Quotes: Sex Is Evil

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    fan fiction 
Pain then shot up her back as the attacker took the same knife that had killed Barry and stabbed Claudette. She took the knife out and stabbed the young girl again before letting her fall to the floor.

Tears were cascading down Claudette's face as she tried to crawl away from her attacker but found that she could barely move. Through great pain in effort, she was finally able to lift her head to see who had done this.

Pamela Voorhees was standing over her with a hunting knife clutched in her right hand, blood dripping down it. Her light blue turtleneck sweater also had a little blood on it. Mrs. Voorhees glared down at the girl, showing no regret, no remorse for what she had done.

Claudette tried to speak, tried to scream but could get nothing out except for small gasps for air. Again she tried to crawl away but Mrs. Voorhees kicked her in the stomach driving out what little oxygen she had left.

"You went off to make love while my son almost drowned. He could have died because of you. You weren't paying any attention!" Mrs. Voorhees seethed. "You should have been watching him! Every minute!"

"Please...please" Claudette managed to say, but her pleas were ignored.

"You are going to join your boyfriend in Hell." Mrs. Voorhees smirked.

Pamela waked out into the hallway to retrieve one of the gas cans she brought with her and started pouring it on the floor, on the bed, and
started pouring it on Claudette.

"No...no...please", as Claudette begged as she tried to move again but was kicked, this time in the face. Her eyes glazed over before her vision cleared as Mrs. Voorhees smiled and leaned down almost next to her. "Please don't do this..."

"Oh, sweety, I have to. You have to be punished for your sins. And deep down, you know that you deserve to be punished."
Darkpurplelighter, ''Friday the 13th''

    film - live-action 
Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and DIE!
Coach Carr, Mean Girls

The penis is evil! The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was.
Zardoz

    live-action tv 
For such an intellectually superior race Vulcans have a remarkably Victorian attitude to sex.
The Doctor, Star Trek: Voyager ("Blood Fever")

    newspaper comics 
Moral Majority: The Moral Majority is supporting a Congressional Amendment against sex.
Woman: But where will babies come from?
Moral Majority: The stork.
Woman: The stork doesn't bring babies. Sex brings babies.
Moral Majority: Don't be duped by the evolutionists. Sex brings moral decay. Sex brings communism, pornography and immigrant hordes. PRAISE THE STORK!
Woman: Storkism. It's time has come.
Jules Fieffer political cartoon

    video games 
Guest: My girlfriend Rachael and I have been together for a long time and, ahh, she wants to take it to the next level.
Nurse Bob: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa. How long have you been dating?
Guest: We've been dating for eight years.
Nurse Bob: Listen to me a minute: SEX IS NOT A NATURAL ACT!
Heartland Values with Nurse Bob, GTA Radio''

    web original 
Dear Japan,

Hey, how are you doing? Listen, it would be real swell if you could get together this Saturday and have a sexual revolution, OK? Let the ladies do what they want, and let the people know that they can have sex without the societal shame. And do it soon, because the rest of the world and I, well, we think it’s not healthy. Sure, we do have some good times laughing at your strange pornography and game shows, but it’s not healthy for the kids, you know?

So if you could get on that ASAP we’d appreciate that. Yeaaaah.

Shatner popularized the idea of an explorer who fucks his way across the universe, a mantle later taken up by lesser Star Trek characters and thoroughly avoided by the entire useless, sexless cast of the dung pile called Star Trek: Voyager, despite its inclusion of Jeri Ryan wearing nothing but paint.

Harry Kim catches an STD! ...Frankly Harry has needed a bad girl to rip his uniform off and have her wicked way with him for over five years so this corruption of his character is long overdue. Unfortunately rather than making a man out of him it seems to have the reverse effect and rather than standing up for his rights he now sounds like a petulant, sulking child. Its hardly a swing in his favour. As soon as he has had his end away he starts agonising over violating regulations...But you had a good time, right Harry? So forget about it, take your STD back to Voyager and get the Doctor to (discreetly) vaccinate you! ...Can’t they show this guy letting his hair down for a bit? Just for once to prove he is a person and not the living embodiment of naiveté and rules. At least Tom Paris gets to take the piss in style by once again pointing out that Harry always goes for the wrong girl which seems to have become his punchline and his one character note.
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "The Disease"

...Trip and Reed manage to find themselves in a story that seems very much like any number of tourist horror stories. Only the fact that they are regulars on the show prevents the punchline from being a sexually transmitted disease or the loss of their kidneys. There’s a healthy amount of trans or homophobia heaped on too, with the punchline amounting to how Reed and Trip almost made out with two guys...It is very hard to buy Risa as some sort of sexually liberated paradise. Instead, it seems like some sort of family resort. (Both Archer and Hoshi encounter married couples having a wholesome time together.)
Darren Mooney on Star Trek: Enterprise, "Two Days and Two Nights"

Lois and Chloe go out to chill at Lana’s, where she’s using a KitchenAid and a granite countertop to create a modern-day apothecary. Unfortunately, her potion requires the hair of two virgins; after cutting off her own hair and putting it in, she tries to take Lois’s and throws it out since, by obvious implication, Lois isn’t a virgin. I’m still not sure what I think about this sequence, since it’s kind of played off as 'ha ha, Lois is a slut.' And, I mean, I shouldn’t be expecting complex analysis of teen sexuality on the WB, but still guys, c’mon.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Spell")

In a medium that often struggles with its perception by the general public as being nothing but juvenile fantasies for boys with no social skills, having two high-profile comics where female reproductive organs were literally used as traps isn’t really helping anyone.
ComicsAlliance, "The 5 Worst Comics of 2010"

As with rightwing cranks in general Ablow is deeply concerned with gender issues. Thus, he has urged parents not to let their children watch Chaz Bono on Dancing with the stars, ostensibly because he is very concerned for the children. It’s hard not to suspect that he isn’t really thinking of the children. Maybe he was when he suggested that sex education is a Trojan horse inside the schools, and by receiving such education “they’re going to start talking about threesomes, and they’re going to be talking about everything that’s okay.” He didn’t actually explain whose Trojan horse it was, but you can all guess, I suppose.
The Encyclopedia of American Loons on Keith Ablow

Some fun-hating killjoys in parliament (or wherever shitty decisions are made), dusted off 2003′s Communications Act and made an amendment called the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, which states that video-on-demand online porn now follow the same rules as 'DVD sex shop porn' (how adorably quaint)..I have SO many questions about that list! If you take away spanking and fisting and calling someone a 'filthy little crumpet', what else is left for you to do? Shake hands before delivering an efficient and dignified blowjob? And what happens if a lady is having sex and she accidentally female ejaculates? Will they have to start over, or can they just clean that up later in editing?
DListed, "Some Pearl-Clutching Prudes In The UK Just Banned A Whole Bunch Of Fun Sex Acts From British Porn"

...I recall from one of his Firing Line debates from a quarter century or more ago in which he argued that, for religiously devout parents to urge their children to be abstinent but that, if they couldn’t, they should use condoms to avoid getting AIDS was the equivalent of telling them that stealing was a sin but that, if they decided to commit burglaries, they should by all means wear gloves. Intellectually, it was a brilliant point. And from the perspective of a religious true believer, he was likely right. From any other, though, the moral equivalence of consensual sex and burglary is ridiculous.
James Joyner, "Bill Buckley and the Gays"

    web video 
Yahtzee: This is the scene that made the game so controversial, cause look: It's a cock! 4 glorious pixels of cock! An entire Tetris piece of cock!
Gabriel: "4GloriousPixelsOfCock" is my eHarmony name.
Let's Play Dreamweb

Why aren't the Jedis allowed to love? 'Cause we're told they're not allowed to, but it's never really explained. Does anyone get, like, a creepy vibe from these movies? I guess it has somethin' to do with purging emotions to avoid being tempted by the Dark Side, right? But Obi-Wan, he smiles, he laughs, he enjoys a good sarcastic quip; sometimes he gets really, really pissed off. So love leads to the Dark Side, but gettin' fuckin' pissed doesn't? ...Amadala finally sees Anakin again and for no reason, she's not allowed to love either. What the fuuuuuuck! She's just a senator, why can't she fuckin' date a guy? For Christ's sake! Men don't love women, Mace is unmarried, Palpatine don't got a wife; in fact the only person who's married is Jimmy Smitts!

    western animation 
Premarital sex turns straight people gay and gays into Mexicans. We all go down a notch!
[much later]
...and, if you have sex, you're automatically in Al Qaeda.
Peter Griffin and Jerry Kirkwood, Family Guy, "Prick Up Your Ears"

I guess what they say is true: sex kills.
Junie Harper, King of the Hill

Spilling your seed wastefully is a sin. But it's also a sin to procreate in odd, exciting ways. Men and women have only one holy position and that's called the missionary position.
Clay Puppington, Moral Orel, "God's Chef"

    real life 
Playboy just wants to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequences, prance about naked, and abort children.
Ann Coulter, How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)

Sex Education from the Bible — Probably the only sex-ed book that contains more references to Satan than to semen. A must-read for aspiring misogynists and writers of religious-themed erotica.

We—"the free love generation"—are now telling our children to abstain from sex? When I spoke at Carleton College, I told the young people: "Unless they were a virgin on their wedding day, anyone who preaches abstinence to you is a hypocrite." Two weeks later, Ann Coulter showed up at the same school, and one of the students raised his hand and asked her whether she'd been a virgin! It made the papers—and made me laugh. You know what Coulter did? Attacked the kid and changed the subject.
Jesse Ventura, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me! (2008)

In order for a ruling class to rule, there must be arbitrary prohibitions. Of all prohibitions, sexual taboo is the most useful because sex involves everyone.

A woman, the only one, who was able to project the glowingly innocent sexuality of being from some planet uncorrupted by guilt-who found herself regarded and ballyhooed as a vulgar symbol of obscenity-and who still had the courage to declare: "We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity that so many people despise and crush this natural gift."

We call you to be a people of manners, principals, honour and purity; to reject the immoral acts of fornication, homosexuality, intoxicants, gambling's and trading with interest.