'''Airdate:''' March 12, 2006

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!!''I Take Thee, Quagmire'' contains examples of:
* FakingTheDead: Quagmire's plan so that Joan will leave.
* FauxdianSlip: When Quagmire discovers Joan is suicidal/homicidal:
--> '''Joan''': (angrily) I love you, Glen.\\
'''Quagmire''': I love you too, crazy woman I'm having second thoughts about.\\
'''Joan''': What?\\
'''Quagmire''': [[CatchPhrase Allllll right.]]
* PottyFailure: To make doubly sure that Joan believes Quagmire when he fakes a heart attack, Peter says, "When people die, they void their bowels." Nothing happens, so Peter reiterates: "I ''said'', when people die, they void their bowels!" Cut to outside the house, where Joe, Peter, and Cleveland are heard groaning in disgust when Quagmire finally goes through with it.
--> '''Peter''': What a jackass.
* ShoutOut: When Peter shows the videotape of Quagmire being "killed" by a dinosaur, Peter hums the ''Film/JurassicPark'' theme.
* SubvertedCatchphrase: After a newly-married Quagmire watches Lois's boobs jiggle: "Giggity giggity ''GOD''! I've made a terrible mistake!"
* TouchOfDeath: Joan dies when she touches Death. Moments later, a random guy from the crowd high-fives Death and instantly drops dead too.