Quotes / Undignified Death

"Gigi died takin' a shit!"

— Tony Soprano, The Sopranos, recalling the death of a capo five years earlier

It's a bad joke the way in which he died
He did choke on a lady's sanitary pad

— Krokus, "Mr. 69"

Jerry was a race car driver
22 years old
One too many cold beers one night
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole

— Primus, "Jerry Was a Race Car Driver"

"Burned and squashed to death in a silver vat of soup. There must be worse ways to go. But not many."

— Bartimaeus, The Bartimaeus Trilogy

" Dimitri Petrenko was a hero... He deserved a hero's death. Instead of giving his life for the Motherland, he died for nothing... like an animal. He should have died in Berlin."

— Viktor Reznov, Call of Duty: Black Ops

"I mean, I've got fiber wire, but why not the indignity of a toilet drowning, is what I always say..."

— Jane Douglas, Outside Xbox (while playing Hitman (2016))

"I am really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words!"

— The Ninth Doctor, after defeating a group of monsters by telling them to go to their room, Doctor Who, "The Doctor Dances"

Michael: So, you were in a grocery store parking lot. You dropped a bottle of something called "Lonely Gal Margarita Mix For One", and when you bent down to pick it up, a long column of shopping carts that were being returned to the shopping cart collection area rolled out of control and plowed right into you.
Eleanor: Oof. That's how I died?
Michael: No, sorry, there's more. You were able to grab onto the front of the column of shopping carts, but it swept you right out into the street, where you were struck and killed by a mobile billboard truck advertising an erectile dysfunction pill called "Engorgulate". Funnily enough, the first EMT to arrive was an ex-boyfriend of yours—
Eleanor: Okay, that's... I get it, thank you.

— The Good Place

Peter: Did he [his parrot] at least die with dignity?
Doctor: Well, he convulsed a lot and fell off the operating table. Then he flopped around a little on the floor. Then a passing nurse accidentally stepped on him and kicked him into a puddle of urine, which must have frightened him, because his bowels released all over himself. I tried to pick him up, but then I got angry because some of it got on my thumb. So I threw him against the wall and that’s where he died.
Peter, not listening: That's how I wanna go.

— Family Guy

The combination of dry wood and oil had caused the blaze to leap up fast and Thiassi, hot on my tail, had found himself heading not for battlements but for a massive firewall. Wings alight, he lost control and fell in flames to the parapet. After that, they finished him off - old as they were, with sticks and rocks - and that was the end of Thiassi. The greatest hunter who'd ever lived; flame-grilled like a chicken and killed by a gang of old-age pensioners.

—The Gospel of Loki

"Dying on the toilet. It's every senior citizen's worst nightmare. You live a life of grace and honor only to pass in the most humiliating way possible: ass up on a bathroom floor, a loaded toilet rotting behind you."

—John Mulaney, Saturday Night Live, "Toilet Death Ejector"

Being trapped in a killer doll movie is like winning the horror movie lottery. Let's face it, you have to be an idiot to get knocked off in one. Imagine the last thing you ever saw was a Cabbage Patch Kid standing over you with a knife. Imagine dying with that deep sense of shame.

Lil' Randy: [licks knife] You're my best pal!

You: [dying] Please don't... tell anyone... about this...

—How to Survive a Horror Movie

Goku: Come on. You deserve a proper burial.
Freeza: Oh yes, a proper burial: an unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space. Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him.

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged (referring to Vegeta)

Ghost Nappa: (summoned via Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack) Heeeeeey!
Gotenks: Wait, Uncle Nappa?
Ghost Nappa: Hey kids, how's it hangin'?
Gotenks: What are you doing here?
Ghost Nappa: Uh yeah, so I was having a stroke in my trailer and it did not end well.
Gotenks: Our condolensces...?
Ghost Nappa: Eh, it's my fault. Shouldn't have made that extra notch in the belt.
Gotenks: I don't get it.
Ghost Nappa: Ask Trunks's dad.
Gotenks: But he's dead.
Ghost Vegeta: ...fuck am I doing here—
Ghost Nappa: (gasps excitedly)
Ghost Vegeta: Ohhhh noooo...
Ghost Nappa: VEGEEEEEEEEE--

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged Buu Bits

...I am so glad no-one was alive to see me killed... by a monkey.

—SF Debris playing System Shock 2

"Death... d-death by... g-guddamn chocolate puddin'... by chocolate... p-puddin'... ain't that a... guddamn stupid k-kick in the ass...?"

— Heywood's last words, TimeRiders #9: The Infinity Cage

"I was at the Battle of Little Bighorn. That's right. I didn't kill anybody, but I fought bravely. Well, I didn't actually fight. I actually didn't even get into the fight itself. I came over that hill real rugged, like... [shouts war cry] Saw Custer like that. That yellow-hair. He was sitting there. Son of the Morning Star, that guy right there. Fսck, I really hated him. So I went after him. But then the damn horse hit a gopher hole. Fսcking rolled over and squashed me. I died there."

—Spirit Advisor William Knifeman, Reservation Dogs

"Aren't you sorry you didn't let me pass through your golf course? Now you're gonna die wearing that stupid little hat. How does it feel?"

—William Foster, Falling Down

For once, his father did what Tyrion asked him. The proof was the sudden stench, as his bowels loosened in the moment of death. Well, he was in the right place for it, Tyrion thought. But the stink that filled the privy gave ample evidence that the oft-repeated jape about his father was just another lie.

Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold.

—A Storm of Swords

Splinter: Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be... [Oroku Saki attempts to stab Splinter, only to miss and end up falling into a garbage truck compactor] without honor.
Casey Jones: Oops! [activates the compactor which crushes Oroku Saki]

— Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

"Are you deadass? Like, for real, God? Seriously, like I had to die like that? Like, my neck's strong. How did that even happen?"

— LongBeachGriffy after breaking his neck on a slipper, "When you die in a stupid way"

"Grandfather... You die like an animal."

— Paul Atreides, Dune: Part Two

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