Captain Obvious quotesMany of his complaints stem from common "problems" found in many games (granted, some of these are slightly better in context).
"Reminds me of this rooftop bullshit, jump from the wrong place and you go falling to the ground."
"This would be a hell of a lot easier if these enemies weren't trying to kill me!"
"When the blocks start getting close to the top, the music starts speeding up. Now this causes me to get nervous and could mess me up."
"The worst thing about using your fists is that your attack range is limited."
"The game starts you off with a two-heart health meter, and every time you get hurt, they take away an entire heart."And then there's his really obvious statements:
"If you manage to get past level one, you'll end up on level two."
"In this game, you play as the main character..."
"You play as different characters, watch cutscenes, and perform new tasks.
— Lego Harry Potter E3 preview
"The first thing you see is the Back to the Future logo."
"In this game you play as Indiana Jones."
"This is the long-awaited third installment in the Marvel vs. Capcom franchise."
"Now let me preface by saying this game is not intended for kids."
— God of War 3
"If you're a fan of [insert franchise here] then chances are you'll like this new installment.
"But the one thing that really sucks, is if the character loses his last life, the game ends!"
"Super Mario Bros. 2 is only a one-player game. It's totally different from the original in which you can play two players."
"Now it's time to pop this video game in and play the game."
— Back to the Future
"Tonight, the Haunted Investigators will investigate the haunted attraction known as... the haunted hydro."
"So, joining us live to the Irate Gamer Show, connected by via satellite..."
"And one annoying thing is these annoying eyeball platforms."
"I'm going to hit up three games [...] so onto the first. First up, Brutal Legend."
"When somebody asks you for five of the most difficult games on the NES, I guarantee Ghosts 'n Goblins is probably on your Top Five list.note
— From the Irate Gamer DVD
"I was actually waiting to play the whole entire time."
"One person even stated they heard two female women talking to each other..."
— Haunted Investigators The Ritz Theater
"This fresh installment brings back everything you loved about the past installments..."
"In this review, we're reviewing Kirby's Epic Yarn."
"[Fans] who not only wanted me to review this game, but explain my stance on it."
"Kratos is back in the third God of War game to round out this trilogy."
"With three fighters fighting on each side, it makes this unique brawler very unique and very enjoyable to play."
— Marvel vs. Capcom 3
"This is an opened ended series which will span many episodes."
Director: Can you please just read the line please?
— Aflac Auditions Sketch
"There's a good one. I think we found one, RoboCop. That's a good one."
"Monster Party is a game that's considered a cult classic by some, and a bad game by others."
"After 18 levels of lackluster levels..."
— G.I. Joe
"What a shitload of shit!"
— The Goonies II
"[Super Mario Bros. 2] is the perfect predecessor to the first Super Mario Bros."
"Is it possible for Mission: Impossible to possibly be a good game? Possibly. But possi-absolutely fucking not! This game sucks ass!"
"To tell you the truth, this game is the most boring, stupidest, dumbest, vile, repulsive, anal-raping, fecal-flinging, ass-ramming, toe-jerking, vomit-inducing piece of shit I’ve ever played in my life!"
"It's pretty much a slap in the face when you have other NES games like Super Mario World [...] and Donkey Kong Country[.]"
"Did someone play this game before releasing it to the public?"
— Yo! Noid
"What a bunch of ass burgers with a side of fries!"
— Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
"Don't they know that white men can't jump?"
— Other Contra Games Pt. 1
"What a piece of diarrhea dick waffles!"
— ROB the ROBOT Pt. 1
"Why couldn't the easy setting just be a little bit more easier?"
"I don't know who thought of such a retarded idea, but it makes as much sense as taking a shit on a bunch of apples and calling it apple dumplings!"