"You know, one time, I was doin' a show called To Catch A Predator. We almost caught this pedophile, but then he ran from us 'cause he didn't wanna be on Dateline. So we tracked him down to his house. And you know what he did? He shot himself. It'd be a shame if you didn't wanna go on Dateline. Be a shame if we had to track you down, and you... 'shot yourself.'"
— Chris Hanson, South Park
"Such a sweet baby. I bet yer ma just loves ye ta bits, aye? I bet yer ma feels better knowin' thar's someone in yer pa's life who know how ta take real good care o' ye - just in case she ev'r puts a scratch on 'im again and yer Granma Sigdi needs ta end her."
— Sigdi Thundershield, doting on her grandson Kudzu in front of his mother Hilgya Firehelm
, The Order of the Stick
, The Order of the StickDarth Vader: Perhaps you feel you're being treated unfairly?
Lando Calrissian: No.
Darth Vader: Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.
Lando Calrissian: No.
Darth Vader: Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.
Rod Blagojevich: These old buildings with the old wiring—they’re always catching fire. If you’re interested, I, uh, I have some friends who can keep an eye on the place when no one’s around. They can also watch your cars, too—-$2500 a month.
Evan Bayh: You want the government to pay you extortion money in return for not burning down the U.S. Capitol Building?
Rod Blagojevich: That is what I’m proposing. Yes.
Evan Bayh: You want the government to pay you extortion money in return for not burning down the U.S. Capitol Building?
Rod Blagojevich: That is what I’m proposing. Yes.
Michael: We break up Jason and Tahani, Janet stops being sad, Derek goes away!
Chidi: Fine, but [...] in order to remain ethical, you can't go into this with the intention of killing Derek. Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past!
Michael: I got you. It's like, ethically we should tell Jason he used to be married to Janet, and it sure would be terrible if that ultimately lead to Derek's death. Wink!
Chidi: Fine, but [...] in order to remain ethical, you can't go into this with the intention of killing Derek. Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past!
Michael: I got you. It's like, ethically we should tell Jason he used to be married to Janet, and it sure would be terrible if that ultimately lead to Derek's death. Wink!
— The Good Place, "Derek"
Vala: Yes, you're a true liberator, aren't you? You won't torture me, you'll just threaten my son.
Varys: (taken aback) Children are blameless. I have never hurt them. Your boy is in no immediate danger, this I swear to you. (Beat) But between us, dear, you did conspire to kill the queen's soldiers; we both know the penalty for that crime. How will poor Dom get on without his mother? And with his breathing problem...
Varys: (taken aback) Children are blameless. I have never hurt them. Your boy is in no immediate danger, this I swear to you. (Beat) But between us, dear, you did conspire to kill the queen's soldiers; we both know the penalty for that crime. How will poor Dom get on without his mother? And with his breathing problem...
You like my sister, don't you? Such a sweet little girl... it'd be too bad if something were to happen to her... like she got hurt... you'd be sad, wouldn't you, Mark? But hey, accidents can happen...
—Henry Evans on his sister Connie, The Good Son
We never threaten anyone. We just explain the situation.
—Russian diplomat to UN regarding Ukraine crisis
In the back of my kitchen cupboard is an unopened jar of Orville Redenbacher kernels that I’ve been saving for the day that HBO’s documentary about Scientology comes out, because that shit is supposed to be the sole reason for why popcorn was invented. It also covers some of Scientology’s most famous disciples including Tom Cruise and John Travolta. The Daily Beast says that the documentary claims that John Travolta is pretty much wrapped around Scientology’s alien finger, because they have so much shit on him and if he so much as thinks of twirling out the door, they will expose his secrets.... If Tommy finally pulled his head out of the butt of L. Ron Hubbard’s ghost and left Scientology, and they leaked a story to the press about how he’s a scat queen who likes to roll around in caca as a goat pisses on his head and a dude in a clown suit double fists him, we’d read that and say, “Eh, still not weirder than being a Scientologist.”
—Michael K. on Going Clear
on Going ClearKepler: You know, Eiffel, you don't know what working at Goddard Futuristics is really like.
Eiffel: You have a cool dental plan. Hooray.
Kepler: Nah, it's not about that. It's about going to new places. Meeting interesting people. You know. World leaders. Big scientists. Little kids.
Eiffel: Wait, what?
Kepler: Hell, just before I came up here, Mister Cutter introduced me to the cutest little girl. Now what was her name? Allison... Angela...
(Beat)
Kepler: Anne! That's what it was, I remember now, Anne! See, this is what I'm talking about. It'd be a real shame if something made that little girl sad, no? Or if something happened to that little-
(Eiffel punches Kepler)
Eiffel: SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!
Eiffel: You have a cool dental plan. Hooray.
Kepler: Nah, it's not about that. It's about going to new places. Meeting interesting people. You know. World leaders. Big scientists. Little kids.
Eiffel: Wait, what?
Kepler: Hell, just before I came up here, Mister Cutter introduced me to the cutest little girl. Now what was her name? Allison... Angela...
(Beat)
Kepler: Anne! That's what it was, I remember now, Anne! See, this is what I'm talking about. It'd be a real shame if something made that little girl sad, no? Or if something happened to that little-
(Eiffel punches Kepler)
Eiffel: SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!
—Wolf 359note
That's a nice Maginot Line you have there...be a shame if someone went around it.
—A joke from Hearts of Iron regarding Nazi Germany's preferred strategy for dealing with France.
Dyatlov: Call in the dayshift.
Akimov: But if the—
Dyatlov: We have to keep water flowing into the core. We need electricians, mechanics, we need bodies. How many times do I have to say it?
Akimov: But if the—
Dyatlov: We have to keep water flowing into the core. We need electricians, mechanics, we need bodies. How many times do I have to say it?
(Akimov is too terrified to respond; Dyatlov walks to him)
Dyatlov: I'm going to the Administration Building now to call Bryukhanov and Fomin. They're gonna want a full report. Now, I don't know if I can make things better for you... but I can certainly make them worse. Call in the day shift, Comrade Akimov.
—Chernobyl, "1:23:45"
Flaversham: You can do what you want with me! I don't want to be part of this, this... this evil any longer!
Ratigan: (beat) Very well. If that is your decision. (chuckles) Oh, uh, by the way. I'm, uh, taking the liberty of having your daughter brought here. (winds up a dancing mouse toy)
Flaversham: O... Olivia?
Ratigan: Yes, yes. (puts the toy down and watches it dance) I would spend many a sleepless night if... anything unfortunate were to befall her.
Flaversham: You... Y-You wouldn't!
(Ratigan picks up the toy and squeezes it until its head pops off)
Ratigan: ...FINISH IT, FLAVERSHAM!
"You know some of you guys got some cute little asses. Be a real shame if I had to blow 'em off!"
—McCoy, Streets of Fire
Jasper Sitwell: What do you want?
Sam Wilson: You're gonna go around the corner to your right. There's a gray car two spaces down. You and I are gonna take a ride.
Sitwell: And why would I do that?
Sam: Because that tie looks really expensive, and I'd hate to mess it up.
Sam Wilson: You're gonna go around the corner to your right. There's a gray car two spaces down. You and I are gonna take a ride.
Sitwell: And why would I do that?
Sam: Because that tie looks really expensive, and I'd hate to mess it up.
"Your son is playing a game with a lot of people who don't like you very much, detective. It would be a shame if they discovered who he was."
—John Kramer, Saw II
"Watch your words, old dragon, just like me you don't want us to fight here. [glances meaningfully at Baltazar's young charges] Think about the consequences for all these kids."
—Qilby, Wakfu
"You've got a good mother. ...it'd be a shame to make her bury her child."
—Susie, to Kris, Deltarune
When a cat meows, it doesn't mean "I love you". It means "This is a real nice bed you got here. It'd be a shame if something bad happened on it."
Drake: We want a verdict of Not Guilty.
Singleton: That's ridiculous. And as soon as I get home, I shall phone the police and tell them about you and this conversation.
(Drake pushes him against the stairwell wall and grips his tie tightly.)
Drake: I wouldn't do that, pal. First, I could walk you over the park and give you a ten-out-of-ten thumping as easy as demonstrate a vacuum cleaner.
Singleton: That would get you in even more trouble!
Drake: No. Because even if I was picked up, we all know what fellows like you are after in parks. And besides, you're being selfish. You've got four kids. I know the roads they cross on their way to school and I know what they look like. And I can be a very dangerous driver. I know the supermarket your wife shops at. So, what I do is, I put a few things in her bag, I call the detective and she's down the road for shop-lifting. You think about it. Perhaps I could arrange both. You do it. And, you never know, you might get a few quid through your door one night and you can buy yourself a new suit.
— The Professionals, "Not A Very Civil Civil Servant"
Teddy Dimas: Through Theo, I realized the beauty of silence. It makes for beautiful friendships and partnerships when those who may know certain things about you can act as if they never heard those things.
Oliver Putnam: We hear you loud and clear, Teddy. Or we don't. I don- I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.
Teddy Dimas: I'm talking about what you've heard and seen about me. My side jewelry interests. Which I admit is fascinating in a... ghoulish and psychologically compelling way. A good subject for a podcast, just not yours. Because your podcast needs to end. You can end it with dignity. Or you can end it posthumously.
Mabel Mora: We know what you did to Tim Kono.
Teddy Dimas: We don't know shit about Tim Kono. That's why I feel at ease here. That, and I know Ollie would never say bad things about someone who's been so good to him.
Oliver Putnam: No, no, no, no.
Teddy Dimas: Here's what I'd like. To wake up tomorrow morning, say 7 AM, to find a final episode of the show I so generously fund, and hear that you are wrong. Sadly, Tim Kono shot himself, and, uh, the reason why is going to be... loneliness. Or some thinky shit like that.
Oliver Putnam: It's definitely an area.
Teddy Dimas: But make it good. You're the artists. I'm just a guy with some delis... who'd hate to see any more bad things happen to the tenants in his building. You'll make the right choice. Because if you don't, well, I know where you live.
Oliver Putnam: We hear you loud and clear, Teddy. Or we don't. I don- I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.
Teddy Dimas: I'm talking about what you've heard and seen about me. My side jewelry interests. Which I admit is fascinating in a... ghoulish and psychologically compelling way. A good subject for a podcast, just not yours. Because your podcast needs to end. You can end it with dignity. Or you can end it posthumously.
Mabel Mora: We know what you did to Tim Kono.
Teddy Dimas: We don't know shit about Tim Kono. That's why I feel at ease here. That, and I know Ollie would never say bad things about someone who's been so good to him.
Oliver Putnam: No, no, no, no.
Teddy Dimas: Here's what I'd like. To wake up tomorrow morning, say 7 AM, to find a final episode of the show I so generously fund, and hear that you are wrong. Sadly, Tim Kono shot himself, and, uh, the reason why is going to be... loneliness. Or some thinky shit like that.
Oliver Putnam: It's definitely an area.
Teddy Dimas: But make it good. You're the artists. I'm just a guy with some delis... who'd hate to see any more bad things happen to the tenants in his building. You'll make the right choice. Because if you don't, well, I know where you live.
— Only Murders in the Building, "Fan Fiction"
"Such a shame. There are people in the Empire you truly care about, too, aren't there? I wonder what will become of them."
— Hubert, Fire Emblem: Three Houses, to any former Black Eagles during the Battle of Garreg Mach (non-Crimson Flower routes)
Dr Dylan Bledsoe: You know, I've had offers from other places. Maybe I should just take my work somewhere where I'll be appreciated.
Dr Monochian: What an intriguing notion! Who have you been talking to?
Dr Dylan Bledsoe: Nobody you know, just... some people.
Dr Monochian: [smirking] Oh. Them. A former colleague of yours - you remember Sandoval - she didn't like working for us either, went to work for... some people. One day, she walked into her new laboratory at her new place of employment and reached in to open her desk drawer, and boom. They had to bury what was left in a shoe box behind the reactor. A small shoebox.
[He walks off without another word, leaving Bledsoe staring incredulously after him]
Surge: I gotta admit, this is a pretty impressuve getup. It'd be a real shame if somebody burned it to the ground.
Sonic: Yeah. Bigger shame is what'll happen to the idiot who tries that.
Sonic: Yeah. Bigger shame is what'll happen to the idiot who tries that.
—Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW), Issue #67
