"I choose not to understand these signs!"
— Bender, Futurama
"Still, a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest."
—Simon & Garfunkel, "The Boxer"
"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
— Paul Bradford, The Dungeonmaster (popularized by Adam Savage, Mythbusters), also attributed to talk radio host Michael Savage.
Sometimes, days are like this
And you don't agree with what you see...
— Opinions Won't Keep You Warm At Night, a song by ''
Sarge: Come on you two, let's get a move on! Where's yer commanding officer?
Sarge: [Beat] Where, behind Grif?
Simmons: Sergeant Grif is our C.O., Sir.
Sarge: Your Sergeant has the same name as Grif? That's a disturbing coincidence.
Simmons: No no listen to me. Grif is our commander. He was promoted to Sergeant when you refused to relocate with us.
Sarge: But who's in charge!?
Simmons: Sergeant Grif!
Sarge: Okay, see, I can hear you saying words, but it's like they don't match up in a way that makes sense. Did ya have a stroke?
Simmons: Grif is a Sergeant. He's the same rank as you now.
Sarge: That's who I'm talkin' about. Where is he?
Simmons: He's right there!
Sarge: So, he's invisible.
Grif: Dude, I don't think he's physically capable of understanding what you're telling him.
"It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."
— Upton Sinclair
Cartman: You guys can't scare me. I know you're making it all up.
Stan: Cartman, there's an 80-foot satellite dish sticking out of your ass!
Cartman: Sure you guys, whatever!