Perhaps the most telling moment is when K-9 is hooked into the Minyan computer via what is very obviously a pair of binder clips at the end of telephone wires. What's striking about this isn't the use of cheap and everyday materials in Doctor Who
— that's been going on for ages, with condom maggots
and bubble wrap alien arms
appearing in highly acclaimed stories. It's the fact that no effort whatsoever is made to disguise the fact that it's phone wire and binder clips. They're not spray-painted gold or anything. They're using phone wire and binder clips that are obviously being phone wire and binder clips. It's a stunning moment in which it's clear that the production department has simply given up all hope that this will ever look good.
In Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time
, Patton Oswalt
has a bit where he talks about what it really means to be successful as a comedian. He tells a story about being paid to do his act in front of a crowd so drunk that his mere presence is enough to earn a standing ovation, and how he received the offer to do that set (no new jokes, no material at all — just free money) forever, and how now he has to live with "the pulsing door of compromise and success", because at any point he can stop writing jokes and just make money. I bring this up because, in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Sandler
described a similar moment where he made the exact opposite decision...His movies are just the easiest excuses for him to take vacations: 50 First Dates
, he explains, was originally set somewhere else, and when he suggested shooting it in Hawaii everyone thought that was a very artistic decision. From then on, he's just used his fame as a way to hang out with his buddies or entertain his predilection for cross-dressing.
Lex and Lenny stroll up to an exhibit about Superman, where a single strand of his Super-Hair is holding up a 1,000-pound weight. Luthor and Lenny smash the glass case holding the super-hair before cutting it, because apparently those damn bolt-cutters were forged of Uru by the dwarves of Skartalfheim. David:
They don’t even have some sort of offhand line
about how they’re kryptonite bolt cutters or something, which would even be believable for Luthor. They just use regular ol’ bolt cutters to cut this strand of hair holding a thousand pounds. Chris: Superman IV: The Quest For A F*** To Give.
clearly doesn't give a shit, which, let me tell you, really enhances the viewing experience. In fact, Seagal's fight scenes make me yearn for the almost swan-like athleticism of actions stars like Pamela Anderson
...We get virtually none of the things we expect, even from a bad Seagal flick. No martial arts mayhem, no obligatory speeches about how great Seagal's character is
, no hysterically funny shots of Seagal running and holding his gun like a girl, and no snapped limbs at all. This film seems to have been made on autopilot at virtually every level.
I can realize that the first movie had its own problems. After all, the producer was up against the wall with losing the rights to Atlas and had to make a movie quickly. A script and a director had to be rushed and the relatively small budget had to limit the kind of actors they had... But really this is a symptom of a larger problem which is incompetence. Take for example another scene where we establish Dagny’s smarmy jerkface brother who has no talent but hogs all the credit. He is a supposed multi-millionare but he goes into what appears to be a Circle K and is buying a tie for a piano concert next to the fucking Slim Jims and anti freeze
. And you are just sitting there with this WTF look on your face thinking way too hard about things you shouldn’t be in the middle of this movie. Did they have really no more money left at that point and threw a tie rack in the middle of a QT? Is this some future thing that wasn’t established well? Kind of like how Taco Bell became fine dining in Demolition Man
, fucking Exxons have now become superstores where you get everything from Armani to Hostess Snoballs?
is a struggle! It’s the music performance equivalent of trying to have ass sex without lube and using spit and lotion instead. It’s awkward, painful and Mimi is trying to smile through it.
I don’t know what’s going on. It looks like she’s having issues with her earpiece and either the track is screwed up or her mouth is on a 15-second delay because shit just isn’t working. A deaf cat on novocaine could lip-synch better...When Christmas was nearly canceled
because of Mimi’s messy performance of “All I Want For Christmas,” some whores screamed that she really just should’ve lip-synched that shit. And now whores are screaming at her for lip-synching so badly that she made Brit Brit
look like she has her PhD in lip-synching from Drag U.
What do bitches want from Mimi? Actually, I doubt Mimi gives three queefs. As long as the check clears and the private jet is stocked with champagne and puppies, she no care. Yes, I’m pretty sure Mimi’s rider states that her private jet must be stocked with fresh puppies.
May Have Had Some Lip-Synch Struggles In Jamaica Last Night"
To show how little the designers cared, losing has Ahnuld appear and saying "I'll be back.
" Furthermore, losing all lives has big bad Vilos Cohaagen tell you that "Your game has been terminated." Thank you, Ronny Cox, for throwing out a phrase from the wrong freaking movie.
One's heart sinks the moment Bandai
appears on the screen, given that Bandai's video game division basically spent the NES years releasing an unrelenting torrent of shit upon the world. Their games list is a fucking who's who of games I've previously complained about — Frankenstein: The Monster Returns
, Chubby Cherub
, Dick Tracy
, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
... the list does not just go on, it goes on while actively torturing dark recesses of my brain
with searing memories of playing this shit for half an hour at a stretch. Bandai is, lets face it, a company that exists, at least in NES terms, for the sole and express purpose of releasing crappy games. Actively. As a matter of policy, they clearly prefer to cheaply release shit than work to give the player a remotely entertaining experience.
Deep Serpent Assignments
are not Team Service Announcements
. They are what happens when someone suggests an idea for a Team Service Announcement, but says it in a way that makes me want to do it, but not put any effort into it. So I spend an hour barely animating and mixing together six songs and then slap it on YouTube
with a name that voices one of my grievances.
Okay... guys... By this point, I knew... The film just gave up. They clearly had no idea what to do, so they just threw in some stupid ideas into the third act, hoping that it would entertain the younger children in the audience... I mean, the rest is just as horrible, but it had SOME idea of pacing... The whole third act seems rubbish, pointless, rushed and uninspired...
Stuart's a nice bloke, but when someone comes in who's never seen Star Trek
before, and I say, Well, my character wouldn't do that
, and he says, I don't care, just do it anyway— first of all, you wanna punch his lights out
. And second of all, he's the director, and you kinda have to do what he says, cuz he just keeps making you do it over and over again.
...the people who were responsible for making the aliens look alien, what they'd done was stuck some cotton wool on their faces and dyed it green...I remember when we were doing the press screening at BAFTA and I was sitting next to this woman journalist and she saw this guy's face and she snorted with derisive laughter
. When we turned up for that day on location and saw those aliens, we were so enraged. Everyone had tried so hard, to the best of their abilities but somebody else had thought well, we can just get away with something. And then that journalist's response, people just can't take it seriously after seeing that. Someone just didn't try.