Quotes: Sex Is Evil

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Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and DIE!
Coach Carr, Mean Girls

Premarital sex turns straight people gay and gays into Mexicans. We all go down a notch!
[much later]
...and, if you have sex, you're automatically in Al Qaeda.
Peter Griffin and Jerry Kirkwood, Family Guy, "Prick Up Your Ears"

I guess what they say is true: sex kills.
Junie Harper, King of the Hill

For such an intellectually superior race Vulcans have a remarkably Victorian attitude to sex.
The Doctor, Star Trek: Voyager ("Blood Fever")

Guest: My girlfriend Rachael and I have been together for a long time and, ahh, she wants to take it to the next level.
Nurse Bob: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa. How long have you been dating?
Guest: We've been dating for eight years.
Nurse Bob: Listen to me a minute: SEX IS NOT A NATURAL ACT!
Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, Heartland Values with Nurse Bob

Moral Majority: The Moral Majority is supporting a Congressional Amendment against sex.
Woman: But where will babies come from?
Moral Majority: The stork.
Woman: The stork doesn't bring babies. Sex brings babies.
Moral Majority: Don't be duped by the evolutionists. Sex brings moral decay. Sex brings communism, pornography and immigrant hordes. PRAISE THE STORK!
Woman: Storkism. It's time has come.
Jules Fieffer political cartoon

The penis is evil! The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was.

Dear Japan,

Hey, how are you doing? Listen, it would be real swell if you could get together this Saturday and have a sexual revolution, OK? Let the ladies do what they want, and let the people know that they can have sex without the societal shame. And do it soon, because the rest of the world and I, well, we think itís not healthy. Sure, we do have some good times laughing at your strange pornography and game shows, but itís not healthy for the kids, you know?

So if you could get on that ASAP weíd appreciate that. Yeaaaah.

Shatner popularized the idea of an explorer who fucks his way across the universe, a mantle later taken up by lesser Star Trek characters and thoroughly avoided by the entire useless, sexless cast of the dung pile called Star Trek: Voyager, despite its inclusion of Jeri Ryan wearing nothing but paint.

Harry Kim catches an STD! ...Frankly Harry has needed a bad girl to rip his uniform off and have her wicked way with him for over five years so this corruption of his character is long overdue. Unfortunately rather than making a man out of him it seems to have the reverse effect and rather than standing up for his rights he now sounds like a petulant, sulking child. Its hardly a swing in his favour. As soon as he has had his end away he starts agonising over violating regulations...But you had a good time, right Harry? So forget about it, take your STD back to Voyager and get the Doctor to (discreetly) vaccinate you! ...Canít they show this guy letting his hair down for a bit? Just for once to prove he is a person and not the living embodiment of naivetť and rules. At least Tom Paris gets to take the piss in style by once again pointing out that Harry always goes for the wrong girl which seems to have become his punchline and his one character note.
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "The Disease"

...Trip and Reed manage to find themselves in a story that seems very much like any number of tourist horror stories. Only the fact that they are regulars on the show prevents the punchline from being a sexually transmitted disease or the loss of their kidneys. Thereís a healthy amount of trans or homophobia heaped on too, with the punchline amounting to how Reed and Trip almost made out with two guys...It is very hard to buy Risa as some sort of sexually liberated paradise. Instead, it seems like some sort of family resort. (Both Archer and Hoshi encounter married couples having a wholesome time together.)
Darren Mooney on Star Trek: Enterprise, "Two Days and Two Nights"

Lois and Chloe go out to chill at Lanaís, where sheís using a KitchenAid and a granite countertop to create a modern-day apothecary. Unfortunately, her potion requires the hair of two virgins; after cutting off her own hair and putting it in, she tries to take Loisís and throws it out since, by obvious implication, Lois isnít a virgin. Iím still not sure what I think about this sequence, since itís kind of played off as 'ha ha, Lois is a slut.' And, I mean, I shouldnít be expecting complex analysis of teen sexuality on the WB, but still guys, címon.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Spell")

In a medium that often struggles with its perception by the general public as being nothing but juvenile fantasies for boys with no social skills, having two high-profile comics where female reproductive organs were literally used as traps isnít really helping anyone.
ComicsAlliance, "The 5 Worst Comics of 2010"

Yahtzee: This is the scene that made the game so controversial, cause look: It's a cock! 4 glorious pixels of cock! An entire Tetris piece of cock!
Gabriel: "4GloriousPixelsOfCock" is my eHarmony name.
Let's Play Dreamweb

Why aren't the Jedis allowed to love? 'Cause we're told they're not allowed to, but it's never really explained. Does anyone get, like, a creepy vibe from these movies? I guess it has somethin' to do with purging emotions to avoid being tempted by the Dark Side, right? But Obi-Wan, he smiles, he laughs, he enjoys a good sarcastic quip; sometimes he gets really, really pissed off. So love leads to the Dark Side, but gettin' fuckin' pissed doesn't? ...Amadala finally sees Anakin again and for no reason, she's not allowed to love either. What the fuuuuuuck! She's just a senator, why can't she fuckin' date a guy? For Christ's sake! Men don't love women, Mace is unmarried, Palpatine don't got a wife; in fact the only person who's married is Jimmy Smitts!

    real life 
Playboy just wants to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequences, prance about naked, and abort children.
Ann Coulter, How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)

...I recall from one of his Firing Line debates from a quarter century or more ago in which he argued that, for religiously devout parents to urge their children to be abstinent but that, if they couldnít, they should use condoms to avoid getting AIDS was the equivalent of telling them that stealing was a sin but that, if they decided to commit burglaries, they should by all means wear gloves. Intellectually, it was a brilliant point. And from the perspective of a religious true believer, he was likely right. From any other, though, the moral equivalence of consensual sex and burglary is ridiculous.
James Joyner, "Bill Buckley and the Gays"

In order for a ruling class to rule, there must be arbitrary prohibitions. Of all prohibitions, sexual taboo is the most useful because sex involves everyone.

As with rightwing cranks in general Ablow is deeply concerned with gender issues. Thus, he has urged parents not to let their children watch Chaz Bono on Dancing with the stars, ostensibly because he is very concerned for the children. Itís hard not to suspect that he isnít really thinking of the children. Maybe he was when he suggested that sex education is ďa Trojan horse inside the schoolsĒ, and by receiving such education ďtheyíre going to start talking about threesomes, and theyíre going to be talking about everything thatís okay.Ē He didnít actually explain whose Trojan horse it was, but you can all guess, I suppose.
The Encyclopedia of American Loons on Keith Ablow

Some fun-hating killjoys in parliament (or wherever shitty decisions are made), dusted off 2003′s Communications Act and made an amendment called the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, which states that video-on-demand online porn now follow the same rules as 'DVD sex shop porn' (how adorably quaint)..I have SO many questions about that list! If you take away spanking and fisting and calling someone a 'filthy little crumpet', what else is left for you to do? Shake hands before delivering an efficient and dignified blowjob? And what happens if a lady is having sex and she accidentally female ejaculates? Will they have to start over, or can they just clean that up later in editing?
DListed, "Some Pearl-Clutching Prudes In The UK Just Banned A Whole Bunch Of Fun Sex Acts From British Porn"