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"Everything happens here. You're gonna love it!"
Gordon Robinson (Matt Robinson), introducing the first episode

Sonny Friendly: YOU SAID HAND, AND PLANNED, THEY RHYME GRAND. YOU DID IT, MARIA! YOU WON THE GRAND PRIZE!
Maria: What did I win?
Sonny Friendly: Well, tell her about it, Gene! Let her have the grand prize!
[Maria gasps when a big dump truck pours out a big pile of sand]
Announcer: Here it is, Maria. Something that rhymes with grand. Your very dump truck pile of sand. From the house sandy from the sand to the stars.
Maria: No, wait. I don't want all that sand there. No! STOP! I don't want all that sand there.
Maria gets a pile of sand as the grand prize on one of Sonny Friendly's traveling game shows (as seen on episode 2641)

Announcer: We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!
Kermit the Frog: Oh, hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog for Sesame Street News...
—a typical opening theme to Sesame Street News with Kermit the Frog.

Pat Playjacks: How many pig squeals there should there be?
Prairie Dawn: I'll do it! [mumbles] TEN! How about ten?
Pat Playjacks: Yes, the number ten! Alright, let's give the pig a spin and count how many pig-squeals we hear from the Squeal of Fortune!
[Prairie spins the pig on the turntable]
[pig squeals]
Audience: ONE!
[pig squeals]
Audience: TWO!
[pig squeals]
Audience: THREE!
[pig squeals]
Audience: FOUR!
[pig squeals]
Audience: FIVE!
[buzzer sounds as the turntable stops, audience groans]
Pat Playjacks: Oooooh, I'm sorry, so sorry, Prairie. You guessed ten and there were only five pig squeals in today's pig, um, Squeal of Fortune. That's too bad.
Prairie Dawn: Oh dear! I guess I did not win! I don't believe this!
—from the Squeal of Fortune skit

Pat Playjacks: Count, are you ready to play our game?
Count Von Count: Oh, yes! Sure thing, Pat!
Pat Playjacks: Okay, what's your guess, how many pig squeals?
Count Von Count: Uh, one squeal, no make it two squeals or three squeals, no wait, four squeals or five squeals or six squeals.....
Pat Playjacks: Uh, Count! We can only take one guess.
Count Von Count: One guess, two guesses, THREE!
Pat Playjacks: Three? I mean, is three your guess?
Count Von Count: Yes?
Pat Playjacks: Alright, that's your guess. Three squeals. So, give the pig a spin.
*Count spins the the pig on the turntable*
[pig squeals]
Audience: ONE!
[pig squeals]
Audience: TWO!
[pig squeals]
Audience: THREE!
[pinging sound as the turntable stops, audience cheers]
Count Von Count: Did I say three?
Pat Playjacks: Yes you did.
Count Von Count: I said three! Ha-ha-ha!
Pat Playjacks: That's right! Three squeals, Count Von Count, YOU WON!
Prairie Dawn: WHAT?!? He won?!? Oh no!
Pat Playjacks: And now it's time for you to pick the prizes inside the studio filled with fabulous prizes. And to show them to us is our co-hostess, Velma Blank. A fifteen gallon tank of finger painting. A hand crafted grapefruit goggle for that protection of that morning squirt. And a larger than life-size portrait of America's second favorite game show host: Pat Playjacks!
—from the Squeal of Fortune skit after Count Von Count wins the game

Eel: Pardon me, but is this Eel of Fortune?
Pat Playjacks: Uh, no! The Eel of Fortune is next door. This is Squeal of Fortune. [to the viewers] So, tune in tomorrow for another episode of [audience says along] "SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!"
—used at the end of the Squeal of Fortune skit

The Monster Cookie: KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF, PAL!
Cookie Monster: YIKES! Uh, cookie talked!
The Monster Cookie: Me not cookie, me monster!
Cookie Monster: Me too, me Cookie Monster!
The Monster Cookie: Me, Monster Cookie!
—from a Cookie Monster skit in which he has a nightmare after eating an entire box of cookies

Cookie Monster: Me never eat cookies again! No, from now on, me eat carrots. [eats a carrot] OM! NOM! NOM! NOM! And fish. [eats a fish] OM! NOM! NOM! NOM! And whole wheat bread! [eats bread] OM! NOM! NOM! NOM! And no, no cookies! [holds up a cookie] Sorry, cookie. Me no eat you ever... say you talking, cookie? Hmm, you crying, cookie? Hmm. [eats the cookie] OM! NOM! NOM! NOM! Well, maybe sometime a cookie!
—at the end of the skit where Cookie Monster meets the Monster Cookie

Director: Get ready for the alphabet chat. Mr. Lord Chattery, are you ready?
Lord Chattery: Well, I'm ready when you are.
Director: Alright, Alphabet Chat take one. [claps the clapboard] All right, cue the theme song.
Chrous: [singing the Alphabet Song in the style of Bach's Fugue 2] A-B-C-D-E, C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P, Q-R-S-T-U, R-S-T-U-V, S-T-U-V-X-Y and Z, that's my A-B-C!
—the opening of every Alphabet Chat skit

Grover: The best to check your teeth is to see a tooth doctor!
Kermit the Frog: [with false teeth] Uh, Grover, it's actually known as a dentist.
Dentist: Uh, yes. Open wide, please. Uh, yes! Good healthy teeth.
Kermit the Frog: Why, thank you! But they are not my teeth.
Dentist: Sure, pal!
—from Grover's health minute lecture on teeth

Gordon: Hello, Sproutlets. I'm Gordon from Sesame Street. Every year, there are a number of natural disasters that affect many people. Even if you are not directly affected, the television coverage of these events can be scary, especially for young children. Back in 2001, we featured a week-long story about a hurricane on Sesame Street. This storyline allowed us to provide strategies and to help them to hope with their emotions while faced with a natural disaster. So watch with it your child and talk about fears or concerns he, or she might have.
—introduction to the PBS Kids Sprout broadcast of the 2001 hurricane episode

Announcer: We interrupt this program to bring you a word from your chicken. And now, here is your local chicken, Zelda.
Gordon: Hey, Zelda? You're on!
[Zelda clucks]
Gordon: [translating the clucks] For those of you who don't speak chicken, Zelda says she is mighty proud to be a chicken.
—from the late 80's sketch, A Word from Your Local Chicken

[Zelda clucks]
Gordon: [translating the clucks] So just remember, folks: dogs bark, cats meow, ducks quack, and cows moo. But only a chicken can cluck.
[Zelda clucks "thank you"]
Gordon: You're welcome, Zelda!
Announcer: This announcement is provided by the Proud to be a Chicken Association.
—the ending of A Word from Your Local Chicken

Big Bird:(in regards to giving a sketch to Mr. Hooper) Well, I can't wait till he sees it. [the adults' faces quickly turn upset] Say, where is he? I want to give it to him. I know, he's in the store.
Bob: Uh, Big Bird. He's... not in there.
Big Bird: Then, where is he?
Maria: Big Bird, don't you remember we told you? Mr. Hooper died. He's dead.
Big Bird: Oh, yeah! I remember. Well, I'll give it to him when he comes back.
Susan: Big Bird, Mr. Hooper's not coming back.
Big Bird: Why not?
Susan: Big Bird, when people die, they don't come back.
Big Bird: [voice breaking] Ever?
Susan: No, never.
Big Bird: Well, why not?
Luis: Well, Big Bird, they're dead. They can't come back.
Big Bird: Well, he's gotta come back. I mean, who's going to take care of the store? Who's going to make my birdseed milkshakes and tell me stories?
David: Big Bird, I'm going to take care of the store. Mr. Hooper... he left it to me. And I'll make you your milkshakes, and we'll all tell you stories, and make sure you're okay.
Susan: Sure, we'll look after you.
Big Bird: Well, it won't be the same.
Bob: You're right, Big Bird. It'll never be the same around here without him. But do you know something? [as he smiles sadly] We can all be very happy that we had a chance to be with him, and to know him, and to love him a lot... when he was here.
Olivia: And Big Bird, we still have our memories of him.
Big Bird: Yeah, memories. That's how I drew this picture, from memory. And we can remember him and remember him and remember him as much as we want to. [beat] But I don't like it. It makes me sad.
David: We all feel sad, Big Bird.
Big Bird: He's never coming back?
David: Never.
Olivia: No.
Big Bird: I don't understand. You know, everything was just fine! And why does it have to be this way? Give me one good reason!
[everybody pauses for a moment]
Gordon: Big Bird, it has to be this way... because.
Big Bird: Just because?
Gordon: Just because.
Big Bird: [as he looks sadly at his drawing of Mr. Hooper] You know, I'm going to miss you, Mr. Looper.
Maria: [as she smiles sadly] That's Hooper, Big Bird. Hooper.
Big Bird: Right.
[camera zooms out as the adults comfort Big Bird]
—from Episode 1839. The episode was dedicated to the memory of actor Will Lee (1908-1982).

Maria: [to the Two-Headed Monsters, who planned a violin lullaby for Irvine] Oh, no, no! You don't understand, guys! You see, she is not like a regular baby, she is a grouch baby. She has the tendency to scream and cry a lot.
—from episode 2402

Maria: I could not calm Irvine's tantrum down. I have tried stories, I have tried lullabies, I tried different things but she keeps doing the same thing. She keeps crying and crying, I can't stand it, anymore. I quit, I give up!
Oscar: Oh relax, sweetheart. There is only one way to calm a grouch baby down. [to Grugetta] Oh, Grugetta?
Grugetta: Yes, Oscar?
Oscar: Hey, I just had a rotten time with you, today!
Grugetta: Oh, yeah?! Well, I had a worse time with you!
Oscar: I did not!
Grugetta: You did too!
Oscar: Did not!
Grugetta: Did too!
[Irvine finally calms down from her tantrum]
Oscar: You see, Grouch babies love to calm down to a sound of a good loud argument.
[Oscar and Grugetta continue arguing]
Maria: [frustrated] Sesame Street has been brought to you today by the letters C, and F, and by the number 8! Sesame Street is a production of the Children's Television Workshop! Adios!
—ending of episode 2402

Gordon: How is she, Angela?
Angela: She is very uncomfortable. I am sorry, I would had tell her sooner.
Gordon: Just give her a kiss from us and tell her I said hello.
Big Bird: Sounds like somebody has a problem. Maybe I can help. [to Susan and Gordon] Hey, what is wrong, you guys?
Susan: We have a big problem, Big Bird.
Big Bird: Well, great!
Gordon: Great?
Big Bird: Well, I mean I can help with your problem.
Susan: I don't know if you can, Big Bird.
Big Bird: Well, can you explain it?
Gordon: Okay, here is our problem. We were going to spend a sleep over at my cousin Angela's apartment while our apartment is being repainted. Miles is sleeping over at his friend's house and he is doing fine. But however, Angela just found out that her baby daughter has the chickenpox. So, now we need to find another place to sleep.
—from episode 3139

Elmo: What do you mean Abby's other house?
Abby Cadabby: Well, this is my mother's house, and this is my father's house.
Rosita: But don't your parents live together? Why don't they?
Abby Cadabby: Well, my parents are divorced.
Rosita: Wait, what is a divorce?
Gordon: A divorce means that her parents are not married anymore.
Elmo: Why not?
Gordon: Well, they tried and tried, and they could not get along. It sometimes not working.
—from the Little Kids, Big Challenges resource video on divorce

Elmo: Elmo was scared before, but Elmo isn't scared anymore.
Bill Walsh: It's okay, Elmo.
—from episode 3981, involving a fire at Hooper's Store

Oscar: What do you mean you want to put the pieces together for? It looks better this way, like a busted clarinet, which is perfect!
Richard Stoltzman: [chuckles] Yeah I know, Oscar. But you can't play a clarinet until you put the pieces together, that looks a lot like this one here.
Oscar: Well, who cares if you play it. Personally, I like to see you drop it and break it. I love broken clarinets.
Telly Monster: Well, I care if he plays. So you go ahead and build it.
Richard Stoltzman: Okay, here is the first part...
[toots it and it makes an awful sound]
Oscar: No, wait! I like that! It sounded like a funny duck.
Richards Stoltzman: I knew you would. And now, here is the second part, the barrel.
Telly Monster: It looks teeny.
[toots it]
Oscar: Oh, no, no, no! It looked better before.
Richard Stoltzman: Alright, how about the third part?
[toots it]
Oscar: Oh, no, no, no! You are going into the wrong direction!
Telly Monster: Aw, it's getting to sound good, Oscar.
Richard Stoltzman: Okay, now this is the fourth part. Oh, this is for you, Oscar.
[toots it and it buzzes]
Oscar: Wow! Hey, that wasn't bad.
Richard Stoltzman: Okay, Telly, can you guess what this part is?
Telly Monster: I don't know, is it the end?
Richard Stoltzman: Well, that's a good guess. And it's also known as the bell.
Telly Monster: Oh, the bell.
Richard Stoltzman: And that's the last part. And now, you got a clarinet that's like the one that's put together, and it's ready to be played from the bottom to the top.
Telly Monster: Let's hear it.
Richard Stoltzman: Okay, here we go! [plays the opening to Rhapsody in Blue on the clarinet]
—from episode 2633, in which clarinet player Richard Stoltzman visits Sesame Street

Telly Monster: Hello, and welcome to the answer and question show: "Asssssssk Oscar!" And now, here is Oscar!
[Linda pops out of Oscar's trashcan]
Telly Monster: [to Linda] Oh, I know, I know. You are not Oscar, you are Linda. [to the viewers] You see, Oscar could not be here today. But Linda asked if she can pretend to be Oscar the Grouch.
—from the Ask Oscar segment where Linda fills in for Oscar

Oscar: Well, I love your work. I love how hate a movie.
Roger Ebert: Yeah, I bet you do. If we don't like a movie, we give it a thumbs down. We put our thumb upside down.
Telly Monster: Thumbs upside down?
Roger Ebert: Yes, thumbs upside down.
Telly Monster: What do you suppose if you like a movie?
Gene Siskel: Well, if we like a movie, then we give it a thumbs up. We put our thumbs right side up.
Telly Monster: Thumbs right side up?
Gene Siskel: That's right, right side up.
—from the Sneak Peak Previews segment where Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel teach Telly and Oscar how they rate movies

Pierre the Waiter: Oh, are you Guy Smiley? Welcome again to Chet Nomie: Restaurant of the Semi Stars.
Guy Smiley: Thank you, Pierre, thank you. I hope you have lots of chairs, Pierre. Because, today, I, Guy Smiley, America's Favorite Game Show Host, am bringing my entire studio audience to lunch!
—from the insert where Guy Smiley brings his audience to lunch

Guy Smiley: I'll think I'll go in and sit down.
Pierre the Waiter: Oh, no no no! You may not go in and sit down.
Guy Smiley: But, why not?
Pierre the Waiter: Because there is no chair for you. We have a table for 39, but we don't have a table for 40!
—end of the insert where Guy Smiley brings his audience to lunch

Mr. Johnson: I'll will like to a...
Grover: Sir, I am sorry to interrupt you but I would like to ask you please take a number. You see, when I call the number, then you will be served. So please take a number.
Mr. Johnson: But I'm the only one in here.
Grover: I am sorry, sir, but that's our policy. The sign says John's Bakery, not Grover's Bakery. I only work here. Please take a number.
Mr. Johnson: Okay, okay, I'll take a number.
Grover: Over here, sir, over here. This machine will give you a number. So, go ahead.
[Mr. Johnson pulls the lever of the number machine]
Grover: Very good, and what's your number?
Mr. Johnson: 40.
Grover: 40, and that is your number.
—from the Grover the Baker sketch

Oscar: [sighs] This is the greatest day of my life. This calls for a celebration: an anchovy sundae ice cream!
Leela: Oh, Oscar, how could you eat at a time like this?
Oscar: With a spoon?
Leela: You know what, Oscar? You are a grouchy monster, that's who you are! You need to tell us the cure for Mine-itis!
Oscar: Oh, yeah? And why do you want to do a silly thing like that?
Elmo: Because nobody on Sesame Street is sharing, that's why!
—Elmo and Leela are enraged with Oscar when he refuses to tell them the cure for Mine-Itis, in episode 4181

Alistair Cookie: CUT! Me very sorry! But that wasn't Twelve Angry Men, that was Two Proud Pigs, a story about two pigs who are proud. And who should blame. Well, no time left for Twelve Angry Men. So this Alistair Cookie saying...
Lavender AM Angry Man #1: No time for us?
Fat Blue AM Angry Man: You introduced Three Sad Cows and Two Proud Pigs and you ran out of time?!
Orange Gold AM Angry Man: Yeah, that makes me really angry!
Alistair Cookie: Well, that's showbiz!
Hot Pink AM Angry Man: "Showbiz"? Let me tell you something, you got twelve angry men here!
Alistair Cookie: Yeah! Well, there you have it, Twelve Angry Men. So this Alistair Cookie saying goodbye from Monsterpiece Theatre. [to the angry men] Hey, chill out.
Lavender AM Angry Man #2: You are going to hear from my agent!
—ending of the Twelve Angry Men segment from Monsterpiece Theatre

Bert: [sighs] This is great! Ernie is sleeping over at Count Von Count's castle tonight, so I have the place all by myself. For one thing, he is not going to wake me up. No surprises, just piece and quiet. I'll settle into my blanket and go to sleep.
—introduction to the song Bert's Blanket, shortly before sheep arrive to sing about how Bert's blanket was made of wool

Telly Monster: Why does she need that machine? She can watch TV.
Maria: Yeah, but you don't just watch TV, you listen to TV as well. But Linda can't hear it because she is deaf.
Telly Monster: Oh, that's not fun.
Maria: Not at all. But with this machine, she can read the words on the screen.
—Maria explaining Closed Captioning to Telly

*As Maria holds a pretend Television with a message a sheet of paper which Telly reads and Maria moves her lips without making a voice*
Telly Monster: (As he reads the message) "Hello, Telly! How are you?
Maria: YES!
Telly Monster: Oh, That's what you were saying! I could not hear it, But I can read it.
Maria: That's right. And that is what this machine is going to do. It's going to make it possible for Linda to just read the words on the screen.
—As Maria demonstrates to Telly Monster how Closed Caption works.

Ernie: Boy, look at that moon. Ain't that pretty? Do you ever wanted to visit the moon? Well I do.
—Ernie's spoken introduction for the song I Don't Want To Live On The Moon.

Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!! EVERYTHING IS "CERRADO!!!"
Maria: Yeah, I see. Everything is closed!
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: CAN YOU HELP ME?!? PLEASE, CAN YOU FIX IT?!?
Maria: Why yes, What you need is this....
*Opens the toolbox and takes out the word "Abierto"
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: Abierto?
Maria: Why yes, Abierto is the Spanish word for Open. ABIERTO!
*We see everything automatically opening up*
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: Abierto, Wow!
—At the end of the Cerrado song (Part 1 song)

Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!! EVERYTHING IS "ABIERTO!!!"
Maria: Yeah, I can see that. Everything is open!
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: CAN YOU HELP ME?!? PLEASE, CAN YOU FIX IT?!?
Maria: Why yes, I can!
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: Oh that's great! What do I need?
Maria: Well, What you need is this....
*Opens the the tool box and takes out the word "Cerrado"
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: Cerrado?
Maria: Why yes. You see, Everything is Abierto, Which is the Spanish word for Open. And this is Cerrado, Which is the Spanish word for Closed. CERRADO!
*We see everything automatically closes down*
Frustrated Green Anything Muppet Man: Unreal, You are a genius.
Maria: Well, Just in a days work.
—-At the end of the Abierto song (Part 2 song)

[the piano breaks in half and it shatters]
Chrissy: Hey Matt, send in the the next piano, will ya? [to the balls of fur] Okay, fellas, take eight!
—at the end of the song Eight Balls of Fur

Kermit the Frog: This is Disgusted the Frog returning to your regularly scheduled program. [to the emotional dwarves] Could you guys try to control your emotions?!
—ending of the Sesame Street News segment on the Seven Emotional Dwarves

Phil Harmonic: Hello, this is Phil Harmonic welcoming you once again to Pretty Great Performances. Today from Barnagie Hall, the All-Animal Chamber Music Ensemble will be playing a song called The Concerto for Flute and Animals composed by Johan Sebastian Fox. Joining them is our special guest artist: James Galway.
—opening to the Pretty Great Performances segment featuring James Galway

Phil Harmonic: We have just heard the All-Animal Music Chamber Ensemble with guest soloist, James Galway. This is Phil Harmonic from Pretty Great Performances saying so long and see you soon.
—the closing line to the Pretty Great Performances segment featuring James Galway

Big Bird: Hey, I got extra piggy left over.
Snuffy: What will that little piggy do, Bird?
Big Bird: Hmm, I know, this little piggy was on, Squeal of Fortune!
[cut to the Squeal of Fortune title card]
Audience: SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!
[theme music plays as the audience cheers and the logo opens like a garage door]
Pat Playjacks: [as he goes through the curtain] Hello, everybody, I am Pat Playjacks, happy to welcome you to [audience says along] SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE! Yes, and we have a great show lined up for us today. First from Transylvania, we have Count Von Count.
Count Von Count: Hello, Pat!
Pat Playjacks: Hello, Count. And what do you do for a living, Count?
Count Von Count: I count.
Pat Playjacks: And do you have any hobbies?
Count Von Count: I count.
Pat Playjacks: Why yes. And from Sesame Street here is Prairie Dawn.
Prairie Dawn: Hello, Pat.
Pat Playjacks: Nice to have you, Prairie. What do you do for a living.
Prairie Dawn: Well, I go to school and play the piano and soccer. And let me say something, Pat? It is so nice to be on a normal sensible like yours.
Pat Playjacks: Ah, isn't she sweet? Why, thank you, Prairie. And since your are the first contestant, how many pig squeals do you think there will be?
Prairie Dawn: Pig squeals? What are you talking about?
Pat Playjacks: What are we talking about, let's tell our audience that this is the [audience says along] SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!
—beginning of the Squeal of Fortune skit, with an introduction by Big Bird and Snuffy in episode 2947

Announcer: And now, it's time for newest, hippest, best dressed, detective show on television: Miami Mice.
—the introduction to the Miami Mice skits

Announcer: And now...
[drumroll sounds, then clock ticks and the slide whistle, cuckoo, and bells sounds]
Announcer: ...once again, it's time for television's favorite quiz show: What's My Part?
[the color gears on the What's My Part? logo flash as the theme plays]
Announcer: And now, here is the genius and master of ceremonies of What's My Part?, Guy Smiley!
[Guy struggles to come through the curtains]
Guy Smiley: HELLO, THERE! I'm Guy Smiley, and welcome to What's My Part? This where the famous part of the comes in and tries to stump our panel of experts.
—opening to the What's My Part? skit

Announcer: And now, let's all play What Happens Next?
Gordon: Hello! I am Gordon, and welcome to What Happens Next?, the game show where you have to find out what happens next.
—the opening to What Happens Next?

Guy Smiley: Nope, you are close, but you all guessed wrong. This person is a television game show host, and his name is Sonny Friendly.
Sonny Friendly: Are we having a nice day, or what?
Audience: What?
Sonny Friendly: And how about that panel? Are they good sports or what?
Guy Smiley: Well, this is America's Favorite Game Show Host, Guy Smiley saying...
Sonny Friendly: Yeah! Let's hear it Guy, shall we? He is a wonderful guest.
Guy Smiley: No! I am not the guest, I am the host of this show!
Sonny Friendly: This is Sonny Friendly saying...
Guy Smiley: You are saying it, I say it!
Sonny Friendly: But I...
Guy Smiley: No, you won't! [to a crew member] This whole thing was a rotten idea! Who put this man on the show?
Announcer: Mr. Smiley's suit is by Sierra Lagoon and Mr. Friendly's suit is by Fredwick the Frensworth.
—ending of the game show sketch What's My Job?

Gina: You see, David doesn't live on Sesame Street anymore. You see, he moved to live with his grandmother at her farm. When he left Sesame Street, he sold Hooper's Store to Mr. Handford, and that makes Mr. Handford my new boss.
—from episode 2620, the debut episode of Mr. Handford

Announcer: And now it's for everybody's favorite game show, What's My Letter? And here is the host of What's My Letter?, Guuuuuuuuy Smiley!!!
Guy Smiley: Thank you, thank you! Hello, everybody. I am America's Favorite Game Show Host, Guy Smiley. And panel, it's nice to see you. And are your blindfolds in place?
Sherlock Hemlock: I can't see a thing, Guy!
Don Music: Yeah, who turned out the lights?
Cookie Monster: Hello, Guy.
—the opening of the game show sketch What's My Letter?

Letter X: Nope, I am sorry, Sherlock. I am not the letter I.
Cookie Monster: Ooooh.
Don Music: Well, then.
Guy Smiley: I am so sorry, panel. He not the letter I and we have now ran out of time. So...
Letter X: Mr. Smiley, I gotta go.
Guy Smiley: What do you mean?
Letter X: I have some friends waiting at the door.
Guy Smiley: But, Mystery Letter, you can't go out now!
[curtain reveals the exit sign which reads "E-IT" and the letter X sits between the E and the I to make the word "EXIT"]
Guy Smiley: How did he do that? Well, thank you very much panel. That concludes this week's program.
Don Music: And how do we get out?
Guy Smiley: Go through the exit, folks, to the exit.
Announcer: You sure fooled them, X.
—ending of What's My Letter?

Luis: Hey, everybody. We got a plan.
Big Bird: My home, my nest.
Luis: Yes, this is what our plan is, Big Bird, rebuilding your nest. As we can see, there has been a lot of damage done.
Big Bird: A lot of damage? Oh, my home, my nest.
Maria: Big Bird, that's what Luis is trying to tell you. We can fix things.
Gabi: Yeah, my mother is good at fixing things.
Big Bird: You mean you can fix my nest?
Maria: Why, sure!
Big Bird: [to Radar] Well, Radar, we can be home tonight.
Maria: Wrong, Big Bird. You will not have your home tonight.
Big Bird: But, why not?
Gordon: Well, even with everybody pitching in, that's a lot of work.
Alan: It will take time. So you got to be patient.
Big Bird: But I want to go home to my nest now, and where will I stay?
Susan: Well, there is some leftover birdseed stew in our apartment.
Big Bird: Oh, okay.
Snuffy: Hello, Bird. Wait, what happened to your nest, Bird?
Big Bird: Well, the hurricane blew my nest away.
Snuffy: Oh, dear. That makes me so sad, Bird.
Big Bird: I know, Snuffy.
—from the Hurricane episode when they prepared to fix and restore Big Bird's nest.

Big Bird: Coming soon on Sesame Street!
—at the end of every episode from 1995 to 1998, Big Bird gave viewers a sneak peek of the next episode

Big Bird: Toodle-loo!
Annnouncer: Funding for Sesame Street is provided by The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by public television stations and their contributors.
—Big Bird signs off, followed by a child announcer announcing the funding, from 1995 to 1998

Guy Smiley: Come close, Mr. Camera. [whispering] Now, the word is "STOP!"
[the word "stop" flashes on the screen]
Guy Smiley: Now, I will tell Chester O'Leary on what that word is. (To Chester O'Leary) "(whispering) The word is "STOP!" And then you have make Maurice Monster to say that word before the clock comes to top. Now, do not start until you hear the sound of the bell, and here comes the bell now!
—from the Sesame Street game show sketch Say the Word

Shoe Store Employee: I'm sorry, so sorry, but those are different shoes. I'm afraid you will have to agree on the same pairs.
—from the sketch where the Two-Headed Monster goes shopping at a shoe store

Bushman Bill: Hey, this is Bushman Bill with a song you had been waiting for! That's right, boys and girls! And Bushman Bill played it first right here. The Uno Renuno hit song on The Hit Parade this week, it's Didi O'Dey and the Dew Drops in Be My D!
—Bushman Bill introducing the song Be My D

Bushman Bill: Hey, that was Didi O'Dey and the Dew Drops in ''Be My D'! Remember, you heard it with Bushman Bill. We now return to your regularly scheduled kiddie show!
—Bushman Bill signing off after playing Be My D

Alex: I don't want to talk about my father.
Abby Cadabby: What's wrong about your father?
Rosita: What is it? Did he go on vacation?
Alex: No, where he is at. I don't want to talk about it.
Sofia: But where is your father?
Alex: My father is in jail.
[everybody gasps]
Rosita: But what happened?
Alex: I don't know, I don't want to know about.
Sofia: Actually, I do. I know what are you going to.
Alex: You do?
Sofia: Yes, I do. When I was about your age, my father was sent to jail. What you are going through is incarceration.
Abby Cadabby: An incarceration?
Rosita: What is an incarceration?
Sofia: What it means is, when somebody violates a law, which is a grown up rule, then they have to go to jail or prison.
—from the Little Kids, Big Challenges resource video on incarceration

Announcer: Travel arrangement is provided by Motel 12345678910! Travel by Terminal A line. Sonny Friendly's by Vic Sue.
—at the end of Here is Your Life: Storybook with Sonny Friendly

Elmo: Does Mr. Charles reads with his fingers instead of his eyes?
Ray Charles: Why, yes, Elmo! Well, you see, I am blind and my eyes don't work too good anymore. That's why I have to read the lyrics with my fingers.
—before Ray Charles performs Believe in Yourself, he explains how he uses his fingers to read

Guy Smuley: Can you guess what the name of this shape is?
Betty Lou: Why, of course, it's a...
[Carl buzzes in]
Guy Smiley: Yes, Carl?
Carl: Is it a circle?
[buzzer sounds]
Betty Lou: Oh, no!
Guy Smiley: Oh, I'm sorry Carl, but that's the wrong answer.
Betty Lou: Don't you get it, Carl. The answer is always the same. It's a triangle.
—from The Shape Is Right

Oscar: The music lesson is for my pet worm.
Yosh Shmenge: (Chuckles) No! You gotta be kidding me. Let me show what I mean, It's impos impos, I meant, They can't do it. Watch this: (Plays a song on a clarinet) You see, I have fingers. But the worms don't have fingers. So they can't play the clarinet.
— Yosh Shmenge (John Candy) teaches Oscar a lesson about why worms can't play a clarinet.

British Chap: HEY, THAT BIG BLUE MONSTER STOLE MY CANE!
Guy Smiley: I am very sorry but we are busy doing a television show right now.
British Chap: Are you Guy Smiley?!?
Guy Smiley: Yes, I am!
British Chap: Is this Beat the Time?!?
Guy Smiley: Yes, We are busy playing a game. And Cookie Monster needs to find two things that rhyme with rain.
— From the Beat the Time skit where Cookie Monster is the contestant.

Announcer: And now, let's join the crew of Spaceship Surprise as they travel through space and search for new stars and planets.
—opening to the Season 20 skit Spaceship Surprise, a parody of Star Trek

Susan: That's a nice song, Big Bird. But I really hate to tell you this, but that's not a word!
Big Bird: It's not a word?
Susan: No, Big Bird. This is the alphabet, you see? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z!
Big Bird: It's not a word. It's not Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
Susan: Of course not, Big Bird. But what it is a list of letters we use to make words. For example, if we put C, A, and R, we make our own word, C-A-R, car.
—at the end of the song Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Ernie: [gasps] Bert! You are not going to put him into the tub like that!
Bert: But what's wrong, Ernie? What is it? What is it?
Ernie: Well, what's wrong is, you realized there is nothing for him to play with? You call that planning? I'll be right back.
Bert: Oh, I am sorry, Brad. You wanted something to play with. I'm sorry! [to Ernie] Ernie, what is this?
Ernie: Okay, now, here we go!
—Bert tries to give his nephew Brad a bath

Bert: ERRRRRRNIE!!!
Ernie: Now, what is it, Bert?
Bert: That will just about do it! I cannot give Brad a bath with all the toys in there!
Ernie: You can't, Bert?
Bert: No, of course I can't.
—Ernie fills the tub with bath toys

[as Richard Stoltzman plays the show's theme song on the clarinet]
Telly Monster: Hello, welcome to Sesame Street. This is my friend, Richard Stoltzman. He is visiting with us today. Do you what instrument he is playing is called? It's called a clarinet. Let's hear it.
—opening to episode 2633

Guy Smiley: No, don't cry tears of joy yet, Painting. Inspired by the painting, listen to this:
The voice: Painting? You captured my true spirit!
Painting of a Bowl of Fruit: [gasps] Could it be?
Guy Smiley: Yes it is! Inspired by the painting, now living in Sally Soho's dining room, it's Betty Bowl of Plastic Fruit!
[Betty arrives]
Painting of a Bowl of Fruit: Oh, Betty. You almost look like real fruit.
Betty Bowl of Plastic Fruit: So do you.
—from the Here is Your Life segment on The Painting of a Bowl of Fruit

Announcer: It's time once again, once again for the Family Food! Introducing the Hungry family, ready for action! On your marks! Here is America's most beloved game show host: Richard Dawson.
Richard Dawson: Nice to see you. I'm America's most beloved game show host, Richard Dawson, welcoming you the Family Food.
—introduction to the Family Feud spoof Family Food

Mr. Essex: Good morning, class!
The Students: Good morning, Mr. Essex!
Mr. Essex: Now today, class, we are going to learn about rhymes. Words rhyme when they sound the same. For example, nose and goes.
—the opening lines to the song The Muppets Rhyme at School

Hoots the Owl: Listen up, everybody. We got a real dude that is very cool and very fresh. But he has a problem that he wants to lay on us. So, come on in, Ernie my man!
—introduction to the song Put Down the Duckie

Announcer: And now, it's time for everybody's favorite game show: Bring that Thing! And now, here is America's Favorite Game Show Host, GUYYYYYYYYY SMILEY!
Guy Smiley: Thank you, this is, this is... WOO! This is Guy Smiley, America's Favorite Game Show Host welcoming to you to Bring That Thing! This is the game show where you bring those things. Now meet our contestants, all away from Mars. Here they are, Stevie and Jonathan Martians.
Yip Yip Martians: Hello, Guy.
—opening to the Bring that Thing sketch

Yip Yip Martians: Flashlight!
[fanfare plays]
Guy Smiley: Wonderful. That's one thing that involves light. Why don't we turn off the studio lights and see if the flashlight does work. Turn on your flashlight.
[the Yip Yip Martians turn on their flashlight]
—from the Bring That Thing sketch

Alistair Cookie: Tonight, me proud to you present the classic movie Monsters with Dirty Faces. A story about monsters, and their dirty faces. So now, Monsters with Dirty Faces. Oh, you no adjust TV sets, movie's in black and white.
—opening to the Monsterpiece Theatre skit on Monsters with Dirty Faces

Maria: This looks a lot like the piano at Bob's apartment, or is this an electric keyboard? Does it do more?
Herbie Hancock: Why yes. Well you see, this is not just a piano. This is a synthesizer. It's a computer based synthesizer. All these things work together, and there is a typewriting keyboard that Clyde is front of.
Kids: Hello, Clyde.
Clyde: Hello, kids.
Herbie Hancock: Well, it can do so many different things that you can't do on a piano. For example, I can hit one note and make a bunch of notes play. I can hit one and a bunch of notes play. Like this, see? A bunch of notes play. It can make different sounds.
Kid 1: Can it make an elephant?
Herbie Hancock: I can do that!
Kid 2: And noise?
Herbie Hancock: I can make noises too!
—from an insert where Herbie Hancock demonstrates the synthesizer

Grover: Hello, sir. What is that painting? It looks like a painting of your great-great-grandmother.
Mr. Johnson: Uh, no, that's my wife!
[beat]
Grover: Oh.
—from the skit where Mr. Johnson goes to the picture frame shop

Big Bird: Good morning, Step Lively! I got a lot of stops to make. [to the viewers] Oh, hello. I can't stop now. Don't want to keep the passengers waiting. [to the Four Tops] Let's go!
—ending of The Bus Stop Song by the Four Tops

Yip Yip Martian: Yip Yip Yip Yip E.T.?
Kermit the Frog: Uh, no! No, I am not E.T., I am Kermit the Frog.
—from the Sesame Street News sketch where Kermit the Frog does the report on the spaceship invading Old MacDonald's farm

Announcer: Welcome to America's most emotional game show, The Crying Game Show. And now, here is America's third favorite game show host, the man with the teeth: Sonny Friendly!
Sonny Friendly: Thank you. Thank you. And are we having a nice day, or what?
—opening to The Crying Game Show sketch

Sonny Friendly: Wait! My teddy bear? That's the grand prize?! But I love my teddy bear! You can't do that! [sobs loudly]
Announcer: Sonny Friendly, you cried the hardest. You won!
Sonny Friendly: What? I won? Oh, for joy! I won the teddy bear! This is the happiest day of my life! Now now let's give some contestants some consolation prize...
Announcer: Sorry, there is no consolation prize.
Luke Warm: What? No consolation prize? [voice breaking down] This is awful!
Ida Normer: [sobbing] It's just not fair!
Pierre Blue: [voice breaking down] This is so sad!
[all three contestants sob in failure]]
Sonny Friendly: Well, we all can't be winners, you know! Oh, I am so happy to have you back, Teddy. Well, this is America's third Favorite game show host, Sonny Friendly saying we will see you again real soon on, The Crying Game Show!
—from The Crying Game Show sketch

Bob: Granny Bird, you're here!
Granny Bird: Yes, Bobby. I was able to get on another flight. (giggles) So I could come and see my grandson!
Bob: Oh, Big Bird is gonna be so happy, Granny Bird! L-let me get him for you, okay?
Granny Bird: Surely.
Bob: [to Big Bird] Big Bird, Big Bird, come on out! Granny Bird is here!
Big Bird: She is?
Bob: Yes, she's right here waiting for you! Come on out!
Big Bird: [angrily] No! I'm still angry at her! [keeps yelling in Angrish]
Granny Bird: Oh, dear. You mean... he's angry with me?
Bob: Yeah, I am afraid so, Granny Bird. Y'see, first Big Bird was really sad when you couldn't come. And then, he was really angry when you couldn't come.
Granny Bird: Oh, dear. I see. Well, I guess there's only one thing for me to do... Bye-bye. [she exits]
Bob: But...but... Granny Bird!...
Big Bird: Granny Bird, I got all that anger out! I'm ready to see ya now! Granny Bird?... Granny Bird?!... Bob, I thought you said she was here!
Bob: Well, she was here, Big Bird, but uh... she left!
Big Bird: She left?! SHE LEFT?! [gets more upset and grumbles more]
—from the episode where Granny Bird visits

Announcer: We interrupt our alphabet to bring you a special news bulletin.
Letter X: Ladies and gentlemen, the letter X will not be seen on its usual role in today's alphabet. Or in tomorrow's alphabet, or in any alphabet anywhere, ever again, because I quit! [screams]
Announcer: We now return to to your regular schedule alphabet.
—from episode 3659, where the letter X quits the alphabet

Gordon: No, Letter X. Just look at the word "tuxedo."
Letter X: Wow, I am in that word?
Gordon: Why yes! You see may not be at the beginning of very many words, but you are in a lot of words that would be nothing without you.
—as they break in to a song about the letter X

Grover: Charlie? Do you have any beef stroganoff?
Charlie: Nyet!
Grover: Oh, I am sorry, sir, but Charlie said "nyet." That means "no" in Russian.
—from the Grover the Waiter skit where Mr. Johnson goes to Charlie's Russian restaurant

Cookie Monster: But Ernie, what's really different is, you know how much me love cookies? Well, me baby cousin won't touch it.
Ernie: Oh, I see. Well, maybe she doesn't like cookies. Perhaps, maybe you have to feed her something else.
—in the sketch where Ernie explains the similarities and differences between Cookie Monster and his baby cousin

Bert: Ernie? All this water talking makes me thirsty. Do you mind if I have a glass of water?
Ernie: Why sure, Bert! Help yourself!
[Bert drinks a glass of water]
Bert: Thanks, Ernie!
Ernie: You're welcome, Bert. And there more water where that came from.
Bert: What do you mean "more water"?
Ernie: Well, you see the kitchen faucet? Well, it's broken, Bert! I had to carry all the water out before the whole apartment floods, Bert.
Bert: Oh, no! Why didn't you tell me sooner, Ernie? Oh, no!
[the apartment floods]
—from the Ernie and Bert sketch where Ernie carries the glass of water

Radio Announcer: And now, for the weather update. Heavy rain is expected to last through the evening and throughout the entire night. If possible, please try to stay indoors. This is a very heavy storm. And now, back to off!
Maria: [as she turns off the radio] Did you hear that? The radio announcer said that the storm is going to last all night.
Luis: Yes, Big Bird. This means you going to have to sleep over here tonight. You can't go in to your nest and sleep in the rain.
Big Bird: You're right. But what about Tarah?
—from the episode where Tarah sleeps over at Luis and Maria's apartment.

Celina: [as she picks up the telephone] Hello? Oh, yes! This is Celina, how are you? [shocked] What? Oh gosh, that's too bad. No! No! We will be okay! We can manage. And we will hope Spencer feels better soon. Okay, bye! [hangs up the telephone] Big Bird...
Big Bird: [whining] Celina, my dance is next! It's about the number four!
Ruthie: What's wrong, Big Bird?
Big Bird: [impatiently] I can't do a four bird dance with three birds! Where is Spencer?
Celina: Well, Big Bird, I just got off the phone with Spencer's mother, and he's sick. He can't come.
Big Bird: [shocked] Sick? Oh, no...
Ruthie: Calm down, Big Bird. There must be a way, somehow... how about me?
Big Bird: Who, you? [calmly] Well, I guess this settles that.
—from Dances from All Over The World Day

Judge Count Von Count: [as he bangs his gavel] Penguins of the jury!
Telly Monster: Penguins of the jury?
Judge Count Von Count: Did you reach the verdict?
The Jury Penguins: Yeah!
Judge Count Von Count: Is Telly Monster guilty or not guilty?
The Jury Penguin: Guilty!
Judge Count Von Count: [to Telly Monster, angrily] For hurting a penguin in a fit of anger, I, the judge of this court sentence you to one year in jail! No, two years in jail! No, three, no, four, no, five, five years in jail! [he laughs with thunder and lightning as he bangs his gavel]
[we see Telly Monster behind bars]
Telly Monster: I didn't mean it! I was just angry. I didn't mean it! I didn't!
—from the Season 24 episode where Telly Monster's costume was stolen by a penguin

Narrator: HA-Horse!
Narrator: Harry the Horse has very long hair, it tripped him whenever he walks. It covered his eyes, tickled his nose, and gotten his nose when he talks.
Harry: I can't possibly talk with all this hair on my mouth!
Narrator: HA-Horse!
—from the classic animated insert animated by Bud Luckey

Oscar: So, did my Aunt Crabella call?
Maria: [angrily] Yes, she called several times! But every time i call her, she hangs up on me!
Oscar: Well, of course she hangs up. Aunt Crabella does not call or talk to me on the phone.
Maria: She doesn't?
Oscar: No. Every she wants to answer the phone, she can hang up. Boy that really makes me grouchy.
Maria: Why do I even try?
Oscar: Don't blame me! You are the one who wanted to answer the phone.
Maria: Oscar?! Here is the phone, Oscar!
—from a Season 20 insert where Oscar's Aunt Crabella calls and hangs up on Maria multiple times

Zoe: You can't have that cookie, Elmo. Rocco wants to eat it.
Elmo: [angrily] How?! How is Rocco going to eat that cookie, Zoe?! Tell Elmo!! Rocco doesn't even have a mouth!! Rocco's just a rock!! Rocco's not ALIVE!!!
—One of Elmo's memetic Rocco rants

Elmo: Today's number is—
Zoe: [excitedly interrupts Elmo] Tweeeeeelve!!! Rocco says the number is tweeeeeeeeeelllve!!!
Zoe: Well, Rocco says you were taking too long. He couldn't wait anymore.
[Elmo turns to Zoe and Rocco, growling quietly. Then he explodes.]
Elmo: ELMO DOESN'T BELIEVE THIS!!! All— All day long, Elmo wanted to do... wa-wa-... was say the number of the day! But, nooooooooooo...! Elmo has to sing to Rocco! Elmo has to play the silly word game! Elmo, w-w-... watch Rocco's favorite movie! And when finally, when it came for... for Elmo to say the number of the day, Rocco... Rocco says it before ELMO!!!!
Zoe: Oh, well. Come on, Elmo. Let's play with Rocco.
Elmo: Ohhhhhh, no. Elmo is not playing with Rocco, or you anymore! ELMO IS GOING TO PLAY BY HIMSEEEEEEEEEELLLF!!! (Runs away in anger)
Zoe: Wait, Elmo! Come back!...Rocco says he didn't mean it!
—Another one of Elmo's memetic Rocco rants

Luis: Where's the Snuffleupagus?
Big Bird: Oh, he couldn't make it. Something about being sound asleep, and his father not being too happy about me calling at 5:00 AM.
[The adults laugh]
Big Bird: You don't believe me, do you?!
Olivia: Well, Big Bird, we believe you have a wonderful imagination, and that you love to imagine you have a friend named Mr. Snuffleupagus.
(Big Bird sighs)
Bob: And Big Bird, if you want to imagine that, it's okay with us.
Big Bird: Boy... you can't possibly imagine how tired I am, of hearing that. For once and for all, don't you think, after all these six years of my life, I've learned the difference between what's real and what's imaginary? I know what's real! Why, what's real you can touch and see and hear and feel, outside of your head. But what's imaginary lives only inside your head. I mean, you can't REALLY talk to an imaginary friend on the telephone, but you CAN talk to a real friend on the telephone! And that's what I! Just! DID! I say Mr. Snuffleupagus is real, and... you should believe me!
(Beat)
Gordon: ...I believe you, Big Bird.
[The adults gape in surprise]
Bob: Gordon, are you serious?
Gordon: Yes! I'm very serious!
Big Bird: You are?!
Gordon: Yes! I believe that you DO know the difference between what is real, and what is imaginary. So, I believe that Mr. Snuffleupagus is real! If you say so.
Big Bird: I say so!
Gordon: Then I believe. ...I believe.
Maria: I believe you too, Big Bird.
Bob: (to Linda) Uh... they-they both believe the Snuffleupagus is-is real.
[Linda signs "I believe you, too."]
Big Bird: You believe, too? Ah. Anybody else?
Bob: Big Bird, I'd like to believe ya, I-I really would, but... I've never ever seen the Snuffleupagus.
Big Bird: But Bob, I've never seen your Auntie Hazel in Ottowa, but... I believe she's real!
Bob: I'm sorry, Big Bird, I... I just can't.
Big Bird: Oh, well. Three out of eight isn't bad.
Susan: Gordon, are you serious? Do you believe the Snuffleupagus is real?
Gordon: Yes, I'm VERY serious! I-I believe!
Maria: Me too.
[Linda signs "Me three."]
Big Bird: Wow! Grownups believing that Mr. Snuffleupagus is real? Wow! Where will this all lead?
—The Season 16 premiere, where three of the adults believe Mr. Snuffleupagus is real

Big Bird: AT LAST!! OH-HO-HO... JOY, JOY!! I TOLD you there was a Snuffleupagus, at LAST you've seen him, and you gotta believe it, right?! I told you all along that there was a Snuffleupagus, my best pal! He's NOT imaginary, but... YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME!
Gordon: No, b-but, Maria and Linda and I believed you, Big Bird.
Big Bird: Yeah, but THE REST OF YOU DIDN'T!
Snuffy: Yeah, right!
Elmo: YEAH!
David: Yeah, you're right, we didn't. But...
Big Bird: Well, but what?
Elmo: Yeah, but what?! But what?!
Snuffy: Yeah, but what?!?
David: But.... Well... Uh... [groans]
Susan: Big Bird, you have a right to be angry.
Big Bird: I... I do?
Susan: Yes! You do! Because after all this time, and we didn't believe you, that must have been very hard for you.
Big Bird: Well, yeah. It was.
Susan: Well, Big Bird, from the bottom of my heart, I wanna apologize, 'cause I'm really sorry.
Big Bird: Aww! [chuckles]
Bob: Big Bird, you know what? From now on, we'll believe you whenever you tell us something.
Susan: Yes.
Big Bird: Promise?
[The adults promise him]
Snuffy: Maybe we should get that in writing.
Big Bird: Yeah!
[Everyone laughs]
—The Season 17 premiere, Snuffy is revealed to the grownups at last


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