Quotes: Seinfeld Is Unfunny
"A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it."
— Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"The world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment, pally. One of these days everybody's gonna wake up with a heck of a hangover, down two aspirin and a glass of tomato juice and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about."
—Dean Martin, The Rat Pack (1998 film)
"It's not who does it first, it's who does it second."
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them."
"Flaubert established for good or ill, what most readers think of as modern realist narration, and his influence is almost too familiar to be visible."
— James Woods, How Fiction Works (on Madame Bovary)
"Coming up next on E4: Friends — The One Where You Realise That It's Not As Funny As It Used To Be."
— Things You Won't Hear When Flicking Through Satellite TV, Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time 2011
"Thing is, though, that it was such a defining soundscape of its era that it sounds terribly dated these days, and the John Landis video for the title track is positively painful to watch at this point."
— J. Eric Smith on Thriller
"NIN was a much bigger draw than Bowie, but because Trent Reznor is not a disrespectful prick, he rightly allowed Bowie a slightly more exalted position on the bill. Here's the deal, though. The overwhelming majority of the coliseum was there to see NIN. The audience was awash with 14-year-old girls in torn fishnets and black lipstick. Even though they probably went off to college, broadened their musical horizons, and became Bowie fans (considering what a huge NIN influence he is), on that night, they were not. ...When Trent left the stage, so did half the audience, some of them crying that they didn't get enough Trent. Bowie "ruined the show" for them. (That's an actual quote from some girl I overheard in the parking lot — moments before I strangled her to death.)"
"Some people look at the quality of these early episodes and complain that today's animated upstarts aren't being given enough time to get their groove going before they get the ax. The error in that logic is that it doesn't apply to The Simpsons. I was there, and I remember the show being a massive hit out of the gate. It was Fox's first show to break the Nielsen Top 30. These 13 eps were all there was for months and millions kept tuning into the repeats. People loved these badly-drawn, out-of-character, seldom-side-splitting adventures just as much as they loved later, better seasons."
— Peter Paltridge, "The Lost Art of TV Guide Advertising Vol 10: The Simpsons"
"Enterprise was a clone of Voyager, which is bad enough. But Voyager itself was already a clone of The Next Generation. So by the time you get to Enterprise, you're watching a copy of a copy of a copy. And much like any Nth-generation VHS dub of a bootleg movie, when everything is said and done, all you're left with is indistinct static."
"The film is so concerned that the audience won’t take a character named Doctor Doom seriously that he’s barely in the film."
"Deus Ex is one of those games where everyone who liked it is now incredibly familiar with the first hour of it; because occasionally they get a urge to give it a replay, and it won't be long before they think to themself: 'Blimey, I don't remember it looking quite this much like ass!'"
— Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation
'"It’s not bad, certainly — the story of the Super Nintendo is in part the story of the death of the side-scrolling platformer, but it’s one of those deaths via last golden age, and even the b-list is pretty good. But it does not sparkle."
"A lot of people were apparently surprised by how childish and pun-based the writing was. To them I say, again... all the Rankin/Bass specials they love are the same way!"
— Peter Paltridge, Platypus Comix review of A Miser Brothers Christmas
"That's one of the weird parts about what's called originality. It doesn't look original unless you look at the time stamp."
"John Carter has been ripped off so many times by so many important filmmakers that it paradoxically can’t help but feel weirdly derivative of films (inspired by its source material) that hit screens decades before John Carter bombed. In the century-long lag time between the literary introduction of John Carter and this cinematic adaptation, many of Burroughs’ innovations became groan-inducing clichés. Like H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, Burroughs was prescient and visionary, yet today looks more than a little old-fashioned."
"The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark."