I'm like King Midas in reverse here. Everything I touch turns to shit.
— Tony Soprano
Yeah. I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.
It's an idea, I don't know. Who knows where it fucking came from? Isaac Newton invented gravity because some asshole hit him with an apple.
— Christopher Moltisanti
The fundamental question is, will I be as effective as a boss like my dad was? And I will be, even more so? But until I am, it's going to be hard to verify that I think I'll be more effective.
— Little Carmine Lupertazzi
What do I find in a pork store? A bunch of guys beating their meat.
— Tony Blundetto
Paulie: Hey, Sil. You remember your first blowjob?
Paulie: How long did it take for the guy to cum?
Tony Soprano: Maybe I should tap into my roots, too. My grandmother was half Indian.
Christopher: Get the fuck out of here.
Tony Soprano: No, it's true. She was in the Fakawee tribe.
Christopher: Oh yeah?
Tony Soprano: Yeah. When they used to get lost in the woods, they stopped and said "Where the Fakawee?"
Tony Soprano: You're looking good. Looking better.
Uncle Junior: Tony, if you're gonna lie to me, tell me there's a broad in the car waiting to tongue my balls.
Carmela: I just think that's very, very wonderful!
Tony: You would think I was Hannibal Lecter before or something!
There's an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.
— Tony Soprano
Carmela: ... I just never pictured Meadow with someone like him.
Tony Soprano: Someone like him? He's one of us! Don't tell me you were happy when she was going out with that Jamal Ginsberg, the Hasidic Homeboy?
Carmela: Who knew all this time you wanted Tracy and Hepburn? Well Tony, what about all the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in over the years? The strippers, the cocktail waitresses, were they all your best friends all of them too? You fucking hypocrite.
Anthony Infante: Listen, as far as that thing goes ... the coffee with the chickery ...
Johnny Sack: The fuck is that?
Anthony Infante: Shit. I suck at talking like this John, I'm sorry. Our friend with the stomach.
Johnny Sack: In town? Or near home?
Anthony Infante: Your neighbour. "A-S".
Johnny Sack: Alright, just say the thing I asked you to do. The coffee with the fucking chickery. He gonna get it for me?
Anthony Infante: Yes. Bad news is that he wants ten cups for himself, not seven.
Johnny Sack: Alright, done. Did you pick up the birthday cake for Gin with the marzipan flowers?
Anthony Infante: The stuff by the pool?
Johnny Sack: No, an actual fucking cake! It's her birthday.
This is gonna sound stupid, but I saw at one point that our mothers are... bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See, they're the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep tryin' to get back on the bus, instead of just lettin' it go.