The future ain't what it used to be.
Comic books and space films share the concept that the future will look like the Bauhaus gone berserk
, all straight lines and no color.
Log entry: March 16th, 1980... Crow:
Oh, our old future.
Diahann Carroll sings something. Jay:
She's okay, the song
is horrible...and the, um, elderly Wookie is getting off to it. Mike:
In the virtual reality helmet, which is basically a 1960's hair dryer. Rich:
With a blast shield. Mike: "With the blast shield down, I can't see anything." Rich:
"How am I supposed to jerk off?"
Back to the wedding scene. Now, I'll tell you what really
bothers me: It's them GREEN PLASTIC DRUM CYMBALS!
Why do they have to have space
cymbals? is it to remind us that we're in the future?
Look, the cymbal goes back to prehistoric times, and you're askin' me to believe that all the way from then up to the last coupla' years they started makin' drum cymbals in transparent green plastic?
And if any of you faggots post a comment sayin' it's supposed to be some kinda semi-transparent green metal alloy that reverberates sound much better
than traditional cymbals, well then you ain't gettin' sent a pizza roll, you got it?!
Because we've consistently seen Star Trek
characters playing traditional wood, wind and stringed instruments all throughout Star Trek
! Riker even played a fuckin' trumpet! None o' these instruments have been turned into a transparent green plastic!
What the hell is all THIS
shit? There's metallic sea sponges everywhere, there's titanium rocket jockstraps, headless parrots with bottle caps, floating eyeballs entrapped in glass lids! How is this all happening!? Oh, of course!
It's the year 2010
Nothing says 'yesterday' like something that said 'tomorrow!
That's me; both hands on the keyboard, one foot in the Swing Age
. If I could afford it, I'd drive a car with tail fins.
You can tell when a Hollywood historical film was made by looking at the eye makeup of their leading ladies, and you can tell the date of an old science fiction novel by every word on the page. Nothing dates harder and faster and more strangely than the future.
We are living in the future. I'll tell you how I know I read it in the paper fifteen years ago We're all driving in rocket ships and talking with our minds Wearing turquoise jewelry and standing in soup lines
— John Prine, "Living In the Future"
is chrome in the future!
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. And one of the games to which it is most attached is called, 'Keep tomorrow dark,' and which is also named (by the rustics in Shropshire, I have no doubt) 'Cheat the Prophet.' The players listen very carefully and respectfully to all that the clever men have to say about what is to happen in the next generation. The players then wait until all the clever men are dead, and bury them nicely. Then they go and do something else. That is all. For a race of simple tastes, however, it is great fun.
Any Resemblance To Actual Future Is Purely Coincidental
You will BE AMAZED by the INCREDIBLE FUTURE OF 2009 with its jetpacks, flying cars, domed cities, alien monsters and vast electronic superbrains! Where rocketships TRAVEL TO THE STARS and alluring robot girls cater to YOUR EVERY DESIRE! You will GASP AT INCONCEIVABLE MARVELS like mobile telephones, interstate highways, automatic sliding doors, artificial satellites, and weapons of mass destruction!
— Blurb for Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space
(discussing the Captain Proton holodeck adventures): This is how you've been spending your free time? Tom Paris
: Well, I've been studying how past generations viewed the future. Captain Janeway
: And? Tom Paris
: Well, it didn't work out quite as black and white as they imagined.
Look at all the great things mankind has achieved on Earth. War, crime, and lawyers have been abolished. Every housewife has an automatic dishwashing robot. Atomic power stations provide safe and efficient energy to billions. Computers are so powerful that only five are needed worldwide. Hunger and famine have been eliminated through the invention of Soylent Green. DDT has wiped out malaria-carrying mosquitoes and those pesky birds that used to crap all over everything. McDonald's
franchises can be found everywhere from the Moon to the bottom of the ocean. Why, we were making our first leap into interstellar space by 1990!
— Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians