Quotes / Wrong Genre Savvy

"Well, perhaps I can guess a little," said Mr. Pond modestly. "But that's only because I've kept in mind what we said at the beginning — about the misleading way in which things remind us of romantic things; only they are never rounded off like the romance. You see, the trouble is that, when a real event reminds us of a novel, we unconsciously think we know all about it, because we know all about the novel. We have got into a groove or rut of familiar fiction; and we can't help thinking the groove runs forward and backward as it does in fiction. We've got the whole background of the story at the back of our minds; and we can't believe that we're really in another story. We always assume something that is assumed in the fictional story; and it isn't true. Once assume the wrong beginning, and you'll not only give the wrong answer but you ask the wrong question. In this case, you've got a mystery; but you've got hold of the wrong mystery."
The Paradoxes of Mr. Pond, by G. K. Chesterton.

Joe: Sometimes, the only way to deal with a madman is to send in another madman.
Linkara: That's a stupid plan.
Joe: Exactly! A stupid plan for a stupid man.
Linkara: Are you high?!

"Stories can be subtle and can take many forms, and they even seem to resent being exploited. A character who tries to cast himself as the Brave Peasant Lad Who Outwits The Troll may find that heís actually one of the Twenty Poor Peasants Eaten By The Troll Before The Knight Comes Along. He might even end up as the Devious Little Human Squashed By The Troll Hero. (Troll fairy-stories arenít especially subtle.)"
—The Discworld Roleplaying Game, on the dangers of playing with the Theory of Narrative Causality.

Rain: My hero. What's it like? Life as a spy, I mean.
Paris: (caught out) Classified.
Rain: Oh, right. I forgot. But you said 'secret' agent, and nobody says secret agent! And you do that a lot. You get things not quite right, like you don't belong here.
Star Trek: Voyager ("Future's End")

T-Rex: Guess what, mom? I got a job I don't want as a florist today, entirely by accident!
T-Rex's mom: How come this sort of stuff happens to you, T-Rex?
T-Rex: MOM It's because I am trying to live in CARTOONS.

Steve: Dude, she has a boyfriend. Telling her you're in love with her is kind of fucked up.
Sven: Why? I was just being honest.
Steve: Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy.
Sven: Whatever. I just don't understand why it didn't work. It's like in a Romantic Comedy. She's dating a jerk and I'm the good guy who finally comes clean about his feelings. She should've thrown herself at me!
Steve: Okay first of all Angus is a good dude. Second of all, This isn't a romantic comedy.

Sonic: When is it a mistake to take your toys away?
Eggman: When it's the only thing keeping six angry Zeti from controlling my mechs, you moronic hedgehog!

"What's she thinking? She's supposed to get angry and say 'No way!'"

"Acetic acid would conduct electricity better [than hydrochloric acid] because that would be a good reason to put it in the question."
Tim's Chemistry Exam note 

Booker T: Browski Boot? He just called it Woo Woo Woo!
Josh Matthews: No, he yells Woo Woo Woo before delivering the Browski Boot!
Friday Night Smackdown

"There's only one creature capable of making a footprint that size." *Dramatic Pause* "The abominable snowman!"
Lumpy, King Kong (2005)

Brock Samson: *playing The Walking Dead* Ugh! These freaking zombies!
Brock Samson: How many times do I have to tell you, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Poker Night 2 teaser trailer.

"Life is not a song, sweetling. You'll learn that one day, to your sorrow."
Littlefinger to Sansa Stark, A Song of Ice and Fire

Saba: Quick, Tommy! The circle on it's chest! It must be the weak spot!
Tommy: Right! AYAAAH!
Tigerzord punches Epyon's chest.... to absolutely no effect
Zechs: Hmph. Don't get cocky.
Tommy: What? It didn't explode?!
Saba: Well this defies all logic!

In their heads they think that they're the hero through and through
And not the schmuck who's gunned down in the middle of Act Two
So don't mention Montana or your grandmama at home
Or you'll just guarantee the happy hunting grounds you'll roam.
Here's to the Heroes, Terence Chua of Khaosworks.org

"He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!"

Sarah: Ow! She bit me!
Hoggle: What did you expect fairies to do?
Sarah: Like granting wishes.
Hoggle: Shows how much you know about fairies.

"We're being cheated! I haven't had any scenes with my Hero yet! How can we develop a meaningful relationship, let alone a passionate sex scene in the first five chapters, if he's not even in this story?"
Brigiditta, Queen of the Celts, Mathemagics by Margaret Ball