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Quotes / Sir Swears-a-Lot

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Stifler: Observe the fuckin' Stiffmeister. What is his defining characteristic?
Jim: He uses the F-word excessively.

LOTTA PEOPLE BEEN ASKING WHY MY VOICE BEEPS ALL THE F*CKING TIME. THE TORGUE STOCKHOLDERS WIRED MY VOICEBOX WITH A DIGITAL CENSOR SO I CAN'T SAY STUFF LIKE SH*T, C*CK, P*SSY-F*CKIN' D*CKBALLS. THAT'S LIKE HALF MY F*CKING VOCABULARY! IT'S GODDAMN BULLSH*T!

"I know you're not a stupid kid, 'cause I say "FUCK" a lot and you're okay with that."

"Darlene the waitress ain't too hard on the eyes. The ears are a different story. What the hell. I can put the paper bag over my head."

Hooligan: So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!
Cooper: Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here.

"Cowabunga... COWA-FUCKING-PIECE-OF-DOG-SHIT! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick. This game is as appealing as a fucking ooze-infested dirty fucking sewer rat shit. I've had more fun playing with dog turds. Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls. This game is an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter. I'd rather fucking yank all the hairs out of my scrotum. I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of buffalo's anus. It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit... and I don't like it."

Lifesaver Les: So you're looking for a fuckin' blue, are ya? Hey? Well fuckin' come on, COME ON!
Rocky: What'd you start us for, mate? Chillax.
Lifesaver Les: I'll fuckin' biff ya, mate!
Habib: What did I do?
Lifesaver Les: Well, if you wanna own the fuckin' beach, you have to go through FUCKIN' US! 'Cause we own the FUCKIN' beach! Our grandfathers fought in World War FUCKIN' 2 on this fuckin' beach, alright?! And if I were you, I'd FUCK OFF!!
Habib: Rocky, look, what's he saying? His Aussie accent is, like, hard to understand.
Lifesaver Les: You, you and you and you, FUCK OFF!!!
Rocky: I think he said, "Who wants to start a WAR!!!!"
Pizza

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: ... What the fuck you talking about?

Archie: You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
Otto: You're the vulgarian, you fuck!

"Respect the cock and tame the cunt. And of course, by cock, I mean our hallowed justice system. That great blind cock that towers over us all and comes down hard on those who do bad! Like those who killed Mr. Husband! And by cunts, I of course mean CUNTS! Cunts like these two fallen angels who ruthlessly snatched away the life from our poor victim! These cunts who must be tamed before they try to destroy all of the joys of manhood! Our cock of justice will make these cunts wet with the moist tears of regret from what they've done!"
Tom Croose/Kneesocks, planning to punish Panty and Stocking, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt

"Shit, this lack of food is making me cuss like a fucking sailor."

"Motherfucker needs to motherfuckin' chillax before he has a motherfuckin' stroke!"
Panty Anarchy, again, talking about Garterbelt, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt

Sera: Mother pussbucket friggin' bastard shitebag pissface! Eat it, you lop-eared son of an arse-nut rot-suck piece of-
Inquisitor: Sera! Sera!
Sera: Ugh, WHAT?!

Harry: (on a typewritten note handed to Ken by the hotel receptionist): Number one, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be in? Number two, why doesn't this hotel have phones with fucking voicemail on them so I don't have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number three, you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again, otherwise there'll be fucking hell to pay, I'm fucking telling you.- Harry
Ken: Geez, he swears a lot, doesn't he?

"I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out, and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was (imitating Shadow) "tHIS bIG" (regular voice) and I said "that's disgusting". So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut, except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. (Eggman makes explosion sounds with his mouth) That's right, baby. All points, no quills, no pillows — look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth! That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher! I'm pissing on the MOOOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrroplets hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!"
Dr. Eggman, Real-Time Fandub

"WEISS, YOU DUMBASS! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out one by one, or maybe I'll put you in the GODDAMN FURNACE! How can someone with such a big smart brain get hypnotized like a little BITCH, huh?! 'Oh, Shadowlord, I love you, Shadowlord, come over here and give Weiss a BIG SLOPPY KISS, SHADOWLORD!' Now pull your head outta your GODDAMN ASS AND START FUCKING HELPING US!"
Kaine, NieR

Good morning, motherf*ckers! Today's top news are: f*cking sheep f*cks up again in her own f*cking stream by disconnecting over sixty times in one ass-f*cking show. [cut] What? Youtube censors? F*ck.
Coco Kiryu, hololive

GG: i think i am learning to be more multicultural through karkat as well
GG: it mostly involves saying fuck a lot
Jade Harley on Karkat Vantas, Homestuck

the guy is really angry, and says fuck like in practically every sentence.
John Egbert on Karkat, Homestuck

"Oh Godzilla, what terrible language!"

"I want every fucking cop... in this fucking city... after that FUCKING BASTARD!!! (Flipping the Table)"
Zhou Yuzhu, Beyond Good & Evil 2 note 

"My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master."
Adult Ralphie, A Christmas Story

I remember, the very last gig in Nebworth, Freddie said, "Look, I can't fucking do this anymore." Erm... You'll have to bleep me again, won't you? It's very hard to quote Freddie without swearing. It was just part of his vocabulary.

Please make this girl stop cursing. I feel like I'm playing Diablo with the censor button.

For thirty-odd years I have lived with this curse
My vocabulary was stunted at birth
By a witch doctor from over the seas
Casting his strange voodoo magic on me
Now when I speak, it's rather absurd
An endless tirade of four-letter words
I lash out in anger at all in my way
Shocking, unspeakable things that I say!
Alestorm, "Fucked With An Anchor"

Motherfucking shitwad snail-faced offal. My mental vocabulary had expanded considerably in a few select directions in recent months.
Tom's narration, Eleutherophobia: City of Lost Children

"FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE! If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Big Bill Hell's Cars. Bad Deals! Cars that break down! Thieves! If you think you can find a bargain at Big Bill's, you can kiss my ass! It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, that you'll fall for this bullshit! GUARANTEED! If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly ass! You heard us right, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS! Bring your trade, bring your title, bring your wife, WE'LL FUCK HER. That's right, we'll fuck your wife! Because at Big Bill Hell's, you're fucked six ways from Sunday. Take a hike, to Big Bill Hell's: home of CHALLENGE PISSING - that's right - CHALLENGE PISSING. How does it work? If you can piss six feet into the air straight up, and not get wet, you get no down payment! Don't wait! Don't delay! DON'T FUCK WITH US, or we'll rip your nuts off! Only at Big Bill Hell's: the only dealer that tells you to FUCK OFF! HURRY UP, ASSHOLE! This event ends the minute after you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker. GO TO HELL! Big Bill Hell's cars. From the most filthy and exclusive the meanest sons-of-bitches in the state of Maryland - GUARANTEED!"

Sena: Yikes! Never thought I’d hear anyone top Eunie’s sweary mouth.
Mio: Don’t you go copying her, Sena.
Sena: Nah. Not my style.
Eunie: Oh wow. Way to talk trash about one of your friends.

Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker
You're a cock sucking, ass licking, uncle fucker
You're an uncle fucker, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you

Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucker
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long

Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker
You're a boner biting bastard, uncle fucker
You're an uncle fucker, I must say
You fucked your uncle yesterday

Uncle fucker, that's U-N-C-L-E, fuck you!
Uncle fucker!
“Fucking bullshit!” whisper shouts Iruma, panicked eyes darting around. “The motherfucking, cut-your-dick-off-and-shove-it-back-down-your-throat-mastermind is down here! A-and they’re gonna show up any minute and rip our tits off and eat them!”
Kaede raises her eyebrows at the choice of words. “I… don’t think that’s going to happen,” she turns back to the tunnel. “Mostly because I doubt the mastermind is a cannibal, but also…” she bites her lip. “I don’t think the mastermind is here right now.”
Iruma lets out a low pitched whine as Kaede forces them forward. “And just tell me what kind of shitty logic you’re basing that on, Bakamatsu. We’re in their fucking secret lair, fucking waltzing up to the front door, like a fucking door-to-door meat market,” she says, each curse punctuated with squeeze of Kaede’s arm. “Kiibo didn’t sacrifice himself for you to push me tits first into death’s asshole.”
“Iruma-san,” says Kaede. “We’re going to have a talk about your speech patterns later.”

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