In "The One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss", after getting a strong handshake from Monica, Phoebe remarks that she's glad she's not Chandler (Monica's boyfriend).
One episode discusses fore/afterplay, specifically the importance of keeping the intimacy going.
Chandler: Yeah, I think kissing is, for us, like an opening act. You know, like the comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
There was also the time the friends practically read aloud an extremely explicit pornographic story rendered harmless by Rachel's mad computer skillz:
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'? Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'. Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist... Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
And the time that Rachel went on an independence kick after reading a heavily metaphorical book about female self-realization (which referred to not letting men "steal your wind", i.e., independence/power.) She eventually has a fight with Ross about this which is hilariously misinterpreted:
Ross: Your...wind? Rachel: Yes Ross, my wind. How do expect me to grow if you won't let me blow? Ross (nervous): Oh...Y-you know I-I don't, have a - have a problem with that.
When Monica tries buying and selling stocks:
Monica: Get out before they go down, that's my motto. Joey: That is so not my motto.
Alluding to the less mainstream sexual acts when Rachel mentions to Ross that they never had a "bonus night" after they ended their relationship:
Rachel: Hey, you know what we never did? [Ross looks suspicious and intrigued at the same time] Rachel: No, not that!
In one episode Chandler spent all day playing Pac Man and putting in dirty words for the high scores screen. The words are never shown, but they are commented on.
Monica: That one's not dirty. Chandler: It is when you combine it with that one. Monica: Well, if you don't erase this, you won't be getting one of those from me!
When Rachel was helping Ross move his new couch.
Rachel: Chandler, can I borrow your tape measure? Chandler: It's in the bedroom. Monica: Yeah. (she and Chandler start giggling)
In one episode Joey is participating in a fertility study and can't sleep with his girlfriend, who is expecting them to. When he asks Monica what to do when they get intimate, she says to "be there for her."
In "TOW Ross Gets High", the gang are wondering how Rachel managed to botch a recipe so badly.
Ross: The pages are stuck together! Joey: (accusingly) Chandler!
In "TOW Ross and Rachel...You Know", when Ross and Rachel finally...you know, they both feel something wet and Rachel assures him it's OK. Ross is quick to tell her she only rolled over a juice box.
Monica and Rachel offer to kiss each other in front of Joey and Chandler to win their apartment back in "The One With All The Haste". It works.
In "The One With Rachel's Other Sister", when Rachel got into a Cat Fight with her sister, Amy:
Phoebe: Oh my god! Shouldn't we stop this?
Joey: What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some Jell-O on them!
In "The One With The Birth Mother", Phoebe and Rachel discuss helping each other try on bras, and Phoebe says "Wait a minute. Are we in Joey's imagination?"
In the "What If" episode, "The One that Could Have Been", Ross is still married to Carol. She suggests a threesome in order to spice up their sex life. Ross later confesses to Joey that he was mostly a passive participant, and he even made a sandwich while watching. However, Ross mentions to Joey that he got a little bored while watching (which is the reason he made the sandwich), in which case that'd make this an aversion. An example of "Girl On Girl ISN'T Hot".
In "The One with George Stephanopoulos", when the guys want to go to a hockey game:
Ross: You know what, I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
In "The One with Joey's Big Break", Rachel is afraid to take her eye drops, and Monica tries to force her, and ends up straddling her and pinning her arms down. Rachel says: "You know, if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!"
Also in the same episode, Phoebe sings a song about a "curly black hair".
In "The One with the Chick and the Duck", Monica slams into Rachel when she practices roller skating, knocks and falls on top of her. When Joey sees them, with Rachel moaning (in pain), he says: "Oh, my!"
In "The One with the Flashback", when Janice asks if anyone of the group ever slept together:
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica and Rachel: What?!!
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let’s say there was. How might that go?
In "The One With The Nap Partners", Phoebe, in a desperate attempt to win the judges' vote for maid of honor, makes a toast regarding her and Rachel:
Phoebe: I can't believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel, while we were showering together... naked.
Joey: And she's back in the game.
There's also the time that Monica drew an (unseen) diagram of the female erogenous zones and numbered them all, then began to describe what order they should be touched by referring to the numbers:
Made even funnier when, later in the episode, Chandler's girlfriend rushed in in a pretty dishevelled state, hugged Monica whilst yelling 'THANK YOU!', and then ran back into Chandler's apartment.
Also, Chandler doesn't initially recognize an erogenous zone, but then says it's because he was looking at it upside down. Rachel remarks, "Well, you know, sometimes that helps!"
Rachel: ooh, toes!...ya know, for some people
Chandler talks about how he is worried that he´s not going to measure up to Joey performance-wise.
Monica: Just because he sleeps with a lot of women doesn´t mean he´s good in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall! So either he´s good in bed or she just likes to agree with him a lot.
When Ross has an allergic reaction and his tongue swells up, Joey is the only one who can understand what he's saying:
Joey: My uncle Sal has a really big tongue. Chandler: Is he the one with the beautiful wife? (Joey nods)
Ross keeps annoying his ex-wife Carol on her anniversary with her new wife, Susan. When she comes to the door, she is seen to subtly pull something away from her mouth, and retorts "Uh, no!" when Ross asks if she had been sleeping. Earlier in the episode, when she mentions it's their anniversary, Ross is confused, as their wedding wasn't on this day. She fumbles and says, "it's for another anniversary. . ." Her voice trails off as Ross realizes what she's talking about.
Also in that scene Carol pulls a hair out of her mouth, making it VERY obvious what her and Susan we're doing. There's also her last name Will LICK
After Chandler has swiped Monica's bran muffin and Phoebe is talking about her new boyfriend, who's in the Navy and has just returned from submarine duty:
Rachel: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time? (Chandler groans in frustration, as his mouth is stuffed with food and he's unable to make a joke) Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin. (An even more frustrated reaction from Chandler)
In "The One with Joey's Bag":
Monica: (entering to Central Perk) Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside. Ross: Uh, Pheebs' grandmother just died. Monica: Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Phoebe: It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins. Monica: Not the way they're doing it.
When Monica is depressed over breaking up with Richard, Ross tells her she needs some sleep. Monica says, "I need some Richard."
When Monica and Chandler are planning to adopt and they meet Erica, she says she doesn't know who the biological father of her child is, but it's definitely one of two guys, one of whom killed his father with a shovel (causing Chandler to dub him "Shovelly Joe"). At the end, however, Monica figures it out:
Monica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy...it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way. Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do? Monica: The thing we never do. Chandler:(nodding approvingly) Shovelly Joe!
On "The One With the Tea Leaves", Phoebe goes on a date with a guy that she met right after reading in her tea leaves that she will meet a wonderful man. Unfortunately the guy turns out to be a disgusting pervert.
In one episode, after Monica has accidentally bumped Ben's head, she and Rachel try to make a game out of hitting their heads to distract him from the pain. Rachel is the first to quit:
Rachel: If it's not a headboard, it's not worth it.
In "TOW the Prom Video", Joey gives Chandler a large, gaudy bracelet as a gift. As Chandler is pretending to "admire" it, Joey tells him to think about what it will do for his sex life.
Chandler: Well, it'll probably slow me down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
In "TOW the Birthing Video", Rachel watches what she thinks is a childbirth video she borrowed from a friend of Phoebe's, but it turns out to be a porn movie.
Rachel: (thinking) Hmm... maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant. I wonder which one of these guys becomes the father? Nope, nope, can't get pregnant that way.
In "TOW Phoebe's Husband", the gang is watching the porno that Joey was an extra in:
Chandler: Okay now, wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job!
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
In TOW "They All Turn Thirty", there's a flashback to Phoebe bouncing on a hippety-hop and seeming to be enjoying it for "other purposes" as she says "This thing is a godsend if you know what I mean", then after she gets off, Rachel grabs it and runs off with it for herself, also Phoebe later mentions how she wants to "marry" the hippety-hop.
In TOW Chander Can't Cry Ross and Joey bring home a porno (with Ursula) and Chandler thinks it's a tearjerker and says
Chandler: It's not one of those movies that'll have us reaching for the tissues all night long, is it?"
Phoebe knows a secret (about Pete, Monica's sort-of-ex-boyfriend), and Monica's trying to guess it:
Monica: Does it have to do with that sock [Chandler] keeps next to his bed?
Phoebe: No... but let's come back to that later.
The whole conversation between Chandler and Joey when they were trying to decide what to do if Chloe the copy girl wanted to have a threesome:
Joey: How do we decide, uh, who goes where?
Chandler: We can flip a coin for it.
Joey: How do we decide which is heads and which is tails?
Chandler: Well if you don't know, then I don't want to do this with you.
When Ross says sleeping with Chloe was an "accident"
Rachel: An accident!? What were you trying to put it into, her purse?
Phoebe: Where did he put it?
This part with Joey:
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day [spent with Janice]?
Janice: Yes. Because that is how long it takes to love me.
Joey: I know, I sleep in the next room.
Chandler learning that the girls talk about everything and being surprised that they're talking about "girth".
Phoebe and Mike are holding hands at Central Perk and, rather than let go of him, she fumbles to put sugar in her coffee one handed. Giving up, she clamps Mike's hand on her breast in order to complete the task.
Rachel: (to Ross after kicking him out) Oh hey, just so you know, it's NOT that common, it DOESN'T happen to every guy, and it IS A BIG DEAL!
Chandler: (after Rachel slams the door) I KNEW IT!
This Joey/Chandler conversation:
Chandler: They go into their rooms and shut their doors? What's wrong with that?
Joey And Chandler: Oh. Oh! AHHHHH!
In TOW The Dollhouse:
Monica: Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
Also in the same episode when the dollhouse catches on fire and Ross brings it into the shower (where Monica is) to put the fire out. Then afterwards, Monica tells Ross that she was "just checking the shower massage" and Ross says that "oh, he knows."
Chandler is supposed to dump Joanna (Rachel's boss) again, but he ends up sleeping with her. The next day...
Rachel: Chandler, I thought you were going to break up with Joanna!
Chandler: I know, I know! It was on my mind the whole date, but then something happened that made it...shoot right out!
And how she gets him out — by promising that she'll tell everyone he, uh, is "the next Milton Berle."
Chandler learns his sperm have low motility, he's surprised because "they always seem to be in a hurry to get places
Joey and Chandler frantically prepare to meet Joey's psycho stalker. Chandler grabs a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Joey opens the door to reveal the stunning Brooke Shieldsand the bottle lets out a squirt of liquid.
Richard, Ross, and Monica have arrived at the Geller home.
Judy: "Did you two thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
Ross: "I think Monica thanked him for both of us."
Jack and company are teasing Richard about his "twinkie" girlfriend, unaware that it's Monica. Jack suggests that he loan Richard his Porsche, and that maybe he can. . .
Ross: "Dad, I BEG you not to finish that sentence!
TOW with Phoebe's Husband and they're watching Joey's porno movie: "Wait the guy's butt is blocking me...There I am...There I am....There I am...."
From the episode where Chandler sees Rachel's breasts and Rachel wants to see his penis to make things even:
Rachel: Tit for tat.
Chandler: I'm not showing you my tat.
Joey: I ever see that guy again you know what I'm gonna do?
Chandler: Bend over?
In the episode after Rachel and Ross break up when Rachel goes out with Mark.
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I’m doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I’m just doing it to get back at Ross. I’m sorry, it’s not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel: Oh God. I’m sorry about this.
Mark: That’s okay.
Rachel: You sure?
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
In regards to Monica's ex-boyfriend, (the "I Win!" guy) Monica mentions that they went out for a certain number of time, and she "never got to win once."
Ross, Rachel and Chandler are moving Ross' new couch up the stairs. Ross made a diagram of how to move the couch. After pointing out himself:
Rachel: Boy, you really think a lot of yourself there
Ross: That's my ARM
Chandler: Oh, I just thought you REALLY liked the couch
Rachel: Since when do you take naps in that position?
In "TOW The Wedding Dresses"
Monica: Y’know, I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over…
Joey: Ohhh, yeah!
Monica: He would just roll me over, and I would stop snoring.
Chandler: Next time you snore, I’m rolling ya over!
Joey: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
In "TOW The Fertility Test" Chandler is talking to Janice about having to "do it" into a cup and she says: "do you need a hand?"
Also Janice saying "they gave you the kiddie size!" at the fertility clinic.
Also this conversation:
Monica: It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: I cannot believe Ross told you that! And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Monica: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Chandler: Yeah, okay. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worse than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Joey: Well, it's, like, last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Chandler: Yes, I know. As it happens my room is very very close to the parade route
In TOW the Prom Video, when Joey gives Chandler the bracelet and urges him to put it on
From TOW The Embryos, Joey and Chandler are guessing the items in Rachel's groccery bag and Chandler whispers in Joey's ear, Joey's response:
Joey: No, not for another two weeks
In "TOW No One's Ready":
Rachel: I'm not wearing that, Ross, unlees you'd also like me to bring my inflatable sheep. (To Chandler) Which, by the way, I'd like to get back sometime.
Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping.
Chandler: The sheep!
Rachel: Hey, what you do on your own time...
In the one where Rachel and Ross have their first date at the museum, Rachel lifts up the loincloth of the caveman and raises her eyebrows.
When Marcel was in heat, Rachel tells Ross he went into her room and her Curious George is no longer curious(Rachel later hands him the doll on the place so he can have "something to play with"). In a similar vein, Rachel tells Ross thanks to Marcel, her wedding Barbie can no longer wear white.
In TOW the Evil Orthodontist, after Rachel and Barry get it on in the patient chair:
"...and it's so nice having this little sink here!"
Chandler and Monica have sex while Emma is napping in the living room. Joey tells them he knows the two of them were having sex because of Chandler's hair — "Would it kill ya to get on top once in awhile - you lazy bastard!??"
In "TOW The Truth About London" Joey walks in on them (Monica hides under the covers) to grab some condoms, Chandler says he's "watching a mooo. vee. Leading Joey to think he's getting some solo love. Joey starts to take off with the condoms and Chandler asks for one, weirding Joey out a bit. Back in the current scene, Joey says "That's what that was? I thought you were on to something there but it did nothing for me."
Phoebe is talking about the amazing connection she had with a guy and how she felt it and Monica questioned her about it and she had to explain that she "felt it on her thigh".
Phoebe massaging Paolo, and him rolling over — "Was it...?" "Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there!"
Joey invites the stripper at Ross's bachelor party to stay the night, he says, "I'll let you play with my duck"
In the pilot, when they're all in the coffee shop and Rachel comes in...
She and Monica talk, then she introduces herself to everyone, and leans in to say hi to Ross...
Rachel: Do you remember when we were in high school together?
Joey mentioning he left the butter in after having sex on the kitchen table.
When Ross first started teaching at the university and wanted to practice his lecture on them. He kept staring at his notecards so Joey asked if there were naked chicks on them because he'd never seen a guy stare at something that much that didn't have naked chicks on them. They all give Ross a hard time for awhile, Joey suggests naked chick visual aids, until:
Ross: I don't know why I talk to you guys. You know what, I'm going to do it on my own, with no naked chicks!
Chandler: That's the way I did it till I was 19.
Ross remarking that no one but him will be enjoying his "magic hands"
Chandler tells Monica he has a surprise for her and she says "Honey, I'm not going to put my hand in your pocket!"
Rachel was flirting with the OB/GYN and he admitted that he didn't date much? After learning that she's a waitress, we get this beauty:
"Don't you ever go home after a long day and think, "God, if I see just one more cup of coffee..."
Ross complaining about Rachel kissing her co-worker:
Ross: If she's going to go around kissing other guys, then I am too!
TOW the Stripper when Chandler and Joey answer the door to find the hooker standing there, and Joey blows that little party favor straight out.
Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Joey's shirt with Calvin doing Hobbes and Rachel's comment, "I wouldn't think Hobbes would like that..."
The guys and girls are having a mini argument using a show as a metaphor for sex - kissing is the opening act, and after the show the guys want rest, and then Rachel says if the opening act won't come back the guy can watch the show alone, and Joey ends it all with "are we still talking about sex?"
When we learn Chandler's mother pops into his head during sex, Joey says:
Joey: It's OK! I always picture your mom when I'm havin' sex!
TOW All the Resolutions, when they're making their resolutions, Ross says how this year he's going to be happy - he's going to make himself happy. And then Chandler tells him to go into the other room.
When Chandler quits his job and gets all freaked out about not working. Monica: "I just lost my erection." Then they decide she'll help him find a new job, giving her the chance to use her folders of many colors and label maker. Monica: "I got my erection back!"
Joey mentions going to the sperm bank
Joey: I just go down there every other day and make my contribution. At the end of the two weeks, I get $700.
Phoebe: Wow, you're going to be making money hand over fist.
Charlie and Ross are kissing on a bed and then they decide they have to talk to Joey first? Ross says he has to just sit there for a moment and concentrates on imagining his grandma.
One of Ursula's pornos was called "Lawrence of A Labia
Also when Joey and Chandler get free porn and they watch "Good Will Humping" and "In and Out and In Again".
In TOW Ross And Rachel You Know
Ross: No, no, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Well maybe he was nervous.
TOW The Flashback:
Ross: Ow...the dumb balls keep getting in the way. [proceeds to hold up two pool balls in his hand]
Also in that scene:
Ross: I can't get it out.
Phoebe: That's not what a girl wants to hear.
In one episode the word "vulva" somehow managed to slip by.
Chandler being cranky at the strip bar...
Monica: Somebody needs another lap dance!
Janice at the fertility clinic refering to her husband : I don't allow porn at home so it's just like a vacation for him in there!
In the episode with Chandler and Joanna and the cuffs. At the beginning, when Rachel catches Joanna at the apartment, Joey keeps making these "squeaking bed" type noises in response to every question Rachel asks Joey.
In TOW Phoebe's Wedding
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
At Ross's wedding:
Judy Geller: Oh sorry we're late, my fault. I insisted on riding the tube.
Jack Geller: Judy? The kids...
Judy Geller: Jack, that's what they call the subway
When Joey accidentally gets a a birthday cake that looks like a penis
Judy: Oh my god, Jack, doesn't it look exactly like...
Jack: You're right, the resemblance is uncanny!
Also Monica accidentally finding Jack and Judy's "video"
When Ross and Rachel are making their Lists, and Ross includes Dorothy Hammil...
Rachel: You know, she only spins like that on ice.
Ross singing "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!" to Emma
On the episode where Rachel is teaching Joey to sail, she asks him, How do you get the mainsail up? and he says, I don't know, rub it?
In TOW The Late Thanksgiving: Ross(refering to Monica and Chandler looking everybody out of the apartment) says "Oh sure, they lock the door for this, but when they are having sex on the couch it's like: 'Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy.'"
Monica and Chandler in the bathtub. Joey calls and Monica puts her head under water.. Chandler's explanation: "I've had a very hard day."
Cheryl: Would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!
The storyline where Monica helps Joey make something to prove he was 'anatomically not Jewish' "It's like trying to grow a turtleneck. It's more like a wrap. It may shrink, so let's get rid of that one"
Ross: 'I'm moving around so much, I'm starting to feel like a nomad'
Joey starts to laugh (he thought Ross said Gonads)
In TOW The Lesbian Wedding:
Joey: "How come I'm stuck dicing and he gets to ball a melon?"
Chandler talking about Wendy trying to hit on him
Chandler: (on the phone with Monica) She's regional vice president; she's just below me.
Monica: She did what?!
Chandler: BE-LOW ME.
Phoebe: Next we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs, if we could get any of that we wouldn't be doing the ritual.
In TOW Joe's Big Break Joey asked Phoebe if she has traveled and she replies "I've been around".
In the episode where Phoebe, Monica and Chandler are babysitting the triplets, Phoebe says that she can still put her legs behind her head (like babies often do) and Monica says, "How are you still single?"
Rachel: It's unisex!
Joey: Maybe YOU need sex - I had sex yesterday.
Rachel: No, Joey - U-N-I-sex
Joey: Well I ain't gonna say no to that!
Chandler "achieving phase three" after Monica and Rachel tell him about which strippers they would get together with, as well as the final scene of the episode.
TOW The Videotape when Rachel and Ross are watching the tape together, at first they like it, then Rachel "ooh, that doesn't look pretty!" then they both start wincing at what they see.
Chandler is on the phone looking for a stripper for a bachelor party, and he asks her what kind of 'tricks' she will do for extra money. There's a pause while "Crystal Chandelier" responds on the other end, and then Chandler asks if he would need to provide the grapes himself.
In the pilot when Monica sleeps with Paul the Wine Guy, the next morning she can't stop smiling. Rachel says, "I can see. It looks like you slept with a hanger in your mouth."