Quotes: The Caligula

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    Film — Live-Action 

I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Gaius Caligula, I am all men as I am no man and therefore I am a God.
Caligula (1979)

Caligula: Show them our booty! Show them the plunder we gathered from old Neptune! (Four soldiers quickly empty two trunks of their contents; thousands of dry seashells spill out onto the floor.)
Senator: Seashells?!
Caligula: (chuckling to himself with delight) Yes! Spoils of the sea; loot from old Neptune! Hee-hee! He'll not take me on again in a hurry..."
I Claudius

Oskar Schindler: They fear us because we have the power to kill arbitrarily... That's what the emperors had. A man stole something, he's brought in before the emperor, he throws himself down on the ground, he begs for mercy, he knows he's going to die. And the emperor pardons him. This worthless man, he lets him go.
Goeth: I think you are drunk.
Schindler: That's power, Amon. That is power. (genuflects) Amon the Good.
Goeth: I pardon you!

    Literature 

Perfection, of a kind, was what he was after,
And the poetry he invented was easy to understand;
He knew human folly like the back of his hand,
And was greatly interested in armies and fleets;
When he laughed, respectable senators burst with laughter,
And when he cried the little children died in the streets.
W. H. Auden, "Epitaph of a Tyrant"

Salome was clad in the barbaric splendor of a woman of Shushan. Jewels glittered in the torchlight on her gilded sandals, on her gold breast-plates and the slender chains that held them in place. Gold anklets clashed as she moved, jeweled bracelets weighted her bare arms. Her tall coiffure was that of a Shemitish woman, and jade pendants hung from gold hoops in her ears, flashing and sparkling with each impatient movement of her haughty head. A gem-crusted girdle supported a silk shirt so transparent that it was in the nature of a cynical mockery of convention.

Lady Selachii: He put a horse on his council, remember?
Lord Rust: You have to admit, the horse did a better job than some of the other councilors.
Lady Selachii: A flowerpot and two people who had been beheaded!
Men at Arms, about the aptly-named Mad Lord Snapcase

    Live-Action TV 

We've had vicious kings, and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
Tyrion Lannister on Joffrey, Game of Thrones

Marshal: Outbreaks of plague—and rebellion—must be controlled, don't you agree?
Doctor: Marshal, you are quite mad.
Marshal: Only if I lose.

Kirk: Garth, do you have to make him suffer like that?
Garth: You will address me by my proper title, Kirk.
Kirk: I'm sorry. I should've said Captain Garth.
Garth: I am Lord Garth, formerly of Izar, and I lead the future masters of the universe.
Kirk: (getting impatient) I'm sorry. "Lord" Garth.
Garth: You Earth people are a stiff-necked lot, aren't you?
Star Trek: The Original Series, "Whom Gods Destroy"

    Tabletop Games 

Take care, lest your protests grow tiresome. I have asked for so little! Anyone would think that I have asked you to sacrifice yourselves and all your family! And yet, in Slaanesh's boundless and pleasing mercy, I have asked only for your daughters. Surely you would not deny me my small enjoyments?
Tyrell, Renegade Lord of Arden IX, Warhammer 40,000

    Theatre 

I will do such things—what they are yet I know not—but they shall be the terror of the earth.

    Video Games 

Sheogorath: More tea, Pelly my dear?
Pelagius the Mad: Oh, I couldn't. Goes right through me. Besides, I have so many things to do. So many undesirables to contend with, naysayers, buffoons, detractors... Why, my headsman hasn’t slept in three days!
Sheogorath: You are far too hard on yourself, my dear, sweet, homicidally-insane Pelagius. What would the people do without you? Dance? Sing? Smile? (giggles) Grow old?

    Web Original 

Those Empire jerks ruined everything for Caim. They massacred his family, destroyed his kingdom, screwed over his shot at royalty. I wonder how things would have turned out differently if the Empire wasn't around and Caim went on to be king.
[Shows a picture of Vlad the Impaler]
Actually, you know maybe it's best not to think about that...

    Western Animation 

People of Isla, first order of business is changing the name of this country. It's now called Bananarama and the national anthem is "Venus". Now DANCE!
Roger as General Juanito Pequeño, American Dad!

    Real Life 

Let them hate me, so long as they fear me!
Caligula, attributed

If only the Roman people had but one throat so I might slit it!
Caligula, also attributed

He kills our people, arrests people who are against his administration. He produces drugs. It's a national industry. He kidnaps other people from South Korea, or other democratic countries. He is doing all sorts of bad things, like the devil. Do not trust him, never, ever.
—Union worker Kim Duk Hong on North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il

If Nixon had not left by helicopter, men in white would have taken him away.

One of the many questions which it is the function of the early empire to answer is, "Just how silly can the emperor be without causing the empire to collapse?" The answer, in every case, is "Very silly indeed."
John J. Reilly