"He had the kind of face only a mother could love, if that mother was blind in one eye and had that kind of milky film over the other... but still, he was my identical twin."
—Colin Mochrie speaking about Ryan Stiles, during a game of "Narrate" on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Don't applaud that! Applaud my idiocy.
Comedy is the second-lowest form of entertainment, next to animation.
—Trixie Tang, The Fairly Oddparents
So now Andy's a TV writer. Loser.
—Lisa, The Simpsons, "Pranks and Greens"
Pres. Bartlet: What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating yahoo of a milkman governor signed that idiot bill into state law?
Charlie Young: [looks uncomfortable]
Pres. Bartlet: It was me, wasn't it?
Charlie Young: Yes, sir.
— The West Wing, "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail"
Sorry. I apologize to any of the parents of the kids who bought this album, and to the kids and their pets, for having to listen to this. Especially this song. It's terrible.
— Five Iron Frenzy, "Kingdom of the Dinosaurs", Quantity is Job 1
We must never stop reminding the reader what little value they get for their money!
— William Gaines, on the philosophy of MAD
Why Do People Write "Considered Harmful" Essays?
There are those cases where such essays are written because the author enjoys grandstanding, and knows that use of the "considered harmful" format will get them noticed. A piece of this type is usually so over the top that it is easy to spot. For example, a piece titled "'Considered Harmful' Essays Considered Harmful" would very likely be a case of using the "considered harmful" format to draw attention for its own sake. We will ignore such essays in this commentary.
— Eric A. Meyer, in the essay "Considered Harmful" Essays Considered Harmful
Diabeetus: You know what would be sadder than reviewing this game? ...if someone went and hacked the damn thing.
Slowbeef: I'll sa— fuck you.
Itís worth noting that through the comedic first half, as Tennant goes around making all of the obvious jokes at Davisonís expense (ďdecorative vegetableĒ), Davison takes only one real shot at Tennant, but itís an absolutely scathing one - pointing out that Tennantís patter really just amounts to describing everything in front of him. Obviously the story isnít anti-Tennant by any measure, but itís telling, I think, that it does give an actual critique of Tennantís portrayal.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
— Charles Schulz
"Story of my life! I get no respect!"
— Rodney Dangerfield
"There is no Jewish conspiracy to control the banks. You know why? Because we can't agree on a place to go for dinner! We couldn't even get the meeting started! (in an authoritative voice) 'All right, the Jewish meeting to control the banks will now commence.' (in a grouchy voice) 'Hey, who died and made you king? Never mind me. I'm no one here. I have no opinions."
Peejee: Every day it's more obvious to me how Davan takes after you.
We don't know about reverb,
We may not be good looking.
This is the only song we know,
These are the chords for us.
— Korpiklaani, "Bring Us Pints of Beer"
Captain Marvel is to Superman what GoBots are to Transformers, what Power Rangers are to Voltron, or what Cracked magazine is to MAD magazine.
I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.
— Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
It is the job of the fool to point out that the Emperor has no clothes; to confront the things that the rest of us are happy to ignore. And the truly great Emperor will humour the jester. It's the insecure despots who send them to the dungeons to have their jingly hats shoved so far down their throats that they poo out silver bells.
Ego Raptor: UUUH THIS GAME IS STOOOPID.
Jon Tron: Well aren't you running the self deprecation train right now.
God, that was a sick burn on myself. Jeez. That was actually pretty relentless. God, I can't believe that I just said that. That was the epitome of no life right there.
Is it possible to do anything with crap? Obviously yes, since we're in our fifteenth season.
—Red Green, The Red Green Show