Quotes / Small Name, Big Ego

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    Film - Live-action 

I invented the piano key necktie! I invented it!!!! YOU HAVE NOTHING!!!! NOTHING!!!!!
Mugatu, Zoolander

Willa: You know what you are? You're pronoid.
Vince: "Pronoid"?
Willa: Mm-hmm. It means that contrary to all the available evidence, you actually think that people like you. Your perception of life is that it's one long benefit dinner in your honor with everybody cheering you on and wanting you to win everything. You think you're the prince, Vince.

    literature 

A bully, thought Susan. A very small, very weak, very dull bully, who doesn't manage any real bullying, because there's hardly anyone smaller or weaker than him, so he just settles for making everyone's life that little bit more difficult...

If I was kept waiting beyond a carefully scrutinized five minutes, there was no interview! Rising from my chair and ambling over to the man's secretary, I would bow ever so slightly, the image of genteel breeding; then suddenly, bringing myself up to a dictatorially rigid posture, I would proclaim, my tone controlled but testy: "I'm sorry, young lady, but will you tell your employer that Mr. Exley had other commitments and couldn't wait. If he wishes to set up another appointment and begin it at the — ah — designated time" — I would be looking at my empty wrist as though it contained a hundred-jewel job — "then he knows where to reach me.
Frederick Exley looks for work, A Fans Notes

    Live-action TV 

Bill: I don't think you realize whom you are talking to.
Airline Rep: Why sure. I'm talking to Bill McNeal of WNYX.
Bill: Wow! I see my reputation precedes me.
Dave: No, it doesn't. He's just reading your name tag from the convention.
NewsRadio, "Airport"

Delmy: I'm Delmy Polanco. I'm the most important UFO blogger in the world.
Booth: "Important blogger." Talk about an oxymoron.
Bones

Niles: Oh please, in your sixth grade production of Oklahoma! you took so many curtain calls Mrs. Van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage.
Frasier: That woman never understood me or the role of Farmer Number Three!

Gordon: Rich men don't go to jail.
Horatio Caine: You're not rich, Gordon. (arrests him)
CSI: Miami, "Cross Jurisdictions"

You're right! With my looks and my talent, and you fulfilling the requirement of 3 or more people, we'd be unbeatable!
Lexi, A.N.T. Farm

    Music 

Fame, fame, fatal fame
It can play hideous tricks on the brain
The Smiths, "Franky, Mr Shankly"

I follow trends, don't say what I mean
Put the 'LOL' in PoLOLitics as long as I'm seen
Please notice me and my humorous views
'Coz maybe someday I'll get a job on the news
Trapped in Technology, "Internet Micro Celebrity"

Our subject isn't cool, but he thinks it anyway
He may not have a clue and he may not have style
But for everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial!
The Offspring, "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"

I walk, everyone watches.
I speak, everyone listens.
If you think I am just showing off you are dead wrong
All of you just don't know
You just don't know how great I am
There's no one who can destroy me. I can never be defeated
Black☆Star's Image Song, Soul Eater

    Video games 

Marco:: What did you say? Are you trying to start a fight with me?! The name is Marco! Everybody who is anybody knows who I am!
Vyse: Hah... for such a short kid, you sure know how to talk big! Sorry, boy, but we don't have time to play with little kids right now.
Marco: What did you say?! I'll remember this! Fools!

Jeremy Robard (motivational speaker): Every time I step outside the door, I can choose which car to drive—if I choose to drive! I have five chauffeurs!
Maurice Chavez (host): Look, I hate to burst your bubble here, but I know you live in a very small apartment overlooking the gas works. You ain't a big shot. You ain't even a medium shot. You're an asshole.
Pressing Issues, GTA Radio

    Web animation 

At this point, the universe takes two paths, one in which Romero spearheads a bold, artistic movement in game design as a misunderstood genius, burdened with the egotism that often strikes the auteur, or Romero is forever lambasted as a boob so massive that even the most determined baby would struggle to get its gob around it.

    Web original 

Neckbeard: Talkative, self-important nerdy men (usually age 30 and up) who, through an inability to properly decode social cues, mistake others' strained tolerance of their blather for evidence of their own charm.

I have a bit of an issue with Carole Ann Ford and I make no secret of it. I dislike actors who forget what makes them famous in the first place and then go on to slag said programme off...I wonder if she ever stopped to think that perhaps it wasn’t the success of the show and the paucity of the character that sabotaged her career but simply that she isn’t a particularly good actress, because that sounds like a far more convincing argument from where I’m standing. Saying that, she does everything that is required of her here, but considering that is to act out a completely non entity who blends in with the crowd Ford is more than up to the task. Meow.

Will plastic surgeon please warn patients that sometimes the plastic jelly they inject into their ass can travel up to their brain and eat their sense of reason?.
Michael K., "Iggy Azalea Thinks Iggy Azalea Made Hip Hop More Accepting"

A Google search revealed that someone was going around the Internet and informing everyone that Neil Fifer was going to be the next Captain America and he was also sleeping with Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. It was so obvious to everyone who this was and what he was doing that no other commenter ever bothered to ask, 'Who the hell is Neil Fifer and why are you doing this, Neil Fifer?' The closest he ever came to getting a response was when he made another fake name to agree with the first that Angelina Jolie was very lucky to have such a handsome yet mysterious dick inside her.

Tiger Woods's ex-caddie, a man who makes a living by carrying another man's golf bag, took a moment after a tournament won by his new boss to steal the limelight, blast his former boss, and act as if anyone anywhere gives a shit about caddies: "Obviously it's well documented I've won 145 golf tournaments." YOU WON NOTHING, YOU BAG APE.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2011"

Then of course there's the sub-theme of every [Armond] White review, which is that every other critic is a moral degenerate and an aesthetic cretin.

In an interview, Schneider himself is asked who he thinks the greatest living “visionary poets” are. The phrase “Excluding myself” appears in the answer. I kid you not. As for why you you’ve never heard of him, the greatest living visionary poet? That’s all a conspiracy by the publishing industry and stupid idiotic “deliterates” who spend all their time watching American Idol rather than reading his ingenious works of poetry, as he explains repeatedly and at length in interviews with anyone who’ll listen.
Tom Morris on Dan Schneider, "Sanger meets Schneider; I hit the bottle"

Attley: So Steven, are there others like you?
Steven: Others like me? Aha no, they can only dream.
Attley: (Narrows eyes) I meant other instrument-people.

    Web video 

He looks like a goof. Because he is a goof. Because he walks out there like he's fucking King Kong to the Road Warrior music, and he thinks he's over. His triumphant return, like he's Lou Gehrig in the fucking stadium! And everyone goes, 'Who's this fucking buggy whip-armed motherfucker?'

Another great thing about this movie is how Bruce Payne, who plays a character we can only call The Blue Guy With Blue Lips Which Isn't Even Applied Evenly, has a Wikipedia page that is longer—and more detailed—than any of the more famous and established actors in the film. Despite the fact that Dungeons & Dragons: The Film II: Wrath of the Dragon God is listed as one of his "more notable" films, his career is broken into huge essays listed by decade, up to eleven paragraphs each (and full of name-dropping obviously). There is an entire fucking paragraph dedicated to the role of "Disgruntled Man".
Jim Sterlingnote 

Vegeta: You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!
Trunks: He fused with Kami so he could become stronger.
Vegeta: The f#^$ a "Kami"?
Krillin: Basically God.
Vegeta: But, I'm still here!
Trunks: Do you really believe your own hype that much?!
Vegeta: I AM THE HYPE!

    Western animation 

I am the cheese! I am the best character on the show! I am better than both the salami and bologna combined!

Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape! Ha, ha! That hat! It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet!
Taurus Bulba, Darkwing Duck

I know I'm special. This isn't news to me.
Cartman, South Park

And now I can catch up on my beauty sleep, not that I need any.

Elise: Dan, land the helicopter and let the minor celebrity go!
Helicopter Hal: Minor celebrity?!
Dan: You really didn't know, did you?

    Real life 

I can't let myself get a big ego while I'm writing this script. I have to remember that this isn't about me.
I am merely a scribe for God as He channels His divine message through me.
Anonymous Script Writer, for a unreleased film.

If I go down the street, all I get is kids coming up to me, half of them don’t even know who he is. That’s why he has to do songs with Rihanna and Kanye West, so people remember. But you know, most of the time I have people coming down the street and saying, "Oh my god! You’re a ski-racer" or "You help the animals."
Heather Mills on Paul McCartney, The Late Late Show 3.3.15

The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts.

One of the most powerful of all our passions is the desire to be admired and respected.
Bertrand Russell, Sceptical Essays

Oh, all those ridiculous people with zero talent who spend their lives making sure everyone knows their name. Those stupid, stupid people.
Jeremy Renner on the Kardashians

You know, that's not so good, a young punk song writer from the Brill Building, with a few pop numbers to his credit, saying things like that about Rodgers and Hammerstein. That's like making jokes about the King and Queen when you are playing Toronto.
Say, Darling by Richard Bissell

The verb to disrespect is one of the most obnoxious and insidious innovations in our language in years, because it really means 'to fail to pay me the impossibly high requirement of respect I demand.'
The Federalist, "The Death of Expertise"


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/SmallNameBigEgo