Quotes: Serial Numbers Filed Off

They did attempt to apply this formula (unsuccessfully, I might add) to the 2001 film Pearl Harbor, which turned out to be a 4 hour-long nightmare of schlock. It's like some asshole said, "We need another Titanic 'cause we love money. What other historical event can we slap a love triangle into? Rip off Titanic's bow kiss scene by trying to do the same shit in a plane."

However, Bruckheimer and Bay's cynical cash-grab failed to impress even mongoloids. And the film even starred two of 'em.

Spoony: B-b-but this isn't my movie! I can't just rip off somebody's movie!
Dr. Insano: PFFFFFFFFFWAHAHAHA! Since freaking when?! HYAHAHAHAHA! This is America, homie!
Spoony: I need a shower.
Noah Antwiler on Massacre at Central High

One of the responses from people when I mention this movie is 'Cuba [Gooding Jr.] is playing the Denzel Training Day role!? Really?' ...Dirty is so incompetent and over the top I was laughing quite a bit throughout. There is no subtlety to anything in this movie. Salim is not just a bent cop, he might as well be tying women to railroad tracks and bombing orphanages while twirling a mustache. In five minutes alone he sexually assaults a woman on a public beach in broad daylight, all the while screeching the N word at anyone within earshot, then goes back to his patrol vehicle where he guzzles from a gallon size bottle of vodka...Someone like Clint Eastwood in his 80’s can still say 'You ever meet someone you know you just shouldn’t have fucked with *spit * That’s me', and people would still be nervous. With Cuba I still think he should be driving an ice cream truck with Skeet Ulrich.
Miles Antwiler on Dirty (2005)

The Island ended up becoming an inauspicious way to kick off a career in movies, particularly when DreamWorks and (Michael) Bay were sued for copyright infringement by the makers of the low budget ‘70s sci-fi film Parts: The Clonus Horror. You may remember the eerie similarities between The Island and Clonus being detailed extensively on this very site. And if you don’t remember that, you may recall hearing about it on Cracked when they shamelessly copied my comparison screenshots without permission (it’s ironic, because the article about rip-offs is itself a rip-off!).

Shia LaBeouf recently stole the spotlight by stealing an entire screenplay. He 'plagiarized' the script for his short film HowardCantour.com from Daniel Clowes' comic Justin M. Damiano, in the same way settlers 'short-changed' Native Americans for the island of Manhattan. But he paid less. He stole the entire comic, scene for scene, line for line, word for goddamn word. It is impossible to overstate how directly he ripped it off. I've used photocopiers that make less direct reproductions. When you read the title "HowardCantour.com," you've already experienced most of Shia's contribution to the project. The only other alterations were things like changing the bagels the characters eat into cookies. That's the level of cinematic insight Shia brings to a creative project: liking cookies.

Part of the identity of the Thief series was its dry humour: a city of thick, drunken guards and blustering nobles; you, the wily outsider come to take them down a peg. But there's no wit or poetic justice in this city; just miserable people being serious. "Eeeuyhh, the police are evil and everyone's got the plague. Who will save us? What's that? Dishonored? Never heard of it."

See, Shada isn't a clone of Ys just in how you fight by crashing into things, but it's a clone in that entire chunks of the game are exactly the same as Ys. It's a meticulous recreation except for one thing, they were too lazy to even fully rip off the game. The first town and most of the game's outside world are 1:1 recreations of the same locations from Ys I. However, many of the areas you have to go fetch items to bring back to town are in the first area. You have to get an item from a giant tree and everything exactly like in Ys! Except instead of trekking across a forest you just head a bit north from the first town.

It cannot be reiterated enough how brazen this is...Data East was even shameful enough to have a dithering title fade in over a nude goddess character just like Ys I's title screen!
Chris Rasa on Makai Hakkenden Shada

Meanwhile, a shark derby is being held by Bucky Allen, a sleazy and opportunistic restaurant owner by the beach. Apparently, his business plan is to lure people in with piles of taxidermied sharks; I can't think of a more appetizing way to lure in hungry customers...It's like someone was watching Jaws and they were like, 'Hmmmm, but what if we made it really asinine?
Allison Pregler on Baywatch, "Shark Derby"

What is this? After three superb episodes that made me believe that maybe…maybe Voyager would crack on and tell some grand stories in it's last two years, we hit the ground with a bang so hard its enough to give you whiplash. Ronald D. Moore has left the building and we’re back into Brannon Braga high concept territory. Let joy be uncontained. This is Voyager’s take on Stephen King’s Christine except instead of a Plymouth Fury we are dealing with a psychotic space craft that attempts to seduce Tom Paris to the dark side. How did they think any good could come of this? Its so predictable I wouldn’t even call it Trek by numbers; it's even more nursery school than that, with the Daffy Duck Voyager crew failing to pick up on any of the signs that Tom has been influenced by Alice despite the fact that this kind of possession happens twice a year on this ship... This could have worked had they taken the piss out of the hokey concept and laughed along with its absurd plot turns, but in true Voyager fashion it is all told with deadly solemnity which adds a whole new level of embarrassment.

Poor Pete Ross: a character so inconsequential, he never even achieved 'sidekick' status. Eventually Ross left the show, and most of us forgot he was ever a part of it. Before that could happen, however, he had to have a spotlight episode in a last-ditch effort to squeeze some substance out of his character. And what says small-town nice guy better than... illegal street racing?

None of this makes any sense. Smallville has approximately one street, two signs ('Welcome' and 'Thanks for visiting') and maybe a flea market. Even if we're meant to believe he's 'fallen in with the wrong crowd' that somehow doesn't get caught, the stupidity is compounded when we learn that the cars are fueled by kryptonite. Episodes like Season Three's 'Velocity' were meant to cash in on the popularity of recent movie releases such as Fast and the Furious. It's not the last we see of this ratings ploy...In one of the most blatant knock-offs of a popular movie franchise ever, Smallville featured an entire episode with a sadistic killer in a creepy mask, elaborate death traps, and a ticking clock on which time is running out. When Lex Luthor's father and Ma Kent (?!) are kidnapped by a deranged psychopath, Clark must come to the rescue before the audience falls asleep.

Chris: I think there’s only one way to say it: Smallville has done an episode that rips off The Matrix, and it is currently the year 2011.
David: And Chris, what’s truly amazing about this episode is that it rips off The Matrix — itself a gigantic rip-off of Grant Morrison’s Invisibles. If they just skipped the middlemen and ripped off Morrison instead, I’m pretty sure I’d be singing this episode’s praises.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Collateral")