NOTICE: This is a Recap page, so all spoilers will be left unmarked, per wiki policy. Read ahead only with caution! You Have Been Warned.
Today we are putting the two most worthless damsels in distress against each other: Zelda of Hyrule and Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Zelda: Being born to the house of Hyrule, Zelda has spent her entire life governing her kingdom. Despite her reputation, Zelda actually has spent some time training with her arsenal: a sword, a dagger, and a bow. She can use her bow with lethal accuracy, and can use magic to turn a regular arrow into a light arrow (designed for killing evil).
Zelda is also a powerful user of magic. Though her spells are not suited outside of combat, she can certainly hold her own. She can project shields, teleport, and shoot balls of fire with her magic. Zelda also bears the legendary Triforce of wisdom, which enhances her magical ability and protects from evil.
While Zelda has achieved some remarkable feats, she certainly relies on the help of others.
Peach: Princess Peach is known for getting kidnapped, but she is quite athletic and has an arsenal of sports gear for weapons (as well as turnips and a parasol). She also has magic that allows her to fly, cast healing spells, and summon sheep that cause an enemy to pass out upon being touched by them. She can also harness her emotion into various power via the Vibe Scepter (which Boomstick wastes no time laughing his ass off due to Double Entendre), such as anger which gives her invincibility. She also has a kick called the Mega Strike that can split one soccer ball into three.
After an ad from Jack Threads, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Peach and Zelda meet on a bridge, Peach floating down with her with her parasol and Zelda with Farore's Wind.
FIGHT!
Peach throws two turnips at Zelda, but these are deflected by Zelda's Naryu's Love ability. Peach begins to cry, and as Zelda begins to slip in the tears, Peach goes in for her Peach Bomber attack that sends Zelda flying back. However, Zelda teleports with Farore's Wind behind Peach and kicks her into the air. She follows up with a few Din's Fire attacks, then teleports next to the airborne Peach to get in a melee combo.
Peach attempts to throw a Sleepy Sheep at Zelda, but Zelda throws the sheep back with another Naryu's Love. Peach hits the sheep up into the sky with her parasol. Zelda teleports next to Peach and a slap fight begins. Peach uses a frying pan to hit Zelda, but Zelda takes out her bow and draws back the string releasing her Light Arrow. The light arrow hits Peach, who has used the Rage ability of the Vibe Scepter to block the attack, and causes a shockwave that destroys the bridge. Zelda and Peach trade blows as they fall, and when both touch down they use healing magic to recover.
Zelda and Peach begin throwing fireballs and turnips at each other, but then the Sleepy Sheep from earlier comes flying in and hits Zelda, causing her to fall asleep. Peach finishes with the Mega Strike, which causes Zelda's head to explode.
- Peach: Did I win?
K.O.!
Zelda's offensive arsenal is limited and predictable, and her Light Arrow is unable to strike a blow to the Good-aligned Princess Peach. Peach has a more versatile moveset and while most of Peach's attacks are non-lethal, the overpowered Mega Strike gives her the edge.
