"I see the movie has finally thrown up it's hands and said 'I Just Don't Know!'"
Dr. Forrester: They did too care! In fact, we've got director Larry Buchanan here with us, don't we, Frank?
TV's Frank: Yeah, Larry, come here. Larry, tell them. Tell these people. Tell them how you took your dream — your vision! — and through blood, sweat, and effort, you owned that dream and turned it into a reality through years — well, days — of hard work, determination, and struggle! You took that cherished dream that you had, and you... (trails off looking at "Larry's" dull, lifeless expression.) You don't really care, do you?
"Larry Buchanan": (Smirks, makes gesture of approval towards Frank.)
"[T]he people who were responsible for making the aliens look alien, what they'd done was stuck some cotton wool on their faces and dyed it green. ...I remember when we were doing the press screening at BAFTA and I was sitting next to this woman journalist and she saw this guy's face and she snorted with derisive laughter. When we turned up for that day on location and saw those aliens, we were so enraged. Everyone had tried so hard, to the best of their abilities but somebody else had thought well, we can just get away with something. And then that journalist's response, people just can't take it seriously after seeing that. Someone just didn't try."
"Perhaps the most telling moment is when K-9 is hooked into the Minyan computer via what is very obviously a pair of binder clips at the end of telephone wires. What's striking about this isn't the use of cheap and everyday materials in Doctor Who - that's been going on for ages, with condom maggots and bubble wrap alien arms appearing in highly acclaimed stories. It's the fact that no effort whatsoever is made to disguise the fact that it's phone wire and binder clips. They're not spray-painted gold or anything. They're using phone wire and binder clips that are obviously being phone wire and binder clips. It's a stunning moment in which it's clear that the production department has simply given up all hope that this will ever look good."
—TARDIS Eruditorum on "Underworld"
"I bet TNA has figured out that if they put on some *** action, people will tune in in droves!
And...then again, maybe not, as we get Scott Hall in a sweatshirt he HAD to have gotten at Goodwill. Just that shirt would have been ghetto enough, but that he had the bright idea to scribble 'WOLF PAC' on it with a Sharpie almost has me speechless.
Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, he’s out there for a 'Five-Minute Challenge' with Kevin Nash.
That lasts about two minutes."
"I'd like to take a look back at the different segments that came together to make this one of history's worst anythings ever... The first is Actor Indifference. Nearly all of principle actors from the film are here, and none of them are good enough at their job to hide how much they hate that fact. Harrison Ford in particular will read the lines but you can kiss his ass if you think he's going to try. If Kanye West's agent booked him on Hee Haw, he'd perform with more enthusiasm. And for this reason, each segment's Actor Indifference will be measured in Angry Han Solo Heads. The more you see, the less people cared."
"Lansing and another girl are tied to trees (saplings would be a better word) by the creatures, and then Lansing is carried off and given to Bigfoot. Bigfoot is usually shot from a camera angle between his toes, making him loom over the camera like King Kong, but when we see him straight-on he looks about five feet ten inches or eleven inches tall. He wears a shaggy costume stitched together out of old, dirty brown shag rugs".
—Roger Ebert on Bigfoot (1971)
Matt: I am not even really sure I can put into words how bad the plot of this movie is. Like, we often talk about bad plotting, but this…isn’t even really a plot. It’s like a kid’s painting made into a movie.
Chris: I think what made me actively like (Michelle) Rodriguez and (Kristanna) Loken so much is that this entire production is full of people who just flat-out do not give a f**k. The script, the direction, the wardrobe, the props – BloodRayne’s swords are rounded at the end! – nobody cares.
Matt: The movie’s just this collection of perfunctory elements that an alien might think should be in a human film... What I’m saying is that Uwe Boll may not be human.
"Seagal clearly doesn't give a shit, which, let me tell you, really enhances the viewing experience. In fact, Seagal's fight scenes make me yearn for the almost swan-like athleticism of actions stars like Pamela Anderson...We get virtually none of the things we expect, even from a bad Seagal flick. No martial arts mayhem, no obligatory speeches about how great Seagal's character is, no hysterically funny shots of Seagal running and holding his gun like a girl, and no snapped limbs at all. This film seems to have been made on autopilot at virtually every level."
—The Agony Booth on Submerged (2005)
"What I really think happened to this movie is that everything went wrong. The script was in a shambles, the animation shots weren't working out, the deadline was coming up, and finally everyone threw their hands up and said 'To hell with it," and decided to put the movie in the can real quick and try to have a good time so they can go home early. The director just let the actors take the brakes off and do whatever they want. Jeremy Irons just read his crap dialogue and went for the most overdramatic Snidley Whiplash villain possible."
"I can realize that the first movie had its own problems. After all, the producer was up against the wall with losing the rights to Atlas and had to make a movie quickly. A script and a director had to be rushed and the relatively small budget had to limit the kind of actors they had... But really this is a symptom of a larger problem which is incompetence. Take for example another scene where we establish Dagny’s smarmy jerkface brother who has no talent but hogs all the credit. He is a supposed multi-millionare but he goes into what appears to be a Circle K and is buying a tie for a piano concert next to the fucking Slim Jims and anti freeze. And you are just sitting there with this WTF look on your face thinking way too hard about things you shouldn’t be in the middle of this movie. Did they have really no more money left at that point and threw a tie rack in the middle of a QT? Is this some future thing that wasn’t established well? Kind of like how Taco Bell became fine dining in Demolition Man, fucking Exxons have now become superstores where you get everything from Armani to Hostess Snoballs?"
"It's like they were working on DLC for Force Unleashed I and then thought, 'You know what, fuck it! If they paid full price for that Clone Wars movie, they'll pay full price for this.'"
— Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw's review of Force Unleashed II
"One's heart sinks the moment 'Bandai' appears on the screen, given that Bandai's video game division basically spent the NES years releasing an unrelenting torrent of shit upon the world. Their games list is a fucking who's who of games I've previously complained about — Frankenstein: The Monster Returns, Chubby Cherub, Dick Tracy, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... the list does not just go on, it goes on while actively torturing dark recesses of my brain with searing memories of playing this shit for half an hour at a stretch. Bandai is, let's face it, a company that exists, at least in NES terms, for the sole and express purpose of releasing crappy games. Actively. As a matter of policy, they clearly prefer to cheaply release shit than work to give the player a remotely entertaining experience."
This has nothing to do with TECHNICAL LIMITATIONS and everything to do with the design team JUST NOT GIVING A FUCK.
"There's also another predecessor called Castlemania 3: Dracula's Curse. All I'm going to do is barely mention it here, so that I can say I reviewed it."
Deep Serpent Assignments are not Team Service Announcements. They are what happens when someone suggests an idea for a Team Service Announcement, but says it in a way that makes me want to do it, but not put any effort into it. So I spend an hour barely animating and mixing together six songs and then slap it on YouTube with a name that voices one of my grievances.
Okay... guys... By this point, I knew... The film just gave up. They clearly had no idea what to do, so they just threw in some stupid ideas into the third act, hoping that it would entertain the younger children in the audience... I mean, the rest is just as horrible, but it had SOME idea of pacing... The whole third act seems rubbish, pointless, rushed and uninspired...