"It went like this. Sam Register phoned me up and said, "We'd really like you to write a GI JOE animation, at a PG-13 rating, aimed at an older viewer."
I said, "I've never seen a GI JOE cartoon in my life. The closest I got to a GI JOE comic was drinking with Larry Hama. I've never even seen a GI JOE. Couldn't tell you what they look like if you paid me. I know nothing about GI JOE. It is meaningless in my world."
"Excellent," Sam said. "Just the guy we need."
It was hard not to notice, at this point, that Sam Register is crazier than a shithouse rat. Therefore I decided to take the job."
"G.I. Joe: Resolute is like Warren Ellis made tender, passionate love to our childhoods, and he had an enormous dick."
"What? I bring joy to the world. I am filled with mirth and sunlight. Also, I am Batman."
"I admit that I have sometimes claimed to be Batman in the past. But only when really, really drunk."
A lot of people — including some respected professionals — told me that lowering the price of a comic was suicide. We're probably going to top out at around 25,000. So, basically, up your arses.
Does the Emperor wear no clothes? Or are you simply imagining him naked?
"It is so fucking cold. Outside, the sky's cut in half. There's this huge black cloudbank covering half the sky, just radiating cold and rain and doom, waiting for me to step outside. And it's not moving. It's waiting. The other half? Blue sky. Every erg of heat in England just flying up through it into space. There's some Russian bastard on the ISS right now looking down and saying, see, my country is saved, the Russian winter is moving east to FREEZE WARREN'S NUTS OFF."
"You can't write a graphic novel thinking about a future movie because that way leads to madness or Mark Millar."
"Stephen King says that if you forget an idea, then it can't have been any good. He means he, not you. You are not Stephen King. Do not attempt to emulate Stephen King at home."
"What happens when a superhero’s pursuit of justice leads him to the inexorable conclusion that he must kill his President to save his country?...This is the freedom of doing a piece of superhero fiction outside the auspices of company ownership or the weight of continuity: the big questions can be asked in a very direct and brutal manner. In this world, masked adventurers on the run are not going to be pursued, tricked and trapped by their estranged colleagues. Every last one of them is going to be hunted by the combined forces of the US military structure. It is, to my mind, what would always happen — the streets of America would be secured by soldiers and gun emplacements and helicopters against the threat of the flying superhuman.
And for those who think I’m being anti-American, consider this: in Britain, we’d just have the SAS kill them in their beds. You people are young, and have not yet learned how to do business."
"Warren Ellis has killed over forty people in single combat over the last two years. Eight of them died by Ellis' bare hands and teeth. So let's have no more smart comments about the English and their bad teeth. He ripped out their throats and bit their hearts in half. That takes good teeth. Hearts are hard. Dense and chewy. You couldn't do it."
—About the Author
cover blurb for Planetary
I love science fiction. It’s where I can let rip. I have the actual scientific education of a mollusc, mind you. I am crap at science. I mean, I was the kid at school who managed to set water on fire, you know? My greatest achievement in science, according to one of my teachers, was climbing up on a table and kicking the shit out of a guy who’d been bugging me for a month.(Said teacher came up afterwards and told me this, and also that he wished he’d done it.) But I read science news obsessively. I love the way science SOUNDS. I love the ideas for their art. There’s a crazy beauty about a theory of dimensional structure that assembles itself into a snowflake, or the idea that reality is a two-dimensional plane of information and the 3-D universe is a hologrammatic side-effect. And that’s how I write science fiction. I use the sound of the ideas and then make it all up.
And then it all comes true anyway. The years since I finished TRANSMETROPOLITAN have been a litany of horror. That book is COMING TRUE. Right down to the stupid details Darick Robertson and I threw in like two-headed cats and cameras in shades. Every time I invent something, lately, it turns up in the news six months later(including but not limited to space shuttles blowing up, and in a script I decided not to finish, snipers terrorizing cities.) And then I have to open up the throttle a little more and let more horrible shit out from the back of my head.
It's possible that I'm actually driving humanity towards total apocalypse.
—Epilogue to Angel Stomp Future