Quotes / Villain Ball

"You had it made! You could have been the biggest thief of all time, but you had to target my ancestors and blow your own cover. You exposed your operation because of your ego!"

And so apparently the world was once again saved due to the villains being totally incompetent. Now onto weather...
Television set, being watched by Dan's Author Avatar in the El Goonish Shive strip Too Tired to Care

Yeah, he just killed thirty people without a second thought, of course he's not gonna shoot YOU!
Film Brain's review of Cobra

I don't really think he thought this one all the way through. Here's another tip: When your archnemesis is named "The Beastmaster", don't challenge him to a fight IN A FUCKIN' ZOO.

Funny, how some movies will seduce you into their stories while others remain at arm's length. Titanic was just as artificial and effects-driven as Hard Rain, and yet I was spellbound. Maybe it was because the people on the doomed ship had no choice: The Titanic was sinking, and that was that.

In Hard Rain, there is a bad guy (Morgan Freeman) who has a choice. He wants to steal some money, but all during the film I kept wondering why he didn't just give up and head for dry ground. How much of this ordeal was he foolish enough to put up with? Water, cold, rain, electrocutions, murders, shotguns, jet-ski attacks, drownings, betrayals, collisions, leaky boats, stupid and incompetent partners, and your fingertips shrivel up. Is it worth it?

Ru'afo: He's no threat.
Plinkett: (watching) Uhh.....hey, Ru'afo? Remember the beginning of the movie? The android has been nothing but the biggest problem to you ever.

[Mickey] Rourke isnít all that menacing, his character comes up with stupid plans, he has no real problem solving abilities, and he canít learn to shut up and shoot his targets. Now that may be the point... that he believes he is the best but is utterly incompetent but I highly doubt that. Every fed/mob character try to play him up as the next Anton Chigurh and yet every one of his plans go completely tits up on him.

He killed an entire club's worth of people earlier, with not one of them getting away. And now Joey's stumbling around like an idiot and he can't even get her! Come ON, Pinhead!

But maybe that's because he's using electrified water and explosions instead of the very effective hooks on chains.

Chris: Magneto is super surprised that all the army guys are kitted out with plastic weapons, as though there was not a dude beating him with a plastic nightstick in the last movie. Itís almost like Ratner and the writers never actually saw X-Men 1 or 2, and just had someone describe it to them. Over the phone. While driving through a tunnel.
Matt: McKellen looks like Bela Lugosi in an Ed Wood movie in these shots.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumer' on X-3: X-Men United

Uther Pendragon, the king, has persecuted the sorcerers out of Camelot, and burns any he finds still within his borders. This doesnít stop him trusting various random strangers who turn up wearing long magician-robes and long magician-beards, carrying magicky-looking staffs covered in runes and zodiacal symbolsÖ because heís a doofus.

Sarah Smart as Jennifer did absolutely nothing for me. Half the time she said her lines as though she would rather be elsewhere and the other half she was playing a particularly stiff baddie cliché. Which I guess she was... Isn't it a bit late to ask for Roryís help after you have already turned into a massive tentacle headed monster and attacked him? What is all this donkey shit about the eyes being the last thing to go and making sure you are asking a question into them Ė who even talks like that? Even Troi from Star Trek TNG would shy away from dismal psychobabble like that!

This is another scene where Zod just doesn't come off as all that bright. Umm, here's a thought. If you knew that Tess had the device that you REALLY REALLY wanted, why, rather than spending all that time flirting with Lois, didn't you just find her and torture her for its location? Even Clark's tortured Tess for information this season; is that just completely out of your comfort zone, or what?
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Salvation"

Poor DC. So many of the scenes of death and dismemberment theyíve written into their books recently have just been exercises in black comedy. For instance, take the death of Maxwell Lord, an event that was supposed to be a super big deal for Wonder Womanís future characterization and a bunch of events planned out for then-brewing Infinite Crisis. The scene as written is just fucking hilarious...Max mwa-ha-has about how she canít keep him tied up forever (whichÖ actually she could, or long enough to find another way to deal with him, but whatever), and then boasts that the only way she can ever free Superman would be to kill him. In a scene with comic timing so goddamn perfect it had to be intentional, Wonder Woman thinks this over, and thenÖ *KRK*

Fucking classic, is what that is.

Iím starting to feel bad for Thanos, to be honest. He has a nice smile, a neat-looking gold suit and a comfortable-looking space chair, but other than that, I donít think he has a lot going for him. Heís not that handsome, smile aside, and everyone seems to hate him. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like Ronan the Accuser, those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)
Mike Ryan, "Thanos is Really Bad at Being a Supervillain"

Anubis: Silence! Now, after 5000 years of waiting, I'm going to challenge you to a children's card game! And then I'll destroy the world!
Yami: Why would you want to do that?
Anubis: What?
Yami: What's the point in destroying the world? What do you gain from it?
Anubis: ...I don't understand the question.
Yami: Look, you must have some reason for wanting to destroy the world. Otherwise, this whole movie was just pointless bickering!
Anubis: Of course I have a reason!
Yami: Oh, goodie! Do you feel like sharing it with the class?
Anubis: No. It's a secret.
Yami: You're the most disappointing movie villain since General Grievous.

Hagan: "Ritter goes off to start a fire and smoke out Chris and, it's a good plan — I'm sure it'll fuck up somehow."
(Mallory walks into the canefield that's about to be burned, instead of waiting for Chris to be flushed out)
Hagan: "Oh, that was fast. Fuck-up achieved."