My mother's love was always inexplicably linked to kickball,
and my brother was an expert from the start.
But I lacked finesse, so when put to the test,
I couldn't kick my way right into her heart.
— Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
Snake: That guy with the moustache...
Colonel: Ha. You mean the "King of Second Bananas"?
Snake: Hey, that's Luigi! Show him a little respect!
Colonel: Look at that pale skin. He's been living in his brother's shadow for too long.
Snake: That's a low blow, Colonel!
What kind of father has a favourite daughter? And if you do, you should label them: favourite and un-favourite!
—Dave Foley in The Wrong Guy
Faramir: You wish now that our places had been exchanged...that I had died and Boromir had lived.
Pretend I'm your child! *Lois loosens her grip* Not Meg! Not Meg!
—Joe Swanson: Family Guy
Everyone in this family hates me!
— Kevin McCallister, Home Alone
"She was born lucky. You were lucky to be born."
—Fire Lord Ozai (About his children Azula and Zuko), Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Search
"They only say that stuff because of you, because you go out and have to pretend to be the best, and they look at me like I'm some sort of idiot! Everyone in the kingdom wants to suck your dick! No one wants to suck mine!"
— Thadeus, Your Highness
Mom always liked you best.
—Tom Smothers to Dick Smothers in one of the skits in the comedy album titled (What else?) Mom Always Liked You Best.
Gordie: Why did he have to die, Chris? Why did Denny have to die?
Chris: I don't know.
Gordie: It should've been me.
Chris: Don't say that.
Gordie: It should've been me.
Chris: Don't say that, man!
Gordie: I'm no good. My dad said it. I'm no good.
Chris: He doesn't know you.
Gordie: He hates me.
Robert, Lord Grantham: Edith, my most darling girl...
Edith: (crying) But I'm NOT you're most darling girl!
"...And who was president next? Gore?"
"He was already president!"
No, this was his son.
"Oh, the one from Florida. He's kinda cool."
No, the one from Texas.
"JUNIOR? Fuck! My God, he... the one who traded Sammy Sosa?"
"How was he as president?"
He waved at Stevie Wonder."
— Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction
"Kristin Scott Thomas, Ma Baker by way of a genetically engineered megabitch, injects an impotent, Oedipal bent to Gosling’s problems, as she mourns for the son who should have lived, the better-respected, better-hung brother to useless Gosling and his four-inch flopper."
"Years ago, amateur Indiana biochemists went through the Jackson's garbage in an attempt to create a second Michael out of food scraps and discarded maxi pads. LaToya Jackson was the shrieking and unkillable result of that experiment... LaToya spends most of her time in this video getting berated by Gay. Gay Gasper is a muscle-bound sack of slave driving intensity and her three assistants are all clearly professional aerobics instructors. LaToya's contribution is almost all panting while she struggles to not fall behind. It's kind of tragic. After all, the last thing LaToya Jackson needed was to be in one more damn room full of people where she was the least talented one."
Sal: Ah dressed up like a friggin' princess because ah hafta try harder to please Mom an' Dad like you do. And by "harder", ah mean you don't even have to try. You never did. You were always, always their favourite.
Walky: (nervous smile) Well, I didn't rob any convenience stores...?
Sal: You FUCKIN' - you really think this started that day? You really think that was the beginning? It fuckin' STARTED the day we were born and you came out WHITER.