Quotes: The Ace

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    real life 

Every boy wants to be in his shoes, and every man wants to be in his missus.
Ali G on David Beckham

Look at that smug lizard – he’s practically visualizing his trophy case buckling under the weight of all those prospective awards. “Oh heavens, I don’t know if I could accept another! The shelves are already frightfully overburdened. Okay, maybe just an Oscar…”
DListed, "And The List Of Benedict Cumberbatch’s Award Nominations Just Keeps Growing"

What do you know, Slater bakes a perfect cake, and the girls, who've increasingly shown themselves to drop into fan-wafting vapour fits at any vaguely romantic deed, are positively simpering at how sensitive he is, because he's baked one fucking cake. Devastated by the failure of his latest plan, Zack calls himself a hula hoop. Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy.
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell ("Pinned to the Mat"), So Excited, So Scared

John Barrowman oozes charisma from every pore in his body and he’s damn hot to boot. You should hate somebody who can act, dance, sing and is strikingly attractive but somehow he’s extremely likable too. Git.

One of the big selling points for the 2006 Ultimate Editions was the addition of a commentary track from Roger Moore...The first part of the Rio segment is given to a story about an attack of kidney stones Moore suffered through. Scarily enough, he manages to make this fascinating and entertaining. Is there any topic he can talk about that doesn’t come off as interesting?

    fiction 

Prince Ali!
Mighty is he!
Ali Ababwa
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!
He faced the galloping hordes
A hundred bad guys with swords
Who sent those goons to their lords?
Why, Prince Ali!

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select.

Still worshipping God? Last time I heard, he started worshipping me!
Lord Flashheart, Blackadder

Tycho: I've been reviewing engineering records and damage statistics.
Wes: "While we've been maneuvering?
Tycho "Restraining myself so you could keep up with me left me plenty of time for intellectual pursuits. I also composed a symphony and drafted a plan to bring peace to the galaxy.

Nazi: Ah, "Ace" Rimmer. Might one inquire how you escaped your bonds?
"Ace" Rimmer (what a guy!)" Just had to dislocate both shoulders, pop them behind my ears, and slip between the ropes. Of course, it's going to take major orthopedic surgery to put them back, but rest assured: That won't stop me from rescuing the princess.

"Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do."

Morgan: Man, you ever have someone show up in your life, just make you look so damn small?
Chuck: Yeah, the... Look, there's always gonna be someone that's cooler or better looking or more athletic than us, but there's one thing we have that they don't.
Morgan: Well, I got a beard.
Chuck

I am very smart. Top three percent of my class at Osiris medicad, finished my residency in eight months. 'Gifted' is the term. So when I say that my kid sister makes me look like an idiot child, I want you to understand my full meaning. River...was a gift. There was nothing—science, art, theoretical physics, even dance—that didn't come to her as easily as breathing does to us.
Simon Tam, Firefly

How can someone like this even exist? Ain't this against the rules or something?
Dallas Genoard's opinion on the existence of Claire Stanfield, Baccano!

Now, many and diverse were the magic virtues that were in Cuchulain that were in no one else in his day. Excellence of form, excellence of shape, excellence of build, excellence in swimming, excellence in horsemanship, excellence in chess and in draughts, excellence in battle, excellence in contest, excellence in single combat, excellence in reckoning, excellence in speech, excellence in counsel, excellence in bearing, excellence in laying waste and in plundering from the neighbouring border.

Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away, and what are you?
Tony Stark: Ah, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.

Hi, I'm Mami. I'm awesome, and I kick ass, and I'm probably better than you at everything.

She's like, ridiculously good at everything.

I don't know what it is exactly, but this guy really pisses me off. He's constantly trying to score points, and succeeding.