screw it up. Speaking of screwing, we cut to Brittany saying she's pretty sure her cat's read her diary. This is the first mention of the revered and respected Lord Tubbington, who we'll meet next season. Mercedes dares to ask her and Santana how they stay skinny; Santana reveals the "Sue Sylvester Magic Cleanse", a vile concoction of water, maple syrup, lemon, cayenne pepper, and ipecac. She then drops some illogic right out of Sue's mouth: Feel terrible and look great or turn in the uniform. Seems Mercedes was seduced by the Reverse Sue-Cology as she leaves the food behind. As Brittana leaves, we then pan over to see the one other person all too familiar with Sue's madness.
Hudson house. Seems Carole has decided to rid herself of excess furniture, starting with the bed she and her late husband shared. Finn claims that's where he was conceived, only for Carole to reveal it was a pinball machine. Explains the occasions where his brain will go full tilt. When she tries to get rid of an old recliner the hubby enjoyed, Finn puts a shoe down. Seems Carole's found someone new; naturally, Finn is displeased, especially when it's revealed to be Burt Hummel. Cut to a roller rink where Will wants to find someone to talk to about renting the space. And ladies and gentleman, if her appearance in the opening rundown didn't tip you off, once again, it's time to take a trip down the Rhodes less traveled. Cut to the couples skating and sure enough, here be April, claiming to have a sex dream about Will. April smells a duet, and the resident house band smells the Springsteen, complete with the two of them on the wheels. Afterwards, we find out that April, after an attempt at sobriety, reverted to type. One day, an elderly man bought her a drink; turns out the man was loaded and April is now his mistress. April seemingly gave up on her dreams. When Will then reveals his divorce, April pounces. Turns out Will's subletting, and April offers to stay.
Cheerios! weigh-in. Becky's lost two pounds, while Mercedes, again, shocking no one with this kind of plot, gains two pounds. Sue mentions the win at all costs attitude that defines her, we spot the inevitable as we cut to Finn confronting Kurt about their parents; seems Kurt introduced them to each other at a parent-teacher conference a month prior. This, if it wasn't made clear, is all part of Kurt's plan to have Finn; get the parents together, have them move in together, Finn and Kurt share a room, et al. Kurt then gets a little too smug, saying he wants them to redecorate together. Finn, naturally not too happy at these affairs, storms off as we cut to the Lillian Adler Memorial Choir Room of Gleeful Joy. ND are displeased at the choice of rehearsal space. Kurt then decides to vent, dismissing St. Berry's relationship while accusing Finn of being a stick in the mud. Of course, this being Glee, we never settle with vocal lamenting; duets are more effective, specifically when Finn is singing to his Dad's chair.
Now, while all this was going on, Will looked to be having second thoughts about letting April sublet; when she arrives, he expresses his discomfort. April senses it, saying she's lonely. Will let's her stay the night; again, emotional moments in this show are best backed by a track; in this case, mashing up theWarwick already played with some Streisand, April eventually winding up in Will's bed. Afterwards, we cut to Breadstix, where Kurt is proposing a toast to his newly extended family; Finn looking for all the world like the angrily saddest man in Lima. We then hear his displeasure, mumbling that they're not a family. Burt agrees, saying he and Carole are just dating. We then see one variable Kurt didn't factor in; namely, that when you have two sports-minded people in Finn and Burt, you know they'll gravitate towards each other. Kurt sits dilapidated. Back at the Hummel house, Kurt stews as he removes swatches from his wall. Burt called it, knowing that if he and Finn started the sports talk, he'd piss Kurt off. When Burt reminds Kurt about sitting through Riverdance three years in a row, Kurt simply says maybe it was too soon for Burt and Carole to date. Burt stands offended.
Back to the "weighty" plot; we see Mercedes with one leaf of lettuce, one dollop of cottage cheese and one sliced tomato on her plate as Tina offers her a peppermint patty. Artie and Tina both try to get Mercedes to start eating, correctly saying that shake diets don't work. And neither does extreme dieting; we see Mercedes hallucinate Tina as ice cream and Artie as cake. She storms off, only to seen Rachel as a cupcake and Jesse as a burger. Now, with these plots, hallucinations usually lead to fainting and sure enough, Mercedes fades to black as we fade to black. We return to see Mercedes get checked out; we then see she has a audience, as Quinn approaches. Turns out, not surprisingly, she went through the same thing. Being pregnant changed her perception on food; if she's eating healthy for her kid, why not herself? Quinn then gives the peptalk, saying Mercedes was already beautiful.
Cut to the roller rink as ND roll out. Will gets second thoughts about using it to rehearse; when April offers pizza and snuggling, Will instead offers another peptalk, asking April if being a mistress is where she wants to be? This seems to strike a chord as we cut to Kurt telling Finn he screwed up. Kurt doesn't wanna be left out, Finn doesn't want Carole to forget his dad, so she and Burt need to split. Cut to Carole getting ready for a date with Burt, as Finn, one to go for extreme measures, takes his father's urn to the toilet; naturally, Carole freaks. Finn, tapping into his dormant emotional savvy, then hits Carole where she lives by asking what's the point of keeping them if she'll inevitably dumps them out. Carole throws it back, placing the urn on the recliner and offering to "watch TV". Seems for 15 years, Carole's been repressing; pretending everything's okay. Carole accurately calls Finn selfish, saying she hasn't felt like this since his dad died. Finn doesn't notice that all they do is exist. Carole talks to the urn every night, she's been keeping her emotions in check around Finn, but she feels the loss every day. Seems the emotional disconnect Finn feels prevents him from understand Carole's emotions, him saying he's not ready for change. Carole's tired of the ghosts, saying they need a family.
As Finn processes, we cut to the McKinley gym. Sue sits with the reporter from the cheerleading magazine; naturally, Sue lays insults within five seconds. We then get a slightly hoisted petard; seems Sue was expecting a fluff piece, what she's getting is a hard-hitting investigation and the Oh, Crap! face that goes with it. We see the Red and White assemble, Sue expecting the usual amazing but mediocre by her standards performance. What she (and we) get instead is Mercedes taking the mic, saying that Cheerios! is about being popular, but it should be more. She asks how many of the students feel fat; we cut to Quinn raising her hand. She asks how many feel worthless; more hands are raised. Eventually, the bulk of the students raise hands. Eventually, this leads to some obvious Christina, accompanied by the rest of the Cheerios! and the rest of the school. Shocking no one, the only one not amused is Sue; however, fate gives her a reprieve. Turns out, the reporter thought Sue was behind the performance and is gonna give her a glowing piece. You can clearly see Sue's surprise at this, her stammering for words which is (and will be) a rarity for her.
We begin the wrapup with Burt in Carole's kitchen, running into Finn, who is promptly reassured that Burt's not trying to take his dad's place. But he does love Carole, saying after years of being alone, that she was who he needed. This evidently was all Finn needed to hear, offering to watch a game with Burt, even offering him his dad's chair. We then cut to Kurt brokenly observing from outside.
In the Room where there is never a Choir per say, Will stands flummoxed. Seems April took his advice, breaking up with the sugar daddy only for him to stroke out and the wife gave her $2mil to go away. This apparently gave her the motivation to sober up and head for Broadway, saying she's gonna head the first Caucasian version of The Wiz. Huh. The rest of ND arrive as April springs another surprise; she bought the auditorium thus preventing Sue from commandeering it. This actually is a long lasting plot point: This will explain all the costumes and performance New Directions will use until their temporary demise in Season 5. And thus, with Cheno looking particularly glamorous, we bring it home for the week with accordingly, a touch of Wiz.
Next Time: I don't give a damn about my...
Songs:
- Fergalicious by Fergie feat. will.i.am, performed by Kurt and the Cheerios
- Fire by Bruce Springsteen, performed by April and Will
- A House is Not A Home by Dionne Warwick, performed by Finn and Kurt
- One Less Bell to Answer/A House is Not a Home by Barbra Streisand and Dionne Warwick, performed by April and Will
- Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, performed by Mercedes with Quinn and the students
- Home from The Wiz, performed by April with New Directions
This episode provides examples of:
- Funny Background Event: Mercedes is starving herself, and so subtle images are shown like the giant neon "EAT" behind Will and April at Rinky-Dinks.
- Meat-O-Vision: Mercedes starts seeing her classmates dressed up as food because her diet is leaving her so hungry. When she wakes up Quinn admits the same thing happened to her when she tried the same diet.
- Race Lift : April's proposed "all white" version of The Wiz.
- Weight Woe: Mercedes Jones is told by Sue Sylvester to lose ten pounds in a week. Mercedes tries to lose weight, but it results in her gaining two pounds, and she faints when she tries extreme dieting.
- You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Quinn Fabray helps Mercedes Jones to realize that she is beautiful.
