Wade "Deadpool" Wilson has a dream in which he, dressed as a member of the Film/Ghostbusters, zaps the ghost of Phil Coulson. He then awakes screaming in a large spartan apartment decorated only with a little tree and balloons reading 'Welcome to Washington DC.' He dresses and finds his daughter Ellie watching a cartoon in which an octopus in the HYDRA colors of green and yellow drives off a scraggly eagle. He asks why Ellie is eating pizza for breakfast. She swears at him and says they don't have anything else, and he playfully tells her to call him 'Mister' before swearing at him. He then tells her to get ready for school. She says she doesn't like it, and as he drives her to school on a motorcycle he says he knows that because she beats up so many kids, but says he wants her to give it a chance and she should solve her problems by getting teachers involved instead of getting in fights. Then he drops her off at her school, Baron Zemo's School for Superior Students, before going to work.
As Wilson motorcycles down the street he reflects that America is undergoing a nervous breakdown. He notes that "some of [his] best friends are HYDRA" as he sees HYDRA agents breaking into a bookstore and burning old history books about World War II. He notes that there's also a resistance, commenting that Teen Vogue has "never been more lit." When he gets to work, he sees a big monitor of portraits on the wall and notes that there's also members of the resistance whom he's supposed to be bringing in. He asks some HDYRA agents to meet with Rogers but is told that Rogers is in a meeting with the High Council. He says he'll go hunting first and meet with Rogers later, then mocks the agents by purposefully screwing up the 'Hail HYDRA' cheer as he leaves.
Deadpool flies a small jet into a rural area where he jumps Robert "Speedball" Baldwin, a superhero who can reflect attacks with a kinetic energy shield. Baldwin decries Deadpool's working with HYDRA as Deadpool attacks him, but all of Deadpool's attacks reflect back on himself. Baldwin says that everyone looked up to Deadpool and the other members of the Unity Squad (which Deadpool was on for a while). Meanwhile, Deadpool keeps attack Baldwin and keeps injuring himself when his attacks bounce off. He finally collapses and Baldwin stands over him, at which point Deadpool unleashes some knockout gas and holds Baldwin in place until he succumbs to it. He mocks Baldwin as the superhero falls unconscious, then radios HYDRA to have Baldwin arrested.
As HYDRA agents take Baldwin away, one of them notes that Baldwin is a relatively minor resistance leader. Deadpool says he's working on getting the more important ones and leaves, still mocking the HYDRA slogan. He reflects that his targets seem to include a lot of kids as well as a few more experienced operatives like Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, so he figures they're probably holed up in one of the large bases that the older heroes have access to. He checks and clears Thunderbolt Mountain, the Xavier Mansion site, and all of Tony Stark's facilties, finding nothing. Finally, though, he arrives at the Mount where the heroes are holed up. As he spies on it he quotes War and Peace, then says he doesn't remember if he actually read the book or just googled to find some cool quotes from it. His reverie is interrupted when he sees Pietro Maximoff arrive at the base and give some supplies to Clint Barton. Deadpool notes that this is a resistance base, possibly the main one, and that it's easily defendable so an attack would kill people on both sides.
Wilson goes back to Washington DC in time to take Ellie to school. She still hates it, although she enjoys when he drives his motorcycle on the sidwalk to beat the rush hour traffic. He then goes to his workplace to report on the Mount. Before he can, though, he gets a text that Ellie was just in another fistfight and he needs to go to her school immediately. He tells a HYDRA agent that the Mount is unoccupied, then leaves to deal with Ellie's latest fight. The agent asks him if he isn't forgetting something, and Deadpool finally does a proper "Hail HDYRA" as he leaves.
Tropes:
- Broken Pedestal: Deadpool is one to Speedball.
- Evil Parents Want Good Kids: Deadpool is one of the most violent people around, and also found his ex wife's mercilessness attractive. But he doesn't want Ellie to fight, but rather she tell a teacher when she's being picked on. Even thinking to himself that he doesn't want her to do what he does, leaning a bit into Parental Hypocrisy.
