Quotes: The Fundamentalist

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    comic books 

I'm not a warrior. I'm not a soldier of any kind. It's only a short step from there to calling yourself a crusader, or something equally dubious. Too many powerful people make these silly declarations... then it's all "holy war" and "sacred destiny". That's generally when the trouble starts.
Superman, JLA/Hitman

    film - live-action 

John Doe: Nothing wrong with a man taking pleasure in his work. I won't deny my own desire to see each sin turned against the sinner.
Det. Mills: Wait, I thought all you did was murder innocent people.
John Doe: (blinks in disbelief) Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man, a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man who, if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal! After him, I picked the lawyer, and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! A woman so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside! A drug dealer — a drug-dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point: we see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example.


Burn down your life
Set fire to all your ties of home, family and love
Light the fires and allow it to spread to thy neighbor's homes as well
Leave and never return, seek the truth ever more
For God is Great!

They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God.
Jesus, The Bible (New International Version), John 16:2

    live-action tv 

Reba: Barbara Jean, you're not gonna get anybody to believe by hitting them with a Bible.
Barbara Jean: That's how my daddy did it.


Give me that old time religion
Give me that old time religion
Give me that old time religion
It's good enough for me
—Traditional Protestant hymn

I see them on the corner
Big black bible in hand
Shouting at the people to hear the word of the Lord
And it's this:
'You're just a filthy sinner-man!
You can't save yourself but — Jesus can!
And then you too can be an angel with a sword - smite the unrighteous!
Make Jesus your goal,
Sell him your soul,
Go throw your mind down the nearest hole.'
And the Lord Christ-Jesus will save you from the devil and sin,
The Lord Marx-Lenin will save you from the Chairman of the Board,
The Lord Smack-Needle will save you from the pains of life,
But who will come and save you from your Lord?
— "Trinity", Leslie Fish

It's not OK to be Gay!
It's not O.K. to be a homo!
You weren't designed to be that way!
God says that it's a big no-no!
It's not O.K. to be Gay!
It's not O.K. to be a pervert!
It's not in your DNA!
What you need is to be converted!
—"It's Not O.K. to be Gay", George Smock a.k.a. "Brother Jed"

Preacher on a corner
Calling it a crime
The ends don't justify the means anytime
I stood up on my van
I yelled 'Excuse me, sir
Ain't nothin' wrong with this country
A few plastic explosives won't cure'
—"I Blew Up the Clinic Real Good", Steve Taylor

    Tabletop Games 

Kasif: You're the master of the Pinnacle of the Eye of the Hunt. It was you who defeated the heretic cult worshipping bile-black stone at Port Calin. It was you who brought down the Anathema Bosk at the threshold of his ancient tomb. And it was you who murdered Sesus Beedita, a fellow monk whose only crime was to disagree with your interpretation of the Immaculate Texts!
Peleps Deled: That's where you're wrong, Kasif...
Kasif: LIAR! I saw you do it. Don't even try to pretend it was accidental.
Deled: I didn't mean about that... I mean you're wrong to think there's such a thing as an "interpretation" of the texts.
—Discussing theological issues in Manual of Exalted Power: The Dragon-Blooded.

    video games 

If you got trouble with your wife, don't tell it to me, tell it to the Executive Producer in the sky! He's gonna cancel your sitcom. You need to say to yourself: "I'm a terrible person, and I should DIE."
Heartland Values with Nurse Bob, GTA Radio

Our minds are born festering with sin. Some are so blighted, they will never find redemption. The mind must be pulled up from the roots. My children are without blame, without fault—and without choice. For what is the value of will when the spirit is found wanting?
Elizabeth, "The Value Of Choice" voxophone (BioShock Infinite)

Beware, you who seek first and final principles, for you are trampling the garden of an angry God and he awaits you just beyond the last theorem.
Sister Miriam Godwinson, Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri

Until further notice, this village shall be under the control of us, the Cathedral Knights. All entrances shall be sealed. No one may enter or exit the village. Understood? Anyone violating my order shall be deemed a minion of Darkness and.. purified in the name of Lord Granas. Come my Knights of Granas. Take up your blades to cut down the Darkness. God's Light shall shine!
Selene, Grandia II

    web original 

Separate yourself from vain and foolish friends who turn you to atheism, worldliness, competitive sports, and false religions.

1.Someone who despite all accepted scientific evidence does not believe in evolution.
2.Even stranger in the 21st century: Someone who believes that The Passion of the Christ is a better film than Life of Brian.

Because so many of you have tried to escape, we hereby order all of you to go barefoot from this moment forward. You will kick off your Sunday shoes.

You will not cut loose or attempt to go footloose or we will chop off your limbs and set them on a fire. We have already placed Louise on her knees for beheading. Jack was tied to several Toyota trucks mounting heavy machine guns and we pulled him apart with a crack. You could say that he really went footloose, but this would be incorrect because it was his arms and entire legs that detached...You may think Mohammad allowed the Christians of Abyssinia to dance modestly within the mosque. He was only waiting to machine gun them later. So do not dare to dance. It is blasphemy. Everything is blasphemy.

Robertson is a founding member of the Taliban satellite known as the 700 Club, a Christian ultra-extremist terrorist group funded by TV telethons. When people call in, Robertson will cure them for whatever illness they may have by hollering his ever-faithful servant, God, and make Him perform the trick — or to smite down people Robertson doesn’t particularly fancy. Robertson views himself as God’s personal messenger on earth (read that as “Pat da boss, Jesus his muscle man”), and claims to have direct contact with the prophets (yes, those prophets). This is a source of information Robertson uses to predict disasters that will happen to people who don’t behave the way Robertson thinks God ought to want people to behave. He often makes his predictions after a disaster has already struck, but there are the annual exceptions (we are still waiting for Orlando to be destroyed by a meteor). In fact, Robertson strikes one as a slightly eccentric, utterly delusional and repugnantly evil version of the wizard Tim: “Hurricane, In the name of Jesus I take authority over you and command you to change course. In the name of Jesus I command you to turn away from Virginia Beach now. You will turn south and then east and strike the wicked godless heathen land of Cuba instead. Amen.”, chants Pat. He also prophesied the end of times to happen in 1980, 1982, 1985, 1996 and 2007...he also has first-hand testimonial from Jesus that Obama will disintegrate America, the only remedy being prayer and sending Robertson money.
The Encyclopedia of American Loons on Pat Robertson

The Jesus is Savior website is essentially the same as the Internet Church for Christ if it were created by a furious schizophrenic. There are so many fonts, photos and hate-filled, incongruous pieces of information on the homepage that at a certain point the human eye just gives up and stares into the vast expanse of the background. The only unifying theme of the site seems to be contempt and a psychotic distrust of literally everything.
Soren Bowie, Cracked

The phrase "cafeteria Christian" is a snarl word that some Christians use to describe other Christians who do not take a sufficiently strict approach to following their faith... It can be argued that cafeteria Christianity is not only commonplace, but actually required in order for the believer to remain a functional member of society, as opposed to fundamentalists like Jack Chick, who are obviously so paranoid and delirious that they cannot function in the real world.

Will our culture ever wake from this fever dream? Perhaps. But never underestimate the sheer venality of the human animal, who is always willing to project his own sins onto someone else so he can shed blood with a clean conscience.

The genius of the Fundamentalist movement was to take all that evil and sprinkle a few Bible quotes over it in order to make it more socially acceptable. There's not a sin or perversion that isn't indulged in within the walls of some "church" somewhere, all with the veneer of respectability and moral rectitude.

I asked the students to consider this: Catholics are the oldest Christian denomination, so if Protestants evolved from Catholics, why are there still Catholics? Some students laughed, some found it a clarifying example, and others were clearly offended. Two days later, a student walked down to the lectern after class and informed me that I was wrong about Catholics. He said Baptists were the first Christians and that this is clearly explained in the Bible. His mother told him so. I asked where this was explained in the Bible. He glared at me and said, “John the Baptist, duh!” and then walked away.
James J. Krupa, "Defending Darwin"

    web video 

''subject: take respinsibty

dorkins, the riots in london are all your fault. those godless men are all looting those poor god fearing heroes. do something to undone the damage. your all to blame. all money from selfish gene should go to fixing london. until you do something FUCK YOU"

    western animation 

Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.
Reverend Lovejoy, The Simpsons ("Secrets of a Successful Marriage")

    real life 

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous.
David Hume, A Treatise of Human Nature

The determinist does not believe in appealing to the will, but he does believe in changing the environment. He must not say to the sinner, 'Go and sin no more,' because the sinner cannot help it. But he can put him in boiling oil; for boiling oil is an environment.
A.K. Chesterton, British fascist

...the infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented Hell.
Bertrand Russell, Sceptical Essays

It was morality that burned the books of the ancient sages, and morality that halted the free inquiry of the Golden Age and substituted for it the credulous imbecility of the Age of Faith. It was a fixed moral code and a fixed theology which robbed the human race of a thousand years by wasting them upon alchemy, heretic-burning, witchcraft and sacerdotalism.
H. L. Mencken, The Philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche

No, Your Holiness. Not agnosticism, but Gnosticism is the danger for the Christian faith.
Don Luigi Giussani (attributed) to John Paul II

These are sky-god religions. They are, literally, patriarchal — God is the Omnipotent Father — hence the loathing of women for 2,000 years in those countries afflicted by the sky-god and his earthly male delegates. The sky-god is a jealous god, of course. He requires total obedience from everyone on earth, as he is in place not for just one tribe but for all creation. Those who would reject him must be converted or killed for their own good. Ultimately, totalitarianism is the only sort of politics that can truly serve the sky-god's purpose.
Gore Vidal (1992)

On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
—U.S. Senator Barry Goldwater

History has shown us that it's not religion that's the problem, but any system of thought that insists that one group of people are inviolably in the right, whereas the others are in the wrong and must somehow be punished.
Rod Liddle

Take care what you are about, for unless you base all this on religion, you are only making so many clever devils.
Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington

Being nice to people is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity, as opposed to other religions whose tenets are more along the lines of 'kill everyone who doesn't smell bad and doesn't answer to the name Mohammed.'
Ann Coulter

When science and the Bible differ, science has obviously misinterpreted its data.
Henry Morris

If one permits an infidel to continue in his role as a corrupter of the earth, the infidel's moral suffering will be all the worse. If one kills the infidel, and this stops him from perpetrating his misdeeds, his death will be a blessing to him.
Ruhollah Khomeini

Every Muslim, the minute he can start differentiating, carries hate towards Americans, Jews, and Christians; this is part of our ideology.
Osama Bin Laden

The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas — uncertainty, progress, change — into crimes.
Salman Rushdie

...I think that the central problem of any religion is that the founders of religion are always extraordinarily intelligent people and what you notice as you get older is that extraordinarily intelligent people are not literal-minded and the great problem with religion is when what's been said by the founder of the religion which was supposed to be taken metaphorically is taken literally and that's where you get complete nonsense being made of what the founder of the religion said and indeed, people claiming, more or less, that the founder of the religion said the opposite of what they believe, except they haven't realised that.

Bachmann is a religious zealot whose brain is a raging electrical storm of divine visions and paranoid delusions...frenetically pacing the hallways of a vast sand castle she's built in there, unable to meaningfully communicate with the human beings on the other side of the moat, who are all presumed to be enemies.
Matt Taibbi on Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann

A characteristic of religious fundamentalism is to perceive the world as an arena of continuous battle and to nourish it with anger and the desire for revenge.
Ilter Turkemen

I get the impression that many nonbelievers are just fine about tolerating religious belief as long as they can do it condescendingly, blowing off rational statements by believers as quixotic or delusional. Challenge the underlying assumption that nonbelief is inherently more intellectually sound or scientific than belief, or show that many of the most common arguments by nonbelievers are on the same superficial level as arguments by Intelligent Designers and, well, the gloves come off and the veneer of civility evaporates.

"You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."

"It's not God bless America. God DAMN America!"
Jeremiah Wright