Quotes: Yet Another Stupid Death

Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny 'cos they're true. Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, hope next time it's not you!
Horrible Histories, "Death"

This dimension cuts like a knife
(You are dead, dead, dead...)
What a pitiful waste of a human life
(You are dead, dead, dead...)

What the fuck just happened? (Happened)
Great now Iím stuck here on the ice!
And my coatís fucking gone
(itís gone, itís gone, itís gone)
Fucking dammit, I just froze to death
— A Nancy Drew filk note 

Skippy sank in lava, Corwin turned to slime,
They could both see what was coming but they couldn't pray in time.
Pinky fought a soldier ant that crawled out of his backpack
They were all in love with dyin', they were doing it in
Bertha swung Mjollnir like a Valkyrie in the rain,
Then she lost her mind in Sokoban; a flayer ate her brain.
They were all in love with dyin', usin' every keyboard function,
As they tried to find the Amulet, somewhere in the dungeon.
— First verse of a NetHack filk by Rob Balder

You wanna play shit? This is your grandfather's shit.

(James hurries across a superhighway, gets struck by pigs, teleports to a swamp and drowns)

...w-w-WHAT HAPPENED?! (scoffs) Only on Atari!
The Angry Video Game Nerd on Porky's for Atari2600


Bullshit!! DYNAMITE? Lady, you have fucking gremlins with dynamite in your basement! Aw, that's just great. The Avatar, the slayer of Exodus, is one-hit by a gremlin. Fuck you...


Bullshit!! Aw, that was bullshit! The fuck was that? —oh, it's a spider, yeah, good. The Avatar is dead and the world is now doomed because of a spider.

Now, I never reviewed Dark Souls, because other titles were out and my playtime was limited — and every time I sat down to it, it was like walking into a dark shed full of rakes, immediately treading on one and getting BLAT!-ered in the face. Other people with more time on their hands started telling me it was the greatest thing since tummy rubs, so I'd go back in the shed thinking, 'well, maybe there was just the one rake', before BLAT! in the face again. So I left it for awhile, but this week, with plenty of free time in my schedule I thought to myself, 'Last chance, I'll just keep tanking the rakes and maybe I'll somehow become really psychotically into being rake-faced just in time to be prepared for the sequel.