"(contestant name), I thought it was horrendous."
— Simon Cowell, many times
—Gordan Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen
Professor: The notion of uncertainty scares you, doesn't it?
Satan: Listen, I'm Satan. Nothing scares me...with the possible exception of Anne Robinson. And cycle couriers.
I will never ever forgive Anthony Bourdain for calling Royal Academy of Arts-trained tablescape artist and drunk angel Sandra Lee “pure evil” and the “hell spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker.” The only way I’ll ever forgive him is if he takes his show Parts Unknown to a dark and dangerous place called my b-hole. Yes, they’ll have to change the name of the show to Parts Too Known for that episode. However, my mouth still waters when Anthony whips up a good old-fashioned flambéed bowl of cunt stew with a side of mashed snark.
—Michael K., "Anthony sharpens his shiv and goes after human tribal armband tattoo Guy Fieri"
"I love that you line up around the block for TV talent shows for talents you objectively don't have, and everyone feels bad when a person who is inevitably and revealingly British [is mean] to you."
—John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver