"When Tallahassee goes Hulk on a zombie, he sets the standard for not-to-be-fucked-with. Nothing to fear, nothing to lose... what can I say, it's like... it's like art."
"Sometimes Tallahassee's right. You gotta enjoy the little things... even if it involves breaking a lot of little things."
"Oh my GOD. Look at this fucking clown! Of course it had to be a clown... No, wait; it had to be a clown... and it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize... that some rules..."
(RULE #17: DON'T BE A HERO —> BE A HERO)
"That look on my face? That was me realizing that those two girls in the black truck and that big guy in the snakeskin jacket were the closest thing to what I always wanted but never had - family. I trusted them and they trusted me. Rule #32. Enjoy The Little Things. Tallahassee got his Twinkie. And even though we knew life would never be simple or innocent again, as he savored that spongy yellow log of cream, we had hope. We had each other. And without other people, well you might as well be a zombie."
"So until next time, remember: Cardio, Seatbelts, and this really has nothing to do with anything but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I'm Columbus Ohio from Zombieland saying: goodnight."Lines from Tallahassee
"Is it better to be smart... or lucky?"
"Oh my god. You're thinking of fucking Wichita! Well wish granted, she spent the last 24 hours fucking us both."
"You got a purdy mouth." (Just before beating a zombie to death after playing Dueling Banjos to lure it out into the open).
"Thank God for rednecks!" (Upon finding a large cache of weapons in the back of a Hummer)
Columbus: Did you hear, about this place that's totally zombie-free..?
Tallahassee: Out east, right?
Columbus: You heard the same thing too?.
Tallahassee: That's the problem... back east they think it's out west, out west people think it's back east. It's all nonsense. Like, if you were a penguin in the North Pole, you think the South Pole's looking nice this time of year.
Columbus: But there are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?
[when Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock all pull guns on each other ]
Columbus: Oh for FUCK'S SAKE! We are being chased by ravenous zombies, you don't think we have enough problems? 'Oh, she stole my hummer', "We have trust issues," well GET OVER IT! Can't we just stay on the road and play I-Spy like four normal-ass Americans?! Fuck me!!
Columbus: I know, right?!
Tallahassee: ...Let me be the mature one. [puts down his gun]
[our heroes are playing Monopoly in Bill Murray's mansion]
Wichita: Oooh, Free Parking... which is incidentally the best thing about Zombieland.
Columbus: No, the best thing about Zombieland... no more Facebook status. "Rob Curtis is gearing up for the weekend"... who cares.
Tallahassee: "Best thing about Zombieland? No flushing. Epic.