Hunter Gathers (to Brock)
: "Lesson number one: trust no one. The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them.
Get up, damn you! (throws Brock a jetpack)
Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson!''
Hunter: "No women, no children. Them's rules. Seperates us from the baddies.''
Brock: "But what if she's an enemy agent?''
Brock: "An assassin?''
Brock: "A double-agent assassin who just killed the President.''
Hunter: "No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President killed the president anyway, you know that.''
Brock: "Oh. Hey, how about, you know, uh... a lady Dracula?''
Hunter: "You mean, le vampyr? Nosferatu?''
Brock: "I guess.''
: "Undead. Not technically a woman in that regard, so you got no beef there. Also, fictitious. (Brock lifts a baguette to his mouth)
Do not eat that, it's C4!''
Osiris Priest: "Give me the Hand of Osiris!''
Dr. Venture: "Give me head.''
Osiris Priest: "You didn't just say that!''
Dr. Venture: "I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?''
Osiris Priest: "I'm... about to kill your sons.''
: "Join the club!''
Osiris Cultist: "Ooh yeah, of course, OIL. Yeah, it makes sense now. Thought you told me to fill it with hot voile.''
Osiris High Priest: "Wh-What the hell is voile?''
Osiris Cultist: "It's a soft, sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer.''
Osiris High Priest
: "What the.. are you insane? What kind of torture is that? Get out of here! I'm serious, I don't even want to LOOK at you any more!''
: "Hank, you and Caligula
keep up the rear. (Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank)
On second thought, you and Freud
should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?''
Dean: "Woah, steady, Perfect Man. Ready Brock!''
: "When the gates open me, Poe
, and me
, (pointing to himself from the past)
rush in. You got that? ''
Prof. Richard Impossible
: "You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that.''
Prof. Impossible: "Please! This is important!''
Sally Impossible: "What could be more important than your family, Richard?''
The Monarch: " (sighing) Jollyrancher82, never get henchmen.''
Jollyrancher82: "You know, that's not my real name.''
The Monarch: "Well, how was I supposed to know? I used my real name.''
Jollyrancher82: "I just thought, you know... "The Monarch," I thought you were into cosplay...''
Dr. Killinger: "The Venture problem is very volatile. We must approach it with caution, but first we need to address other drastic issues. The floating cocoon is in bad need of..."
#24: "The cocoon's fine! I think the problem is you!"
#21: "He's right! Yeah, everybody just thinks you're sooo great, but you're just sooo not!"
#24: "Yeah! Who do you think you are?"
#21: "I mean, come on! This guy just waltzes in here with his huge baby-bearing hips and he starts changing everything."
: "That's not fair. I never chose my figure."
Dr. Killinger: "It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, "Ever faithful terrible lizard."''
: "Yeah, he was just this guy... guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...Kill 'im.''
Shaman: "Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)"
: "Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...and, uh, then I fucked it... the fish!
Brock: "The hell's that got to with anything?"
Shaman: "Kayho Hadaile!"
: "Hot dolphin!"
Dream Hunter: "What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government."
Brock: "What about uhhh, humanity and empathy and all that garbage?"
Dream Hunter: "Who cares? You're going to special ops heaven."
Dream Hunter: "Really! And it's god damned great! The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!"