Quotes: That One Puzzle
First things first, although this poem is about eating a face, it is still referring to the keypad next to the door, which, as you might have noticed, doesn't look a god damned thing like a face.
Nick: I have seen hell, and it is Silver's ball puzzle.
Josh: I will admit, I will interject here and argue that I did not have much of a hard time with the ball puzzle as some people...say.
Nick: Well, lookie here. Someone's a fucking puzzle expert!
Josh: No, I, maybe I got lucky. I mean, it is a little irritating, but with patience, it's not that bad. I still think his jungle level is way worse just because, there's obviously a puzzle there. But I'm pretty sure I still haven't figured out exactly how you're supposed to do it.
Nick: Well me, I have no patience, so I'm gonna talk about this ball puzzle. I mean, good god....just because you can't have a physics engine in your game, doesn't mean you should have a physics engine in your game. You know what the Half-Life 2 box puzzles were missing? The boxes having giant exploding timers on them, and having giant bottomless pits, and physics that don't realistically work. When you hit the ball, the timer goes down. When it hits the walls or the boxes, the timer goes down. When you let it just sit there, the fucking timer goes down! You can't take your time to finish this puzzle, because the timer can run off on it's own. And it's a bad idea to try to rush through it or get it done in a timely fashion, because one false move can hit the ball into a bottomless pit, or hit the boxes or walls hard enough to take the timer down faster than usual. This isn't fun! This is the shit you use to torture prisoners at Guantanamo Bay!
Josh: .....Wow. That, uh...that was pretty fucking harsh.
Nick: .....Well this is a harsh fucking game.
You survey the little stepping-stones that periodically rise and fall in the boiling magma, and realize that this is seriously going to suck. In fact, this is going to suck so much that I kind of feel like I ought to apologize in advance. Still, it wouldn't be a final battle without an especially fiendish final puzzle, now would it?
(upon failing the puzzle seven times) After getting stuck and swimming across boiling hot lava back to the beginning of the maze several times, it occurs to you that you could shortcut this whole stupid sonofabitch by simply swimming to the goal. However, your adventurer's instincts kick in, telling you that your final rewards will probably be lessened if you take the easy way out.