Quotes: The Un Favourite

Fictional

''My mother's love was always inexplicably linked to kickball,
and my brother was an expert from the start.
But I lacked finesse, so when put to the test,
I couldn't kick my way right into her heart.
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

Hon. Joesph Palmer: (at caramels) You little gremlins, you used to inhale these.
Hank Palmer: Yeah, until Dale yanked a tooth out. You made us stop it.
Joesph: Your mother nailed me for it. Fuckin' Dale.

Snake: That guy with the moustache...
Colonel: Ha. You mean the "King of Second Bananas"?
Snake: Hey, that's Luigi! Show him a little respect!
Colonel: Look at that pale skin. He's been living in his brother's shadow for too long.
Snake: That's a low blow, Colonel!

What kind of father has a favourite daughter? And if you do, you should label them: favourite and un-favourite!
—Dave Foley in The Wrong Guy

Faramir: You wish now that our places had been exchanged; that I had died and Boromir had lived.
Denethor: Yes. I wish that.

Pretend I'm your child! *Lois loosens her grip* Not Meg! Not Meg!
Joe Swanson: Family Guy

Everyone in this family hates me!
Kevin McCallister, Home Alone

She was born lucky. You were lucky to be born.
Fire Lord Ozai (About his children Azula and Zuko), Avatar: The Last Airbender – The Search

They only say that stuff because of you, because you go out and have to pretend to be the best, and they look at me like I'm some sort of idiot! Everyone in the kingdom wants to suck your dick! No one wants to suck mine!
Thadeus, Your Highness

Mom always liked you best.
—Tom Smothers to Dick Smothers in one of the skits in the comedy album titled (What else?) Mom Always Liked You Best.

Gordie: I'm no good. My dad said it. I'm no good.
Chris: He doesn't know you.
Gordie: He hates me.

Robert, Lord Grantham: Edith, my most darling girl...
Edith: (crying) But I'm NOT your most darling girl!

Sal: Ah dressed up like a friggin' princess because ah hafta try harder to please Mom an' Dad like you do. And by "harder", ah mean you don't even have to try. You never did. You were always, always their favourite.
Walky: (nervous smile) Well, I didn't rob any convenience stores...?
Sal: You FUCKIN' - you really think this started that day? You really think that was the beginning? It fuckin' STARTED the day we were born and you came out WHITER.

Real Life

"...And who was president next? Gore?"
No. Bush.
"He was already president!"
No, this was his son.
"Oh, the one from Florida. He's kinda cool."
No, the one from Texas.
"JUNIOR? Fuck! My God, he... the one who traded Sammy Sosa?"
Fuck yeah.
"How was he as president?"
Kinda goofy.
"Really?"
He waved at Stevie Wonder."
Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction

Jeb Bush: Governor of Florida, whose older brother's stupidity blew any chance of him being president. Real name is John Ellis Bush, but he goes by "Jeb" in an effort to pretend he's not an Eastern prep school twit.

Kristin Scott Thomas, Ma Baker by way of a genetically engineered megabitch, injects an impotent, Oedipal bent to Gosling’s problems, as she mourns for the son who should have lived, the better-respected, better-hung brother to useless Gosling and his four-inch flopper.
Stuart Millard on Only God Forgives (2013)

Years ago, amateur Indiana biochemists went through the Jackson's garbage in an attempt to create a second Michael out of food scraps and discarded maxi pads. LaToya Jackson was the shrieking and unkillable result of that experiment... LaToya spends most of her time in this video getting berated by Gay. Gay Gasper is a muscle-bound sack of slave driving intensity and her three assistants are all clearly professional aerobics instructors. LaToya's contribution is almost all panting while she struggles to not fall behind. It's kind of tragic. After all, the last thing LaToya Jackson needed was to be in one more damn room full of people where she was the least talented one.

Stephen Baldwin is the youngest of the Baldwin brothers, and most famous for his appearance in The Usual Suspects, evangelical Christianity and proselytizing, political activism (especially for his campaigns against adult bookstores) and for having a tattoo on his left shoulder of the initials “HM” for Hannah Montana.

He has also been (of course) in financial trouble, and since 2009, a website has been soliciting donations on Baldwin's behalf, stating that “because of this convictions [sic] it has caused him the loss of many jobs,” and that “he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job-like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution... It is interesting to see what happens when you take even the trappings of a working mind away and get Stephen Baldwin.

Sadly, all the praying Kim was doing in the bathtub was cancelled out by all the praying Pimp Mama Kris was doing over her homemade shrine to Dark Lord Satan in her shoe closet. 'Dear Prince of Darkness, please make me…errr, I mean…my daughter Kim famous. She’s dumb as a box of rocks, but I bet with the right set of tits she could be a star. In exchange for Kim’s fame, I’ll sell you the souls of my other less-useful children, like Rob, Khloe, Kourtney, Rob. Did I mention Rob?'
Michael K., "Kim Kardashian Klaims She Used To Pray For Smaller Boobs"