Here Lies Sabre
Beaten to Death With A Dictionary
Truly, Words Fail Us
After discovering Rule 34: CUDDLE. NOW.
"Swans. Little fluffy bastards who won't get in the damn pot! I DON'T CARE IF IT COUNTS AS HIGH TREASON, GET ON THE BLOODY STOVE AND STAY THERE UNTIL YOU'RE DELICIOUS."
Revenge. Cake. I always get the two confused. Once, at a wedding. Didn't go well.
(after being pressed for an explanation)
Lets just leave it at here comes the briiide, oh shit she's dieeed...
'You know during the foot and mouth crisis how they chucked hundreds of farm animals into a big fire, to stop the infection? Is it wrong that, beneath the horror, a little part of me went 'Good God, that must smell bloody delicious'.'
I find everything delicious until proven sentient. On that note, hide your cats, I'm hungry.
I'm sweating like a junkie in a pharmacy.
THAT WAS SO MANLY IT PUT HAIRS ON MY EYEBALLS.
If I'm dead then I can run through my bedroom wall!
UPDATE: right, certain now, not dead.
Trust me on this science related matter, I have glasses.
NOW, SEABISCUIT, AIM FOR THE SOUL!
... Tha-that's not her soul.
That's, uh, hay. Bit of a difference there.
Probably should, uh, have considered the fact horses are herbivores.
I'll stare at you threateningly.
Awkward, isn't it?
Sorry, hair in my eye.
NAPALM! EVERYTHING A GROWING GIRL NEEDS!
Save the cows! Eat vegetarians instead!
Problem: Balls aren't working
Solution: Punch them until they do