Quotes / Worst News Judgment Ever

Nearly a full day has passed since the mass disappearances whisked away every single child on the planet, but this fact has not yet registered with Marge or Buck or any of the other crack journalists at "GW". ... This is understandable. Buck, after all, is a Very Important Journalist and his top priority just now has to be to get to New York to get started on a story about a conference of Jewish nationalists. Clearly, that's a bigger priority for GW's readers than some little item from the now-superfluous "parenting" pages.

BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bullsh*t?

I don't know what you call this stuff, but it sure isn't news!

We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news. A kitten is stuck in a tree! That poor kitten! Will the fire department get to it in time?! And in other news, an explosion has completely destroyed a downtown city block.
Bakuhatsu Yangire houjo

"God knows why, but the kid from Vault 101 is scouring the Capital Wasteland for a unique brand of Nuka-Cola. It's called Nuka-Cola Quantum, and I believe it was made in limited quantities before the war. I've also heard it tastes like radscorpion shit and turns your piss blue. Or does it taste like radscorpion piss and turn your shit blue? Whatever. Hey, wouldn't you know it, the Lone Wanderer is done collecting bottles of soda. Christ, talk about your slow news days."
Three Dog, Fallout 3

Matt: Stryker hands Wolverine a newspaper to prove that Pippin’s best pal has been murdered, and it legitimately has the meanest headline ever written: “CIRCUS FREAK DEAD.” One Woodward and Bernstein comes along and journalists all over think they can just say whatever they want!
Chris: The original headline was “GET A LOAD OF THIS A**HOLE,” but they decided to show a little respect to the departed.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X-Men Origins: Wolverine

"I think we drum good people out of politics who are defined by the single worst thing they have ever done as opposed to the context of their public life, and I think we make it much, much easier for people who have no business holding office to enter the process.

Because when you are not talking about ideas, world views, and agendas, when you are talking about character and personality, it makes it very easy for for someone to float through the process, without ever having to explain themselves or demonstrate what they know."

This should be making headlines. I should be delivering, "Extra! Extra! Lawn Ornament Attacks Paperboy!", instead of, "Paperboy Calls it Quits!" That's not newsworthy!

;tFAKE_NEWSPAPER_STORIES_0 - used for humor as secondary headlines on the newspaper
1364 "Murder in the park - Detectives baffled"
1365 "Unrest in Poland"
1366 "Weather forecast - Cloudy"
1367 "Bumper crop of mosquitoes expected soon"
1368 "National debt climbs to record high"
1369 "Yet another killing spree in the capitol"
1370 "New archaeological discoveries in Africa"
1371 "Record rainfall in the Gobi Desert!"
1372 "Record price paid for Rembrandt painting at auction"
1373 "New national workers holiday declared"
1374 "Scientists discover yet another cancer causing agent"
1375 "Increased military spending spurs popular protests"
1376 "Free vaccinations approved for all children"
1377 "Tax hike approved"
1378 "Renewed fighting in the Middle East"
1379 "Tensions rise in the Balkans"
1380 "New cult leader says the end of the world is at hand"
1381 "Bribery scandal rocks government"
1382 "Hats go on as swallows return to Capistrano"
1383 "Scientist Paul Mullen discovers Bigfoot in nearby forest"
1384 "Toilet paper shortage - stock up now!"
Railroad Tycoon II source code