"There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them."
"Yes! We have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation! [beat] Well, that was fun."
"It is to protect justice from evil."
—Tamaki Kawazoe on why she joined the kendo team, Bamboo Blade
Glenn: Story of my God damn life! I try to live right, pay my bills, big believer in paying it forward, help your fellow man. Oh, God. I just don't have any luck. I have nothing to believe in, nothing to love, nothing to care about. Our souls are but shadows of our failed selves!
Chris: Jesus, Glenn. It's just lunch.
"I'm sure the glory makes it all worthwhile in the end."
—Hobbes on Calvin's intense bubble gum chewing regimen, Calvin and Hobbes
"Why do I sound so serious? Because Mario Kart violence is SERIOUS BUSINESS. That's why."
Pray that there's a Taco Bell in Hell! [BANG]
—Souichiro Yagami (when family fights go wrong), Death Note: The Abridged Series (Team Dattebayo)
Hairstyle continuity and logic is serious business.
Bender: (about to enter a tap-dancing competition) The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the— Hey. What's my grand prize gonna be?
Randy: Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy. Unless you count the satisfaction of winning.
Bender: It will be mine.
—Futurama, "Stench and Stenchibility"
"There is nothing ironic about show choir!"
''The mail is sacred, and sacred is the trust between the Post Man and the recipients of his precious parcels. You have made a solemn pledge to deliver this letter to the doctor, just as soon as you determine where this address is, or find any sort of discernible mailing address in this wasteland, for that matter. The mail is freedom. The mail is life. The mail is civilization. The mail is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
—Peregrine Mendicant, Homestuck
"This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread Robin. This is God, speaking to us through food."
Marshall, How I Met Your Mother, on the best burger in New York City.
"Now all Paris is burning because you don't know your alphabet!"
Carly: Sam and Spencer have been playing a little game this week.
Sam: (holds up paintball gun) It's called Assassin, and it is not a game.
"And losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!"
—Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle discussing secrets
"APPLEJACK! [In G-Major] YOU PINKIE PROMISED!"
Captain, couldn't you have chosen a more… dignified… game as your primary conflict resolution method? Seeing two grown men in all-black tactical gear taking a children's card game so seriously is… off-putting.
"Forty million, son! Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high score? People died!"
Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.
—Bill Shankly on football
Lisa: I'm going into the gold medallion club, with silver level membership! (laughs)
Airport Worker: The hell you are! (grabs a gun)
—The Simpsons, "Catch Em If You Can"
"Do you know what this is?! This is the mace that they use on bears, faggot! NOW LET ME SEE YOUR HALL PASS!"
Castiel: Where's the pie?
Cashier: I think we're out.
Castiel: [grabs cashier by the shirt and pulls him close] You don't understand. I NEED. PIE.
—Supernatural, "Clip Show"
"Your chances of being invited to join a play group are slim, and even if you get there, your chances of enjoying yourself are even slimmer. You see, every game, even cooperative ones like D&D, becomes a poisonous competition designed to ruin friendships before they even begin. It's the scorched earth method of social interaction, which is what happens when aggressively antisocial people are forced to be around each other for an entire evening."
(Kaiba is about to jump off a castle's battlement)
Yami Yugi: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just a card game.
Kaiba: Card games are serious business!
"GOD DAMMIT! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"
"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" (unintelligable) "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! FUCK YOU!!"
"Hey! I know you're part of the motherfuckers who FUCKING STOLE MY CLOUDSONG! IF I EVER FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!"
Climb higher! Faster! I'll not be mocked by a rodent! I'm in jumping distance of the creature! It expects me to repeat my mistake? It DARES insult my intelligence?! I leap, shrieking a mighty war shriek! The squirrel runs out onto the edge of the branch! Excellent! I connect with the branch and with all of my strength, I yank!
The branch breaks! The squirrel is falling!
No wait, no it's not falling.
Wait, yes it is! I'm just falling with it! Luckily for me, I can land on my feet! HAHA! Your body will shatter like gl-!
The squirrel just landed on its feet. That vile rodent just survived my attack!
HOW DARE HE!!!
I land on the ground and dash off after it! He'll not escape his just desserts! With thine heart, thou dares laugh at I, the mightiest huntress! Thou shall be nothing short of CRUCIFIED for these actions against me!
You can't rhyme 'delicious' with 'ravenous'! Emphasis is on the wrong syllable! YOU FUCK!
"It is utterly insufficient [to eat pie only twice a week], as anyone who knows the secret of our strength as a nation and the foundation of our industrial supremacy must admit. Pie is the American synonym of prosperity, and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons. Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished."
—New York Times editorial, 1902