Quotes / Snicket Warning Label

"And they lived happily ever after," my father said.
"Wow," I said.
He looked at me. "You're not pleased?"
"No, no, it's just, it came so quick, the ending, it surprised me. I thought there'd be a little more, is all. I mean, was the pirate ship waiting or was that just a rumor like it said?"
"Complain to Mr. Morgenstern. 'And they lived happily ever after' is how it ends."
The truth was, my father was fibbing. I spent my whole life thinking it ended that way, up until I did this abridgment. Then I glanced at the last page.

Lemony Snicket: "And so, the Baudelaire Children went to Peru, and together had many wonderful adventures with their loving and caring Uncle. The End." These are the words I so desperately wish to write. I would love nothing more than to say the Children found a new home. However it is not my place to weave happy endings where they do not occur, but to report the actual series of events. And I'm sorry to say the Children's troubles were only beginning.

"At this point in the story, I feel obliged to interrupt and give you one last warning. As I said at the very beginning, the book you are holding in your hands does not have a happy ending. It may appear now that Count Olaf will go to jail and that the three Baudelaire youngsters will live happily ever after with Justice Strauss, but it is not so. If you like, you may shut the book this instant and not read the unhappy ending that is to follow. You may spend the rest of your life believing that the Baudelaires triumphed over Count Olaf and lived the rest of their lives in the house and library of Justice Strauss, but that is not how the story goes. For as everyone was laughing at Sunny's cry for cake, the important-looking man with all the warts on his face was sneaking toward the controls for the lighting of the theater."