Quotes / Yiddish as a Second Language

Goy: ... The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:
"I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. The B'nai Brith is goyish. The Hadassah is Jewish. Marine Corps — heavy goyish, dangerous.
"Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes — goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them ..."
Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish

"There are some goyisha names that just about guarantee that someone isn't Jewish. For example, you'll never meet a Jew named Johnson or Wright or Jones or Sinclair or Ricks or Stevenson or Reid or Larsen or Jenks. But some goyisha names just about guarantee that every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish. Why is this?
Who knows? Learned rabbis have pondered this question for centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think you can find one? Get serious. You don't even understand why it's forbidden to eat crab — fresh cold crab with mayonnaise — or lobster — soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter. You don't even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz? Fat Chance."
Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Common Jewish Expressions

kasha, n: Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"? I know what they are — they're kasha. But that doesn't help you much.
Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish

The Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.
Pinky and the Brain, "The Cranial Crusader"

Mr Sheffield: Where is Miss Fine anyway?
Niles: Oh, she's upstairs getting all farpitzed.
Mr Sheffield: What does that mean?
Niles: You know, dressed.
Mr Sheffield: I thought that was farblondzhet.
Niles: No, sir, that means confused.
Mr Sheffield: No, man, that's farkatke.
Niles: Well, then, what's farshimmelt?
Mr Sheffield: I think that's her uncle.

"This is playing to his strengths, you PUTZ!”
The Red Eagle glared suspiciously at Mephisto. “Are you by any chance… Jewish?”
Mephisto glared back. “NO. I was in Show Biz - they use a lot of Yiddish, because Yiddish has so many great words for people who are being STUPID! If I was Jewish, would I be working for the fucking Nazis?”