Quotes / Self-Deprecation

Oh, you know that Saturday Night Live show? It got way worse. Oh, yeah. It's just sad. They got that fat guy screaming all the time. Come on! Pull the plug on that freaking thing, huh?

"He had the kind of face only a mother could love, if that mother was blind in one eye and had that kind of milky film over the other... but still, he was my identical twin."
Colin Mochrie speaking about Ryan Stiles, during a game of "Narrate" on Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Don't applaud that! Applaud my idiocy.
Conan O'Brien

How about we NOT make a Your Highness 2.
James Franco, This Is the End

Comedy is the second-lowest form of entertainment, next to animation.
Trixie Tang, The Fairly Oddparents

So now Andy's a TV writer. Loser.
Lisa, The Simpsons, "Pranks and Greens"

Pres. Bartlet: What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating yahoo of a milkman governor signed that idiot bill into state law?
Charlie Young: [looks uncomfortable]
Pres. Bartlet: It was me, wasn't it?
Charlie Young: Yes, sir.
The West Wing, "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail"

Sorry. I apologize to any of the parents of the kids who bought this album, and to the kids and their pets, for having to listen to this. Especially this song. It's terrible.
Five Iron Frenzy, "Kingdom of the Dinosaurs", Quantity is Job 1

We must never stop reminding the reader what little value they get for their money!
William Gaines, on the philosophy of MAD

Why Do People Write "Considered Harmful" Essays?
There are those cases where such essays are written because the author enjoys grandstanding, and knows that use of the "considered harmful" format will get them noticed. A piece of this type is usually so over the top that it is easy to spot. For example, a piece titled "'Considered Harmful' Essays Considered Harmful" would very likely be a case of using the "considered harmful" format to draw attention for its own sake. We will ignore such essays in this commentary.
Eric A. Meyer, in the essay "Considered Harmful" Essays Considered Harmful

Diabeetus: You know what would be sadder than reviewing this game? ...if someone went and hacked the damn thing.
Slowbeef: I'll sa— fuck you.
Retsupurae, in their RP of Policenauts (Slowbeef worked on the translation patch for it.)

I saw the fall of Troy, World War V, I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party. Now I'm gonna die in a dungeon... [beat, then sourly] ...in Cardiff.
The Doctor, Doctor Who, a series produced in Cardiff

Itís worth noting that through the comedic first half, as Tennant goes around making all of the obvious jokes at Davisonís expense (ďdecorative vegetableĒ), Davison takes only one real shot at Tennant, but itís an absolutely scathing one - pointing out that Tennantís patter really just amounts to describing everything in front of him. Obviously the story isnít anti-Tennant by any measure, but itís telling, I think, that it does give an actual critique of Tennantís portrayal.

War Doctor: ...really?
Eleventh Doctor: Yeah.
Tenth Doctor: Really.
War Doctor: You're me? Both of you?
Tenth Doctor: Yep.
War Doctor: [indicating Eleven] Even that one?
Eleventh Doctor: [offended] Yes!
War Doctor: You're my future selves?
Ten and Eleven: YES!
War Doctor: Am I having a mid-life crisis?!
Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor"

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Charles Schulz

"Story of my life! I get no respect!"

"There is no Jewish conspiracy to control the banks. You know why? Because we can't agree on a place to go for dinner! We couldn't even get the meeting started! (in an authoritative voice) 'All right, the Jewish meeting to control the banks will now commence.' (in a grouchy voice) 'Hey, who died and made you king? Never mind me. I'm no one here. I have no opinions."

Peejee: Every day it's more obvious to me how Davan takes after you.
Fred: Now just a second. I can insult him 'cuz he's my son!

We don't know about reverb,
We may not be good looking.
This is the only song we know,
These are the chords for us.
Korpiklaani, "Bring Us Pints of Beer"

I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.

If we're doing the clone thing again, I'm moving back to L.A.
Mary Jane, Spider-Man

It is the job of the fool to point out that the Emperor has no clothes; to confront the things that the rest of us are happy to ignore. And the truly great Emperor will humour the jester. It's the insecure despots who send them to the dungeons to have their jingly hats shoved so far down their throats that they poo out silver bells.

JonTron: Well aren't you running the self deprecation train right now.

"Seriously, Moltres, I am here recording this on a Saturday night. [Moltres breaks out of the Poké Ball again] So close. I'm here recording this on a Saturday night. You think that I'm just going to give up and I'm just going to go somewhere else and I'm going to give up on catching you? You think I have better things to do than sitting here trying to cram a six-foot tall bird into something the size of a baseball? No, I don't have anything better to do. You think I have friends to go see? You think I have places to go hang out? You think I have dates to go on? You think I have sex to have? Well, apparently you don't know teenage boys on the internet very well. [beat] God, that was a sick burn on myself. Jeez. That was actually pretty relentless. God, I can't believe I said that."
..."That was the epitome of no life right there."
Chuggaaconroy evaluates his life (or lack thereof) while trying to capture Moltres in Pokémon FireRed

Is it possible to do anything with crap? Obviously yes, since we're in our fifteenth season.
Red Green, The Red Green Show

Hey, look, a song about us!
— Video description for a playthrough of Even the Losers in Rock Band.

TISM are shit, TISM are shit
TISM are shit, I am shit.
TISM, "TISM Are Shit"

'And in July, I made headlines, which was great news, if there's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity. Tell you what, that's when you know you're in trouble, when the prime minister of the country that you live in breaks off from the G-20 summit in Mexico. He's in a meeting with Barack Obama, the most important man in the world, and he says "excuse me Barack, I've got something very important I need to deal with right now. Jimmy Carr is a dick.'

I enjoy the comedy device of self-deprecation ... but I'm not very good at it.
Arnold Brown

This pizza boy is somebody I should have fired. Just a terrible actor. Oh wait. I guess it's me in a cameo.
Rob Cohen, DVD Commentary for The Fast and the Furious

Luigi: Hey Mario, what is this garbage?
Mario: It's fucking SHIT, Luigi! It's a meme game that someone made, combining all the memes into one game! It's garbage, Luigi! Don't play it!
Luigi: Hey Mario, I know someone who's gonna play it. And you can always send it to him!
Mario: *sigh* What's his name, Luigi?
Luigi: His name is Vinesauce. He's a real jerk-off, Mario! He thinks this shit is funny!
Vinny's stream of Supre Smesh Bras, with Vinny doing a spot-on impression of Mario and Luigi, Vinesauce

You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on his acting ability?

Roger: Wuhl, I'm a big fan!
Robert Wuhl: Oh, why, thank you. It's always nice to — wait a minute. Big fan? That doesn't sound right.
American Dad!, Season 11, "Manhattan Magical Murder Mystery Tour"

Luke Skywalker: Listen, pal, we're on a mission. There's no way we're gonna be involved in some third-rate variety show!
Kermit: [deeply wounded] Second-rate variety show!

Cleveland: Alright, I knew this was coming. Everybody give me your best shot.
Quagmire: Oh my God, where do I even begin?! You know, it's not a good sign that this is the first time a lot of people are realizing you had a show!
Joe: Your logo is stupid; it looked like a big purple penis, and your ratings blew.
Cleveland: We did about the same as Bob's Burgers.
Quagmire: That's your bar?! Oh, shame on you!
Cleveland: This is good, this is constructive.
Quagmire: The talking bear was so bad, Seth MacFarlane quit voicing him after season two.
Cleveland: It's hard to make a talking bear funny.
Cleveland: I don't...It-It-It worked out okay in movie form.
Joe: What was supposed to be the show's audience? Who did you make it for? Like, a black guy who's never met another black guy?
Cleveland: Anything else?
Peter: Yeah, here's four seasons worth of DVDs of what we've been up to. You know, just so you're back up to speed. And I'll warn you ahead of time, these have jokes in 'em.
Cleveland: (beat) I...I don't have a DVD player.

Zits is the worst name for a comic strip since Peanuts.
Charles Schulz

I'm failed psychologist and Internet cunt, Dr. Ashen.

Daria: But Ms. Dickie! Beavis and Butt-head are complete imbeciles.
Beavis: Yeah, she's right.
Beavis And Butthead, "Scientific Stuff"

You asked for the origins of: Charlie America! The inedible Bulk! The mighty Sore! And boy! Will you be sorry you asked!