Quotes / The Alleged Car

Satan's on my engine, Beelzebub's in my trunk
Mephistopheles at the wheel because I'm too gosh darn drunk
Baal's my passenger and Lucifer's beside him
I got demons in the coolant, I got bats in the transmission
This Escort needs an exorcism, Pan is to blame
Got a car full of pain!
The Arrogant Worms, "Car Full of Pain"

I can't take this kind of pressure
I must confess one more dusty road would be just a road too long
The Brave Little Toaster, "Worthless"

What do we like about this car? The fact that it's so unreliable, it keeps you from driving too far. We think that's a good thing, and far too uncommon with today's cars. The MG encourages you to walk, and you won't waste gas either, because you're not going to take this car anywhere you don't positively, absolutely have to go.

Who should buy an MG? Anyone with a death wish and too much time on his hands.
— The Car Talk website, reviewing Tommy's MG TD Roadster

"My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academic sense. They were round, they had once been made of rubber."
Ralphie, A Christmas Story

"You're going to blow a tire. It's a given. Any mechanical part that moves is going to break. U-joints, suspension parts, air conditioners - everything breaks. You start to wonder: Was it ever truly working? Is its natural state what we call "working," or perhaps was it always meant to be broken? It's downright goddamn philosophical. Wait, no - annoying. That's what it is."

Aileen: This is a Cadillac without doors!
Phil: So what? It's a Cadillac.

"It was a bucket, but fuck it, it had to do!"
Ice-T, "Midnight"

"I'd rather be a bus wanker than drive that piece of yellow shit."
Bus Wanker, The Inbetweeners

"The police witness in court had referred to it as "the alleged car" and the name had subsequently stuck. She was particularly fond of her alleged car for many reasons. If one of its doors, for instance, fell off, she could put it back on herself, which was more than you could say for a BMW."

I like driving in my car.
It's not quite a Jaguar.
I bought it at Primose Hill.
From a bloke from Brazil.
Madness, "Driving In My Car"

Mark: How could you run out of gas?
Andy: The gauge is busted. When I fill up, I zero out the trip odometer so I know how many miles before I need to fill up again.
Mark: So what happened?
Andy: The trip odometer's busted too. Piece of garbage car.

You never get me very far, when
You decide driving to the store is a mortal sin.
I guess you want a piece of me,
Since you're leaving all your pieces in the middle of the street,
I don't know what I'm gonna do;
I just hope that I don't have to take another day of driving YOU...!

Piece-of-shit car, I got a piece-of-shit car
The fucking pile of shit never gets me very far
My car's a big piece of shit cuz the shocks are fucking shot
And the seatbelt's fucking broken; I got to tie it in a knot (It's a piece of shit!)
I can't see through the windshield, cuz it's got a big fucking crack
And the interior smells real bad cuz my friend puked in the back (It's a piece of shit!)
Adam Sandler, "Ode to My Car"

"The problem, as it turns out, is that a spring has busted on a switch (which is conveniently labeled. In Sharpie.) and it's stayed on. Which is, in many ways, the full establishment of the TARDIS - on the one hand, it is a magical box that can think and communicate with its inhabitants. On the other hand, it can accidentally have a spring get stuck and proceed to nearly explode. Which is, shall we say, a bit of a design flaw."
El Sandifer, "The Edge of Destruction"

Tracy: It's very... rustic.
Paul: More rust than ic, I'm afraid.

Dr. Possible: Ah, they don't make them like this anymore!
Ron Stoppable: Not since the recall!

"The only way that's a five-hundred dollar car is if there's a three-hundred dollar hooker inside of it!"
Jimmy McGill, Better Call Saul, "Uno"

Crazy Vaclav: She'll do 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.
Homer: (fiddling with Cyrillic gear display) What country is this car from?
Vaclav: It no longer exists.

Peter: I can't believe you bought another Granada Mark II.
Gary: What do you mean?
Peter: This looks exactly like the car I sold you in 1989.
Gary: This is the car you sold me in 1989. Best 300 quid I ever spent.
Steven: This is The Beast?
Gary: Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, she's had a bit of work done. I had to replace the brakes, suspension, exhaust, seats, wheel, panelling, carburettor, manifold, the whole engine, really, mirrors, headlamps - other than that, she's the same old motor.

Running the program around the clock is causing problems, which just proves how awesome Quark's holosuite is, given that Vicks ran for months without problems, while Fair Haven has run for less than two - and is causing no end of issues. Now sure there's a size discrepancy at work here, but the brand-new state-of-the-art starship is having trouble keeping up with a small-time bar. The more we learn about Voyager, the more I think this ship was built solely to get somebody re-elected. You know how it works: the gel-packs are made on Betazed, the plasma manifolds are made on Earth, the consoles are made on Andoria, and this unneeded piece of junk was just rushed through to ensure the mid-terms went well and that they could say that they were developing state-of-the-art ships even though their holodecks are inferior to one that was patched with a spatula!