"CRAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIN!!!
THESE WOOOOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEAL!!!
FEEEEEAR IS HOOOOW I FAAAALL!!!
CONFUUUUSING WHAAAAT IS REEEEEEAL!!!!"
"How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on, as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me"
"We're all familiar with the tragedy of being you
It's hard to show you any sympathy when all you do is beg for pain
Baby, someone is crazy and it's you"
"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything, all at once?
I am one of those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it."
"Oh poor twisted me
Oh poor twisted me
I feast on sympathy
I chew on suffer
I chew on agony
"I'm seein' this girl and she just might be out of her mind
She's got baggage and it's of the emotional kind
She talks about "closure" and that "validation" bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit"
"Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love: husbands and wives who can't communicate, children who can't communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on, and in real life, I might add, spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate. I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up."
—Tom Lehrer, That Was The Year That Was
"I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start."
Nihilist 1: His girlfriend cut off her toe!
Nihilist 2: We thought we were getting a million dollars!
Nihilist 3: [Whining] Is not fair!
Walter: "FAIR"?! Who's the fucking nihilists around here? Ya bunch of fuckin' crybabies!
"You just don't get it, do you!? This self punishment thing! It's too deep for you!! See?! I'm deep now! And that means I do deep stuff! Like this!" (bangs head against wall) "And THIS!" (bang) "AND THIS!!!" (bang)
— Penance, Deadpool/GLI Summer Fun Spectacular
Computer: Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows, but it is time for Sgt. Pinback to feed the alien.
Sgt. Pinback: Awww, I don't wanna do that!
Computer: May I remind you, Sgt. Pinback, it was your idea to bring the alien on board in the first place. If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.
Sgt. Pinback: Awwwwww, I gotta do everything around here!
"For the love of meat, shut up! No one wants to hear your emo character background! My hands are literally melting away, and I'm complaining less than you!"
You don't understand! You ALL understand! I mean... don't understand!
— Strong Bad, after his Compy is destroyed, sbemail 118: virus
Bob: Hey there, pink stuff! Playin' dress-up?
Molly: Oh, nothing so frivolous as that, Daddy! I'm disguising myself from a humanity that hates and fears me! Yet even so, I must defend them against all who would threaten them! Even as the selfsame ones I protect seek my destruction! The angst! Mommy! Daddy! The angst!!
Bob: You've been reading those comics with the mutants again, huh?
Molly: Oh, but they're mature, Daddy! All about suffering! I mean, the characters talk about how much they're suffering all the time!
Leave me allllloooooooone! I vant to be ALONE! I want to wallow in... whatever it is that ponies are supposed to wallow in! ... Do ponies wallow in pity...? OH, listen to me, I don't even know what I'm suuposed to wallow in! I'M SO PATHHHHEEEEEEETIIIIIC!
Here lies Squidward's hopes and dreams
—Engraving on a tombstone, Spongebob Squarepants
"What a baby."
—Mr. Krabs, in response to the above, also from Spongebob Squarepants
"What a baby."
—Squidward, to a wallowing Mr. Krabs for failing to get a million dollar deal, at the end of the same episode of Spongebob Squarepants as the prior two responses.
"I am the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom!"
—Squidward in "Sponge-Cano"
"I suffer dreadfully, and no-one cares."
—Henry, Thomas the Tank Engine, "Coal"
Keven Sandusky: Wow! The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous!
— Tropic Thunder after yet another actor breakdown
At first I loved Simple Plan. Then I realized, with creeping horror, that they were serious.
"Nobody will ever understand the torment I feel. The torment of an extremely attractive ninja who is lusted after by pretty much every girl he's ever met. Mine is indeed a tormented existence. Filled with torment. And girls. Girls with their breasts. They torment me so."
— Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto The Abridged Comedy Spoof Series Show
Rose: Jack, lets talk about your tragic past as a Child Soldier.
"I'm feeling cranky and pubescent today, and I don't know why! I think I'll take it out on people I like! Grrrr!"
"Other than losing his brother Allie, Holden has no external problems. He is a rich kid living in the most amazing city in the world. Rather than appreciating his good fortune or trying to make the most of his bountiful opportunities, Holden seeks out fruitless conflict. If you still doubt that happiness fundamentally reflects personality, not circumstances, CITR can teach you something."
"The characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan."
"I watched an anime once. Dude pulled a gun at the start of the episode, fired it at the end, and everything in-between was angst! I wouldn't mind, but he missed!"
"..whereas the characters in previous Final Fantasy games would feel right at home in the pages of 1970s Marvel Comics, Final Fantasy VIII's cast seems better suited for Apartment 3-G or Mark Trail."
—Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"
"You must admit that Auron shows great restraint to not backhand the little pissant's teeth out."
"Robin is upset because (In a whiny voice) He wanted to get Mr. Freeeeeze! In fact, most of Robin's dialogue is just bitching and moaning. You might as well replace all his dialogue with (Incoherent whining)''."
"‘Hi, my name’s Harry read me like a book Kim’ – you said it pal! Wouldn’t it have been wonderful for Harry to be desperate to fight off feelings for another man? Instead it is for a holodeck character which is about as square as you can get on Voyager. So at least he is consistent. It's not even that he is so rubbish that he falls in love with nothing (literally nothing), but that he cannot even handle his feelings for something that is completely malleable. If it were me and it was a holodeck character that I fancied I would programme him to be horny as hell and get my end away...I gave up all hope for the character. He just doesn’t have a inch of interest in him. ‘Am I that predictable?’ he asks, predictably... It is Garrett Wang who I feel sorry for mostly – I have never seen an actor saddled with such vacuous bore of a character over a such a prolonged period of time. Harry is at his all time most pathetic in Alter Ego and given how pathetic he usually is that is quite a statement."
Chris: Yeah, have we been given any reason to like Clark? Any reason at all?
David: He’s Superman, duh!
Chris: No, he’s the Blur.
David: But he broods more than Batman.
"For those that missed this, in a single page, JMS gives the worst reasoning possible for Superman deciding to go Forrest Gumping across the US. Basically, after saving the world during New Krypton, Superman holds a press conference and a woman shows up, slaps him, says she could care less about his intergalactic whatsits and blames him for not saving her husband... from a brain tumor. The ball isn't dropped her so much as thrown to the floor and stomped on. It could have worked if say the dude died from, I don't know, the Parasite attacking and Superman being off planet. Instead, we get brain tumor. I guess instead of saving the world from massive death and destruction and enslavement, Superman should just go around x-raying everyone on the planet to check their health. Although, how's that for universal healthcare. What really makes it worse is that this actually works and Superman feels bad so bad he starts his hobo adventures."
—Topless Robot, "The 5 Best and Worst Comics of 2010"
"I'm an alien, no one understands me, wah wah wah!"
"Oh, hey, it’s a new plotline in Crankshaft, and here, in the very first panel, you can see a brief glimmer of happiness! I think Pam’s supposed to be smiling? But by panel three, she’s already managed, with zero input from anyone else, to talk herself into Funkyverse-typical heavy-lidded depression. Not … the food truck rodeo! I dunno, I think of a gathering of food trucks in a public space when the weather’s nice to be a fun way to spend lunch, but I’m sure we’ll find out what’s wrong with it soon enough."
"[Anakin Skywalker] whines and moans his way through his role, reducing the tragedy of his inevitable fall to something on the level of a spoiled child not getting a toy that he wants and subsequently throwing a temper tantrum."
You've always insisted that no one can completely understand your problems. That raises the question of why you won't fucking stop talking about them, then.