"I am a fully rounded human being, with a degree from the university of life, a diploma from the school of hard knocks, and three gold stars from the kindergarten of getting the shit kicked out of me."
— Captain Edmund Blackadder
"You ever get the feeling that the universe is a vast, empty loneliness that exists only to hurt you?"
— Black Mage, 8-Bit Theater
"Everything happens to hurt Black Mage."
"(After being beaned with a baby doll) She only keeps me around because I'm funny when I'm hurt. I am the punching bag that laughs."
"The universe considers me its personal cat toy. Do you have ANY idea what it's like to go through life covered in cosmic cat spit?"
"Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, and been made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men! I just want to go home and take a hot bath!"
—Stuart McCormick, South Park
Toph: How's it look?
Sokka: Well, it couldn't get much worse!
(Giant Sea-Serpent rises from the ocean, ROARING)
Sokka: The Universe just loves proving me wrong, doesn't it!?
Toph: You make it too easy!
"Inferno blow up, Waspinator must salvage. Waspinator blow up, nobody salvage! (moans) Oh, why universe hate Waspinator?"
— Waspinator bemoans his lot in life, Beast Wars, episode "Deep Metal"
Born under a bad sign - most likely 'dead end' - Crushed lives up to her name, and would still do so if she had been named Burnt, Impaled, Munched, Mauled or even Gooified.
— Supermegatopia profile for Crushed, The Doomed Kitty
"How unlucky am I...? What am I saying?! This is unlucky? When I was a baby, we went to the zoo and the monkeys kidnapped me... When I was in nursery school, I used to wet myself so the kids called me "Shimon the pants-pee'er"." *people listening start crying* "When I was in elementary school, I ran away from home again with aniki and before I knew it we were on a tuna fishing boat... My house was demolished by an earthquake, burnt by fire and then washed away in a flood... So if you want to stop me, you'd better ready the apocalypse! Don't underestimate my misfortune!!!"
On you, little man, I don't wanna waste much time
You've been pushed around all your life
You've been pushed 'round by your mother, and your sister and your brother
And if you was married, you'd be pushed around by your wife
"Life, why do you hate me so?"
— Noah, Total Drama World Tour
You wouldn't believe my day, Garfield. First, I tripped and fell down six flights of stairs. When I landed, I got my head stuck in a bucket of pork chops. Then, a roaming pack of hungry wolves mistook me for lunch...and chased me into an open elevator shaft, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the rabid shaft badgers.
This..has got...to be the worst pain I've felt!
—Krillin, after Freiza Impales him
What did I ever do to deserve this kind of humiliating treatment? Aren't I one of the team, too? Am I not an equal?! Don't I deserve some respect?!
I seem to spend most of my time getting the shit kicked out of me.
— Norman Jayden, Heavy Rain
I'm always the fall guy!
— Knuckles the Echidna, Sonic X
This stuff shouldn't happen to a dog!
"So Mario never destroyed the castle, but he did manage to pick up several fatal injuries. Thank the gods for the 1-ups!"
— The ending to Mario's Castle Calamity, before it cuts to a list of each character's deaths.