You're dumb, the song, now die
You're dead, because, you're dumb
Oh wait, you're still, alive
I light my filter, then reverse it
And burn a mouth that's weak on verbs
And nouns and nouns
But I'm not sore
Everybody's stupid, that's for sure
—The Sparks, "Everybody's Stupid"
"I am too stupid to LIVE!"
— Rebecca Howe, Cheers
Meatwad: (holding a scorpion): I'll eat it... if you eat it.
Shake: All right, deal! Wait a minute... how are you gonna eat it after I eat it?
Meatwad: Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it. note
Frylock: What's wrong with Shake?
Meatwad: Oh, he's dead. Dumbass ate a scorpion.
"Thoth sprang up, blood mounting darkly to his face, while his eyes flamed with the stunned fury of a man who suddenly realizes the full depths of a fool's swinish stupidity."
"I suppose from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct."
— Abed, Community
Robin Hood: (Hiding below monks) Excuse me, could you lend me a hand? You see, I'm nearly safe, but I thought I'd do something truly foolish instead and get myself killed.
Evil Monk: Brother, quickly, bring some rocks! There's an intruder below!
Zeke: The average human lifespan is seventy years.
Embla: I see.
Zeke: Heh. Except Ethan. If you run the data, his life expectancy comes out to negative forty years.
"Okay guys it looks like you have everything you need so I'm gonna go to bed now! Alone! Naked! And with the door unlocked! Bye!"
"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
— Rincewind on Twoflower, The Colour of Magic
"Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of the Shades was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful."
Brian Griffin: Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter Griffin: Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at serious risk.
Freakazoid: Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage!
Gutierrez: You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either.
Freakazoid: I know! Dumb!
Fry: Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees that nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there.
Farnsworth: Let's go back there!
Poor Ned Stark. Brave man, terrible judgement.
"He said he wouldn't be my friend if I didn't tell him!"
— Barney, on why he revealed the player's top secret mission to the enemy in Heart Of Evil.
"You remember what daddy always said. That God gave you a big sister instead of a brain."
— Meredith (to Flint), Heroes
"Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."
"And all the victims in these films have had their common sense glands removed."
— Eddie Izzard on Horror Movies
"Defective microchips? I like the sound of that!"
— Mikey Simon, Kappa Mikey
Ray: Why would I be nervous?
Lindesfarne: Because... I'm an insectivore.
Ray: What's an insectivore?
Lindesfarne: (whispers to Tammy) Not too big on self-preservation, is he?
Ray: What's self-preservation?
Iori Yagami: Geez, sorry you guys! There's no cure for stupidity!
Link: Ah! Fire! My flame-proof suit isn't working!
Navi: That's not a fireproof suit, you just painted your regular suit red!
Link: But... isn't that how fireproof suits work? You know, by camouflaging me from the flames?
Navi: How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.
Thief: Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across
Fighter: [off-panel] Done!
Black Mage: Why is the rope on fire?
Fighter: I tied it to the lava! Y'know, so we could find it when we're done here.
"Bastian flips through the book and says, "It keeps going!" Koreander is a little too polite to reply, Of course it keeps going, it's the NeverEnding Story, ya dipshit!"
Sonic: Cool, it's raining fire!
Players: Cool! Cool! I'm gonna die!
"Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe."
— Urdnot Wrex, Mass Effect 1
"Please do not use this electrical appliance while you're in the bath. Actually, you know what? Go on. If you're that dumb, I think we can afford to lose ya!".
— Ed Byrne on Mock the Week
"Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!"
—Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Last Clear Chance", right before the characters get hit by a train.
"Stupidity is the only natural capital crime."
— Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long
"I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug — bare-wired... at my feet... PEEING ON IT! All to get a better clean."
— Phil Jupitus on QI after hearing about the fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket because they put all the knives in pointing up — all to get a better clean.
Klingon Transporter Operator: I do not deserve to live.
Kirk: Fine, I'll kill you later.
"Cartman, you've stooped to the level of a full-fledged retard."
— Kyle Brofloski, South Park
Mach: Hang on, I'm getting a strange energy reading.
Ops: Do not touch the artifact! Direct orders from Dostya!
Mach: It'll just take a second.
"The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."
—Goose, Top Gun
I've never seen someone so prone to life-threatening idiocy!
— Alice Cullen to Bella Swan, New Moon
Moiraine: DO NOT go out into Shadar Logoth, or touch anything!
Mat: Let's go out into Shadar Logoth and touch things!
Rand and Perrin: Good idea.
"It's so absurdly simple! I can control this storm! All I have to do is—"
"Nature abhors a moron."
—H. L. Mencken, 1949
"I had this lady interviewer following me around. More of that in-depth crap. She was convinced that life with Altman was a never-ending round of orgies and excess. She was even snooping around in my hotel bathroom, for Christ's sake, and she found this jar of funny white powder in the medicine cabinet. Aha! she thinks. Cocaine! So she snorts some. Unfortunately, what she didn't know was that I'm allergic to commercial toothpaste because the dentine in it makes me break out in a rash. So my wife mixes up baking soda and salt for me, and — poor girl."
Barney the Dinosaur: Friends, be careful around household chemicals! Many—
Boy: HOUSEHOLD CHEMICALS?! What's that?
Barney: Why, that can mean anything from bleach to drain cleaner! Now—
Boy: DRAIN CLEANER?! What's that?
Barney: It's sort of in the name, genius. The point is, a lot of these are poisonous, and—
Boy: POISONOUS?! What's that?
Barney: You know what, kid? Ice cream. Poisonous means ice cream.
Chris: Uzi, at this point, can we agree that Clark is basically really dumb?
David: They say flight is the last power to show up, but at this point I’m just hoping to see regular intelligence, never mind super-intelligence.
Chris: Seriously, just picking up an artifact from a dead, technologically advanced civilization and goofing around with it as soon as you see it is quite possibly the stupidest thing we’ve seen Clark do, and that includes referring to himself as “The Blur.”
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Luthor")
"Front door, closet... front door, closet... closet."
"So, they decide to play Blind Man's Bluff, where they turn out all the lights, drink a lot of beer, and roam around the house; a.k.a the easiest setup for a slasher film ever. The only way they could make this easier for the killer is if they killed themselves."
— The Cinema Snob, The Mutilator (1985)
"Jar-Jar says, 'Hey, I've got a life debt with you.' Qui-Gon says, 'Well, we're trying to do this thing,' and Jar-Jar's like, 'Oh, come back to the city that has, like, a police warrant out for me for execution.' Uhh, Jar-Jar's not the smartest creature in the galaxy, is he? He brings Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before Boss Nass, but he gets arrested and they say it's time to get executed. If it wasn't for Qui-Gon saying, 'this animal has a life debt with me, I should take him with me' — you know, if Qui-Gon just didn't do that — they've would've executed Jar-Jar. So, really, Jar-Jar would probably be more motivated to not take them there... 'I can take you to the Naboo City, just follow me! Let's, uh, let's go this way... The way that's the farthest possible away from the Gungan City, let's go that way.' I thought I had Jar-Jar figured out. I thought he was, like, the tightest, best character in the film. But I guess not."
"When your life has been directly threatened by your boss and there's already been one unsolved murder in your office building, always work late and alone!"
"Now to anyone that knows disaster movies, you know that characters are usually the weakest part of any of those movies...to use the Irwin Allen movies as an example, the characters are usually regular guys who are stuck in extraordinary circumstances. In Sanctum we have a group consisting of either selfish prats or rich A-holes going into a cave system which they know is most likely going to be flooded. That’s right, they knew of a storm coming which would spell trouble for their dive but they chose to go anyway. So not only are they assholes, but they are stupid assholes too."
Things I Learned From This Game:
Some people are just too fucking stupid to live.
— This review of Racial Holy War.
"Some behaviour does not merely show bad character. It displays a level of stupidity so alarming as to render the bad character secondary. It raises a serious question as to whether emergency personnel should be rushed to the scene to equip the subject with a ventilator in case he forgets to breathe."
"But... they have the preservation instinct of a herd of lemmings!"
— Hippolyte Kurtzmann, Flander's Company, "Bad Taste"